//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

[reparator]

//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE Let it Go, Let it Fucking Go Already Let's keep pretending it's not technically October in the game while Yuletide thoughts continue to spread through CERES. Inspired by recent tragic events, your friendly neighborhood programmer, Elias (serritor) has constructed a wonderful new ice world to be accessed through ViViD, the popular virtual simulator. As expected, this is a world covered in ice all over with a chill that bores into one's bones as players wander through. In the midst of it all lies a beautiful reconstruction of a mall, complete with various stores to suit your online shopping needs. However, before you can indulge in any spending, you're tasked with a mission should you choose to accept. You will have to enter the frost-covered mall which hosts a large, elaborate labyrinth and complete all the objectives as they're given to you and your party. It seems that some horrible foe has arisen from the great beyond to kidnap Santa Bot (no relation to the futurama one). Unable to deliver toys and goods to the poor, needy adults of Cerealia, it's up to YOU to save him from a variety of enemies which include: a.) Nasty, foul-mouthed elves b.) A rabid flock of reindeer c.) An ice queen who will not stop singing d.) And a fucking minotaur. Why? Why not? "Ho ho ho! And seasons greetings, players! I am Julius Vincere, the CEO of CERES, and I must apologize for a few recent temperature modifications as of late. But we were able to fix that small glitch quickly. We were only hoping to cool things down by a few degrees after we received a few complaints about overheating equipment. It seems our robots went a bit overboard with our dome, which is a safety precaution we put in place in the event of an outside threat or invasion. There's no need to fear, and we hope you enjoyed warming up with one another in the meantime. Now, that that's behind us, let's have a little fun, shall we? I think some of you are familiar with the concept back in your home worlds. I observed enough to know that it's a pretty ostentatious holiday. That's why I asked my dear programmer, Elias, to build a simulation so we can experience a little bit of Christmas together. You can say it's a dress rehearsal for the real thing. Anyway, if you all would be so kind as to sample this world and tell me how it goes. I want to see what you all think and get you all in the festive mood. Consider this my deep apology for one mistake too many. We won't allow it to happen again."

//SCENARIOS.EXE PHASE I [ 0000 ] Let the games begin! You're dropped before a giant forest with snow-covered trees, and in your path to reach the mall, there appears your first threat. They look cute and sweet -innocent little elves that smile and blush in your direction. They barely reach up to your chest and look up at you with big, glassy eyes as they promise to help you along your way. Little hands will grab yours, tugging you along. That is, until you're far enough along that you're deep in the midst of the forest where they decide to chip at a lake of frozen ice and chuck you inside. They will then criticize your clothes, call you a piece of reindeer shit, tell you your ass is too fat then call your mother a whore. Because that's just how they roll. Here's your chance to fight back, get vengeance, and force the elves to tell you where Santa is. Those who manage to beat them into submission will be pointed in the right direction to the mall. Those who don't, have fun drowning in icy water! PHASE II [ 0000 ] Once you've escaped the elves, another trial appears. This time, it's in the form of twelve savage reindeer with blood dribbling from their lips. Their eyes are all an eerie shade of red, and they're staring at you deeply as though they can see into your soul. If you hope to get into that mall, you'll have to fight them down and avoid being caught in their antlers. There will be lots of bucking. Copious buckings. Kill the reindeer and remove their antlers for a special gift! (it's a coupon for a free McCERES burger.) PHASE III [ 0000 ] Once you reach the entrance of the mall, you'll be confronted with the icy labyrinth, guarded by a minotaur. He is large and in charge and will probably try to mow you down once he sees you. None of your weapons or magic will work, though. To pacify this beast, you will have to hug him. He requires a hug with feeling. He will tell you as much when you confront him. Give him a good squeeze then let him be. Love can cure many things! PHASE IV [ 0000 ] Are you done running around this maze of a mall? Tired of seeing the same Vidia's Secret store a dozen times? Alas, there is one last trial. It comes in the form of obnoxious carols being crooned in your direction by a beautiful ice queen. She's beckoning you to her with a siren song in the form of merry Christmas music, luring you in little by little and making you walk towards her while she tries to enchant you. She'll lean in close and whisper the rest of the song in your ear, and once you're in her trance, you'll turn on your own friends and party members to try and kill them. To avoid being drawn into her trance, you'll have to be knocked around a few times to regain your bearings. Then, it's either destroy her or be subjected to her ice magic. However, before she dies, she'll look deep into your eyes and beg you to save her and not to forget her. She needs you. Once you defeat her, Santa Bot will appear to dance a merry jig in your honor and shower you with credits. Hooray! BONUS [ whyo'clock ] You can't escape Christmas without a random sprig of mistletoe floating around your head and following you around. For those who try to escape, the mistletoe bot will only move all the quicker. Those caught under its insistent floating will be compelled to kiss a neighbor or two or ten. Or even kiss the minotaur. What we're saying is you should probably run. [ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE Welcome to CEREALIA's fifth Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Comments

