//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

[reparator]

//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE Let it Go, Let it Fucking Go Already Let's keep pretending it's not technically October in the game while Yuletide thoughts continue to spread through CERES. Inspired by recent tragic events, your friendly neighborhood programmer, Elias (serritor) has constructed a wonderful new ice world to be accessed through ViViD, the popular virtual simulator. As expected, this is a world covered in ice all over with a chill that bores into one's bones as players wander through. In the midst of it all lies a beautiful reconstruction of a mall, complete with various stores to suit your online shopping needs. However, before you can indulge in any spending, you're tasked with a mission should you choose to accept. You will have to enter the frost-covered mall which hosts a large, elaborate labyrinth and complete all the objectives as they're given to you and your party. It seems that some horrible foe has arisen from the great beyond to kidnap Santa Bot (no relation to the futurama one). Unable to deliver toys and goods to the poor, needy adults of Cerealia, it's up to YOU to save him from a variety of enemies which include: a.) Nasty, foul-mouthed elves b.) A rabid flock of reindeer c.) An ice queen who will not stop singing d.) And a fucking minotaur. Why? Why not? "Ho ho ho! And seasons greetings, players! I am Julius Vincere, the CEO of CERES, and I must apologize for a few recent temperature modifications as of late. But we were able to fix that small glitch quickly. We were only hoping to cool things down by a few degrees after we received a few complaints about overheating equipment. It seems our robots went a bit overboard with our dome, which is a safety precaution we put in place in the event of an outside threat or invasion. There's no need to fear, and we hope you enjoyed warming up with one another in the meantime. Now, that that's behind us, let's have a little fun, shall we? I think some of you are familiar with the concept back in your home worlds. I observed enough to know that it's a pretty ostentatious holiday. That's why I asked my dear programmer, Elias, to build a simulation so we can experience a little bit of Christmas together. You can say it's a dress rehearsal for the real thing. Anyway, if you all would be so kind as to sample this world and tell me how it goes. I want to see what you all think and get you all in the festive mood. Consider this my deep apology for one mistake too many. We won't allow it to happen again."

//SCENARIOS.EXE PHASE I [ 0000 ] Let the games begin! You're dropped before a giant forest with snow-covered trees, and in your path to reach the mall, there appears your first threat. They look cute and sweet -innocent little elves that smile and blush in your direction. They barely reach up to your chest and look up at you with big, glassy eyes as they promise to help you along your way. Little hands will grab yours, tugging you along. That is, until you're far enough along that you're deep in the midst of the forest where they decide to chip at a lake of frozen ice and chuck you inside. They will then criticize your clothes, call you a piece of reindeer shit, tell you your ass is too fat then call your mother a whore. Because that's just how they roll. Here's your chance to fight back, get vengeance, and force the elves to tell you where Santa is. Those who manage to beat them into submission will be pointed in the right direction to the mall. Those who don't, have fun drowning in icy water! PHASE II [ 0000 ] Once you've escaped the elves, another trial appears. This time, it's in the form of twelve savage reindeer with blood dribbling from their lips. Their eyes are all an eerie shade of red, and they're staring at you deeply as though they can see into your soul. If you hope to get into that mall, you'll have to fight them down and avoid being caught in their antlers. There will be lots of bucking. Copious buckings. Kill the reindeer and remove their antlers for a special gift! (it's a coupon for a free McCERES burger.) PHASE III [ 0000 ] Once you reach the entrance of the mall, you'll be confronted with the icy labyrinth, guarded by a minotaur. He is large and in charge and will probably try to mow you down once he sees you. None of your weapons or magic will work, though. To pacify this beast, you will have to hug him. He requires a hug with feeling. He will tell you as much when you confront him. Give him a good squeeze then let him be. Love can cure many things! PHASE IV [ 0000 ] Are you done running around this maze of a mall? Tired of seeing the same Vidia's Secret store a dozen times? Alas, there is one last trial. It comes in the form of obnoxious carols being crooned in your direction by a beautiful ice queen. She's beckoning you to her with a siren song in the form of merry Christmas music, luring you in little by little and making you walk towards her while she tries to enchant you. She'll lean in close and whisper the rest of the song in your ear, and once you're in her trance, you'll turn on your own friends and party members to try and kill them. To avoid being drawn into her trance, you'll have to be knocked around a few times to regain your bearings. Then, it's either destroy her or be subjected to her ice magic. However, before she dies, she'll look deep into your eyes and beg you to save her and not to forget her. She needs you. Once you defeat her, Santa Bot will appear to dance a merry jig in your honor and shower you with credits. Hooray! BONUS [ whyo'clock ] You can't escape Christmas without a random sprig of mistletoe floating around your head and following you around. For those who try to escape, the mistletoe bot will only move all the quicker. Those caught under its insistent floating will be compelled to kiss a neighbor or two or ten. Or even kiss the minotaur. What we're saying is you should probably run. [ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE Welcome to CEREALIA's fifth Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Comments

