ioculus | //TESTDRIVE7.0.EXE

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//TESTDRIVE7.0.EXE

Mystery Science Theatre -3000

Welcome to Cerealia's latest attraction. In an effort to branch into other forms of entertainment, CERES has been slowly patching together films from various worlds to show in its brand new movie theater. So, grab a friend, sit back, and enjoy the newest batch of imported films with a nice bucket of popcorn. As you'll notice from the long line outside, it's the latest rage in the colony, and those tired of the same virtual battles in ViViD are eager to enjoy a little change in scenery.

For those eager to participate, you will find yourself being lead into the lobby by one of the many robotic theater employees. Showing today are five special films, and in the lobbies are various screens advertising them through the movie's digital avatar, Mnemosyne. Allow her to take you on a virtual tour of CERES' finest theatrical offerings.

(( P.S. no actual actors/actresses appear in any of the films. It's all done through advanced CGi-technology and voice acting. ))

"GOOD EVENING, MOVIE-GOERS. I AM MNEMOSYNE, YOUR GUIDE FOR THIS EVENING.

AS YOU CAN SEE, WE HAVE SEVERAL CONCESSIONS FOR YOU. PLEASE PARTAKE IN THE CONCESSIONS, BUT DO NOT MAKE A MESS. THE THEATER ROBOTS HAVE BEEN PROGRAMMED TO TAKE ACTION FOR LITTERING.

TONIGHT'S FILMS ARE THE MUCH LAUDED AND CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED FILMS HAND-PICKED BY JULIUS VINCERE:

MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE RATED A

LARGE ADVENTURER 7 RATED B

THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON RATED C

DECEASE HARDER II RATED D

YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS RATED Z

PLEASE MAKE YOUR SELECTION AT THE BOOTHS IN THE FRONT OF THE LOBBY THEN FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS TO THE APPROPRIATE THEATER. THANK YOU AND ENJOY YOUR EVENING."

//SCENARIOS.EXE

THEATER I

[ 0000 ] MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE - RATED A

Advertised as a delightful tale of ponies discovering magic and friendship, this is a must-see! For adults that is. The ponies are killed within the first ten minutes, and then the rest of the run time is filled with a celebratory orgy of Roman-esque proportions. There are no mentions of ponies after the initial scene. They are neither seen nor mourned nor heard from. There are only naked, gyrating bodies as far as the eye can see.

If you manage to sit through the horror long enough, you will notice a certain something in between the moaning. Is that your face on one of the protags? Is it a beloved family member or a friend? You will find that spliced between the scenes are cherished and innocent childish memories now being soiled by passionate cries of pleasure. Enjoy the new memory, your poor, sweet summer child. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

THEATER II

[ 0000 ] LARGE ADVENTURER 7 - RATED B

A touching tale of dealing with loss and more loss. This film is about a giant robot and his pet human that gets eradicated in the Third Robotic Genocide, leaving behind just a human carcass. The giant robot clings to the carcass and cries robotic tears until finally he chucks the carcass into a river full of carcasses and decides to go on a deep quest in search of cheese.

But spliced between this tale of woe, viewers will see images of themselves caught in a romantic memory. A first kiss, perhaps? A first love-making session? A first crush? A desired one will also have their face molded on top of all the carcasses as they flow away. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

THEATER III

[ 0000 ] THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON - RATED C

Agent Dick Angry takes it upon himself to assemble a team of miscreant aliens to invade the hell out of "Planet Earth." The aliens include Zorn, an intelligent toaster; Crisis, a blue-skinned beauty that turns purple when she's aroused; Trish, a rogue miniature ficus with a criminal record; and General Cerealia, a handsome, ripped man who beats evil-doers with his laptop and who looks suspiciously like CERES' programmer, Elias.

