ioculus | //TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

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!test drive

//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

Let it Go, Let it ~~Fucking~~ Go Already

Let's keep pretending it's not technically October in the game while Yuletide thoughts continue to spread through CERES. Inspired by recent tragic events, your friendly neighborhood programmer, Elias (

serritor) has constructed a wonderful new ice world to be accessed through ViViD, the popular virtual simulator.

As expected, this is a world covered in ice all over with a chill that bores into one's bones as players wander through. In the midst of it all lies a beautiful reconstruction of a mall, complete with various stores to suit your online shopping needs. However, before you can indulge in any spending, you're tasked with a mission should you choose to accept. You will have to enter the frost-covered mall which hosts a large, elaborate labyrinth and complete all the objectives as they're given to you and your party.

It seems that some horrible foe has arisen from the great beyond to kidnap Santa Bot (no relation to the futurama one). Unable to deliver toys and goods to the poor, needy adults of Cerealia, it's up to YOU to save him from a variety of enemies which include:

a.) Nasty, foul-mouthed elves
b.) A rabid flock of reindeer
c.) An ice queen who will not stop singing
d.) And a fucking minotaur. Why? Why not?

"Ho ho ho! And seasons greetings, players! I am Julius Vincere, the CEO of CERES, and I must apologize for a few recent temperature modifications as of late. But we were able to fix that small glitch quickly. We were only hoping to cool things down by a few degrees after we received a few complaints about overheating equipment. It seems our robots went a bit overboard with our dome, which is a safety precaution we put in place in the event of an outside threat or invasion. There's no need to fear, and we hope you enjoyed warming up with one another in the meantime.

Now, that that's behind us, let's have a little fun, shall we? I think some of you are familiar with the concept back in your home worlds. I observed enough to know that it's a pretty ostentatious holiday. That's why I asked my dear programmer, Elias, to build a simulation so we can experience a little bit of Christmas together. You can say it's a dress rehearsal for the real thing.

Anyway, if you all would be so kind as to sample this world and tell me how it goes. I want to see what you all think and get you all in the festive mood. Consider this my deep apology for one mistake too many. We won't allow it to happen again."

//SCENARIOS.EXE

PHASE I

[ 0000 ] Let the games begin! You're dropped before a giant forest with snow-covered trees, and in your path to reach the mall, there appears your first threat. They look cute and sweet -innocent little elves that smile and blush in your direction. They barely reach up to your chest and look up at you with big, glassy eyes as they promise to help you along your way. Little hands will grab yours, tugging you along. That is, until you're far enough along that you're deep in the midst of the forest where they decide to chip at a lake of frozen ice and chuck you inside.

They will then criticize your clothes, call you a piece of reindeer shit, tell you your ass is too fat then call your mother a whore. Because that's just how they roll. Here's your chance to fight back, get vengeance, and force the elves to tell you where Santa is. Those who manage to beat them into submission will be pointed in the right direction to the mall. Those who don't, have fun drowning in icy water!

PHASE II

[ 0000 ] Once you've escaped the elves, another trial appears. This time, it's in the form of twelve savage reindeer with blood dribbling from their lips. Their eyes are all an eerie shade of red, and they're staring at you deeply as though they can see into your soul. If you hope to get into that mall, you'll have to fight them down and avoid being caught in their antlers. There will be lots of bucking. Copious buckings. Kill the reindeer and remove their antlers for a special gift! (it's a coupon for a free McCERES burger.)

PHASE III

[ 0000 ] Once you reach the entrance of the mall, you'll be confronted with the icy labyrinth, guarded by a minotaur. He is large and in charge and will probably try to mow you down once he sees you. None of your weapons or magic will work, though. To pacify this beast, you will have to hug him. He requires a hug with feeling. He will tell you as much when you confront him. Give him a good squeeze then let him be. Love can cure many things!

