ioculus | //TESTDRIVE7.0.EXE

Entry tags:

!test drive

//TESTDRIVE7.0.EXE

Mystery Science Theatre -3000

Welcome to Cerealia's latest attraction. In an effort to branch into other forms of entertainment, CERES has been slowly patching together films from various worlds to show in its brand new movie theater. So, grab a friend, sit back, and enjoy the newest batch of imported films with a nice bucket of popcorn. As you'll notice from the long line outside, it's the latest rage in the colony, and those tired of the same virtual battles in ViViD are eager to enjoy a little change in scenery.

For those eager to participate, you will find yourself being lead into the lobby by one of the many robotic theater employees. Showing today are five special films, and in the lobbies are various screens advertising them through the movie's digital avatar, Mnemosyne. Allow her to take you on a virtual tour of CERES' finest theatrical offerings.

(( P.S. no actual actors/actresses appear in any of the films. It's all done through advanced CGi-technology and voice acting. ))

"GOOD EVENING, MOVIE-GOERS. I AM MNEMOSYNE, YOUR GUIDE FOR THIS EVENING.

AS YOU CAN SEE, WE HAVE SEVERAL CONCESSIONS FOR YOU. PLEASE PARTAKE IN THE CONCESSIONS, BUT DO NOT MAKE A MESS. THE THEATER ROBOTS HAVE BEEN PROGRAMMED TO TAKE ACTION FOR LITTERING.

TONIGHT'S FILMS ARE THE MUCH LAUDED AND CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED FILMS HAND-PICKED BY JULIUS VINCERE:

MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE RATED A

LARGE ADVENTURER 7 RATED B

THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON RATED C

DECEASE HARDER II RATED D

YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS RATED Z

PLEASE MAKE YOUR SELECTION AT THE BOOTHS IN THE FRONT OF THE LOBBY THEN FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS TO THE APPROPRIATE THEATER. THANK YOU AND ENJOY YOUR EVENING."

//SCENARIOS.EXE

THEATER I

[ 0000 ] MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE - RATED A

Advertised as a delightful tale of ponies discovering magic and friendship, this is a must-see! For adults that is. The ponies are killed within the first ten minutes, and then the rest of the run time is filled with a celebratory orgy of Roman-esque proportions. There are no mentions of ponies after the initial scene. They are neither seen nor mourned nor heard from. There are only naked, gyrating bodies as far as the eye can see.

If you manage to sit through the horror long enough, you will notice a certain something in between the moaning. Is that your face on one of the protags? Is it a beloved family member or a friend? You will find that spliced between the scenes are cherished and innocent childish memories now being soiled by passionate cries of pleasure. Enjoy the new memory, your poor, sweet summer child. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

THEATER II

[ 0000 ] LARGE ADVENTURER 7 - RATED B

A touching tale of dealing with loss and more loss. This film is about a giant robot and his pet human that gets eradicated in the Third Robotic Genocide, leaving behind just a human carcass. The giant robot clings to the carcass and cries robotic tears until finally he chucks the carcass into a river full of carcasses and decides to go on a deep quest in search of cheese.

But spliced between this tale of woe, viewers will see images of themselves caught in a romantic memory. A first kiss, perhaps? A first love-making session? A first crush? A desired one will also have their face molded on top of all the carcasses as they flow away. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

THEATER III

[ 0000 ] THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON - RATED C

Agent Dick Angry takes it upon himself to assemble a team of miscreant aliens to invade the hell out of "Planet Earth." The aliens include Zorn, an intelligent toaster; Crisis, a blue-skinned beauty that turns purple when she's aroused; Trish, a rogue miniature ficus with a criminal record; and General Cerealia, a handsome, ripped man who beats evil-doers with his laptop and who looks suspiciously like CERES' programmer, Elias.

This adventurous romp will feature the tragic memories of death interweaving with the destruction of the "Planet Earth." Those who attend will see first-hand the memories of their own worlds slowly being demolished before their eyes and all their loved ones screaming in agony. Then it'll loop itself again and again for the last hour of the film. Enjoy! This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

THEATER IV

[ 0000 ] DECEASE HARDER II - RATED D

Jack McJack is a cop who is having none of your shit. In this action film, he will ride around on a velociraptor and go around punching evil-doers and detonating them with land mines. If you want all the violence in the world, this is the film for you. Watch as every second is filled with pointless explosions and every curse word in all the known languages in Cerealia.

Of course, spliced between every action scene will be every embarrassing moment of your life being played out for you and only you. Or is it? Start sweating and looking in every direction as you begin to wonder if everyone else can see that time you tripped and fell on your senpai almost kissing him (sacre bleu D= !)

BONUS - THEATER V

[ whyo'clock ] YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS - RATED Z

This is a touching film about tenderness and coming together to overcome obstacles and achieve greatness. The Yard-Door people run into danger when an evil megalord starts polluting the air with negative feelings. The Yard-Door people must band together and save the world through kindness. They will go and help their neighbors get across the street, rake up leaves from their lawns, donate canned food to the poor, and collect toys for children who do not have any.

While this film will draw tears from your eyes, you will see happy memories. The happiest that can be mustered. They will be spliced in with the scenes in the movie, occurring side-by-side with all the smiles and fuzzy feelings leaking off the screens. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

Also, beware! This film contains the angriest of Theater Cleaning Robots. Dropping anything on the floor will result in a bit of a flogging with a wooden paddle and a robot calling you a dirty slut and claiming that you like it. Yes, BDSM robots will not take your bad behavior. You better bend over and start apologizing for being such a filthy, little theater-goer.

[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE

Welcome to CEREALIA's seventh Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

[ the thing about cranes is that they symbolize longevity and fortune. tsurumaru, ironically, brought the exact opposite to each and every one of his wielders. not a single wielder in his long, long line of masters have ever lived to see their dreams come true, their domains expand, their lives lived out to the very end. oh, certainly, there are a few that lived at least to see their ambitions sated-- but those are often the ones who pass him on earlier, to their retainers perhaps, and then see their retainers fall while the white sword once again is sought after by another.

because of this long history behind him, tsurumaru raises his head and smiles at sousei. it's not a knee-jerk reaction so much as one that he has come to terms to after hundreds upon hundreds of years. for once, he's as serene as his appearance, as peaceful as the freshyly fallen snow on the day he was presented to his first lord. ]

I cannot accept that, Sousei-san. [ finally, he gets up, heavy sleeve swaying and folding back neatly against him like origami. he's not tall, but he stands like he is, a singular white figure against the starkness of the modernized theatre around them. it must be surprising to everyone else around them, he thinks, watching the two of them have this conversation. it must be nice, to be surprised by something like that. ] Not a single one of my lords survived to see themselves happy, but this is something I've come to terms with as it was they whom surprised themselves by choosing me. But I cannot choose a master [ it's not up to him to choose someone to doom ], and I cannot be protected by someone who did not choose me. [ nobody who did not choose the path of ownership should suffer because of him. ]

The same as how you cannot accept a vow from someone who did not choose you, Sousei-san. [ he may be a sparkly crane, but he's hardly an idiot. he vowed to protect sousei's dignity, yes, but not sousei. similarly, he bowed to the abe name, not sousei. frankly, it's because he doesn't know who sousei is. he'll need time to find out, and he's looking forward to the challenge-- but today, he acknowledges nothing that he has yet to see with his own eyes.

a small laugh, finally, to take a bit of the seriousness away from this heavy topic. ] Anyway, I'd rather be surprised myself by the outcome, and you can't do that if you're the one choosing. Without surprises, the heart will die young-- and I've yet to want to relinquish my heart.

[ door what door, ahahaha. he was just going to smash a sandal into it, but this works as well! though it's true that you're a tad heavier than you look-- and this gets a look of interest out of tsurumaru, even as he bursts out of the movie theatre to people's astounded gasps.

the best symphony of sounds, really. grinning wildly, he'll just keep running. ]

Look, the world awaits! Where should we go? The cotton candy stand? The place with the popped corn? A high place, perhaps, to look down upon the world?

[ oh my, another surprise: her friendliness is even beyond him, and that is so very delightful. just hearing her cheer brings cheer to him, and he ruffles his sleeves like bird wings, grinning wide. ]

Oh, then I'll have to surprise you with many more who are like me. The beautiful Souza-san, the stern Kousetsu-san, the shy Yamanbagiri-san. I'm sure all of them would be quite delighted to make your acquaintance.