This adventurous romp will feature the tragic memories of death interweaving with the destruction of the "Planet Earth." Those who attend will see first-hand the memories of their own worlds slowly being demolished before their eyes and all their loved ones screaming in agony. Then it'll loop itself again and again for the last hour of the film. Enjoy! This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

THEATER IV

[ 0000 ] DECEASE HARDER II - RATED D

Jack McJack is a cop who is having none of your shit. In this action film, he will ride around on a velociraptor and go around punching evil-doers and detonating them with land mines. If you want all the violence in the world, this is the film for you. Watch as every second is filled with pointless explosions and every curse word in all the known languages in Cerealia.

Of course, spliced between every action scene will be every embarrassing moment of your life being played out for you and only you. Or is it? Start sweating and looking in every direction as you begin to wonder if everyone else can see that time you tripped and fell on your senpai almost kissing him (sacre bleu D= !)

BONUS - THEATER V

[ whyo'clock ] YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS - RATED Z

This is a touching film about tenderness and coming together to overcome obstacles and achieve greatness. The Yard-Door people run into danger when an evil megalord starts polluting the air with negative feelings. The Yard-Door people must band together and save the world through kindness. They will go and help their neighbors get across the street, rake up leaves from their lawns, donate canned food to the poor, and collect toys for children who do not have any.

While this film will draw tears from your eyes, you will see happy memories. The happiest that can be mustered. They will be spliced in with the scenes in the movie, occurring side-by-side with all the smiles and fuzzy feelings leaking off the screens. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

Also, beware! This film contains the angriest of Theater Cleaning Robots. Dropping anything on the floor will result in a bit of a flogging with a wooden paddle and a robot calling you a dirty slut and claiming that you like it. Yes, BDSM robots will not take your bad behavior. You better bend over and start apologizing for being such a filthy, little theater-goer.

[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE

Welcome to CEREALIA's seventh Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

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[Nice, why you always gotta say the things you say. Though nothing he says really comes as too much of a surprise, it's difficult not sound at least a little bit exasperated.]

There wasn't even a bang or a whimper, as far as I know. So, somehow, it would seem that neither of us noticed that the world just happened to be ending around us.

[He pauses, then gives a pointed look at the bag of popcorn.]

You're going to have to start eating real food again.

And I'd say she did a good job. Wouldn't you, Athena? [He smiles, letting the girls hug it out while he carries the snacks.]

[WOW, he walks very much thank you. He also frantically apologizes to people as he pulls her past, slowly reaching the aisle.]

Sorry! Sorry, sorry. [Why are these other people still here? Please don't tell me they're enjoying this!]

Of course not.

[ ...Okay, so they bruised a little. Big deal. Hak doesn't go down easily and he's been through much, much worse. Yona would know.

Hak's been worried sick about her from the moment he let them search for the Blue Dragon without him; when he'd entrusted her in the White Dragon's care. Just one more reason for him to tell Ki-ja to leave Yona to him instead. The scowl on his face doesn't disappear, even as he bends over to pull Yona in an embrace.

He didn't think that she'd be here. He thought he'd been alone and that he'd failed the Princess and all of Kouka by letting their world be blown to pieces; but some part of him had doubted it, and he's glad that he did. Yona's here, alive, breathing, unharmed. That's all that matters. The thought calms him, and as he holds her, he lets out a quiet sigh of relief.

He hadn't failed her. ]

Thank you! Thank you so much!

[ She's tearing up now. ]

I thought we might talk for a little bit.

[Oh, you thought he dropped it completely. Hah....]

Unless you wanted to go together and catch the end of that movie?

[You know. The one you ran out of? That one. He hasn't forgotten.]

[Oh, to hell with this place. After her face turns white and her muscles tense up, Perona doesn't say a goddamn word - she just turns tail and runs in the opposite direction, eventually kicking off the ground and opting to fly instead. She can go faster and doesn't risk tripping over her gown. Plus, she strains herself less this way, physically. It'll just be a pain in the ass when she does have to run, her ability to fly in her physical form is only a few hours at best.

