ioculus | //TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

Let it Go, Let it ~~Fucking~~ Go Already

Let's keep pretending it's not technically October in the game while Yuletide thoughts continue to spread through CERES. Inspired by recent tragic events, your friendly neighborhood programmer, Elias (

serritor) has constructed a wonderful new ice world to be accessed through ViViD, the popular virtual simulator.

As expected, this is a world covered in ice all over with a chill that bores into one's bones as players wander through. In the midst of it all lies a beautiful reconstruction of a mall, complete with various stores to suit your online shopping needs. However, before you can indulge in any spending, you're tasked with a mission should you choose to accept. You will have to enter the frost-covered mall which hosts a large, elaborate labyrinth and complete all the objectives as they're given to you and your party.

It seems that some horrible foe has arisen from the great beyond to kidnap Santa Bot (no relation to the futurama one). Unable to deliver toys and goods to the poor, needy adults of Cerealia, it's up to YOU to save him from a variety of enemies which include:

a.) Nasty, foul-mouthed elves
b.) A rabid flock of reindeer
c.) An ice queen who will not stop singing
d.) And a fucking minotaur. Why? Why not?

"Ho ho ho! And seasons greetings, players! I am Julius Vincere, the CEO of CERES, and I must apologize for a few recent temperature modifications as of late. But we were able to fix that small glitch quickly. We were only hoping to cool things down by a few degrees after we received a few complaints about overheating equipment. It seems our robots went a bit overboard with our dome, which is a safety precaution we put in place in the event of an outside threat or invasion. There's no need to fear, and we hope you enjoyed warming up with one another in the meantime.

Now, that that's behind us, let's have a little fun, shall we? I think some of you are familiar with the concept back in your home worlds. I observed enough to know that it's a pretty ostentatious holiday. That's why I asked my dear programmer, Elias, to build a simulation so we can experience a little bit of Christmas together. You can say it's a dress rehearsal for the real thing.

Anyway, if you all would be so kind as to sample this world and tell me how it goes. I want to see what you all think and get you all in the festive mood. Consider this my deep apology for one mistake too many. We won't allow it to happen again."

//SCENARIOS.EXE

PHASE I

[ 0000 ] Let the games begin! You're dropped before a giant forest with snow-covered trees, and in your path to reach the mall, there appears your first threat. They look cute and sweet -innocent little elves that smile and blush in your direction. They barely reach up to your chest and look up at you with big, glassy eyes as they promise to help you along your way. Little hands will grab yours, tugging you along. That is, until you're far enough along that you're deep in the midst of the forest where they decide to chip at a lake of frozen ice and chuck you inside.

They will then criticize your clothes, call you a piece of reindeer shit, tell you your ass is too fat then call your mother a whore. Because that's just how they roll. Here's your chance to fight back, get vengeance, and force the elves to tell you where Santa is. Those who manage to beat them into submission will be pointed in the right direction to the mall. Those who don't, have fun drowning in icy water!

PHASE II

[ 0000 ] Once you've escaped the elves, another trial appears. This time, it's in the form of twelve savage reindeer with blood dribbling from their lips. Their eyes are all an eerie shade of red, and they're staring at you deeply as though they can see into your soul. If you hope to get into that mall, you'll have to fight them down and avoid being caught in their antlers. There will be lots of bucking. Copious buckings. Kill the reindeer and remove their antlers for a special gift! (it's a coupon for a free McCERES burger.)

PHASE III

[ 0000 ] Once you reach the entrance of the mall, you'll be confronted with the icy labyrinth, guarded by a minotaur. He is large and in charge and will probably try to mow you down once he sees you. None of your weapons or magic will work, though. To pacify this beast, you will have to hug him. He requires a hug with feeling. He will tell you as much when you confront him. Give him a good squeeze then let him be. Love can cure many things!

PHASE IV

[ 0000 ] Are you done running around this maze of a mall? Tired of seeing the same Vidia's Secret store a dozen times? Alas, there is one last trial. It comes in the form of obnoxious carols being crooned in your direction by a beautiful ice queen. She's beckoning you to her with a siren song in the form of merry Christmas music, luring you in little by little and making you walk towards her while she tries to enchant you. She'll lean in close and whisper the rest of the song in your ear, and once you're in her trance, you'll turn on your own friends and party members to try and kill them. To avoid being drawn into her trance, you'll have to be knocked around a few times to regain your bearings. Then, it's either destroy her or be subjected to her ice magic. However, before she dies, she'll look deep into your eyes and beg you to save her and not to forget her.

She needs you.

Once you defeat her, Santa Bot will appear to dance a merry jig in your honor and shower you with credits. Hooray!

BONUS

[ whyo'clock ] You can't escape Christmas without a random sprig of mistletoe floating around your head and following you around. For those who try to escape, the mistletoe bot will only move all the quicker. Those caught under its insistent floating will be compelled to kiss a neighbor or two or ten. Or even kiss the minotaur. What we're saying is you should probably run.

[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE

Welcome to CEREALIA's fifth Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Brother--?!

[She gasps, watching him slip and all she can think about is his safety - how the last thing she wants is to see him hurt because of her. As much as she can, she battles the ice, scrabbling to grab a hold of his hand as tightly as she can.