[ he says this teasingly, but in reality he's mulling over the fact that she's called him a friend already. it's strange, not having to hop through hoops for friendship-- yet another surprise in this bundle of surprises. how fun. ] By the way, Gracia-san, what else are you able to do with your magic? I'm supposing there's a lot more than just ice. What more do you have up your sleeves, I wonder.

[there's a bit of extended commotion by the popcorn stand, but eventually ren leaves the confectionery area with a bucket of (only slightly off-colour) popcorn in one arm.

naturally, ren's attention strays over to shun's table. his face immediately brightens at the sight of cards - he hadn't seen any other than his own deck for a week, and as much as he loves the shadow paladins, one deck does not a game make.]

Ah, what a sight for sore eyes! Are you deck building? Can I see?

[Deep breaths, deep breaths were what he needed.

Until Lee was there was pointing at him like he'd just grown an extra head, not exactly the thing he wanted right then. Especially while he was trying to put everything back into place and forget that particular movie existed.

Pausing for but a moment he pulls the mask away to show part of his face, tilting his head at the same time to question him.]

What about my mask?

[Leia rubs at the headache growing behind her eyes before shaking her head and smiling at the girl.]

No, the film is trash and lies, but it's not what's bothering me. Couldn't you feel it too?

[She's not going to admit to it right out either.]

Yes, I was with my family in a world where we had wings. [It's a long story.] I must say that I'm glad to not have to deal with them. Rolling over onto them kriffing hurt.

[She looks at the candy, wondering what she would do with it. It does look like a worm. Interesting.]

It's nice to meet you as well, Ruby. And these, they're safe for consumption?

[ Does he look dirty to you?! Rest assured, his hands have always been clean for the most part. Not much of a fan of the BDSM skinship happening in the front, he can't help but slink back a bit. The person getting paddles is pretty loud as well. ]

I'd rather not be spanked during the movie. [ There's a dry chuckle as he finds himself a seat nearby. It would be quite humiliating to be done in by a cleaning robot--at least for him. ] Wouldn't it be distracting?

I mean if you would rather spend time with the robot and its partner, by all means. [ He sits down kind of close by, but not too... close. Time to slouch and get comfortable. ]

[ please, astrid, he's bucking forward a little bit at that, hands looming over the point of impact. ]

Do we always need to get physical? I had other things on my mind. Like... figuring out the microwave.

[ or her, and everyone else back home. oh, but the nudging and shoving, he's used to that--he's missed it, but he's also had more than his fair share of them since he'd met her again. not that he minds, he doesn't mind at all, and the slight smile on his face makes that pretty clear.

also, he supposes she has a point. sure, he doesn't know how much more deceased you can get when you've already... deceased hard, whatever that means, but there is a dragon... like thing, and that's at least a point of interest. ]

And I'm torn between thinking you want to see that for the dragon, or for the explosions. There's-- a lot of fire on that picture.

[ he's just messing with her. ]

[Rei huffs a breath and nods.]

I felt something, yes. You weren't seeing me up there on the screen, were you?

[Judai absolutely loved the movies. From the junk you could eat to the chill air conditioned atmosphere, it was the perfect place to sleep in for a good two hours. But before he could enter a theater to take his daily nap, a shout from one of staff members caught his attention:]

He's still on the loose! Hurry up and find that cat!

[He froze in place. Cat? A cat? Guess who had a cat - this guy did. But this guy's cat was at home, safe and curling up for his own hourly nap. Or... maybe the fur clinging onto his mysteriously open travel sack said otherwise. Judai sighed. Time to go pick him up.]

Hey! I saw that cat! [Judai jabbed a finger at one of the halls behind him.] He went that way.

[After the staff members thanked him and ran in the direction he told them to, Judai grinned mischievously and sprinted in the opposite direction. He then spotted the equally as mischievous animal sitting in front of a kid while staring at Judai, almost as if expecting him. Slowing down his pace, he approached the little runaway and his seemingly new goggle wearing companion.]

There you are, Pharaoh. You little rascal.

[Not so easy to avoid another person used to not speaking about their powers.]

No, I didn't. It featured myself, my husband and our friends and family. However, I think it might have been showing the same thing to everyone in there. Scenes of their loved ones dying, in different ways.

[Because, honestly, it's not that far of a stretch and after dealing with the Malnosso and Third Party, she'd expect nothing less.]

One of the staff...a putrid rust-eaten robot.