Still, those things are only armed with paddles (she hopes) and this is a theater. If the bots are coming from the entrance, then there has to be another way out. A fire escape. Hell, most of the other patrons already fled that way when Sanji kicked the first robot into the opposing wall. Smart people.

Of course, she stops in her tracks, and gasps. In her horror, she almost forgot--]

Bearsy!! [She left him in her seat when she was first dragged into the aisles. But like hell she remembers which seat it was after what she went through. What if those assholes find him? What if they throw him out? What if they rip him up first?!] Bearsy, where are you?!

CERES? Is that who controls this place? [Perona didn't buy into this bullcrap that her world was being invaded, but it's becoming more and more plausible...but she needs more to go off of. Answers to her numerous questions.]

How much do you know of this...world?

Hmph. [He smiles briefly, then, and he's sure she doesn't need the Mood Matrix to identify he's content with her answer.]

Now enough of tears, hm? I would hardly be fulfilling that vow if I did naught but make you cry.

[ GREAT!!

HUG FOR THE LITTLE GIRL

NOT LISTENING TO YOU, BOSS ]

I can't help it!

[ Widget is grey. It's just her usual theatrics! ]

[And what happens when you behead robots? Not only do they start sparking, but that head just doesn't simply roll away.

No. The head actually goes flying a good number of feet, and if Rise hadn't been watching the commotion, she would have never seen the decapitated head that headed her way. With a yelp, she ducks quickly in her seat before it can hit her, heart pounding in her ears.]

Hey! [You may need to quiet this one down too, Riku. But Rise knows enough about theatre etiquette to pipe down after the initial burst, whispering instead. That, and she knows what these damn machines are like, having been chased by one herself.] Watch where you're aiming that thing, okay?

[Well, not like suffering from a blight or living in Darktown was much better. At least the kid wasn't living it, even if this particularly telling had none of the romance, honour, or revelry in the ballads of Thedas' great battles. And it wasn't as if Anders could force the kid into a particular movie.]

So this is what passes as entertainment... [sigh]

[ admittedly, these robots aren't too big of a threat for sanji... but he still wants to avoid wrecking the place too much, especially since he's still not entirely sure what to make of this whole place. and while the robots are definitely a little... strange... they're just doing their jobs, right?

...okay, maybe they're doing a little more than that, but who can blame them? ]

Bear... what? Is now really the time for that? [ sigh. even if it's not, it's pretty obvious she's not going to leave here without... whatever this "bearsy" thing is. ]

Just get out of here for now! I'll find your Bearsy and bring it to you. [ he should probably be able to figure it out, right? maybe... the robots have already reached him either way, which means he's already busy knocking them away as he starts to search through the aisles himself. ]

Opponent? I was being attacked! [What kind of skewed world do you live in? That fight was one-sided, though if she weren't so emotionally and mentally disheveled by being...spanked, then the one-sidedness would have been in her favor, honestly.]

Whatever, I don't care. I just never want to be in that situation again, ever.

[His gaze lingers on her a moment longer, taking in her posture and the way she says those words--and then, satisfied, he nods.]

There are places you can train. There is a gym with a dojo--that is where I do my training.

[It's what's familiar to him, after all.]

Should that suit you, you are welcome there.

[He doesn't take students on or people who are a waste of his time, but...Pyrrha is not.]

[Likewise for Perona, but she's not exactly in a good place mentally to want to deal with them again, especially en masse. That, and she doesn't trust letting loose her exploding ghosts in a confined space like this. That risks way too much damage to herself in the long run, as tempting as ridding the world of these steaming piles is...

She'll leave them up to this idiot. At the very least he's strong and can drive them back while--wait what. Like hell she's going to hand some...stranger the fate of her most prized possession. But at the same time, she doesn't want to stick around here, and these Straw Hats are pretty dependable when it really counts.

Ugh. Squeezing her eyes shut, she soars off towards the emergency exit, shouting over her shoulder--]

If anything happens to him, I'll never forgive you! [If you need an incentive, cook, there it is right there.]