Kicking and pushing and scraping and pulling, she manages to get herself out of immediate danger. But they're still on the ice-- it's too early to relax.

Even so...]

Are you alright?

[Because she couldn't be happy until she was sure they were both okay. What if he'd scraped himself on the ice or bruised himself or...!? It would be all her fault for making him come out here... As glad as she is to see him, she can't help but worry in this situation.]

[Apparently Oz has momentarily forgotten they're still on ice... His worry for Ada is the biggest thing right now!! So much so that he actually seems a little incredulous to hear her ask after him first, like he's the one who just went bobbing for apples in a frozen lake.]

I'm— Yes, I'm fine! Don't worry about me! [But since he's got a good grasp on her hand already, he'll gently turn it palm-up to see if she's cut herself badly fighting with the ice like that.]

What about you? What happened here—?

[Those rudeass elves SCATTERED TOO FAST... Or he'd sure be hunting them down and punting them into the lake too, good lord. Even as elfsicles, they can still repent for attempted murder.]

[There are a few scrapes on her fingers and the palms of her hand - though nothing serious.]

Eheheh... I let myself be tricked.

[How she can laugh about something like that at this point, well...]

There were these cut little elves, you see and--

[Guess who just remembered that they were all long gone by now?]

Ah... They're all gone... They were showing me the way... [Before they did a terrible 180 degree shift personality-wise...]

["LET MYSELF BE TRICKED" ADA PLEASE... He still frowns seeing those scrapes, even if they're not life-threatening, and then frowns eveN MORE TO HEAR THAT.]

They showed you here? [So there are murderous cute little elves running around?? He's not sure if that's better or worse than really creepy oppressively handsy tutors that can shapeshift into people-eating bugs...]

—But they didn't do anything else, did they? [Like is hypothermia the only thing he's going to have to worry about here, or is POISON INVOLVED, or maybe some sort of bludgeon injury he's miraculously overlooked...!!]

Yes. But then when we arrived they chipped at the ice until it broke...

[Thus her current predicament.]

Oh no! [Shaking her head, Ada consciously decided to leave out the part about the insults and the name-calling. There wasn't really any harm done there - she hadn't let it bother her. But Oz might be upset if she told him that. Definitely nothing serious.] That's all.

[TRULY RUDE ELVES INDEED... Oz is a little gobsmacked to hear that, but it sounds like things aren't too bad here outside of the fact that she's now soaked and needs to get out of the cold pretty much asap.]

I won't let them near you again if they come back, all right?

[Though he's hoping that won't be an issue either way... PLEASE STAY AWAY, RUDE ELVES. With that said, he'll extend his other hand and rise until he's on his knees.]

We need to get off this ice before it cracks more than it already has. Can you scoot this way with me? [Because standing would be DISASTROUS.]

I know you won't.

[All he needs to do is say it, and immediately she believes it. Her brother would protect her - he always had. She didn't have to think about it; Ada nodded and followed his lead.

Her legs were a little shaky at first, but she shows commendable strength, as she slowly inches towards him. Slowly at first, and with only a little progress made. But after a few experimental scoots, she becomes a little more comfortable; covering a little more ground. Even so, she keeps staring down more often than not, as if expecting another crack to form and the ice to give out under her again.

But even if that happened now - she wasn't alone. She wasn't nearly so afraid, thanks to Oz.]

[He'd be glad to know that his presence is cause for that much ease, on one hand. On the other, he sure won't be very reassuring if they both end up falling through the ice...

To that end, he's doing his best to keep his weight evenly distributed across the surface of the ice. Minimizing cracks and splinters is the best that can be done, and every time he hears the ice groan beneath them, he freezes up and holds his breath. But he'll continue to keep his hands steady, one there to support Ada and one feeling its way across the ice. He takes his time (relatively speaking) in leaving the center of the lake and getting closer and closer to the side, until it wouldn't even matter much if the ice did break because the water isn't deep enough to drown in.

Though they aren't quite at the shore yet, that's about the point he loses some of his tension. Sighing and looking back toward Ada:]

Are you doing all right? Can you still feel your fingers and toes? [Half-joking, half vERY CONCERNED.]

[Just to be sure, before she spoke too confidantly, Ada wiggles her toes, and is happy to find that - while they're a little bit reluctant, they still move and though they're chilled, she can still feel them as they brush past one another.

What a relief.]

Mm-hmm.

[The ice feels thicker here. As long as the cracks didn't spread, they should be safe. Even so, she still moves with caution.]

They're cold, but everything works fine.

[Nice that they can joke about these things now.]

[Even though their DISMAL LUCK should really probably have them both nearly drowning, Oz can feel the softness of the shore beneath his foot within the next few seconds.]

Ah— we made it! [EXCELLENT. He'll ease himself backwards until he's off of the ice and on solid land again, keeping hold of Ada's hand and helping her as much or as little as she needs the rest of the way.

While doing so:] We're going to have to find you something warmer to wear, though. You'll catch a cold otherwise, and the weather back in the city isn't any better than the weather here.

[Even though ViViD's chill is technically fake, Oz still wonders if it'd be enough to cause pneumonia or something...]

//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

/chinhands

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject