The clock strikes twelve. The gong of the grandfather clock in the foyer tolls out the time in slightly unnecessarily obnoxious loud noises. The ambiance of this old mansion demands respect, care, awe --
Okay, no, wait, why are you even in this stupid dusty house?
No reasons are forthcoming, because everyone knows that people just end up in places like this sometimes. That's just how the narrative device works. The hows and the whys don't matter -- all that matters is that you're all here, so you'd better get cracking and start exploring, because it's not like you can leave yet.
Or ever, maybe.
 Good day, sirs and madams. Might I interest you in a nice glass of blood...y mary?
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PHASE I [ 02 15 ] All you see is white. The crash of thunder hits your ears next, punctuated by the piercing pitch of white noise in the background. After a few blinks, your vision comes back to you. Oh good, glad that you’ve joined us in the land of the living. Unlike the nondescript corpse at your feet – it looks like… a butler? Oh dear. You’ve already killed Murder Suspect Number One in most situations. How terribly ironic.
After all, who could’ve killed him but you? You might not remember, but there is definitely a murder weapon in your hand. It’s probably a knife or a poisoned glass of wine or-
Wait, is that a toaster? A full on toaster? Or maybe it’s a taser. Maybe you bludgeoned this poor guy with an entire encyclopedia. Either way, it looks like your murder weapon is a little unconventional, whether it’s a stranger’s pair of underwear or a hair curler. Are you really supposed to believe you committed a murder with these? (Yes.)
That said in the next second the double doors will be opening up. It’s pretty clear you’re not alone. Think quick!
PHASE II [ 0600 ] Exploring more around the compound, you’ll find plenty of those tall, oil portraits of people hung around the walls. When you start walking, they’re all strangers. However by the time that you feel like you’re wandering around for an hour, two hours, they might start looking a little bit more… familiar? Mom? Is that you?
You don’t have time to think about that, though. You were clearly framed! You don't’ have a motive for killing some random NPC –
“Or do you?” a portrait will ask.
Oh. Holy shit. Well it’d just be rude to leave, right? Whether you stick around for conversation or not, you’ll find that was just the beginning. The portraits are going to start grilling you. Welcome to CERES Central’s Roast of You. What was your motive? Don’t you know you should respect the servants? How would you feel if you were caught like that? Careful turning your back on them though, because if you ignore them for too long, the subjects in the portraits may just reach out and snatch you to join them in their portrait world.
At that point, the only way to get out is to swap places with some other poor, unsuspecting soul wandering around.
PHASE III [ 1045 ] You know what makes me hungry? Murder.
What’s the point of making a mansion this big anyway? Who’s even here? Either way, whether you’re looking for the kitchen to make a fine post-homicide sandwich or just trying to escape, you’ll eventually make it to a stairwell. The most finicky stairwell ever. Is that a trail of bloody footprints leading up the steps? What? No. Stop it, just climb.
Or well – don’t climb too quickly now. The staircases apparently have a mind of their own, swapping from one doorway to another. You definitely haven’t seen this before. It would seem that these stairs might even be interested in keeping you in a circle forever, no concern for whether or not you’re hungry or, god forbid, need to use the restroom.
However the portraits in the stairwell will provide a little tip: “The stairs are gossips, you know. Why don’t you tell us a little something about yourself? Make it good!”
Weirdly enough, sound advice – that is, if you’re interested in shouting out your most embarrassing secrets into the void so a mansion can keep talking shit about you. Oh well. Your alternative is just being a stair golem. There are worse fates.
PHASE IV [ 1430 ] This hall is oddly quiet.
Well, until you hear it – the soft sniffles coming from down the hall, the broken sobs. It sounds like someone’s crying. For one reason or another, your footsteps take you forward – there’s really no point in going back now after all, right? Yet as you continue to walk… walk… walk… the crying becomes louder and louder. More desperate, more despaired. In time, it’s clear that this person is wailing, screaming, “How could this happen?!”
Within the span of a breath, all the lights in the hallway go out, leaving you in pitch black.
It occurs to you then that you hear a second set of steps. When did you stop walking? A cold chill runs down your spine and you find yourself running then, despite the fact that it feels like this pitch black hallway goes on forever. The other footsteps pick up, remind you that you’re not alone. No, certainly not.
