//SCENARIOS.EXE
THEATER I [ 00 00 ]
MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE - RATED A
Advertised as a delightful tale of ponies discovering magic and friendship, this is a must-see! For adults that is. The ponies are killed within the first ten minutes, and then the rest of the run time is filled with a celebratory orgy of Roman-esque proportions. There are no mentions of ponies after the initial scene. They are neither seen nor mourned nor heard from. There are only naked, gyrating bodies as far as the eye can see.
If you manage to sit through the horror long enough, you will notice a certain something in between the moaning. Is that your face on one of the protags? Is it a beloved family member or a friend? You will find that spliced between the scenes are cherished and innocent childish memories now being soiled by passionate cries of pleasure. Enjoy the new memory, your poor, sweet summer child. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.
THEATER II [ 0000 ]
LARGE ADVENTURER 7 - RATED B
A touching tale of dealing with loss and more loss. This film is about a giant robot and his pet human that gets eradicated in the Third Robotic Genocide, leaving behind just a human carcass. The giant robot clings to the carcass and cries robotic tears until finally he chucks the carcass into a river full of carcasses and decides to go on a deep quest in search of cheese.
But spliced between this tale of woe, viewers will see images of themselves caught in a romantic memory. A first kiss, perhaps? A first love-making session? A first crush? A desired one will also have their face molded on top of all the carcasses as they flow away. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.
THEATER III [ 0000 ] THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON - RATED C
Agent Dick Angry takes it upon himself to assemble a team of miscreant aliens to invade the hell out of "Planet Earth." The aliens include Zorn, an intelligent toaster; Crisis, a blue-skinned beauty that turns purple when she's aroused; Trish, a rogue miniature ficus with a criminal record; and General Cerealia, a handsome, ripped man who beats evil-doers with his laptop and who looks suspiciously like CERES' programmer, Elias.
This adventurous romp will feature the tragic memories of death interweaving with the destruction of the "Planet Earth." Those who attend will see first-hand the memories of their own worlds slowly being demolished before their eyes and all their loved ones screaming in agony. Then it'll loop itself again and again for the last hour of the film. Enjoy! This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.
THEATER IV [ 0000 ]
DECEASE HARDER II - RATED D
Jack McJack is a cop who is having none of your shit. In this action film, he will ride around on a velociraptor and go around punching evil-doers and detonating them with land mines. If you want all the violence in the world, this is the film for you. Watch as every second is filled with pointless explosions and every curse word in all the known languages in Cerealia.
Of course, spliced between every action scene will be every embarrassing moment of your life being played out for you and only you. Or is it? Start sweating and looking in every direction as you begin to wonder if everyone else can see that time you tripped and fell on your senpai almost kissing him (sacre bleu D= !)
BONUS - THEATER V [ whyo'clock ]
YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS - RATED Z
This is a touching film about tenderness and coming together to overcome obstacles and achieve greatness. The Yard-Door people run into danger when an evil megalord starts polluting the air with negative feelings. The Yard-Door people must band together and save the world through kindness. They will go and help their neighbors get across the street, rake up leaves from their lawns, donate canned food to the poor, and collect toys for children who do not have any.
While this film will draw tears from your eyes, you will see happy memories. The happiest that can be mustered. They will be spliced in with the scenes in the movie, occurring side-by-side with all the smiles and fuzzy feelings leaking off the screens. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.
Also, beware! This film contains the angriest of Theater Cleaning Robots. Dropping anything on the floor will result in a bit of a flogging with a wooden paddle and a robot calling you a dirty slut and claiming that you like it. Yes, BDSM robots will not take your bad behavior. You better bend over and start apologizing for being such a filthy, little theater-goer.
[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]
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no subject
Now that is surprising. [ and lo and behold, there's a note of actual surprise in his voice as his eyes light up in the dimness of the tunnel. ] There's so much trouble to be had, you'd think I'm only skimming the bare surface, so I really should take that as a compliment.
[ still, with all of his frivolity, he could hardly miss the quick thinking from the koala that had brought them to this tunnel in the first place. quick thinking amongst confusion. it's interesting, if nothing else, though tsurumaru has never been one to jump to conclusions. rather, he always prefers for conclusions to surprise him.
it's more fun that way. ] By the way, what is this maintenance tunnel? I'm assuming it should be used for some sort of work, but for what, I couldn't possibly guess.
no subject
[It wasn't. It wasn't a compliment Tsurumaru. But rather than spend more time pondering over the great mystery that is this little troublemaking shit of an elegant sword, Kaoru will just leave that particular statement where it lies. No sense in being like "no you fool" over something like this!!
