//TESTDRIVE7.0.EXE

[reparator]

//TESTDRIVE7.0.EXE Mystery Science Theatre -3000 Welcome to Cerealia's latest attraction. In an effort to branch into other forms of entertainment, CERES has been slowly patching together films from various worlds to show in its brand new movie theater. So, grab a friend, sit back, and enjoy the newest batch of imported films with a nice bucket of popcorn. As you'll notice from the long line outside, it's the latest rage in the colony, and those tired of the same virtual battles in ViViD are eager to enjoy a little change in scenery. For those eager to participate, you will find yourself being lead into the lobby by one of the many robotic theater employees. Showing today are five special films, and in the lobbies are various screens advertising them through the movie's digital avatar, Mnemosyne. Allow her to take you on a virtual tour of CERES' finest theatrical offerings. (( P.S. no actual actors/actresses appear in any of the films. It's all done through advanced CGi-technology and voice acting. )) "GOOD EVENING, MOVIE-GOERS. I AM MNEMOSYNE, YOUR GUIDE FOR THIS EVENING. AS YOU CAN SEE, WE HAVE SEVERAL CONCESSIONS FOR YOU. PLEASE PARTAKE IN THE CONCESSIONS, BUT DO NOT MAKE A MESS. THE THEATER ROBOTS HAVE BEEN PROGRAMMED TO TAKE ACTION FOR LITTERING. TONIGHT'S FILMS ARE THE MUCH LAUDED AND CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED FILMS HAND-PICKED BY JULIUS VINCERE: MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE RATED A LARGE ADVENTURER 7 RATED B THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON RATED C DECEASE HARDER II RATED D YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS RATED Z PLEASE MAKE YOUR SELECTION AT THE BOOTHS IN THE FRONT OF THE LOBBY THEN FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS TO THE APPROPRIATE THEATER. THANK YOU AND ENJOY YOUR EVENING."

//SCENARIOS.EXE THEATER I [ 0000 ] MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE - RATED A Advertised as a delightful tale of ponies discovering magic and friendship, this is a must-see! For adults that is. The ponies are killed within the first ten minutes, and then the rest of the run time is filled with a celebratory orgy of Roman-esque proportions. There are no mentions of ponies after the initial scene. They are neither seen nor mourned nor heard from. There are only naked, gyrating bodies as far as the eye can see. If you manage to sit through the horror long enough, you will notice a certain something in between the moaning. Is that your face on one of the protags? Is it a beloved family member or a friend? You will find that spliced between the scenes are cherished and innocent childish memories now being soiled by passionate cries of pleasure. Enjoy the new memory, your poor, sweet summer child. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself. THEATER II [ 0000 ] LARGE ADVENTURER 7 - RATED B A touching tale of dealing with loss and more loss. This film is about a giant robot and his pet human that gets eradicated in the Third Robotic Genocide, leaving behind just a human carcass. The giant robot clings to the carcass and cries robotic tears until finally he chucks the carcass into a river full of carcasses and decides to go on a deep quest in search of cheese. But spliced between this tale of woe, viewers will see images of themselves caught in a romantic memory. A first kiss, perhaps? A first love-making session? A first crush? A desired one will also have their face molded on top of all the carcasses as they flow away. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself. THEATER III [ 0000 ] THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON - RATED C Agent Dick Angry takes it upon himself to assemble a team of miscreant aliens to invade the hell out of "Planet Earth." The aliens include Zorn, an intelligent toaster; Crisis, a blue-skinned beauty that turns purple when she's aroused; Trish, a rogue miniature ficus with a criminal record; and General Cerealia, a handsome, ripped man who beats evil-doers with his laptop and who looks suspiciously like CERES' programmer, Elias. This adventurous romp will feature the tragic memories of death interweaving with the destruction of the "Planet Earth." Those who attend will see first-hand the memories of their own worlds slowly being demolished before their eyes and all their loved ones screaming in agony. Then it'll loop itself again and again for the last hour of the film. Enjoy! This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself. THEATER IV [ 0000 ] DECEASE HARDER II - RATED D Jack McJack is a cop who is having none of your shit. In this action film, he will ride around on a velociraptor and go around punching evil-doers and detonating them with land mines. If you want all the violence in the world, this is the film for you. Watch as every second is filled with pointless explosions and every curse word in all the known languages in Cerealia. Of course, spliced between every action scene will be every embarrassing moment of your life being played out for you and only you. Or is it? Start sweating and looking in every direction as you begin to wonder if everyone else can see that time you tripped and fell on your senpai almost kissing him (sacre bleu D= !) BONUS - THEATER V [ whyo'clock ] YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS - RATED Z This is a touching film about tenderness and coming together to overcome obstacles and achieve greatness. The Yard-Door people run into danger when an evil megalord starts polluting the air with negative feelings. The Yard-Door people must band together and save the world through kindness. They will go and help their neighbors get across the street, rake up leaves from their lawns, donate canned food to the poor, and collect toys for children who do not have any. While this film will draw tears from your eyes, you will see happy memories. The happiest that can be mustered. They will be spliced in with the scenes in the movie, occurring side-by-side with all the smiles and fuzzy feelings leaking off the screens. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself. Also, beware! This film contains the angriest of Theater Cleaning Robots. Dropping anything on the floor will result in a bit of a flogging with a wooden paddle and a robot calling you a dirty slut and claiming that you like it. Yes, BDSM robots will not take your bad behavior. You better bend over and start apologizing for being such a filthy, little theater-goer. [ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE Welcome to CEREALIA's seventh Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Comments

