ioculus | //TESTDRIVE7.0.EXE

//TESTDRIVE7.0.EXE

Mystery Science Theatre -3000

Welcome to Cerealia's latest attraction. In an effort to branch into other forms of entertainment, CERES has been slowly patching together films from various worlds to show in its brand new movie theater. So, grab a friend, sit back, and enjoy the newest batch of imported films with a nice bucket of popcorn. As you'll notice from the long line outside, it's the latest rage in the colony, and those tired of the same virtual battles in ViViD are eager to enjoy a little change in scenery.

For those eager to participate, you will find yourself being lead into the lobby by one of the many robotic theater employees. Showing today are five special films, and in the lobbies are various screens advertising them through the movie's digital avatar, Mnemosyne. Allow her to take you on a virtual tour of CERES' finest theatrical offerings.

(( P.S. no actual actors/actresses appear in any of the films. It's all done through advanced CGi-technology and voice acting. ))

"GOOD EVENING, MOVIE-GOERS. I AM MNEMOSYNE, YOUR GUIDE FOR THIS EVENING.

AS YOU CAN SEE, WE HAVE SEVERAL CONCESSIONS FOR YOU. PLEASE PARTAKE IN THE CONCESSIONS, BUT DO NOT MAKE A MESS. THE THEATER ROBOTS HAVE BEEN PROGRAMMED TO TAKE ACTION FOR LITTERING.

TONIGHT'S FILMS ARE THE MUCH LAUDED AND CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED FILMS HAND-PICKED BY JULIUS VINCERE:

MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE RATED A

LARGE ADVENTURER 7 RATED B

THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON RATED C

DECEASE HARDER II RATED D

YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS RATED Z

PLEASE MAKE YOUR SELECTION AT THE BOOTHS IN THE FRONT OF THE LOBBY THEN FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS TO THE APPROPRIATE THEATER. THANK YOU AND ENJOY YOUR EVENING."

//SCENARIOS.EXE

THEATER I

[ 0000 ] MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE - RATED A

Advertised as a delightful tale of ponies discovering magic and friendship, this is a must-see! For adults that is. The ponies are killed within the first ten minutes, and then the rest of the run time is filled with a celebratory orgy of Roman-esque proportions. There are no mentions of ponies after the initial scene. They are neither seen nor mourned nor heard from. There are only naked, gyrating bodies as far as the eye can see.

If you manage to sit through the horror long enough, you will notice a certain something in between the moaning. Is that your face on one of the protags? Is it a beloved family member or a friend? You will find that spliced between the scenes are cherished and innocent childish memories now being soiled by passionate cries of pleasure. Enjoy the new memory, your poor, sweet summer child. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

THEATER II

[ 0000 ] LARGE ADVENTURER 7 - RATED B

A touching tale of dealing with loss and more loss. This film is about a giant robot and his pet human that gets eradicated in the Third Robotic Genocide, leaving behind just a human carcass. The giant robot clings to the carcass and cries robotic tears until finally he chucks the carcass into a river full of carcasses and decides to go on a deep quest in search of cheese.

But spliced between this tale of woe, viewers will see images of themselves caught in a romantic memory. A first kiss, perhaps? A first love-making session? A first crush? A desired one will also have their face molded on top of all the carcasses as they flow away. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

THEATER III

[ 0000 ] THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON - RATED C

Agent Dick Angry takes it upon himself to assemble a team of miscreant aliens to invade the hell out of "Planet Earth." The aliens include Zorn, an intelligent toaster; Crisis, a blue-skinned beauty that turns purple when she's aroused; Trish, a rogue miniature ficus with a criminal record; and General Cerealia, a handsome, ripped man who beats evil-doers with his laptop and who looks suspiciously like CERES' programmer, Elias.

This adventurous romp will feature the tragic memories of death interweaving with the destruction of the "Planet Earth." Those who attend will see first-hand the memories of their own worlds slowly being demolished before their eyes and all their loved ones screaming in agony. Then it'll loop itself again and again for the last hour of the film. Enjoy! This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

THEATER IV

[ 0000 ] DECEASE HARDER II - RATED D

Jack McJack is a cop who is having none of your shit. In this action film, he will ride around on a velociraptor and go around punching evil-doers and detonating them with land mines. If you want all the violence in the world, this is the film for you. Watch as every second is filled with pointless explosions and every curse word in all the known languages in Cerealia.

Of course, spliced between every action scene will be every embarrassing moment of your life being played out for you and only you. Or is it? Start sweating and looking in every direction as you begin to wonder if everyone else can see that time you tripped and fell on your senpai almost kissing him (sacre bleu D= !)