Instead, that question gets all the focus. An outward-sweeping gesture is made in the direction of the tunnel, but it's kept somewhat close so as not to accidentally hit poor sardines-in-a-can companion over yonder.]
This maintenance tunnel runs below the block and is used for upkeep of the underground cable system... Or so it seems, anyway. Admittedly, I've never seen anyone working down here and the wires don't look as new as what I see on the street levels. They may be obsolete... [But they do provide decent cover! And that's more or less exactly what Kaoru had been after at the time of their discovery, so it worked well enough.
BUT, considering how this guy is dressed:] That is— it may have at one point powered the lights and movies and automatic doors. Things that seem to run on their own actually require electricity.
no subject
so kaoru's assessment of tsurumaru's tech-savvyness is well-placed, shown by the way tsurumaru all but lights up at the thought of this place being the origins of things like lights and movies and automatic doors (which he spent like thirty minutes playing with until cleaning robots politely escorted him into the movie theatre proper). this means tsurumaru is not so much a sardine in this can as he is a deep-sea angler fish, the kind that glows, has an appetite for the curious, and whose appearance should only elicit unpleasant nightmares. that is to say, he's suddenly invading kaoru's personal space again, rest in peace protective bubble, and you can practically hear sparkles pinging off the walls of the tunnel like shooting stars. ]
Those cables once powered those fun doors? And these cables are further down the tunnel? Goodness, you must show me where they are.
[ and equally as casually, in his sparkly-existence sort of way: ] If you do, I won't even ask how you came to know about this tunnel's existence, let alone so well.
no subject
I could show you, but it would require going through areas too small to stand in, and we wouldn't have much light...
[Why is this even being said to the person who decided robot rodeo would be a good way to pass the time?? Kaoru already knows that won't deter him at all, and yet an attempt is still being made. One singular, desperate attempt.
But oh, this sparkly moron is actually probably not a moron at all, is he... Not that it didn't show once already in that fantastic display of dodging and escape, but still. It puts Kaoru on guard a little, because #paranoidshitheadlife dictates that such a simple statement be interpreted as a mild threat.]
You could ask anyway; the answer isn't terribly interesting.
no subject
that being said, by virtue of what he is and how old he is, he is in no real rush. the hand held up between them is amusing, but does cause him to learn back just a little for the koala in a kimono's comfort. kaoru's words, then, also cause tsurumaru's grin to turn sly, just a bit, though it's a little difficult to tell in the ass-awful lighting in this tunnel to the middle of nowhere. perhaps fortunately for tsurumaru, and unfortunately for kaoru, he could hardly let this chance to tease slide away.
his tone of voice is innocently chipper: ]
No, no, I'm quite alright without asking. After all, you seem young and unmarried, this tunnel is rather dark and out of the way from prying eyes, and you see to know the interior so well--
[ this is rapidly turning into a harlequin novel, SUCH AFFAIR MUCH ILLICIT?? ]
no subject
Sir! [Any and all delicate sensibilities are being so rudely stepped all over in this moment! ...Except it's still a better assumption - however real or joking - than whatever shitheaded nefariousness the real reason is comprised of, so this is still doable.
That said, it would probably be best to play the delicate, scandalized maiden card all the way through... But that takes so much effort and honestly, just being around this stranger is somehow eating up Kaoru's relatively small reserve of people-energy already. So instead of blushing and stammering through a series of well-crafted denials, Tsurumaru just gets:]
If you're going to suggest that this place is used for such unsavory things while the two of us are here together, please have the courtesy to offer flowers first, if nothing else.
[It's hard to tell whether or not it's said in jest, but it is indeed 100% return-fire...]
no subject
Well, well. [ and tsurumaru would normally tease back, but he's going to be entirely honest here-- he had no idea about that whole flowers shtick. didn't people just give other people swords when political arrangements (affairs) happened? he'd only ever seen flowers given at funerals, but hey, who is he to tell a human how to do human things. as always, he'll just roll with it.
so while he doesn't have any real flowers on him, he does have golden flower tassels draping from his overly elaborate kimono. he takes one off, re-braids the end, and then, reaches over to tuck the flower tassel nonchalantly behind kaoru's ear. ]
There. Consider that a promise for more flowers later. [ as if courtesy is something that you can put on your tab, but apparently tsurumaru is inclined to begin keeping the world's longest tab. ] Anyway, as you can see, I prefer my version of the story, illicit affair and all, hence why there is no reason to ask. It seems to me it'd be more interesting than the real one.
