//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

[reparator]

//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE Let it Go, Let it Fucking Go Already Let's keep pretending it's not technically October in the game while Yuletide thoughts continue to spread through CERES. Inspired by recent tragic events, your friendly neighborhood programmer, Elias (serritor) has constructed a wonderful new ice world to be accessed through ViViD, the popular virtual simulator. As expected, this is a world covered in ice all over with a chill that bores into one's bones as players wander through. In the midst of it all lies a beautiful reconstruction of a mall, complete with various stores to suit your online shopping needs. However, before you can indulge in any spending, you're tasked with a mission should you choose to accept. You will have to enter the frost-covered mall which hosts a large, elaborate labyrinth and complete all the objectives as they're given to you and your party. It seems that some horrible foe has arisen from the great beyond to kidnap Santa Bot (no relation to the futurama one). Unable to deliver toys and goods to the poor, needy adults of Cerealia, it's up to YOU to save him from a variety of enemies which include: a.) Nasty, foul-mouthed elves b.) A rabid flock of reindeer c.) An ice queen who will not stop singing d.) And a fucking minotaur. Why? Why not? "Ho ho ho! And seasons greetings, players! I am Julius Vincere, the CEO of CERES, and I must apologize for a few recent temperature modifications as of late. But we were able to fix that small glitch quickly. We were only hoping to cool things down by a few degrees after we received a few complaints about overheating equipment. It seems our robots went a bit overboard with our dome, which is a safety precaution we put in place in the event of an outside threat or invasion. There's no need to fear, and we hope you enjoyed warming up with one another in the meantime. Now, that that's behind us, let's have a little fun, shall we? I think some of you are familiar with the concept back in your home worlds. I observed enough to know that it's a pretty ostentatious holiday. That's why I asked my dear programmer, Elias, to build a simulation so we can experience a little bit of Christmas together. You can say it's a dress rehearsal for the real thing. Anyway, if you all would be so kind as to sample this world and tell me how it goes. I want to see what you all think and get you all in the festive mood. Consider this my deep apology for one mistake too many. We won't allow it to happen again."

//SCENARIOS.EXE PHASE I [ 0000 ] Let the games begin! You're dropped before a giant forest with snow-covered trees, and in your path to reach the mall, there appears your first threat. They look cute and sweet -innocent little elves that smile and blush in your direction. They barely reach up to your chest and look up at you with big, glassy eyes as they promise to help you along your way. Little hands will grab yours, tugging you along. That is, until you're far enough along that you're deep in the midst of the forest where they decide to chip at a lake of frozen ice and chuck you inside. They will then criticize your clothes, call you a piece of reindeer shit, tell you your ass is too fat then call your mother a whore. Because that's just how they roll. Here's your chance to fight back, get vengeance, and force the elves to tell you where Santa is. Those who manage to beat them into submission will be pointed in the right direction to the mall. Those who don't, have fun drowning in icy water! PHASE II [ 0000 ] Once you've escaped the elves, another trial appears. This time, it's in the form of twelve savage reindeer with blood dribbling from their lips. Their eyes are all an eerie shade of red, and they're staring at you deeply as though they can see into your soul. If you hope to get into that mall, you'll have to fight them down and avoid being caught in their antlers. There will be lots of bucking. Copious buckings. Kill the reindeer and remove their antlers for a special gift! (it's a coupon for a free McCERES burger.) PHASE III [ 0000 ] Once you reach the entrance of the mall, you'll be confronted with the icy labyrinth, guarded by a minotaur. He is large and in charge and will probably try to mow you down once he sees you. None of your weapons or magic will work, though. To pacify this beast, you will have to hug him. He requires a hug with feeling. He will tell you as much when you confront him. Give him a good squeeze then let him be. Love can cure many things! PHASE IV [ 0000 ] Are you done running around this maze of a mall? Tired of seeing the same Vidia's Secret store a dozen times? Alas, there is one last trial. It comes in the form of obnoxious carols being crooned in your direction by a beautiful ice queen. She's beckoning you to her with a siren song in the form of merry Christmas music, luring you in little by little and making you walk towards her while she tries to enchant you. She'll lean in close and whisper the rest of the song in your ear, and once you're in her trance, you'll turn on your own friends and party members to try and kill them. To avoid being drawn into her trance, you'll have to be knocked around a few times to regain your bearings. Then, it's either destroy her or be subjected to her ice magic. However, before she dies, she'll look deep into your eyes and beg you to save her and not to forget her. She needs you. Once you defeat her, Santa Bot will appear to dance a merry jig in your honor and shower you with credits. Hooray! BONUS [ whyo'clock ] You can't escape Christmas without a random sprig of mistletoe floating around your head and following you around. For those who try to escape, the mistletoe bot will only move all the quicker. Those caught under its insistent floating will be compelled to kiss a neighbor or two or ten. Or even kiss the minotaur. What we're saying is you should probably run. [ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE Welcome to CEREALIA's fifth Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Comments

