ioculus | //TESTDRIVE7.0.EXE

//TESTDRIVE7.0.EXE

Mystery Science Theatre -3000

Welcome to Cerealia's latest attraction. In an effort to branch into other forms of entertainment, CERES has been slowly patching together films from various worlds to show in its brand new movie theater. So, grab a friend, sit back, and enjoy the newest batch of imported films with a nice bucket of popcorn. As you'll notice from the long line outside, it's the latest rage in the colony, and those tired of the same virtual battles in ViViD are eager to enjoy a little change in scenery.

For those eager to participate, you will find yourself being lead into the lobby by one of the many robotic theater employees. Showing today are five special films, and in the lobbies are various screens advertising them through the movie's digital avatar, Mnemosyne. Allow her to take you on a virtual tour of CERES' finest theatrical offerings.

(( P.S. no actual actors/actresses appear in any of the films. It's all done through advanced CGi-technology and voice acting. ))

"GOOD EVENING, MOVIE-GOERS. I AM MNEMOSYNE, YOUR GUIDE FOR THIS EVENING.

AS YOU CAN SEE, WE HAVE SEVERAL CONCESSIONS FOR YOU. PLEASE PARTAKE IN THE CONCESSIONS, BUT DO NOT MAKE A MESS. THE THEATER ROBOTS HAVE BEEN PROGRAMMED TO TAKE ACTION FOR LITTERING.

TONIGHT'S FILMS ARE THE MUCH LAUDED AND CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED FILMS HAND-PICKED BY JULIUS VINCERE:

MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE RATED A

LARGE ADVENTURER 7 RATED B

THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON RATED C

DECEASE HARDER II RATED D

YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS RATED Z

PLEASE MAKE YOUR SELECTION AT THE BOOTHS IN THE FRONT OF THE LOBBY THEN FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS TO THE APPROPRIATE THEATER. THANK YOU AND ENJOY YOUR EVENING."

//SCENARIOS.EXE

THEATER I

[ 0000 ] MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE - RATED A

Advertised as a delightful tale of ponies discovering magic and friendship, this is a must-see! For adults that is. The ponies are killed within the first ten minutes, and then the rest of the run time is filled with a celebratory orgy of Roman-esque proportions. There are no mentions of ponies after the initial scene. They are neither seen nor mourned nor heard from. There are only naked, gyrating bodies as far as the eye can see.

If you manage to sit through the horror long enough, you will notice a certain something in between the moaning. Is that your face on one of the protags? Is it a beloved family member or a friend? You will find that spliced between the scenes are cherished and innocent childish memories now being soiled by passionate cries of pleasure. Enjoy the new memory, your poor, sweet summer child. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

THEATER II

[ 0000 ] LARGE ADVENTURER 7 - RATED B

A touching tale of dealing with loss and more loss. This film is about a giant robot and his pet human that gets eradicated in the Third Robotic Genocide, leaving behind just a human carcass. The giant robot clings to the carcass and cries robotic tears until finally he chucks the carcass into a river full of carcasses and decides to go on a deep quest in search of cheese.

But spliced between this tale of woe, viewers will see images of themselves caught in a romantic memory. A first kiss, perhaps? A first love-making session? A first crush? A desired one will also have their face molded on top of all the carcasses as they flow away. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

THEATER III

[ 0000 ] THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON - RATED C

Agent Dick Angry takes it upon himself to assemble a team of miscreant aliens to invade the hell out of "Planet Earth." The aliens include Zorn, an intelligent toaster; Crisis, a blue-skinned beauty that turns purple when she's aroused; Trish, a rogue miniature ficus with a criminal record; and General Cerealia, a handsome, ripped man who beats evil-doers with his laptop and who looks suspiciously like CERES' programmer, Elias.

This adventurous romp will feature the tragic memories of death interweaving with the destruction of the "Planet Earth." Those who attend will see first-hand the memories of their own worlds slowly being demolished before their eyes and all their loved ones screaming in agony. Then it'll loop itself again and again for the last hour of the film. Enjoy! This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

THEATER IV

[ 0000 ] DECEASE HARDER II - RATED D

Jack McJack is a cop who is having none of your shit. In this action film, he will ride around on a velociraptor and go around punching evil-doers and detonating them with land mines. If you want all the violence in the world, this is the film for you. Watch as every second is filled with pointless explosions and every curse word in all the known languages in Cerealia.

Of course, spliced between every action scene will be every embarrassing moment of your life being played out for you and only you. Or is it? Start sweating and looking in every direction as you begin to wonder if everyone else can see that time you tripped and fell on your senpai almost kissing him (sacre bleu D= !)

BONUS - THEATER V

[ whyo'clock ] YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS - RATED Z

This is a touching film about tenderness and coming together to overcome obstacles and achieve greatness. The Yard-Door people run into danger when an evil megalord starts polluting the air with negative feelings. The Yard-Door people must band together and save the world through kindness. They will go and help their neighbors get across the street, rake up leaves from their lawns, donate canned food to the poor, and collect toys for children who do not have any.

