//TESTDRIVE11.EXE

[reparator]

//testdrive11.EXE

The sky is blue, the birds are singing, and it is a beautiful day to be a hero. And CERES sure knows that all of you people like to be heroes! So the new ViViD level is geared towards those who clearly have nothing better to do with their time than save people and take down villainous creatures!! Or, well, that seems to be the intent behind the game, but it's a little... unfinished... Welcome to CERESscape! A world dedicated to the mythical! The magical! And everything in between! You, INSERT USER INFORMATION HERE, are the hero chosen to save our world from a dire threat. Will you take up the task? Or leave us all to perish! Only you can decide our fate. Good luck, hero.

//SCENARIOS.EXE

PHASE I [ 900 ] You open your eyes, and there is a chicken pecking at your face. It's not a very happy chicken, either, but if you can manage to fend it off, then it will be clear that you are in a village. It is... medieval-esque, in that video game sort of way; the details don’t seem too clear, but if you look to your left, there’s a cow! And to your right, a well! Ignore the clear evidence of modern technology in the buildings such as lights, gas, and 21st century plumbing; CERES is dedicated to authenticity. Looks like the new ViViD level has finally been released, and everyone is invited to play, whether they want to or not. The game (because this time, that's surely what it is) will start simple. Everyone begins in the same place and every NPC villager will say the same thing: to get out of here, you have to go through the caves. They’ll shove a stick at you (“take this, it’s dangerous to go alone”) and off you go, into the caves… ! Which are full of tiny rats and more chickens. They will try to fight you, but it’s really not very effective when they’re perfectly small and average (especially when everyone still has their typical powers and abilities -- CERES didn't mess with those at all this time). The caves are winding and circular and maze-like, and to make matters even worse, the only ones around are the other poor saps stuck in this situation. But if you kill enough of the rats, you’ll get to hear the satisfying level up jingle. Congratulations! You are now level 2. It's probably satisfying just for a minute or so until you finally find your way out of those maze like caves and -- You're back in the village again. Great. PHASE II [ 930 ] You’re carrying a bag. No matter what you do, you can’t take it off, either; it’s stuck with you through thick and thin. But it is awfully heavy. Maybe you should actually open it and see what’s inside? The problem is, it’s going to take a while. The bag has clearly tapped into its true hammerspace nature; there are items for days in there, and they’re all very, very strange. You might end up covered in hats of all sorts, buried in logs as you pull out one after another, or look like you have an odd fetish for pickaxes. Maybe there’s 1/3rd of an evil turnip, half a piece of pie and an egg. Geez, what in the world are you supposed to do with all of that? PHASE III [ 1200 ] Eventually, you make it out of the caves the right way despite the harassment of the rats and chickens and the fact you'll keep perpetually getting lost. Hooray! You come out into a large, peaceful, scenic meadow, with a small river bubbling off to one side, and a house. You'll immediately notice that there’s a bridge to cross the river, but there’s someone standing in the way of that bridge. When you approach to go past him, no matter what you try to do, you won't be able to. Asking him why he won't move will only get one thing in response -- “Bring me a fish. Cooked.” Then he’ll shove a fishing rod at you and expect you to get to it. You can’t attack him, you can’t get past him -- looks like the only thing to do is to catch and cook that fish. Time to sit back, relax, and get to work. Or maybe you’ll team up with someone else and be the person in the house making sure that the fish gets cooked properly. For some reason, if you leave it too long it turns right into a pile of ashes. Weirdly though, no matter how good you are at cooking or fishing usually, it’s as if you’re right back at the metaphorical level one. Any sort of seasoning or effort to cook it faster falls flat and in the end you'll only be able to place the fish in the pan and set it on the stove, whole. This may take awhile. And if you try to cross the river itself, well... no, really, don’t try to cross the river. At least if you get eaten, you’ll just respawn back in the village, but do have fun traveling through the caves again! PHASE IV [ 1430 ] You made it through the caves. You made it across the river (with a slightly burnt fish). You’ve made it to the wide open world, and you can finally adventure to your heart’s content. You take a step forward on the road and -- A message pops up, bright red and in your face. [ Restricted Area: Members Only ] No matter what you do, you can’t go past that point. In fact, if you’re not careful and you’re going too fast, you might run face-first into it like it’s an invisible wall (which it is). Then, just like that, you're back in the village. Again. Only this time, there's a nice, blinking message -- Pay a small subscription fee to access member's content. Oh well. No big deal, you can just start again. Except then you see a cool sword and when you try to pick it up, you'll get that same message, and end up transported back to the village yet again. And again, with some shiny new armor. And again, with that attention-grabbing NPC over there. Looks like you're caught in an infinite loop here but no matter how much you inspect the pop up, there's no... actual way to pay the subscription fee (and why would you want to?). But at least you have company, because you can't be the only person who thought that sword was cool. (It was really, really cool.) BONUS [ xxxx ] What’s that on the ground in front of you? It looks like… some bunny ears? Or maybe it’s a chicken head, or a pumpkin head. Either way, the moment you touch it, you have a strong need to put it on your head -- and once it’s on, it’s not coming off. To make matters worse, each hat has an effect associated with it; the bunny ears will, in fact, randomly turn you into a cute fluffy bunny for anywhere from 5 minutes to an hour before you pop right back to yourself, whereas the pumpkin hat will, in a complete reversal, turn you into Cinderella for a bit -- complete with beautiful ball gown and the ability to talk to all of those cute fluffy bunnies. Also the rats will love you, so maybe you should go back to the caves again. Meanwhile, the chicken hat won't transform you into any odd creature, but it will inspire in the people wearing them a very real, persistent desire to build a nest. This will involve picking up twigs, trash, shiny things and whatever else catches your eye to try to build a nest out of it. You'll also try to pick up whatever food you find on the ground to eat, have the weirdest desire to lay an egg, and basically have all sorts of odd chicken-like instincts inflicted upon you. At least you look festive! [ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with sensitive or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the log. ]