[ofmisfortune]

[ Closing his eyes with a chuckle, he might seem endeared - but who are we kidding, Lily recognizes him for the True Shithead he is. ]

It's no trouble. [ Hm, but when he looks at her again, he surveys her work whist raising a hand, contemplatively tapping a knuckle to his lips. ] Ah, but I'm afraid that didn't help.

[ Better be nice to Lily... Pft. Now he's really making fun of her! ]

[littlestbaskerville]

[She knows your game Vincent! Better not flick anything at her this time.

It takes her a moment to pick up what he's saying, but the moment she does her face scrunches. With her tongue stuck out she stomps her foot on the ground.]

What do you mean?! Big, mean Vincent!

[She throws her head to the side, then looks back at him.]

I could have taken care of them myself!

[ofmisfortune]

[ With a shameless little laugh this time, Vincent shrugs his shoulders. What can he say, big and bad suits him. ]

Oh, could you? Well, I didn't feel like waiting ages for you to try, either way. [ Neener. ] Wasn't it easier, this way? You should be grateful.

[littlestbaskerville]

[It suits him too well, meanie. She continues to pout at his comments. It was faster than Bandersnatch but she wouldn't admit that out loud.]

Shouldn't we go inside already!? [Even if she had to go inside with him now. Plus change of topic.]

[ofmisfortune]

[ It's okay, he knows he's right. Perhaps he's even smug enough to show it.

But he does consider her question, humming as he peers over at the mall entrance. Considering the weird shit they've encountered thus far, he can't even imagine what's in there... ]

I suppose we should. I haven't been too eager to play this game.

[littlestbaskerville]

[Vincent you're always too smug for your own good! Lily knows your game.

She wants to be done with the weird game, right now. She doesn't like any of this, it's all confusing and all she wants is to forget about it. Though when he mentions the game she looks at him.]

How long have you been here anyway?

[ofmisfortune]

[ He raises his head to acknowledge Demios, nodding to her as a gesture to return to his side. Bandersnath might be thankful for the opportunity to cease her heckling.

Vincent turns to approach the mall then, glancing back at Lily expectantly. ]

Mm... Just more than two weeks, if I properly recall. Though not-- here, specifically. [ He raises a hand in a vague gesture to the environment around them. ] This is a created world, of sorts. It isn't real.

[littlestbaskerville]

[The moment Demois vanishes Lily's chain relaxes as it trots with her towards the mall. Both of them looking around for any extra deer who might choose to pop out at them.

When Vincent turns around she stops and looks at him.]

...Huh? I just got here. [At the new comment she tilts her head, clearly confused.]

It sure feels real. You're not playing a trick on me are you?

[ofmisfortune]

[ To the question, he just smiiiles and shrugs. ]

It certainly seems that way, doesn't it?

[ Hm. As for this mall business, all he can see is a tall, icy corridor that ends at a bend, possibly? Squinting, he leans forward to peer through the door's glass more properly - and with a mechanical whirr, they slide open with a might fwoosh of air!

Startled, he stiffens, smile pulling wry. These stupid automatic doors still get him, every time... damn you, future technology. ]

[littlestbaskerville]

[With a firm nod she follows behind him.]

Yes it--AH!

[All too quickly the doors fly open and she screams. On instinct she clings to Vincent's back as Bandersnatch barks and growls at the doors. It is more than clear how new they were to all of this. Hands gripped tightly to his coat she extends a shaky hand to point at the demon doors.]

How did they do that?!

[She has yet to realize who she's clinging to.]