Best hope that you find some assistance soon – otherwise it looks like the Butler Association is going to ignite some righteous vigilante justice on your ass.
BONUS [ why o'clock ] You’re in the grand ballroom now, ready to present your case. Armed with a cob pipe (don’t smoke inside, it’s rude), a detective hat, and a single spotlight aimed right at you, you now have to explain how you came to the conclusion about the True Killer that is Obviously Not You. Rather, it’ll just be the character of whoever tags into this prompt – yes, you are suddenly so very sure that they’re the ones who are the ultimate mastermind of this entire game and… you’re just going to have to bullshit the reason why even if you know virtually nothing about them. It’s a dog eat dog world out there, you know?
Sorry about that.
Should you actually provide enough of a compelling case or they take pity on you, having a villainous breakdown for the sake of the plot, you’ll be awarded with a coupon that’ll give you three free scoops at your local ice cream parlor! (Note: you must buy the first two scoops in order to qualify.) Of course, if you’re not able to nail them down as the killer, you are obviously the killer yourself (citation needed).
From there, you’ll be dragged off to face your punishment: for six grueling hours you will be tickled mercilessly.
[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with sensitive or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the log. ] |
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no subject
And yet, you are the one carrying the bloody baguette. I have heard modern folks invented a method to identify perpetrators by their fingerprints. Quite accurately, it seems.
[But then he shakes his head and lets out a small, defeated sigh.]
...Not that any rational approach is likely to help us at this point. For all I know, this is another CERES welcome party.
[So here is the "garden". Kevin opens the glass door, allowing wind and a couple of dead leaves to come in before he steps outside with Mr. Death By Stale Bread.]
Honestly, this is disgraceful. They could at least have watered the flowers.
no subject
[ Which means that Cecil can't even implicate him if he wanted to. In fact, Cecil's the one who's had physical contact with the dead body last, then. Cecil is still quite suspicious to Dwyer, but the way he talks makes him think that he is not a suspect so much as a veteran to whatever strange things are happening here ("Welcome party"?), so it might behoove him to follow him to get more information.
CERES...that rings a bell. The people who brought him here, right? He doesn't want to dwell on the whole "worlds destroyed" thing just yet, nor does he want to believe it.
(But isn't that just sticking one's head in the sand?)
He steps on a dead leaf, the crunch pitifully sounding out. ]
Sheesh. They look like they haven't even had a good pruning in ages. No mulch in sight, either. And these people call themselves servants...?
no subject
[Never mind the fact that Kevin is wearing gloves too. He lays the body down on top of a pile of dead leaves, and then produces a match box and a bible from his jacket pocket... Giving the poor butler a proper Christian ceremony before setting his remains on fire is the least he can do.]
No watering, no pruning, no mulching...Then again, maybe the other servants met the same fate as the butler, in which case, I suppose they can be forgiven. The bread, please.
no subject
A match box and a...book? A book with a symbol on it. Is it holy? It might be holy. It seemed important, at least. Was this a burial rite of some sort? ]
The whole loaf?
[ ...He kind of wanted to keep some of it for later. Freshen it up and moisten it with some water, stick it in an oven to make it seem as good as new. But again, there's blood and who knows what else on it. ]
no subject
[He doesn't wish to be accused of stealing from the dead. Besides, God knows what sort of bacteria the loaf might hold.]
Technically, we should bury him, but fire will have to do.
[He will totally vouch for the carbonized butler on Judgement Day.]
no subject
Is this another form of burial rite? I can't say I've heard of such a thing in Nohr...
[ But admittedly, his experience is rather limited. He's led a somewhat sheltered life in his Deeprealm and with the rare occasional adventures outside of it. He only really knows of dead bodies and fire intertwining when enemies are slain with fire magic; that sort of thing. ]
no subject
A Christian rite. [Anglican, to be more precise. Kevin has a particular interest in those islands, after all.]One should do it properly to make sure their beloved ones will be around on Judgement Day.
[Because everybody wishes to be around on Judgement Day, right? Kevin places the baguette between the deceased's hands and - after setting the whole thing on fire, butler, bread and dry leaves alike - clears his throat and starts reading from the book:]
"We commit this body to the gr--er fire;
earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust. The Lord bless
our fellow butler and keep him, the Lord make his face to shine upon him
and be gracious unto him, the Lord lift up his countenance
upon him and give him peace. Amen."