BONUS - THEATER V

[ whyo'clock ] YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS - RATED Z

This is a touching film about tenderness and coming together to overcome obstacles and achieve greatness. The Yard-Door people run into danger when an evil megalord starts polluting the air with negative feelings. The Yard-Door people must band together and save the world through kindness. They will go and help their neighbors get across the street, rake up leaves from their lawns, donate canned food to the poor, and collect toys for children who do not have any.

While this film will draw tears from your eyes, you will see happy memories. The happiest that can be mustered. They will be spliced in with the scenes in the movie, occurring side-by-side with all the smiles and fuzzy feelings leaking off the screens. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

Also, beware! This film contains the angriest of Theater Cleaning Robots. Dropping anything on the floor will result in a bit of a flogging with a wooden paddle and a robot calling you a dirty slut and claiming that you like it. Yes, BDSM robots will not take your bad behavior. You better bend over and start apologizing for being such a filthy, little theater-goer.

[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE

Welcome to CEREALIA's seventh Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[England still seems on edge, even after they are out of the theater. he will most likely be seeing those images a lot within the next few days. the only comfort he has is that he thinks no one else saw what he saw. he hopes that is the case, anyway]

My name is Arthur Kirkland. I've been here for a couple months.

[Rei takes a deep breath, trying not to breathe out steam. It works, mostly because she can only be so angry when there's someone talking to her in public.]

Arthur-san. My name is Rei Hino, and I'm...just arrived.

[England was usually more civil when speaking to strangers, as well. were he alone, he might have stood up and cursed loudly at CERES, Cerealia, and whoever was running the movie, though he had no doubt that the scientists were behind this trainwreck]

I could tell. [he crosses his arms. it looks like the blush is finally beginning to fade from his cheeks] Things like this [a nod towards the door of the movie they were just in] happen all the time here, unfortunately.

You're serious. That's just...[She practically growls, irritated.] this is just so absurd. How on earth...and why...it just...ugh. It doesn't make any sense.

[that thought-pattern almost echoed England's when things went awry in the colony]

No, it doesn't, and the scientists that are supposedly running this place are incredibly tight-lipped with explanations. There's one man who is more interested in us game testing.

Game...testing. Like ViVid? That...are you serious?

[She's...actually getting a bit angry about that.]

Not even ViViD. Just useless cellphone or PC games.

[it's okay to be mad. England is mad too]

Wait. [She closes her eyes and pinches her brow.]

I don't...I probably don't want to know, but games on phones?

[he nods]

A lot of us had our cellphones on us when we arrived. They can no longer make phone-calls, but most of the apps still work, particularly on the more recent ones. So CERES decided it would be the best use of their time to make more games.

[because scientists working together to run a space station should be worrying about video games]

That's...certainly something I wouldn't expect.

[Says the girl from the 90s]

And what do you do, besides play games?

We're supposed to work, play, accept this as our life now. [a slight huff] If you ask too many questions, you'll be ignored.

Then I guess I'll be ignored a lot. Because I have a lot of questions.

[And she shrugs, full of coldly elegant fire.]

I do hope you can get further than myself. I can probably answer a few of your concerns, but there is so much I don't know. We're all kind of left in the dark and expected to just. Act like things are normal. Even when something like this happens.

Well, we'll...just have to see what comes, yes? Shouganai, and all that.

[As much as she hates it.]

[hn... for some reason, England feels like he's heard that word before]

I beg your pardon?

It...cannot me helped.

[A shrug.]

I'm Japanese. It's just a saying.

Ah, I see. I think a friend of mine used to say that. It kind of sounds... I don't know, a bit defeatist, doesn't it?

A bit, yes. But why fight what you can't change, right away? It's a waste of energy. Though...that doesn't mean remaining idle. It just means looking out for opportunities.

[hn, England does not really agree with not fighting. he wants to fight CERES, wants to make a change! RAH RAH FIGHT DA POWAH]

Just be careful. I'm fairly certain the scientists are monitoring everything we say and do.

[Oh the Goddess of War will fight too. But...not without a plan, a reason, and a target.]

Oh, probably. You'll do the same, yes?

[wryly] I don't know about that. But I will try.

Do your best then. We should compare notes, in the future. When...you know...something happens.

[a grin settles across his lips. good]

That sounds like an excellent idea to me. I am actually exchanging notes with others, as well.

Then if you don't mind, just add me to that circle, and I'll do the same.

I think I can do that. [thank goodness this day wasn't a total loss. more heads working towards a same goal was better than one or two] Please, take care. I'm sure we will speak again soon.

[right now, England fears he will not be able to stomach another second in this theater]

(no subject)

faithfulflame - 2015-03-14 06:13 (UTC) - Expand