While this film will draw tears from your eyes, you will see happy memories. The happiest that can be mustered. They will be spliced in with the scenes in the movie, occurring side-by-side with all the smiles and fuzzy feelings leaking off the screens. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

Also, beware! This film contains the angriest of Theater Cleaning Robots. Dropping anything on the floor will result in a bit of a flogging with a wooden paddle and a robot calling you a dirty slut and claiming that you like it. Yes, BDSM robots will not take your bad behavior. You better bend over and start apologizing for being such a filthy, little theater-goer.

[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE

Welcome to CEREALIA's seventh Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Not unless you delete it... I mean, she could have just done that, but for what reason?

[ Maybe she got caught? No... Something was definitely up. There was no sense of urgency when she spoke with LILITH, so it's got to be for a different reason.

Anyway, it's probably best to not let Gareki dwell on that. He's got other things to think about. ]

Y- You're fifteen?! [ CONSIDER HER ABSOLUTELY SHOCKED. She... SHE JUST YELLED AT A KID. Now she feels so bad. ]

She just yelled at a fifteen year old!

[ Thank you, talking robot necklace, for joining in on the fun. ]

... Is it really that surprising?

[ Maybe Gareki should have lied if she thought he was actually older. But he remembers that she had the ability to tell if he was lying or not. It wouldn't have worked out in the end.

But you know what's more surprising? The voice that seemingly came out of nowhere. It was a robotic voice and Gareki couldn't help but quickly look around. Did those janitor robots come to kick him for throwing popcorn all over the place?

Can't be. Why would they care if Athena was going around bullying kids. ]

Where did that voice come from?

[ SHE'S NOT BULLYING KIDS, OH MY GOD.

... ok maybe.

SHUT UP. ]

Th- That was Widget!

Shut up, Widget!

[ Her shock makes her necklace turn from light blue to yellow, and its :D face to a :O one. Although it doesn't talk anymore after Athena tells him to keep quiet. ]

Whoa, it changes faces, too!

[ He thought it was just a tacky looking accessory (who made him fashion police??) at first. But seeing that it can do more than just hang around her neck, he's suddenly really interested in "Widget". ]

And it's right, you know? Do you make it a hobby to chase down and pick fights with younger people?

[ Look at the way he avoided calling himself a kid. ]

[ Gareki, please don't judge anyone based on what they're wearing. Your goggles are just as tacky. ]

... No, I don't! Shut up!

(This guy doesn't even look fifteen!)

The other you totally started it, okay?!

[ How dare you insult the goggles!!! ]

But you continued it, right?

[ So who's really being the adult here. Not Gareki, of course, because he's just egging her on. ]

By the way, how old did you think I was?

[ She's definitely not going to continue with the former topic. She's been embarrassed enough, thank you very much! ]

Oh, I don't know... my age? Eighteen?

[ Whoa, dodging the topic. He sees what you did there. But okay, Gareki will let it go. Maybe he'll tease Athena later c: ]

Hey, that's not a bad number.

[ If he can really pass off as eighteen, maybe he can get away with certain things a boy his age can't. ]

I can roll with that.

[ Please don't. She'll punch you. (unless you want that?! Which... would be funny, so. . .) ]

That's just too bad, I know the truth now.

[ Now you really are the one who's being the bully. ]

You do, but everyone else doesn't. You're not going to snitch on me, are ya?

[ Don't rain on his parade so early. ]

[ wait, wait, wait... ]

You're not... saying this just so you can go to the... red light district, are you?

Whoa, we're totally not on the same page there.

[ He was thinking more along the lines of faking IDs and sneaking into clubs, but... ]

Don't paint me as some kind of pervert.

It's hard not to!

[ NO IT'S NOT, ATHENA. YOU'RE JUST WAY TOO DELUDED! ]

Come on, be more creative than that.

[ Well, they did say you lose more imagination/creativity the older you become. ]

I almost want to go there just to spite you.

I'll tell on you! I really will!

[ The robocops hate her since she beats them up all the time, so they probably wouldn't believe her or even entertain her concerns... ]

[ Athena........ ]

But you need to catch me actually doing it.

[ And he's a very sneaky guy. ]

You're not going to follow me around all the time, right? I think that calls for more concern from the authorities.

[ Headline news: Suspicious adult woman chases after minor. ]

Are you calling me a stalker?!

[ No... no, thank you... ]

Well, that all depends on what you're going to do, right?

[ Stalk and bust him or let him do what he wants?! ]

... I'll have someone follow you around!

[ TAKE THAT. Super smart move!!! ]

Oh yeah? Who are you going to sucker into doing that?

[ Who really has the time? ]

A ninja, that's who!

[ aka Rock Lee... ]

.... A what?

[ That effectively stops Gareki from making an immediate snappy comeback. ]

You and your friends don't have a lot of hobbies, huh?

[ Picking fights with a teenager and now plotting to follow him around. ]

It's no wonder the CEO made app games to help kill time for everyone here.

I'll prove you wrong!

I'm working two jobs - soon three. And I've got kitchen duty at home, too.

[ She's incredibly busy... ;_; ]

Shouldn't you be doing those jobs right now?

[ They got a little off track, but Gareki seems to have an idea of what to do now.

1. Figure out what job he wants.
2. Earn the money needed to keep his apartment.

He'll probably just... wing it from then on. ]

Today is my day off!

[ She sounds completely pleased with herself. Sorry that she's weird. ]

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