[unluckybreak]

The name's Kamijou Touma. I've got plenty more nicknames if that one didn't suit you, Tohsaka-hime.

[Yup. Now he's seriously going out of his way to rustle her jimmies now. Against his better judgement, anyway...]

Don't worry, don't worry. It's not a proud thing to admit, but I'm pretty good at running. Helps whenever you're facing off a buncha thugs.

[harshwords]

Do you want to die?

[ Of course, she has qualms about actually killing him - it's not something that she's actually going to do, but she can threaten him with a cold grin. She probably doesn't even have to use her magic to hurt him; besides, it's not as if she was planning on showing it to a normal person to begin with. ]

... You're good at running? I didn't know that you were such a coward, Touma-san.

[unluckybreak]

Um! N-No! I'll pass on that! I really really like living!

[And he goes pale and freezes up. There went his poor choice of words getting him in trouble again. One would think that he'd be used to being killed by now... Why did he keep bumping into really scary girls?!]

And I'm not a coward! I'll definitely fight if I have to! It's just I'm not really suited for battles that aren't one-on-one!

[If it was two-on-one, then he'd have some trouble. Then if it were more than that, then he'd have to run and come up with a new strategy.]

[harshwords]

Oh, that's good. I would give you a nice whack in the head if you said otherwise.

[ At least she's being... honest? Though she covers her face in order to hide the fact that she's laughing at him. ]

That aren't one on one...? So you're saying you could defeat me in a fight?

[unluckybreak]

[Thankfully, he doesn't notice that. Though he'll still give his casual opinion on how things would roll.]

That's a tough call, Tohsaka-san. But the advantage might go to me since you don't look like the type who enjoys getting her hands dirty.

[harshwords]

Then you've already made your first mistake, Touma-kun.

[unluckybreak]

[Wait... Where did this chill come from?]

Eh? Um... I think you lost me.

[harshwords]

[ She runs a hand through her hair, her confident disposition unwavering. ]

You said you would have the advantage, right? You're solely mistaken on that. Of course, I wouldn't kill you, but I'm pretty sure I can hurt you. That is... if you're a normal high school student as you say.

[unluckybreak]

[He's crossing his fingers that she's not like a certain battle happy Electromaster--]

C-C'mon... I'm about as normal as any other background character you'd see in an anime or manga. I mean, I've been through plenty of fights, but that doesn't equal anything major. Anyway, why don't focus on singing about how good it is to be lively, unhurt and youthful!

[harshwords]

[ Oh, don't worry. She's not battle happy. But she will torture him with as much as she can mentally if she's allowed the chance. ]

A normal background character usually doesn't get into many fights, you know. [ Ha... ha... ] And why are we singing all of a sudden? That type of thing is unnecessary, you know!

[unluckybreak]

Such misfortune... I couldn't had my protagonist status even I tried, huh? [He was the type that could fit into almost any situation.] And, y'know, music brings the world together... So Kamijou-san thought that it'd diffuse the situation a bit...!

[harshwords]

[ ...................wow

She has to drag her hand down her face just to hide the humiliation she's feeling by walking together with this idiot. Because that's what he is. An idiot. ]

If you want to sing, go right on ahead.

[unluckybreak]

It's kinda awkward to do it if you're singling me out like this. Why not aim for a duet?

[harshwords]

It's not as if I can just simply come up with lyrics on the spot, especially if there's no music track behind it. Besides, we're not in a musical.

[unluckybreak]

[...]

♪ The sky is so blue, yet I can't see the light~! ♪

[THE MOST DEPRESSING LYRICS IN THE WORLD.]

[harshwords]

...

I kind of feel sorry for you.

[unluckybreak]

Haaah... When you put it like that, I feel sorry for me too.

[harshwords]

That's... pretty depressing. Maybe we should just focus on finding the other exit.