PHASE IV

[ 0000 ] Are you done running around this maze of a mall? Tired of seeing the same Vidia's Secret store a dozen times? Alas, there is one last trial. It comes in the form of obnoxious carols being crooned in your direction by a beautiful ice queen. She's beckoning you to her with a siren song in the form of merry Christmas music, luring you in little by little and making you walk towards her while she tries to enchant you. She'll lean in close and whisper the rest of the song in your ear, and once you're in her trance, you'll turn on your own friends and party members to try and kill them. To avoid being drawn into her trance, you'll have to be knocked around a few times to regain your bearings. Then, it's either destroy her or be subjected to her ice magic. However, before she dies, she'll look deep into your eyes and beg you to save her and not to forget her.

She needs you.

Once you defeat her, Santa Bot will appear to dance a merry jig in your honor and shower you with credits. Hooray!

BONUS

[ whyo'clock ] You can't escape Christmas without a random sprig of mistletoe floating around your head and following you around. For those who try to escape, the mistletoe bot will only move all the quicker. Those caught under its insistent floating will be compelled to kiss a neighbor or two or ten. Or even kiss the minotaur. What we're saying is you should probably run.

[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE

Welcome to CEREALIA's fifth Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Lily was always a wild fling from an emotional outburst, so tears were uncommon. However when the chain hears the girl approaching, it drops the bloody mess of an elf from it's mouth and charges towards her. It was in attack mode and not ready for someone to sneak up on Lily.

Quickly she turns and yells stop right as the chain skids to a halt before the woman, teeth bared.]

Bad Bandersnatch!

[Sniffling she looks at the girl, her front covered in some blood splatter matching the color of the tattoo on her face.]

I'm okay...they aren't.

[It can't be helped that Ada stares a bit at the creature. She cannot say that she isn't afraid - but all the same, she doesn't run. Perhaps it's tied to her own strange, morbid fascination that she can come face to face with such things and choose not to flee.

She smiles at the girl with a look of relief.]

What a relief.

[The elves had not fared so well, however, she noted, as she looked at the bloodied bodies littering the ground a few feet away.]

At least you're alright. I don't know why but... they probably would have tried to kill you if you hadn't fought back.

[So... horrific as it was, there was no shame in fighting.]

[The other girl's bravery perks Lily's interest. Most people would have screamed or fled from Bandersnatch. He wasn't exactly a safe creature, he was a chain and could, and has, killed a human. Still the chain growls softly before it backs up to the small Baskerville's side.

Smiling at the chain she rubs his fur and hugs him.]

Don't worry! Bandersnatch wouldn't let them hurt me, right?

[The chain looks at her, tail wagging.

Her attention then goes on the girl as she stands up straight hands on her hips.]

Who are you, anyway?

They seemed so nice at first... I was fooled too. But then... I was standing in front of a huge, unknown forest... I didn't feel like I had too many options either.

[A quick lesson that all was not as it seemed here had been in order and they had most certainly provided it.]

Ah, right! My name is Ada Vessalius. Pleased to meet you. [She bows her head politely.]

What's your name?

They seemed nice but they were mean jerks! They're dead now though, so don't worry!

[At the answer she blinks looking really confused...then she knows the name and grins. This was the girl that Vincent was 'dating' right?]

You're a Vessalius?

[Lily doesn't really bother to bow, right off the bat.]

I'm Lily and this is Bandersnatch...you are of the Vessalius family but you don't have a chain. [There's a small pout, she wanted to have another playmate for Bandersnatch.]

Mm. [She nods. She doesn't take offense.] So you know my family's name?

[There's a certain amount of comfort in that - in knowing that they came from the same place, even if she was a stranger.]

That's right.

[Ah... but then that's...]

So... Bandersnatch is your chain?

[Seeing chains for herself... up close... it's a little exciting for her. Which... probably isn't the reaction most would have.]

Yeah, I know it!

[She can't say too much...Lottie might get mad.]