//RUN.EXE

Welcome to CEREALIA's Eleventh Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Comments

souji okita | hakuouki

[retorter]

[ phase i; ]

[ you know what's therapeutic? Killing. You know what's not? killing chickens and rats. This is like the worst of two worlds put together just for him, Souji Okita, shinsengumi captain, great killer of... chickens. ]

[ At least there are no difficult moral quandaries that come with killing helpless animals. Er, at least he's sure there aren't, nor does he really care to examine whether or not that's really true. He's just going to stand there and bash in the heads of chickens until something happens. ]

[ Like the level-up! Or, perhaps running into another animal-killer. His shoes are bloodied and there's a stray chicken feather lodged in his hair. Say... hi? ]

[ phase ii; ]

[ It's like Christmas!! Except Souji doesn't celebrate Christmas! But this is just as good of a feeling. Pulling shit out of a never-ending bag is actually kind of fun, who knew? All sorts of objects are scattered around his feet (make something up), but finally he eventually stops in favor of peeping inside. ]

[ After coming to a conclusion, he straightens up and approaches the nearest person, holding out the bag. ]

I need a favor. [ he's smiling, he looks so normal and harmless... what exactly could he be asking for? who knows ]

Phase i! well.... .... ... hello

[hijiwanwan]

[ Well, it makes it all worse they think that shoving a stick at you and throwing you into a cave to fight these chicken and rats is perfectly ok? A stick? What the hell is this. Where is Hijikata's refund? He's tired of this already.

this is almost too easy. After while killing these rats and chickens becomes extremely boring...

And by the looks of it, someone seems to have gotten carried away! Stopped in his tracks Hijikata can't help but stare at the mess this person is. Blood and feathers everywhere... Almost like he's trying to pull off a really awful chicken costume? ]

...

You look terrible.

[ Yeah. Hi. ]

it's fate for all hijikatas and soujis to run into each other

[retorter]

[ excuse me, he could definitely pull off a chicken costume. it's like bathing in the blood of his enemies!! except... feathers. ]

[ souji drags his gaze away from the mutilated chicken to consider the newcomer before him ]

Huh. [ you know what, npcs would never be so rude ] So you're a real person then.

[ the tone of his voice is flat and deceptively disinterested, but it sure is nice to run into someone who want go on about the goddamn caves ]

it is... this is why hiji may or may not get grey hairs. please do not stress? maybe

[hijiwanwan]

[ man... Souji... that's nasty... cut the chickens some slack. ]

What made you think I wasn't? [ a scoff. ]

Are you here to waste time or are you actually interested on getting out of here anyway? [ because... this cave is weird and there's too many rats and chickens. he's tired. souji there's blood everywhere it's time to stop. ]

just accept your head of grey hair hijikata-san.....

[retorter]

[ he lifts his shoulders into a shrug at the first question, his gaze sharpening for the next, even though he remains ever so casual... as casual as you can be... with chicken blood ]

Does that mean you know the way out? [ he takes a step or two closer, lifting the stick to balance precariously on his shoulder ] Or does 'getting out' mean aimlessly wandering around until we find the exit?

