//TESTDRIVE7.0.EXE

[reparator]

//TESTDRIVE7.0.EXE Mystery Science Theatre -3000 Welcome to Cerealia's latest attraction. In an effort to branch into other forms of entertainment, CERES has been slowly patching together films from various worlds to show in its brand new movie theater. So, grab a friend, sit back, and enjoy the newest batch of imported films with a nice bucket of popcorn. As you'll notice from the long line outside, it's the latest rage in the colony, and those tired of the same virtual battles in ViViD are eager to enjoy a little change in scenery. For those eager to participate, you will find yourself being lead into the lobby by one of the many robotic theater employees. Showing today are five special films, and in the lobbies are various screens advertising them through the movie's digital avatar, Mnemosyne. Allow her to take you on a virtual tour of CERES' finest theatrical offerings. (( P.S. no actual actors/actresses appear in any of the films. It's all done through advanced CGi-technology and voice acting. )) "GOOD EVENING, MOVIE-GOERS. I AM MNEMOSYNE, YOUR GUIDE FOR THIS EVENING. AS YOU CAN SEE, WE HAVE SEVERAL CONCESSIONS FOR YOU. PLEASE PARTAKE IN THE CONCESSIONS, BUT DO NOT MAKE A MESS. THE THEATER ROBOTS HAVE BEEN PROGRAMMED TO TAKE ACTION FOR LITTERING. TONIGHT'S FILMS ARE THE MUCH LAUDED AND CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED FILMS HAND-PICKED BY JULIUS VINCERE: MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE RATED A LARGE ADVENTURER 7 RATED B THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON RATED C DECEASE HARDER II RATED D YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS RATED Z PLEASE MAKE YOUR SELECTION AT THE BOOTHS IN THE FRONT OF THE LOBBY THEN FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS TO THE APPROPRIATE THEATER. THANK YOU AND ENJOY YOUR EVENING."

//SCENARIOS.EXE THEATER I [ 0000 ] MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE - RATED A Advertised as a delightful tale of ponies discovering magic and friendship, this is a must-see! For adults that is. The ponies are killed within the first ten minutes, and then the rest of the run time is filled with a celebratory orgy of Roman-esque proportions. There are no mentions of ponies after the initial scene. They are neither seen nor mourned nor heard from. There are only naked, gyrating bodies as far as the eye can see. If you manage to sit through the horror long enough, you will notice a certain something in between the moaning. Is that your face on one of the protags? Is it a beloved family member or a friend? You will find that spliced between the scenes are cherished and innocent childish memories now being soiled by passionate cries of pleasure. Enjoy the new memory, your poor, sweet summer child. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself. THEATER II [ 0000 ] LARGE ADVENTURER 7 - RATED B A touching tale of dealing with loss and more loss. This film is about a giant robot and his pet human that gets eradicated in the Third Robotic Genocide, leaving behind just a human carcass. The giant robot clings to the carcass and cries robotic tears until finally he chucks the carcass into a river full of carcasses and decides to go on a deep quest in search of cheese. But spliced between this tale of woe, viewers will see images of themselves caught in a romantic memory. A first kiss, perhaps? A first love-making session? A first crush? A desired one will also have their face molded on top of all the carcasses as they flow away. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself. THEATER III [ 0000 ] THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON - RATED C Agent Dick Angry takes it upon himself to assemble a team of miscreant aliens to invade the hell out of "Planet Earth." The aliens include Zorn, an intelligent toaster; Crisis, a blue-skinned beauty that turns purple when she's aroused; Trish, a rogue miniature ficus with a criminal record; and General Cerealia, a handsome, ripped man who beats evil-doers with his laptop and who looks suspiciously like CERES' programmer, Elias. This adventurous romp will feature the tragic memories of death interweaving with the destruction of the "Planet Earth." Those who attend will see first-hand the memories of their own worlds slowly being demolished before their eyes and all their loved ones screaming in agony. Then it'll loop itself again and again for the last hour of the film. Enjoy! This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself. THEATER IV [ 0000 ] DECEASE HARDER II - RATED D Jack McJack is a cop who is having none of your shit. In this action film, he will ride around on a velociraptor and go around punching evil-doers and detonating them with land mines. If you want all the violence in the world, this is the film for you. Watch as every second is filled with pointless explosions and every curse word in all the known languages in Cerealia. Of course, spliced between every action scene will be every embarrassing moment of your life being played out for you and only you. Or is it? Start sweating and looking in every direction as you begin to wonder if everyone else can see that time you tripped and fell on your senpai almost kissing him (sacre bleu D= !) BONUS - THEATER V [ whyo'clock ] YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS - RATED Z This is a touching film about tenderness and coming together to overcome obstacles and achieve greatness. The Yard-Door people run into danger when an evil megalord starts polluting the air with negative feelings. The Yard-Door people must band together and save the world through kindness. They will go and help their neighbors get across the street, rake up leaves from their lawns, donate canned food to the poor, and collect toys for children who do not have any. While this film will draw tears from your eyes, you will see happy memories. The happiest that can be mustered. They will be spliced in with the scenes in the movie, occurring side-by-side with all the smiles and fuzzy feelings leaking off the screens. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself. Also, beware! This film contains the angriest of Theater Cleaning Robots. Dropping anything on the floor will result in a bit of a flogging with a wooden paddle and a robot calling you a dirty slut and claiming that you like it. Yes, BDSM robots will not take your bad behavior. You better bend over and start apologizing for being such a filthy, little theater-goer. [ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE Welcome to CEREALIA's seventh Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Comments

