//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

[reparator]

//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE Let it Go, Let it Fucking Go Already Let's keep pretending it's not technically October in the game while Yuletide thoughts continue to spread through CERES. Inspired by recent tragic events, your friendly neighborhood programmer, Elias (serritor) has constructed a wonderful new ice world to be accessed through ViViD, the popular virtual simulator. As expected, this is a world covered in ice all over with a chill that bores into one's bones as players wander through. In the midst of it all lies a beautiful reconstruction of a mall, complete with various stores to suit your online shopping needs. However, before you can indulge in any spending, you're tasked with a mission should you choose to accept. You will have to enter the frost-covered mall which hosts a large, elaborate labyrinth and complete all the objectives as they're given to you and your party. It seems that some horrible foe has arisen from the great beyond to kidnap Santa Bot (no relation to the futurama one). Unable to deliver toys and goods to the poor, needy adults of Cerealia, it's up to YOU to save him from a variety of enemies which include: a.) Nasty, foul-mouthed elves b.) A rabid flock of reindeer c.) An ice queen who will not stop singing d.) And a fucking minotaur. Why? Why not? "Ho ho ho! And seasons greetings, players! I am Julius Vincere, the CEO of CERES, and I must apologize for a few recent temperature modifications as of late. But we were able to fix that small glitch quickly. We were only hoping to cool things down by a few degrees after we received a few complaints about overheating equipment. It seems our robots went a bit overboard with our dome, which is a safety precaution we put in place in the event of an outside threat or invasion. There's no need to fear, and we hope you enjoyed warming up with one another in the meantime. Now, that that's behind us, let's have a little fun, shall we? I think some of you are familiar with the concept back in your home worlds. I observed enough to know that it's a pretty ostentatious holiday. That's why I asked my dear programmer, Elias, to build a simulation so we can experience a little bit of Christmas together. You can say it's a dress rehearsal for the real thing. Anyway, if you all would be so kind as to sample this world and tell me how it goes. I want to see what you all think and get you all in the festive mood. Consider this my deep apology for one mistake too many. We won't allow it to happen again."

//SCENARIOS.EXE PHASE I [ 0000 ] Let the games begin! You're dropped before a giant forest with snow-covered trees, and in your path to reach the mall, there appears your first threat. They look cute and sweet -innocent little elves that smile and blush in your direction. They barely reach up to your chest and look up at you with big, glassy eyes as they promise to help you along your way. Little hands will grab yours, tugging you along. That is, until you're far enough along that you're deep in the midst of the forest where they decide to chip at a lake of frozen ice and chuck you inside. They will then criticize your clothes, call you a piece of reindeer shit, tell you your ass is too fat then call your mother a whore. Because that's just how they roll. Here's your chance to fight back, get vengeance, and force the elves to tell you where Santa is. Those who manage to beat them into submission will be pointed in the right direction to the mall. Those who don't, have fun drowning in icy water! PHASE II [ 0000 ] Once you've escaped the elves, another trial appears. This time, it's in the form of twelve savage reindeer with blood dribbling from their lips. Their eyes are all an eerie shade of red, and they're staring at you deeply as though they can see into your soul. If you hope to get into that mall, you'll have to fight them down and avoid being caught in their antlers. There will be lots of bucking. Copious buckings. Kill the reindeer and remove their antlers for a special gift! (it's a coupon for a free McCERES burger.) PHASE III [ 0000 ] Once you reach the entrance of the mall, you'll be confronted with the icy labyrinth, guarded by a minotaur. He is large and in charge and will probably try to mow you down once he sees you. None of your weapons or magic will work, though. To pacify this beast, you will have to hug him. He requires a hug with feeling. He will tell you as much when you confront him. Give him a good squeeze then let him be. Love can cure many things! PHASE IV [ 0000 ] Are you done running around this maze of a mall? Tired of seeing the same Vidia's Secret store a dozen times? Alas, there is one last trial. It comes in the form of obnoxious carols being crooned in your direction by a beautiful ice queen. She's beckoning you to her with a siren song in the form of merry Christmas music, luring you in little by little and making you walk towards her while she tries to enchant you. She'll lean in close and whisper the rest of the song in your ear, and once you're in her trance, you'll turn on your own friends and party members to try and kill them. To avoid being drawn into her trance, you'll have to be knocked around a few times to regain your bearings. Then, it's either destroy her or be subjected to her ice magic. However, before she dies, she'll look deep into your eyes and beg you to save her and not to forget her. She needs you. Once you defeat her, Santa Bot will appear to dance a merry jig in your honor and shower you with credits. Hooray! BONUS [ whyo'clock ] You can't escape Christmas without a random sprig of mistletoe floating around your head and following you around. For those who try to escape, the mistletoe bot will only move all the quicker. Those caught under its insistent floating will be compelled to kiss a neighbor or two or ten. Or even kiss the minotaur. What we're saying is you should probably run. [ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE Welcome to CEREALIA's fifth Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Comments

