//TESTDRIVE7.0.EXE

[reparator]

//TESTDRIVE7.0.EXE Mystery Science Theatre -3000 Welcome to Cerealia's latest attraction. In an effort to branch into other forms of entertainment, CERES has been slowly patching together films from various worlds to show in its brand new movie theater. So, grab a friend, sit back, and enjoy the newest batch of imported films with a nice bucket of popcorn. As you'll notice from the long line outside, it's the latest rage in the colony, and those tired of the same virtual battles in ViViD are eager to enjoy a little change in scenery. For those eager to participate, you will find yourself being lead into the lobby by one of the many robotic theater employees. Showing today are five special films, and in the lobbies are various screens advertising them through the movie's digital avatar, Mnemosyne. Allow her to take you on a virtual tour of CERES' finest theatrical offerings. (( P.S. no actual actors/actresses appear in any of the films. It's all done through advanced CGi-technology and voice acting. )) "GOOD EVENING, MOVIE-GOERS. I AM MNEMOSYNE, YOUR GUIDE FOR THIS EVENING. AS YOU CAN SEE, WE HAVE SEVERAL CONCESSIONS FOR YOU. PLEASE PARTAKE IN THE CONCESSIONS, BUT DO NOT MAKE A MESS. THE THEATER ROBOTS HAVE BEEN PROGRAMMED TO TAKE ACTION FOR LITTERING. TONIGHT'S FILMS ARE THE MUCH LAUDED AND CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED FILMS HAND-PICKED BY JULIUS VINCERE: MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE RATED A LARGE ADVENTURER 7 RATED B THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON RATED C DECEASE HARDER II RATED D YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS RATED Z PLEASE MAKE YOUR SELECTION AT THE BOOTHS IN THE FRONT OF THE LOBBY THEN FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS TO THE APPROPRIATE THEATER. THANK YOU AND ENJOY YOUR EVENING."

//SCENARIOS.EXE THEATER I [ 0000 ] MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE - RATED A Advertised as a delightful tale of ponies discovering magic and friendship, this is a must-see! For adults that is. The ponies are killed within the first ten minutes, and then the rest of the run time is filled with a celebratory orgy of Roman-esque proportions. There are no mentions of ponies after the initial scene. They are neither seen nor mourned nor heard from. There are only naked, gyrating bodies as far as the eye can see. If you manage to sit through the horror long enough, you will notice a certain something in between the moaning. Is that your face on one of the protags? Is it a beloved family member or a friend? You will find that spliced between the scenes are cherished and innocent childish memories now being soiled by passionate cries of pleasure. Enjoy the new memory, your poor, sweet summer child. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself. THEATER II [ 0000 ] LARGE ADVENTURER 7 - RATED B A touching tale of dealing with loss and more loss. This film is about a giant robot and his pet human that gets eradicated in the Third Robotic Genocide, leaving behind just a human carcass. The giant robot clings to the carcass and cries robotic tears until finally he chucks the carcass into a river full of carcasses and decides to go on a deep quest in search of cheese. But spliced between this tale of woe, viewers will see images of themselves caught in a romantic memory. A first kiss, perhaps? A first love-making session? A first crush? A desired one will also have their face molded on top of all the carcasses as they flow away. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself. THEATER III [ 0000 ] THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON - RATED C Agent Dick Angry takes it upon himself to assemble a team of miscreant aliens to invade the hell out of "Planet Earth." The aliens include Zorn, an intelligent toaster; Crisis, a blue-skinned beauty that turns purple when she's aroused; Trish, a rogue miniature ficus with a criminal record; and General Cerealia, a handsome, ripped man who beats evil-doers with his laptop and who looks suspiciously like CERES' programmer, Elias. This adventurous romp will feature the tragic memories of death interweaving with the destruction of the "Planet Earth." Those who attend will see first-hand the memories of their own worlds slowly being demolished before their eyes and all their loved ones screaming in agony. Then it'll loop itself again and again for the last hour of the film. Enjoy! This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself. THEATER IV [ 0000 ] DECEASE HARDER II - RATED D Jack McJack is a cop who is having none of your shit. In this action film, he will ride around on a velociraptor and go around punching evil-doers and detonating them with land mines. If you want all the violence in the world, this is the film for you. Watch as every second is filled with pointless explosions and every curse word in all the known languages in Cerealia. Of course, spliced between every action scene will be every embarrassing moment of your life being played out for you and only you. Or is it? Start sweating and looking in every direction as you begin to wonder if everyone else can see that time you tripped and fell on your senpai almost kissing him (sacre bleu D= !) BONUS - THEATER V [ whyo'clock ] YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS - RATED Z This is a touching film about tenderness and coming together to overcome obstacles and achieve greatness. The Yard-Door people run into danger when an evil megalord starts polluting the air with negative feelings. The Yard-Door people must band together and save the world through kindness. They will go and help their neighbors get across the street, rake up leaves from their lawns, donate canned food to the poor, and collect toys for children who do not have any. While this film will draw tears from your eyes, you will see happy memories. The happiest that can be mustered. They will be spliced in with the scenes in the movie, occurring side-by-side with all the smiles and fuzzy feelings leaking off the screens. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself. Also, beware! This film contains the angriest of Theater Cleaning Robots. Dropping anything on the floor will result in a bit of a flogging with a wooden paddle and a robot calling you a dirty slut and claiming that you like it. Yes, BDSM robots will not take your bad behavior. You better bend over and start apologizing for being such a filthy, little theater-goer. [ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE Welcome to CEREALIA's seventh Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