[heartboop]

Whoa whoa wait. [Stops walking and turns to him.] It's not a date date. We just happen to be two people who know each other a little and will be sharing this large popcorn bucket and watching the same movie in the dark. Okay?!

[kicksilver]

[ He laughs, and pops a kernel of popcorn in his mouth from Nora's stash. :) ]

That's what I meant. [ He laughs again. ] Although I can't say what you'll think of me after the movie itself.

[heartboop]

I wonder if we're on the first floor.

[He's free to take as much as he wants! It may be his last meal if he tries any funny business!

And they're walking again!]

Did you watch that pony movie already? [Since he was talking about it in such detail earlier.]

[kicksilver]

[ Ha! No funny business from this man. Maybe it's Nora who should control herself. ;) ]

I did. And it was sooooooo good! [ He pumps his fists in the air in excitement. ] But don't worry, Nora Valkyrie. I won't spoil it for you.

[heartboop]

I didn't think someone like you would be into pony movies.

[...that's so true. He should've seen her earlier with those pervbots...they're nothing but scrap metal now!]

You know, you can just call me Nora. You sound kinda like Miss Goodwitch.

[kicksilver]

Not really sure how to address a stranger, you know?

[ He chuckles, then brushes two fingers on his bangs to fix it a bit. ]

Just Nora, then. I'll try to get used to it.

[heartboop]

Oh, I'm sure you will! [There is a bright grin at the end of that statement, as if it's guaranteeing that he'll get used to her.

Once inside the theater, she tries her best to look around her comically large popcorn for seats.]

See any place good?

[kicksilver]

[ He really would have just followed Nora. That's what he's good at doing, anyway—going with the flow. But he doesn't mind taking charge this time around. ]

The middle seats always have the best view. Follow me.

[ And so, he casually saunters over to the middle of the aisle, gesturing Nora to enter the row first. ]

[heartboop]

[He's just the nicest! Nora files into the row, making her way into the middle section of the row. The popcorn is next to her, so it can take up its own seat between them.]

No neck strain, and I won't be too far away to see what's going on, and not too close to see their nose hairs! Good job! [Thumbs up!]

[kicksilver]

Oh, you compliment me so. [ But that earns another chuckle. ] Fortunately, this movie has no nose hairs. Robots don't have those, after all.