jiros verslan | oc

[subservience]

PHASE III:

[The hugging part isn't so difficult. Jiros can suck up any awkwardness for the sake of his mission, and so, aside from his wariness that the minotaur is going to attack once he gets close, he steps up and hugs the creature with relative ease.

... It's the feeling part that's extremely difficult for someone who was probably a robot in another life.

Jiros honestly does not understand how to give ~passionate hugs~, and so his attempt comes across as more of an awkward placement of arms from someone who has evidently never hugged anyone in his life.]

Is this sufficient...?

[...

Yeah, this would be why, after that wonderful failure, Jiros is back to fleeing from the minotaur. NO ONE CAN SAY HE DIDN'T TRY, THOUGH.]

PHASE IV:

[The whole siren song will probably become relevant soon enough but until then? Jiros's first reaction is somewhere along the lines of THAT WOMAN (???) IS BARELY WEARING ANY CLOTHES.

So yes, um. Though Jiros is still on guard for any attacks and readying his bow, he'll just be politely averting his eyes as much as he can, looking kind of scandalized because some of us are proper and prudish, thank you???]

[poised]

[Proper and prudish is all well and good, friend, but your fellow archer is honestly looking a bit less than impressed at your tendency to avert your eyes. After she looses one of her own arrows, she turns to him and looks a mix between vaguely annoyed and confused.]

Sir, how do you plan on getting any proper hits in like that....?!

[subservience]

I was hoping that we would not have to resort to violence immediately.

[But since that's apparently not the case, then fine. He takes in a light breath, emptying himself of all emotions as his expression becomes utterly blank.

In the end, all it is is a matter of 'switching'.

His eyes no longer seeing the figure and instead only the idea that his enemy is there, he lets his arrow fly, with his aim true.]

III

[kanyekun]

[Having completed phase II, Ace is on the casual transition to phase III. His welcoming party to the next round is a fleeting one as, from the side, he beholds Jiros fleeing from the minotaur.

. . .

. . .

Okay.

Don't mind this totally unproductive, unhelpful child. He's just a spectator – evidently, the thought to help has yet to cross him.]

[subservience]

[Wow, thanks, Ace.

Jiros barely acknowledges Ace's utter lack of assistance, however; when he sees the boy, what first occurs to him is that he can prevail where Jiros, well, miserably failed.]

Are you capable of hugs...!?

[Truly, a difficult gesture.]

[kanyekun]

[You're welcome, bro.

Ace blinks.]

No.

[He's never hugged in his life.]

[subservience]

[These two hugging failures.]

Then I suggest you run!

[AWAY FROM THE HUG-DEMANDING MINOTAUR.]

[kanyekun]

[At first, Ace doesn't get it. Then the minotaur rages, and he does. Running seems like the best course of action, so, naturally, he takes to it as suggested. For all the apparent panic in the situation, though, Ace's run is almost sluggish and reeks of the lack of concern. At the very least, he's fast enough to keep a fair distance in addition to his head start.

Maintaining his pace, Ace looks over his shoulder to Jiros. By the way:] To where?