[unluckybreak]

Oi... What kind of third grade insult was that?!

[Ahhh... Hypnotism. That was something that he was still trying to work on in his Esper Supplementary classes. Too bad that he'll never become anything beyond a Level 0.]

Sorry to burst your bubble, but I don't think a trick like that will work on me. I'll pat you on the head for the attempt, though.

[He's clearly looking down on her like she's a little kid. Once they're finished reading another cringe worthy poem, Touma just sighs and will attempt to pull the paper out from their hands. Honestly, how did he get himself into these situations again!?]

Okay, squirts. It's time to close up shop. Marie-chan's Poetry Hour is over, so please make an orderly line and leave!

[purseowna]

[That looking down on her thing is going to get really old really fast. Or it would if she cared to listen. She's too busy freaky out that yet another poem was just finished and her attempts to get it away from them kept failing. Some help is appreciated, but the jerkass elves don't seem to think so.]

Oi, who do you think you are, ordering us around like that? Think you're hot shit, huh? Prissy little momma's boy like you. We oughta teach you a lesson!

[Well at least they stopped. Marie's just kinda staring at them with her eye raised. It's kinda funny in a weird way, since she can't take these guys seriously at all. They're like, three feet tall and curse up a storm. It's ridiculous.]

[unluckybreak]

Yeah, yeah. Don't you guys have presents or something to be working on? You're gonna make Santa-san sad if you keep this up.

[They were certainly annoying, but Touma was going to be the bigger man (HA) and try to ignore them proper from here on out. With that poem in hand, he'll just be turning his attention back to Marie and handing it over.]

Anyway... I'm gonna suggest that you stick to keeping your poems in a diary. Otherwise, you'll end up getting into situations like this one again.

[purseowna]

[She snatches it away quickly and proceeds to rip it up. There. Now no one can read it.]

I already told you, they aren't poems. Besides, I just threw it away. Didn't think anyone would pick it up and read it.

[Hindsight's 20/20 and all that. Though now may not be the best time to have a conversation with a group of elves. They don't look too friendly. Not that they were very friendly before, but you get the picture.]

You think you can just brush us off? Like hell! Let's see how you like taking a dip in freezing cold water! LETS GET 'EM!

[And now they're charging. A group of small but fairly intimidating elves. It's like a small army of green-wearing bikers.]

[unluckybreak]

--Huh? L-Let's calm down a sec! What happened to having some holiday cheer--?!

[Uh oh. He thought that they'd just storm off in a midget rage, but this wasn't how he expected things to go! Now in Touma's mind? He could hold up in a fight if it were one on one. If it were one on two, then he'd have some trouble. And finally, if it were one on three or more... Then it was time to bounce. So without any warning, he'll just be grabbing Marie's hand as he starts to tug her away.]

We appreciate your hospitality, but we'rekindainahurryandratherstaywarmOKAYBYENOW!

[Time for his signature ultimate technique: RUNNING AWAY.]