[Meaning she had far less remorse ending its miserable life than if it were a human. Perona's not a perfect human being, and her hands are nowhere near clean, but killing off a human is admittedly more difficult. She needs a good reason (and one hell of a grudge) to do that much damage.]

If you come across one, I suggest beating it before it gets a chance to get to you.

[DON'T DO THE MOVIES, JUDAI, THEY'RE EVIL AND NOT ABOUT PONIES.

Yuya had just stepped out of the washroom after trying to clear his head of the first few seconds he saw of the true nature of My Petite Equestrian Experience. A good splash of cold water in the face is a good supplement for brain bleach, right? He had only just exited when he was suddenly approached by a cat. Yuya has seen his fair share of weird things, but seeing a pet is so...out of place in a theater. Or is it a stray? He sort of just stands there, staring at the feline in a dumbfounded manner until its head turns toward the sound of commotion down the hall.]

On the run, buddy? [He manages an amused smile. So when he's suddenly joined by another teen who's apparently familiar with the cat, Yuya takes a moment to scoop the feline up before it can get away. Good thing he's used to his mom's fat cats, but there is a muffled 'oomf' when he hoists it into his arms.]

I got 'em, don't worry...Although, I wouldn't suggest sticking around here with him unless you want to get kicked out.

[It's actually kind of nice to have someone not shoot her down from the get-go, and Perona's momentarily surprised - if the rise of a brow is any indication - before she taps her chin thoughtfully, humming. That sounds like an okay tactic, but at the same time, it's plainly just too much work. She dismisses the thought with a wave of her hand.]

No, then I'd still have to evacuate everyone in the building, and I don't want to be persecuted for something like that. [Not when she isn't 160% she can get away.] Those pieces of garbage aren't worth the effort.

[He stands silent for a second. That was really something else, and while he can identify with her, it's still frightening to think of that happening. Monsters just coming down and attacking a town. He's glad that there's other people who have that kind of determination to protect people like that.

But it's pretty gloom and doom, so maybe a joke is in order to lighten the mood-]

Hey, I bet that monster woulda earned you a lot of points, I bet he was worth two-hundred.

[And it's not until after it's come out of his mouth that maybe a video game reference wasn't such a bright idea...]

[He stood in a line of customers, whom were all waiting for a bucket of that audience favorite popcorn. Judai was no exception and had decided to buy the largest one available. With travel sack in tow and over his shoulder, he zoned out while waiting for his turn in front. Unbeknownst to him, the person behind him had currently witnessed his bag wiggling as if it was alive.

Sometimes, it even made growling sounds.]

And you just called your persona in the middle of the theater?! [He hisses at her, trying to keep his voice down a little as they headed towards the projection room.]

[At home, if they did that, it would be so hard to explain and a disaster....]

Edited (I FUCKED IT UP AGAIN) 2015-03-13 01:41 (UTC)

...But if it doesn't taste like the fruit, then what does it taste like?

[????]

Well...

[okay, that gives him pause.]

...no, I guess not.

W- Well! [ Now she's stressed. ]

Code or not, if you die here, you'll be coded back! Weird stuff! But don't die, okay? That's bad!

[This boy didn't care what movie was running as long as it was dark and had the same good air conditioning as the other rooms. Together with his cat companion Pharaoh, who was sitting on his lap, the two fell fast asleep in contrast to the rest of the people in the theater.

"So what's a kid like you watching the most violent movie in the theater," said no one at all. Judai, being too busy catching his Z's never noticed the child next to him who had snuck in to watch. Needless to say, he was about to wake up in due time for the movie content started causing the audience to react in an uproar.]

[He's going to ignore the movie for the moment too, because that was really weird and he's scared to look back up at it right now.]

Well, of course! [Maybe this guy is alright he's got good taste!] Nice to meet you too, mine's Yosuke Hana- what?!

[Did he hear that right?]

You said Hanamura, didn't you? You're not from Tokyo are you?

Edited (i wanted to add a sentence :D) 2015-03-13 01:48 (UTC)

I won't, I won't! Geez.

[but he doesn't sound annoyed! just frazzled, partially feeding off her stress and partly at that topic change.]

...what do you mean, coded back?

Edited 2015-03-13 01:49 (UTC)

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Page 98 of 129

//TESTDRIVE7.0.EXE

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

SMALL MURDERMYSTERY CHILD LETS GO

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

theater iv

no subject

no subject