[heartboop]

I bet the cheese has hair! Blue cheese does, anyway! It tastes really gross, though, but pretty good as a salad dressing.

[Finally takes some of her own popcorn and munches.]

[kicksilver]

[ One more reason to think that Beacon people have problems... ]

I heard blue cheese tastes good with vegetables. But don't ask me. I just heard it from Cinder.

[heartboop]

[They're all perfectly normal! NORMAL!!

Pauses in her munching.]

So you...don't eat vegetables? [Is that what he means?]

[kicksilver]

[ Grabs a kernel, throws it in midair, and catches it with his mouth. ]

Gross. No, thank you. I'd rather eat some Grimm meat.

[heartboop]

WHAT ARE YOU SERIOUS?!

[Her jaw drops at this revelation. What...why?!]

What's wrong with veggies?! Eating nothing but meat isn't part of a balanced diet!

[Says the girl who will eat pancakes for all meals if she had her way...]

[kicksilver]

[ He looks around. Looks like Nora's exclaiming has attracted the other movie goers.

To which Mercury just responds by putting a finger by her lips. ]

Keep it down.

[heartboop]

THIS IS LIKE FRONT PAGE NEWS!!

[Starts fretting in her seat. How can she be be quiet?!]

Who doesn't eat vegetables?! Well, besides little kids, but their tastebuds are still growing! They don't know how delicious veggies are!

But you! [POINTS TO HIM] and all of us [gestures to everyone else.] have to set examples for the children! Not to mention, get all the nutrients we can from vegetables!

[kicksilver]

[ He just shakes his head as he shrugs his shoulders. Oh, Nora, Nora. He barely knows her, but still. He can do the "Oh, Nora, Nora" thing in his head. ]

They're boring. And taste bad. No fun at all.

If you can give me proof that eating vegetables is fun, then maybe I'll try it out.

[heartboop]

Challenge accepted! I'll make you like veggies, Mercury! Or at least not find them boring and bad tasting!

[She may not be the best cook, but she will try!

Oh, the lights are dimming! Nora sits in her seat properly, starting to shove popcorn into her mouth at alarming rates.]

[kicksilver]

Save some for the actual movie, hmm?

[heartboop]

[There is only a thumbs up in reply, but she only slows down marginally. Maybe once the movie starts up...ah, there it goes! The film starts off with a literal BANG! They seem to be in the middle of a war. It's already getting a nod of approval!

A shame it's supposed to be a sad movie.]

[kicksilver]

[ He's pretty bored with the movie but he acts like he's tearing up, anyway. ]

[heartboop]

[Nora was tearing up too, now that there are BODIES ALL AROUND! That poor kid is all gross and mangled in the robot's arms. Even the robot is crying!

Just when it walks around with the body for a while, it suddenly gets dumped along with the rest, but that's when Nora sees a familiar face amongst the pile. With a gasp, she's at the edge of her seat, gripping onto the arm rests.]

REN?!

[There is a large 'SSHHHH' from the crowd, while Nora is scanning around to find his face again. She couldn't, and she also couldn't stop her heart from beating quickly. That...couldn't have been him...right?]

[kicksilver]

[ He sees Cinder, and it's not exactly a big deal for him. In fact, he's pretty pleased.

But his sweet, sweet delusion gets shattered with Nora being loud as hell. He doesn't know who Ren is, but he's sure that Ren isn't Cinder. Maybe they're seeing two different people on screen. Magic movie theatre. He's got it figured out now. ]

Ah, young love.

[ That's all he can say to Nora, who seems to be very flustered. ]

[heartboop]

[She frantically points to the screen while looking to Mercury with wide eyes.]

Didn't you see him?! Tell me you saw him!

[A pause.]

No! TELL ME YOU DIDN'T SEE HIM AND I'M HALLUCINATING! [Yes, that sounds much better! LIE TO HER, MERCURY! DO YOUR JOB!] He can't be...HE CAN'T BE!

[Her panic is quickly turning into anger. If something happened to him, all hell will not only break loose, but stay for eternity.]