[ he'll go with you hiji if they can kill more chickens on the way!!!! ]

phase 2

[soulist]

[ Ugh wow no Souji please don't have anything weird in that bag. Cyrus is just so done with Cerealia and its weirdness, tbh. Still he might turn to regard the other with some curiosity as he brings that bag over for inspection. ]

Yeah? With what?

[retorter]

[ wow cyrus what do you take him and his bag for ]

[ Souji pulls the edges of the bag wider, his smile still on his face. ]

Could you stick your arm in here?

[ could you cyrus ]

[soulist]

[ Suspicious and a strange person with an equally strange request! Strange danger?! He doesn't know!! But r u joking right now or...no. This guy is totally serious, what the hell. ]

You're kidding right? You must be new here. [ Obviously! ] But weird crap happens all the time here from seemingly harmless stuff.

[ Basically he's just nopeing so hard at that request. Even if one of his arms is made of metal and robotic he sure as shit isn't sticking it into a strange suspicious bag of unknown origins. ]

Why don't you do it yourself if you're so curious.

[retorter]

[ souji shrugs, seemingly not bothered by cyrus's refusal and warning ]

I just want to know how deep this goes. [ he doesn't explain why he doesn't just do it himself. instead he pauses, and seemingly moves on ] So if you're not new, then you must know what's going on around here.

phase ii

[cannonades]

[ Trowa had gotten about ten things into his heavy satchel when he decided, ultimately, it hadn't been worth it.

Maybe there was something in there that could be useful. But the amount of time spent vs the likelihood there was some kind of portal out of this crazy place was so low he stopped bothering. However, as he's walking, he notes that some people obviously didn't know when to quit while they were ahead. Silently, he's taking in the pile at the stranger's feet– is that a slinky?– as well as their sudden address towards him. ]

I don't do favors. [ That smile doesn't seem real. ]

[retorter]

[ it's a neon yellow slinky born to be play with innocent children and doomed to the dust beneath souji's feet ]

[ his grin doesn't even move, which is shady as fuck tbh ] I don't expect you to do it for free, you know.

[cannonades]

[ What did that slinky ever do to you, stranger??? ]

[ Trowa doesn't flinch at the words, though he mentally categorizes the toothy grin as "super untrustworthy". Probably for the better. Unmoved, he tilts his head. ]

What are you offering?

[retorter]

[ EXIST ]

[ he shrugs ] Don't know. [ he... actually hasn't thought that far ahead ] You don't have anything in mind? Maybe fixing something, or killing, or -- money?

[ one thing is not like the others ]

AAAAAaaaa i hope u remember me bc i remember U

[yasusada]

[ Of course, Yamato has started to learn that all of the things that happen around him are fake and it took awhile to realize that. ViViD comes with all types of strange so called "levels" and they're suppose to play them and gain rewards. It sounds nice, very nice but most of the time there seems to be something absurdly wrong with this place. He doesn't take in any of the positive things because he's waiting for something bad, anything bad to happen.

In the end, all he gains is a heavy bag which he is not going to open because he's been told not to mess with these things. For once, he listens to Kashuu and decides to not look inside of the bag. Not today, the stars are not aligned. He personally isn't having such a bad time but it doesn't take long until he stops since someone is making their way towards him. He wonders if its a NPC that'll try to attack him, so he keeps grip on the hilt of his vessel just in case. The last time he was in a place like this, a certain butler kept following him and wanted to stab him from behind.

Though, this person's smile feels nothing but familiar and the uchigatana doesn't know why but for a moment his shoulders relax and he tilts his head with concern in his voice. ]

Huh? What may I help you with?

I DO!!! hello again precious murdering sword....

[retorter]

[ Souji's eyes flick down to Yamato's grip on his sword, but the look on his face is one of approval, not wariness. Getting potentially stabbed is always exciting... Souji opens the bag wider, smiling. ]

Think you could stick your head in here? [ ....he doesn't elaborate any further. #stranger danger ]

UGH OKITA KUN WE REUNITE AND YOU SHADY AF PLS STOP UGH

[yasusada]

[ No... Yamato is not playing these games at all, besides, he already jas his own bag? Even sticking his head inside seems nothing but worrisome and he shakes his head both left to right. ]

Huh? Please forgive me, I can't do that. When stuck inside of ViViD, it's best to not toy around with these things.