[ofmisfortune]

[ Vincent's never been the type to warrant the trust of a child, and the only sort of clinging he is even relatively close to being used to is generally the front-facing, unchaste sort... and so, for a moment, he's actually so taken off-guard that he has to stand to peer back at Lily.

How is he supposed to respond to this? He'll just... try to pluck her off, yeah. ]

It's-- [ Not magic, fuck that stuff. ] We're quite far into the future. This is common technology here.

[littlestbaskerville]

[Trust was a strong word but perhaps it was something of that, in some small way. Lily knew Vincent was strong enough to have a chain like Deimos. So if there was something fearful, like devil doors, she knew he could handle it. Still to cling to him was more of an instinct if someone scared her she would normally hide in Fang's cloak. Without him here Vincent was the nearest choice.

Quickly she notices him plucking her off and she realizes that she had grabbed him. Lily throws her hands back to her chest, eyes still glaring at the doors.]

Are they too lazy to open doors themselves? Why do they want them to open like that?!

[People in the future are crazy!]

[ofmisfortune]

[ CLOSE ENOUGH.....

Once Lily is standing on her own, Vincent breathes a huff through his wry smile. ]

Honestly, I can't say that I know...

[ She did present a good point, though. Why? Putting a hand to his chin, the blonde peers back at the doors while contemplating this. ]

Ah. Well, they're harmless, in any case. Let's move on.

[littlestbaskerville]

[True.

Blue eyes fixate on him as he speaks and she lets out a small huff.]

People are lazy.

[Lily watches his movements before he speaks and, though she is still wary, she puts her own hand onto Bandersnatch.]

You go first...then.

[ofmisfortune]

[ Glancing over at the girl, his shoulders shake with a snicker. ]

Alright, fine.

[ Just casually strolling forward to pass through, the doors actually begin to close on him, since they'd been standing there so long - and by reflex, he takes something of a startled hop past their barriers.

The sensors cause the doors to halt and reopen, even though he's passed... but he really has no idea how that even works, so what just happened??? He squints at them rather incredulously. ]

[littlestbaskerville]

[She wasn't going to be a guinea pig!]

Good.

[With wide eyes she watches as Vincent walks through before the doors try to close and he ends up hoping like a bunny. Lily actually jumps with him but in place, the doors were not fun for her.

Still once she recovers she begins to giggle at his reaction.]

Heh, they got you!

[As she laughs she walks forward herself only for them to do the same and she darts inside with a yelp.]

Ah!

[ofmisfortune]

[ When Lily darts forward, it's right into Vincent arms, where he takes hold of her cheeks to tug!! ]

You were saying~?

[ Said with a devious sort of chuckle carrying under his breath! Take that! ]

[littlestbaskerville]

[For a moment she thought he was going to comfort her and then there was pain. Waving her arms her eyes tear up as she tries to get free of his hold.]

O-Ow! Vincent let go!

[Man, she regrets laughing now, this hurts!]

[ofmisfortune]

[ Leaning closer, he tilts his head as though to keenly listen. ]

What was that? Hm, can't say I've heard an apology like that before. Care to try again?

[ Tug, tug! ]

[littlestbaskerville]

[Arms still flailing around she grabs his wrists and tugs.]

What the hell! Ow! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!

[Why does this hurt do much!?]

[ofmisfortune]

[ Vincent will hold that last pull for juuust a moment longer before he lets go. ]

That isn't becoming language for a lady, but I'll let that slide in light of your compliance.

[ He tenderly pats her cheeks in contrast, then. ]

[littlestbaskerville]

[Finally free to rubs her cheeks and gives him a glare.]

Mean Vincent!

[Another surprised sound she blinks at the pats before puffing her cheeks out. She doesn't care if it wasn't lady-like to speak like that, it was an honest response!]

[ofmisfortune]

[ S h r u g . Really, as though he cares if he's mean. The thought has him snerk, as he turns to proceed onward, down the corridor (and away from those damned doors, yes). ]

Come, we shouldn't wait around here, of all places.

[littlestbaskerville]

[Of course he wouldn't care. That just makes her pout a little more as she crosses her arms. However when she opens her eyes and sees him walking away she quickly runs after him. He won't leave her behind!]

O-Okay! Do you know what's in here?