Boo...I wanted you to play with Bandersnatch.

[Puffing out her chest she nods proudly.]

Yep! He's my chain! He's really strong.

[The chain continues to growl softly until Lily bops him lightly on the head.]

Bad! Stop growling!

[Ada can't help but giggle at the two - they seem to be truly close to one another.]

Well... perhaps if we can find our way through this forest, we can find Bandersnatch some friends to play with.

[...maybe some that will hold up better than the elves he mauled.]

What do you think, Lily?

[They had been together a while, Bandersnatch was her best friend.]

He needs another chain to play with.

[Playmates were fun if he could maim them, honestly. At this point though she would take anything.]

Okay...but you know if you try anything mean, Bandersnatch will have to play with you.

Of course-- you don't need to worry about that.

[She had no intention of doing anything but ensuring the girl wasn't left lost and alone in the forest. And even another person wouldn't have required a warning if they saw what Bandersnatch had done to the last people that upset Lily.]

Do you recognize this place at all?

[Looking around, she tries to sense if there's anything that points to one way being better to go than another. At least she knows which way they came, so that rules out that, but...]

Good! You seem nice!

[She smiles so brightly that it's hard to believe that on Glen's command she killed people.]

Nope! I just got thrown here, it's all weird to me! Do you?

[Lily was still way too new at this all to understand why they even needed to fight these things. She remembers the slide show and stuff...but it was all kind of boring.]

I see... I'm new here as well.

[In that sense, they were both the same. However, Ada had paid attention to the slide show and followed as best she could. It seemed that the creatures were a threat and therefore, needed to be taken out.]

Not at all. However, I'm sure with the both of us looking, we'll be able to find our next destination much quicker!

[Ever the optimist.]

Me too...it's weird, I don't like it.

[And that is coming from someone that was stuck in the Abyss.]

That could work...So would you be Lily's friend?

[Okay, she might look a bit too excited about that.]

[Lily's excitement doesn't look out of place for long, when Ada smiles brightly. After all, making new friends is a great thing.]

I'd like that very much. That makes you my first new friend since I arrived here.

[So that makes it special as well.]

[When Ada told her that she could almost squeal, but she reels it into simply bouncing in place.]

Really? I would like that too!

[Lily didn't have many friends, she hoped Reim was her friend, but now Ada actually said it.]

I can protect you with Bandersnatch, since you don't have a chain.

[Lily's excitement makes Ada happy; being able to watch the girl who was crying earlier now bouncing in place.]

Really? Then... I may not have a chain, but... if there's ever anything you need, you can come to me.

[She might not be a contractor, but as a friend, she felt she wanted to do whatever she could for her in return. Even if it was just listening to her troubles and being a source of comfort, or keeping her company...]

That's what friends do after all.

[Her emotions were always quick to change but the thought of a friend was thrilling to her.]

Huh? Really?

[With a tilt of her head she looks at Ada, it's clear that she is really new to the whole friendship thing. She would believe Ada though, if friends were there for each other then she could believe it.]

Okay! We should move forward right?

Right.

[Ada nods, determined to get them both out of here. It only takes her a moment to decide what she'd like to do.]

I think I'd like to see what's on the other side of this lake. Maybe if we keep going in this direction we'll find a path, or the edge of the forest.

[Getting out of this forest seemed like the greatest idea at this point. It was dark here, and you couldn't see far in any direction. But if they got out into the open, then it should be a lot easier to find where they needed to go.

At least that's what she was thinking--]

What do you think, Lily?

[Lily could agree with them leaving the forest, if they found something indoors it would be best. It was starting to feel colder, so warmth would be the best case.]

Mn, that sound be good. Bandersnatch!

[The chain perks up and circles around the two of them before Lily strokes it's head.]

Go ahead of us.

[With the command the Chain walks ahead, keeping an eye out for danger.]

Bandersnatch will let us know if anything dangerous appears, so we can try to find a way out!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

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