[sunshrouded]

..... Are you still pulling my leg.....

[WHAT ARE THE ODDS THAT TENKA MEETS TWO SWORDS IN ONE DAY - pretty high apparently. Regardless he's still squinting and openly dubious. What a weird guy.]

[bloodcrane]

Oh, I only do that when you're least expecting it. It's no good when both your legs are in full view.

[ not even batting an eyelash, he's so used to people being dubious at him. ]

[sunshrouded]

I didn't mean--

[ . . . . wait]

Hey, you shouldn't do that! Someone could trip!!

[are you a pervert or something]

[bloodcrane]

[ wrong sword, bud. the pervert is the blue and black jijii-- he is as pure as the newly fallen snow!! ]

No, no, it's quite alright. You see, I've recently learned that popped corn makes quite a nice bed, and a surprisingly crunchy cushion to a fall. I think it'd be great fun.

[sunshrouded]

[ . . . . . he thinks about it for a second, he really does--

And then he's just narrowing his eyes.]

Hold on, that's really not the issue here. People are coming here to watch a movie, they shouldn't have to worry about being tripped!

[bloodcrane]

Then it's good that I haven't tripped anyone yet. [ yet. yet. the swish of his sleeves is dismissive as he smiles brightly. ]

If I should trip someone, I'd do it so surprisingly that they will have no need to worry about it beforehand.

[sunshrouded]

[n....o.... Tenka squints a bit more before shaking his head and then moving to grab this weirdo by the collar.]

I can't just let you trip somebody. C'mon guy, let's get you outta here.

[bloodcrane]

[ grabbed! well, it's not like he's unused to being grabbed by the hood whenever he does something mildly upsetting (this happens really often, actually), so he just cheerily lets himself be manhandled. neither of them looked to be enjoying the movie anyway-- this was the expected outcome. ]

Ah-- don't forget your popcorn! [ wasting popped corn is a sin, lemme tell you. ]

[sunshrouded]

[Oh.... Okay well see, Tenka's not going to disagree with that. So he's changing up his grip on Tsurumaru - instead opting to reach further to wrap an arm around his neck in some sort of mock headlock, grabbing the popcorn with one hand and then moving to exit the theater before they make more of a scene!!

Then in a tone of agreement even as he manhandles the poor sword:]

Good call, Tsurumaru-kun.

[bloodcrane]

I try! [ amused! he'll let himself get dragged out, somehow no ridiculously tripping over his hakama and his large, unwieldy sleeves and everything in between. in fact, despite being in a headlock, he's awkwardly graceful. ]

And what should I call the one with their elbow around my neck?

[sunshrouded]

You should call him the great and amazing Kumou Tenka!

[ . . . . what an obnoxious person-

Regardless though, he's amused. The awkward grace is amusing. This guy is amusing when he's not talking about being a public menace and that's why Tenka will move to offer the popcorn in front of him in case he wants to have some.

Friendship.]