[subservience]

[There's something about the laidback nature of this guy that irks Jiros, although it doesn't show in his expression, at least.]

Far enough that it stops chasing us.

[He'd rather not run too far away from the mall entrance, otherwise known as the intended destination (were it not for the obstacle in the form of the minotaur).]

[kanyekun]

[Ace doesn't answer for a bit, occupied he is with rounding a turn in the maze and making sure he won't lose Jiros. At the same time, he watches the minotaur from the corner of his eye.]

If it guards the labyrinth, it shouldn't stop.

[Can you run forever, Jiros? Are you up for this challenge?]

[subservience]

[He can totally do that, okay.]

It may turn its attention to other intruders like us. If not, then we will act as the decoy.

phase iii

[flaredo]

[ She sure just watched him fail Hugging 101, wow. And she sure is entertained by it, although she should probably make sure he doesn't die while she's snickering.

So hi, Jiros, have this blondie jogging alongside you soon enough. ]

Did you ever think about trying again?

[subservience]

[He blinks when he finds someone jogging alongside him, his hand instinctively going to the hilt of his sword until he realizes that she means him no harm.

... He's just going to ignore any kind of amusement from her that he can detect.]

I feel that would be unwise until I have evaluated where my mistake lay.

[flaredo]

I could tell you that much-- you really suck at hugging. [ helpful? Yes. ]

[subservience]

[Something in his face twitches, though it's not clear whether it's from annoyance, embarrassment, or because he's itchy.]

I understand that it was insufficient, but I apologize, as I do not see where exactly the problem was.

[flaredo]

Here, stop for a second. [ and she'll hold out an arm to bar his path. ] Have you seriously never hugged someone before?

[subservience]

[Stopping, but, um.]

Should we not be continuing?

[flaredo]

No, we're gonna face this head-on. Otherwise you'll be running for days.

phase iv.

[souperb]

[ what is he doing? milla doesn't assume he's feeling shy because of the ice queen's lack of clothing--that would be ridiculous and completely inappropriate when considering the issue at hand. you know, the fact that they might possibly get murdered.

he's looking down for some other reason, right? right? otherwise, milla has 1000x more things to worry about. ]

If you fight like that, you're going to die.

[subservience]

[...]

As she has yet to physically threaten us, fighting may not be necessary.

[They didn't have to fight the minotaur, after all.

... Though Jiros may draw the line at hugging that woman, if she demands it. No huggy for naked women.]

Though I acknowledge that as unlikely.

[souperb]

At least you have that much sense in you.

[ he can't be that far gone as long as he knows he might have to fight naked lady. she still doesn't trust him much at all, given his first impression, so she'll all ready to fight this on her own.

so, yes, there may be no physical threats (yet). milla's taking out her sword anyway. ]

But in this place, you should ask yourself: does it look dangerous? If it doesn't, it probably is.

[ that's how she's assuming it works anyway. elves + reindeer = dangerous?? scary minotaur = not dangerous. perfect logic. ]

[subservience]

[...]

I do not entirely understand your reasoning.

[souperb]

[ no!! he was just supposed to blindly agree. now that he's questioned it, she's starting to doubt whether its relevant at all. ]

W-- I'm not going to explain it now! Talk about how you don't understand it some other time! [ even though nothing is happening yet, and honest--

--oh, no, there it goes, the ice queen is coming closer. milla hasn't quite noticed yet. ]

[subservience]

[FINE have your blind agreement now!!]

Very well, then—

[Fortunately, Jiros does sense the movement, as he raises his bow, blocking out the ice queen's... lack of clothing.]

Get ready.

[offstrings]

[when she had finished the second trial, she hadn't been expecting a break; that would have been silly. still brushing some reindeer fur from her coat as she approaches the entrance to the mall, she's surprised to see someone breeze past her, going the opposite direction from their destination. he looks like he needs help...! presently unaware of the reason why he's running away, she turns and starts to go after him, shouting:]

H-hey, where are you going?