ioculus | //TESTDRIVE7.0.EXE

//TESTDRIVE7.0.EXE

Mystery Science Theatre -3000

Welcome to Cerealia's latest attraction. In an effort to branch into other forms of entertainment, CERES has been slowly patching together films from various worlds to show in its brand new movie theater. So, grab a friend, sit back, and enjoy the newest batch of imported films with a nice bucket of popcorn. As you'll notice from the long line outside, it's the latest rage in the colony, and those tired of the same virtual battles in ViViD are eager to enjoy a little change in scenery.

For those eager to participate, you will find yourself being lead into the lobby by one of the many robotic theater employees. Showing today are five special films, and in the lobbies are various screens advertising them through the movie's digital avatar, Mnemosyne. Allow her to take you on a virtual tour of CERES' finest theatrical offerings.

(( P.S. no actual actors/actresses appear in any of the films. It's all done through advanced CGi-technology and voice acting. ))

"GOOD EVENING, MOVIE-GOERS. I AM MNEMOSYNE, YOUR GUIDE FOR THIS EVENING.

AS YOU CAN SEE, WE HAVE SEVERAL CONCESSIONS FOR YOU. PLEASE PARTAKE IN THE CONCESSIONS, BUT DO NOT MAKE A MESS. THE THEATER ROBOTS HAVE BEEN PROGRAMMED TO TAKE ACTION FOR LITTERING.

TONIGHT'S FILMS ARE THE MUCH LAUDED AND CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED FILMS HAND-PICKED BY JULIUS VINCERE:

MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE RATED A

LARGE ADVENTURER 7 RATED B

THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON RATED C

DECEASE HARDER II RATED D

YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS RATED Z

PLEASE MAKE YOUR SELECTION AT THE BOOTHS IN THE FRONT OF THE LOBBY THEN FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS TO THE APPROPRIATE THEATER. THANK YOU AND ENJOY YOUR EVENING."

//SCENARIOS.EXE

THEATER I

[ 0000 ] MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE - RATED A

Advertised as a delightful tale of ponies discovering magic and friendship, this is a must-see! For adults that is. The ponies are killed within the first ten minutes, and then the rest of the run time is filled with a celebratory orgy of Roman-esque proportions. There are no mentions of ponies after the initial scene. They are neither seen nor mourned nor heard from. There are only naked, gyrating bodies as far as the eye can see.

If you manage to sit through the horror long enough, you will notice a certain something in between the moaning. Is that your face on one of the protags? Is it a beloved family member or a friend? You will find that spliced between the scenes are cherished and innocent childish memories now being soiled by passionate cries of pleasure. Enjoy the new memory, your poor, sweet summer child. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

THEATER II

[ 0000 ] LARGE ADVENTURER 7 - RATED B

A touching tale of dealing with loss and more loss. This film is about a giant robot and his pet human that gets eradicated in the Third Robotic Genocide, leaving behind just a human carcass. The giant robot clings to the carcass and cries robotic tears until finally he chucks the carcass into a river full of carcasses and decides to go on a deep quest in search of cheese.

But spliced between this tale of woe, viewers will see images of themselves caught in a romantic memory. A first kiss, perhaps? A first love-making session? A first crush? A desired one will also have their face molded on top of all the carcasses as they flow away. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

THEATER III

[ 0000 ] THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON - RATED C

Agent Dick Angry takes it upon himself to assemble a team of miscreant aliens to invade the hell out of "Planet Earth." The aliens include Zorn, an intelligent toaster; Crisis, a blue-skinned beauty that turns purple when she's aroused; Trish, a rogue miniature ficus with a criminal record; and General Cerealia, a handsome, ripped man who beats evil-doers with his laptop and who looks suspiciously like CERES' programmer, Elias.

This adventurous romp will feature the tragic memories of death interweaving with the destruction of the "Planet Earth." Those who attend will see first-hand the memories of their own worlds slowly being demolished before their eyes and all their loved ones screaming in agony. Then it'll loop itself again and again for the last hour of the film. Enjoy! This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

THEATER IV

[ 0000 ] DECEASE HARDER II - RATED D

Jack McJack is a cop who is having none of your shit. In this action film, he will ride around on a velociraptor and go around punching evil-doers and detonating them with land mines. If you want all the violence in the world, this is the film for you. Watch as every second is filled with pointless explosions and every curse word in all the known languages in Cerealia.

Of course, spliced between every action scene will be every embarrassing moment of your life being played out for you and only you. Or is it? Start sweating and looking in every direction as you begin to wonder if everyone else can see that time you tripped and fell on your senpai almost kissing him (sacre bleu D= !)

BONUS - THEATER V

[ whyo'clock ] YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS - RATED Z

This is a touching film about tenderness and coming together to overcome obstacles and achieve greatness. The Yard-Door people run into danger when an evil megalord starts polluting the air with negative feelings. The Yard-Door people must band together and save the world through kindness. They will go and help their neighbors get across the street, rake up leaves from their lawns, donate canned food to the poor, and collect toys for children who do not have any.