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Jaune Arc | RWBY

[beaconed]

I. (lobby)

S'cuse me, coming through... --ah, s-sorry...!!

[ Jaune is trying to manage holding two large buckets of popcorn, a large drink and some admission tickets. He's navigating his way through the busy crowd, bumping into everyone and even spilling bits and pieces of the popcorn each time he collides with another body. ]

Mannnn, I'm gonna be late, I'm gonna be late!!


II. (my petite equestrian experience)

[ Jaune had been sitting there, enduring the horrors as he shifts uncomfortably in his chair. He wasn't even enjoying his popcorn, he was only stuffing his mouth with food as a coping mechanism. Somehow it's less awkward that way, especially with the... imagery he was seeing. Is he imagining this person in the movie, or is it someone who just looks like them?!?

But he can't take this anymore. He was content with quietly holding it in the entire time, but enough is enough. With no volume filter, and as whiny as possible, he just blurts it out loud enough for everyone to hear it: ]

Ugghhhh, when are we gonna get back to the ponies?!? [ He might be crying. Shit. ]

II

[heartboop]

[Nora, who is late to the movie, steps in and tries to find a seat. But...what is that...on the screen...

...ohgoodnessno...

Just as quickly as she came, Nora turns right back around. That is, until she hears Jaune's voice.]

Jaune? JAUNE! Where are you?! [Nora certainly does not care that she's yelling. Jaune is in...danger! Yes, danger! is he really crying?!]

[beaconed]

[ Jaune stands up halfway, waving to her from the darkness of the theater. ]

Nora!! I'm here--ow!! [ Well. Not everyone appears to be horrified by this movie, judging from all the popcorn bits that are being hurled at Jaune for disrupting this masterpiece. ] --s-sorry. I just-- can I just-- [ He apologies to the crowd behind him and yells out again. ]

Listen, Nora, get out of here!! [ Cue more popcorn hurling. Damn it, he flinches, but nothing's gonna stop him from saving his friend. ]

The ponies are a lie! A LIE!

[heartboop]

[What a rude crowd!]

I'm not leaving without you--HEY! Stop that! [She starts to catch the kernels in her mouth in retaliation!] We're leaving, alright?! Keep your...movie!

[She guides him to the exit, backwards, still catching popcorn in her mouth.]

I'll protect you! [Unless he wants to use his shield right about now.]

[beaconed]

[ He does indeed use his shield as he's being guided, because why would you eat this, Nora. ]

P-Protect me from WHAT? You caused this commotion! Besides, what if the ponies come back and save the day? [ Jaune's come so far, it feels weird to quit the movie now?? ]

[heartboop]

[WE HAVE TO SHOW THEM THAT WE ARE NOT INTIMIDATED BY THEIR POPCORN!]

ME?! I came here to help you! And didn't you just say it was a lie?! We can't fall for their trap!

[She thinks it's a trap, anyway! Dead ponies and...porn! THEY ARE LEAVING! Starting by dragging him towards the door.]

I (..if only bc i should not be sending the small child into theatre 1 um =w='' )

[tsuburaya_kun]

[Congratulations YOU HAVE KNOCKED A SMALL CHILD TO THE GROUND. On the bright side, he's not the type to cry. Nope. He'll just give a shout, shake himself off of the shock as he tries to get back up, and then turn to you with a frown.] Hey--! What was that..? [Well, he sounds more sad than mad at least but...Really! What was that! Now his popcorn is everywhere...]

you're much kinder to your muse than i am

[beaconed]

[ Hnnnghhh.... now he's really going to be late, but he can't just ignore the child like that. You know, chivalry and all that, Arcs are heroes of the little people! ]

I-I'm sorry... it was my fault... [ He crouches down to meet the kid on eye-level. There's residue of his own popcorn all around his feet, but he managed to save his buckets for the most part. ] Are you alright?