[ Hiding his hands inside each opposing sleeve, he takes a step back. ] Perhaps, we can use someone else's head.. a severed one. Should we search?

shady af is his middle name. engrave it on his tombstone

[retorter]

[ okay someone upped the shadiness level here and it wasn't souji ]

It can't be severed. It needs to be attached, so they can see what's inside. [ normally he'd be all for decapitation but. he waves a hand. ] It doesn't really matter though.

[ then why did he ask in the first place???????? ]

phase i!! time to start gathering soojs for the sooj festival

[adornmental]

[On one hand, Kashuu's already met Souji before! That's always a big relief when it comes to dealing with interdimensional shenanigans and all - the fewer surprises, the better, right?

On the other, this isn't the best time to be running into anyone, former owner or not. ViViD is awful! Chickens are awful!! So are rats! Kashuu hates everything about this level, honestly?! He's killing the enemies in a much more careful way, because he's trying to avoid getting gross things on his nice clothes, but...]

Uh. [HM.] ...You've got like, chicken in your hair. A little.

[The feather accessory is doing nothing for his looks, tragically.]

sounds like a lot of murder waiting to happen....

[retorter]

[ If only Souji knew that Kashuu knows him!! Because that is infinitely more interesting than strutting around killing helpless chickens. ]

Hm? [ He passes a hand through his hair and down, only to miss the feather and streak a little bit of chicken blood on his cheek. ew.... ]

when will they be able to control their stabbing hands tbh...

[adornmental]

[GOD. Why is it that every Souji takes after Yamato, honestly... Kashuu's nose wrinkles immediately, but since he's a fussy sword to the core, he won't let Souji suffer with his chicken blood for long!

That is to say, he strides to cross the distance between them and reaches up, plucking the feather right out of his hair and rubbing the blood away with the cuff of his sleeve.]

That's gross. [Pointedly... Don't be gross!!]

throw a kondou in with them and see what happens

[retorter]

[ Wah, how cute, kashuu.... If only Souji could see it that way. ]

[ He takes a step back; an annoyed, almost sulky expression on his face. don't make him feel like a kid kashuu!!!! (even though he is one) ]

Kind of you. [ said this ungrateful punk. his face smooths back into something carefully neutral, tilting his head to look at the other ] But you should be more careful.

[ there's an underlying threat here.... for... cleaning off chicken blood ]

soujis for the souji god... also phase i

[spes_phthisica]

[Personally Souji really doesn't care far killing the small and helpless, he really isn't, and at first he tries to simply shoo the critters away so he can make progress. But since fighting them seems to be the point of the level, and what happens in ViViD isn't real anyway... well, he might as well.

He's very thorough about it once he starts, going through the animals with the fluid precision and almost distracted air of an artist dealing with a minor but necessary task. And that's where he sees him. That is, himself - at least in a manner of speaking. The other Okita Souji. Here they both are, spattered in blood and wielding their weapons at less than impressive foes, both stuck in a cave. Souji has to laugh, really, covering his mouth with a gore-covered hand.]

Well, hello. You don't happen to know why we're making this almighty mess, do you?

ah yes.... excellent let the army grow

[retorter]

[ it sure takes a souji to understand another souji amiright ]

[ He looks Souji over, one eyebrow raised, but the expression on his face echos the amusement on the other. ]

There's nothing else to do, is there? [ there are plenty of things to do besides kill chickens and mice.... ] Anyway, it makes sense to kill things that are attacking you.

[ 'so we're not doing anything wrong. nope. nothing is wrong here' ]

no one is safe

[spes_phthisica]

[It could be just the other's aloof attitude, but Souji is still relatively certain that there is no recognition in those eyes, which gives him pause. He's heard of things like this happening, but it's weird even so. Almost absentmindedly, he lands a kick on a rat trying to climb up his leg, sending it flying.]

It makes sense, but it's not much good. They're just animals, after all.

[He might as well ask, and find out that way. So he smiles, brightly despite their stupid circumstances - and perhaps despite, too, the way he looks rather pale and thin, like he's been pretty sick for a while.]

This might seem like a strange question, but do you know who I am?

[retorter]

[ The amusement peters out at that, turning into not so much as confusion, but a sort of neutral expression on his face. But Souji would be right, it's not recognition. ]

We haven't met before. [ he would probably... remember. This guy is a swordsman too, even if they're both holding sticks. It's just something you know, Souji thinks, but anything beyond that slips beyond his memory. ]

[ The pale, drawn-out face of his though? Now that tugs a little harder on a memory Souji's not keen to remember. ] Unless you're about to claim otherwise.