Very little, but I know about CERES, yes.

[Rei considered it. She considered that likely too, given the sheer amount of nonsense that happened there already. It'd hardly be the first invasion.]

[ these things aren't particularly strong, but they're definitely resistant... and numerous. for everyone he manages to kick away from himself, another seems to pop up with spanking paddle in hand. it's not nearly as bad as newkama land, but... still kind of the stuff of nightmares. ] Get away from me already! I only enjoy being spanked by beautiful ladies!

[ speaking of which... ]

Ah, don't worry! I'll find your Bearsy or your onesy or whatever it is, and get it back to you in perfect shape. Of course, there'll be a reward in it for me, right?

[ not that there really needs to be... by virtue of her gender alone there's no way he can refuse her request, crazy though it may be.

[ why are swords so strange? the question of the century, if not the millennium.

actually, the "hop" is rather impressive. 13 doesn't have much time to dwell on it, because, as much as he almost didn't expect to be let down, that very thing is happening. recovering with quiet grace (if it can be called that), 13 squares his shoulders and overlooks the city. ]

It looks bigger when you're farther. Up, that is.

[ Nothing before the movie or even when he arrived mattered as much as this one singular moment. At least, the person he was finally waiting for, that he had cried so many nights for, was finally here.

Though he wasn't happy about the thought that she too had been stuck here, he could find a sense of relief that she was safe. True, he didn't believe the rumors about their homeland being destroyed, but the constant nagging in the back of his mind tried to get him to believe the latter. Ki-Ja had suppressed it for the most part, keeping his thoughts solely on finding Yona again safe and sound-- and finally all of his prayers had come true.

So right here, right now, this dragon was going to do all he could to protect her. He never wanted to be separated from here again! ]

A movie? [ He blinks, obviously unsure about what the word meant. But if it made Yona cry then it must be really bad!! ]

Then I will track down this "movie" and show them what is means to mess with her highness!! This cannot be forgiven! [ He doesn't let go of her wrist just yet. Just for the security of his own self to know that she was here and that he could feel her.

Oh thank goodness, she was here! ]

Oh yeah, sure. We could-

[ S H O OT. Asbel quickly recoils. ]

Huh!? But... [ think of an excuse AND EXCUSE. ] ... wouldn't you rather just talk out here? It's pretty noisy in there.

[ Yeah. Too many noises he doesn't ever want to hear again. ]

[With Asbel's reaction, Richard is convinced it's either one of two things:

Porn.

Or Asbel is hiding a secret love for tiny cutesy ponies. NOT SURE WHICH ONE WOULD BE BETTER.]

Naturally I meant to watch the end. It's not polite to talk when people are trying to watch something.

[Asbel, Asbel, why do you make his job so easy?]

But if you're not worried about seeing how it ends, then perhaps we could take this conversation back out to the lobby?

[Even though finding Ki-ja had calmed her down, she was still a little shaken up from the images. His hand was comforting. As long as she could feel his hand on her wrist, they couldn't be separated.

But then without realizing it at all, Ki-ja broke through the tension and the worry. He was truly upset, talking as if he was going to beat up the image the same way he would an enemy. Suddenly it was impossible to keep a straight face and within seconds she was laughing. She tried to cover her mouth to stifle it but...]

Ki-ja, didn't they explain movies to you?

[Had he come here to investigate with no idea what he was getting himself into? Somehow that sounded like Ki-ja. This was just one of the reasons that no matter how bad her mood was, Ki-ja was one of the few who knew how to make her smile easily, even if he wasn't trying.]

...would you like to go see one with me?

[Definitely not that last one. But if it was with Ki-ja, she thought it might be nice to go see one of the others. It would be fun even!]

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//TESTDRIVE7.0.EXE

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V

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1/2

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3 o'clock is the real Problem

wipes them all away!!

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who needs a white knight when she has her white dragon ////