You say that and yet I put him through II, III, and IV :U (I just keep 'm outta steamy stuff =w= )

[tsuburaya_kun]

[YEA. BE A HERO!

Well, aside from a sad look to his (lost) popcorn, he does at least nod.] Mn...I'm fine, [He admits.] But now those robots are going to get upset, probably...

[But hey at least they're not the ones from Theatre V?]

[beaconed]

Nah... I don't think robots can feel anything. Otherwise they'd band together and enslave us all; I've seen it in a movie.

[ He looks down at his own popcorn, and then offers his second bucket to the kid. ] ...Here, please take mine! I know I spilled like 20% of it, but it's the least I can do!

[tsuburaya_kun]

No way! There's always the robots that protect humanity! [WHAT KIND OF TERRIBLE MOVIES ARE YOU WATCHING JAUNE GOSH] They protect the world from aliens and other evil foes..! [...Because that is how fiction works y'know.]

[His 'correction!' tone vanishes pretty fast when met with a big bucket of popcorn though. He'd gotten a kiddy bag so that's already like. 80% more popcorn than he started with.] All of it?! Really!?

II

[aureinsof]

Not soon enough.

[There's a boy a couple of seats down with his eyes closed tight, gripping the seat. This might be the most embarrassing and strange experience of his life. And that's saying something.]

C-Could you tell me when the movie is over?

[beaconed]

[ Jaune leans forward curiously, wanting to see whose voice that was. ]

M-Me?! I don't know if I can keep my eyes open that long! Can't we like-- I don't know, alternate shifts or something?

[ They could also just leave, but he's an idiot. ]

[aureinsof]

[Luckily, Jaune is in the presence of a similar genius.]

Ah, well, uhm.... f-fine! Quick close your eyes!

[And Emil opens his. Oh god the horror. He needs to talk or something.]

My name is Emil. It's, uh, nice? To meet you? [It probably is just not like this.]

[beaconed]

[ Eyes closed, eyes closed. Man, Jaune's supposed to be the senior here, isn't he? ]

I-I'm Jaune... Jaune Arc. Short, sweet, rolls off the tongue, ladies love it. [ He's saying this with the least amount of confidence right now. ]

[aureinsof]

[Considering the movie in question, Emil doesn't want to hear anything about what ladies love ever again. Maybe if it's Marta. Maybe.]

Do they really? Arc is a pretty cool last name.

[He sounds about as enthusiastic as Jaune, with a subtext of horror still.]

i

[masakados]

You're gonna lose all your sna-- whoa-- snacks first.

[Which Naoki thinks is a far more pressing problem than being late to a movie likely with multiple showings. He's only barely sidestepped out of the way of tall, blond and scraggly.]

[beaconed]

[ Don't describe him like that out loud, he'll think you're in love with him! ]

My snacks...? [ Jaune just now stops in his tracks and glances behind him, seeing a trail of popcorn from which he came. ] --Aw, man! I'm gonna have to pick all that up, aren't I?

[masakados]

[How that translate into being in love with him is a wonder of an optimistic mind...

Naoki laughs a bit, looking too.] Probably not if you hurry out of here fast enough.

[SLIP THE BOTS he's probably joking]

[beaconed]

...Right! I won't tell if you won't!

Those are some pretty cool tattoos, though.

[masakados]

Our secret, [readily, with a grin.]

And thanks. [He does move to step closer, gesturing with one of those tattooed hands at Jaune's collection of snacks.] Need a hand, by the way? Just 's far as your theater.

I

[royalpatron]

Hey, Mister. Why are you in a hurry? You shouldn't run with food!

[Meruru energetically runs up to Jaune and smiles brightly.]

[beaconed]

[ Whoa, hello little girl! Jaune heard her voice, but is completely surprised to see her running up to him. Normally he's the one making an effort to approach strangers, you know! Still, he'll do the chivalrous thing and stop for her at the cost of missing the trailers in the theater. Let's be real, she's kinda cute, too. She called him mister... ]

I think you mean scissors. [ There's no danger in running with food... is there? ] W-Why're you running? Are you late to a movie, too?

[royalpatron]

I saw you running and I just had to catch up to you!

[She sighs and drops her arms sadly at that.]

You aren't wrong. I'm supposed to be watching a film now.

What are you going to go see?

[beaconed]

[ Th-That doesn't explain why she had to catch up to him at all..! ]

Me? I'm gonna see all of them! Name's Jaune Arc. Short, sweet, rolls off the tongue, ladies love it.