While this film will draw tears from your eyes, you will see happy memories. The happiest that can be mustered. They will be spliced in with the scenes in the movie, occurring side-by-side with all the smiles and fuzzy feelings leaking off the screens. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

Also, beware! This film contains the angriest of Theater Cleaning Robots. Dropping anything on the floor will result in a bit of a flogging with a wooden paddle and a robot calling you a dirty slut and claiming that you like it. Yes, BDSM robots will not take your bad behavior. You better bend over and start apologizing for being such a filthy, little theater-goer.

[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE

Welcome to CEREALIA's seventh Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Yue's used to having a backseat driver in his life anyway, so this sudden intrusion is actually appreciated. Studying the sour patches!]

Are they really that sour? Ah, but I do like sweets...

[Gosh, this is actually kind of a dilemma, isn't it? Sour vs sweet...a pause, as he actually notices what Oz is eating.]

...Do you like them?

[A DILEMMA INDEED, but Oz just nods at that.]

I do! They're really good. [Despite the apparent pain that comes with them...

But Oz will hold the package out after that, tilting it so the opening is facing Yue.]

You can try some if you want! Then you'll know whether you'd want a whole bag to yourself or if you want to try something different. I can show you which ones are the very best, too!

[It's his duty as a sweet-devouring fattydingdong, after all.]

Mm, okay!

[As a fellow sweet-lover, how could he possibly say no? Yue picks out a couple candies from the box, popping them in his mouth and....pulling a face. Whoa, sour explosion!]

[That fantastic face earns him an amused laugh... RUDE, MAYBE, but Oz can't help it.]

See? I told you they're really sour! [And based on that expression alone-] A little too sour, huh?

[Wait, give him a moment, he-he can handle this!

.....Aaaand he's good.] I never tried anything like that before...ah, but it is kind of sweet, at the end!

Right? I like that part! [Just get sweet candy then but no, he needs the challenge apparently...]

That isn't even the most sour one they have. If you want to try the really sour ones, there are some that look like regular hard candies, but they're like ten of these at once! Maybe even twenty!

[More sour!? Yue is sadly not a daredevil, but--]

Twenty times?? Can you really eat something that sour? [It boggles the mind!!]

I can! But then I can't taste anything for a few minutes after...

[And yet, he's still tried them more than once??]

...That sounds kind of dangerous. [For your mouth.]

I think I'd rather stick to sweet things, myself.

What kind of sweet things are your favorite? Do you like fruity things, or chocolate - caramel, maybe? Cinnamon?

[He's peering at the case as he talks, looking over the available options. He won't lead this poor stranger astray again!]

Mm, I like chocolate. And caramel is good too, I tried a little of that before!

[Peering also! Gosh, even just narrowing it to chocolate, how many different chocolate bars are there?]

[So many. So many.]

If you like chocolate and caramel together, there are a lot of good candy bars to try! Like that one- [A milky way!] -or that one! [TWIX, the ultimate godsend of all chocolate caramel bars.]

Actually, the second one even has a cookie inside. You can't get much better than that!

[It's hard not to get excited with so many choices and a kid next to him who seems equally excited.]

So it's chocolate and caramel and a cookie? That's like buying three candies at once! [KING OF CHOCOLATES.]

[Oz is excited about everything it's true, but especially candy. King chocolate, more like KING OF HIS HEART.]

Right?! And listen to this - the best part is, it comes with two in each pack!

Two....so if I bought five chocolates, I'd actually get ten chocolate caramel cookies!?

[WHAT IS THIS MADNESS it's less a king chocolate and more a god chocolate.]

Yes!! [He didn't even consider it that far, honestly?! Ten chocolate caramel cookies. Ten Ten for only like five points! It's such a bargain that he's excitedly bouncing to his toes, pressing his hands to the metal part just above the glass.]

That's basically everything you could need while watching a movie, right?

Yeah! We should definitely get those, then!

[It's the biggest bargain of all time!!]

[Raising his hand to flag the guy at the counter down!]

Hello! Could we please have five of these? Oh— and one of each of those, too- [POINTING to the starburst and milk duds because hey, might as well try everything!

As soon as they're handed over, Oz will exchange his card and then hold three of the bars out Yue's way.]

Here! I wanted to see what you thought of these, too. [Shaking the other boxes with his free hand. SO MUCH CANDY.]

Thank you!

[Aah, the kindness of strangers...seriously, what a nice guy! Yue happily takes those three bars, curiously looking at the other stuff Oz got because he honestly hadn't given them much notice.]

They're chocolate and...what's that rainbow candy? Is it fruit?

Yes! [NODDING and immediately shoving the two twix packs into his pocket so that he can open up the starbursts. Once it's opened, he tilts the bag to show Yue the delicious candy-laden interior...]

See? Each one is a different fruit flavor! Red is cherry, orange and yellow are lemons and oranges, and pink is strawberry.

[So many colors......how could he possibly choose--no that's easy, it's always red.]

Ohh, that sounds like fun! I've never tried candy like that before, just real fruit.