[ a twinkle in his eyes, which should be apparent even in ass lighting. ] Now, shall we go?
no subject
But Kaoru seems a little surprised by the gesture! Showing off fancy knowledge of the modern era doesn't often earn any gifts, okay. One hand reaches up to lightly touch the tassel, and Kaoru's brow furrows for a second.]
...Thank you, sir. Still, I couldn't possibly ask for more than one. [Because a promise for more flowers later implies that they'll be running into each other again?! No...
That dingus twinkling is an effective distraction from the distress of more meetings in the future, though.]
Into the tunnel? [As if there's still just a tiny strand of hope that he may say "no, out through the grate!" like a sensible person instead...
But that strand is apparently so delicate that Kaoru is the one to break it, turning with a sigh to face the darkened interior. TIME TO GO BE INTREPID EXPLORERS... Hilariously, this won't be much of a problem, considering seeing in the dark isn't a huge struggle for pretty princess mcgee. It's just a fuss and a hassle, which are both unsavory things that patience-tried people avoid like the plague. There's a pause after the sigh, though, and a glance is cast back over one shoulder. Still sparkling??]
—I'd like to know your name first, please. Mine is Nagumo Kaoru; it's a pleasure to meet you.
[Step 1 in going exploring through dark tunnels with a badfic writer: get his name so you can track him down later if he ends up stabbing you in the back on the way.]
no subject
that being said, the total and complete politeness is back, which is a little less fun than the return-fire from earlier. but tsurumaru is used to veneers and masks (being in an army of really socially maladjusted swords teaches you more about human interactions than a thousand years worth of watching politicians and warlords politely go at each other), so he just takes it as it comes, thinking it as yet another quirk in his fun new friend-in-arms in EXCITING EXPLORATION (i guess this makes kaoru dora and him boots). indeed, he's still sparkling when kaoru introduces himself, though the sparkles do die down a little to so that he can respond to the introduction with proper decorum directed towards the princess bride that he's sharing the tunnel with.
that is to say, in the dim lighting of the tunnel, he lets his sleeves fall at his side like crane wings, and inclines his head in a way that almost makes you think he's, gasp, a serious character from a serious canon...! ]
I am Tsurumaru. I am the swordsmith Gojou Kuninaga's most well-known and sought-after work, a sword perhaps better known as 'The Crane'. [ yeah no, he's a sword from a canon with talking swords, you don't take this shit seriously. ] Well met, Kaoru-san, the pleasure really is all mine.
I do look forward to adventuring into the great depths with you. It's very exciting. [ SPARKLING INTENSIFIES. ]
no subject
To be fair though, that's somehow not the strangest thing that Kaoru has heard anyone claim since arriving in Cerealia. Once you meet an anthropomorphic country, talking and walking swords don't seem as far-fetched as they probably should. A somewhat hesitant smile...]
I apologize, but... you are the sword? [Said in a way that implies Kaoru's just double-checking, just making sure that there was no mishearing going on there. If not, then... ?!?! WELL it sure means Kaoru's got an interesting and unique tunnel exploration comrade. It would also kind of explain his incredible finesse with the sword - (a sword using a sword???) but really, Kaoru would just rather not think about any of that at all.
INSTEAD, a brief but polite nod is given in return. It's still the polite thing to do, even if he's a sword and not a person... No response is given in return to the INTENSIFYING SPARKLES or the fact that Tsurumaru is excited, though. He seems like he's the kind of person who would be excited over the edible pearls that go on fancy cupcakes...]
Please keep a little distance, Tsurumaru-san. The tunnel will get a little cramped before it opens up again, and it would be terrible to get stuck in a place like this.
[Sparkles McGee will just have to sparkle from afar... With that, Kaoru turns around to start leading the way. One hand reaches out to skim along the wall, but Tsurumaru will probably notice that there isn't the hesitance in Kaoru's steps that typically comes along with not being able to see well in the dark.]