The clock strikes twelve. The gong of the grandfather clock in the foyer tolls out the time in slightly unnecessarily obnoxious loud noises. The ambiance of this old mansion demands respect, care, awe --
Okay, no, wait, why are you even in this stupid dusty house?
No reasons are forthcoming, because everyone knows that people just end up in places like this sometimes. That's just how the narrative device works. The hows and the whys don't matter -- all that matters is that you're all here, so you'd better get cracking and start exploring, because it's not like you can leave yet.
Or ever, maybe.
 Good day, sirs and madams. Might I interest you in a nice glass of blood...y mary?
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PHASE I [ 02 15 ] All you see is white. The crash of thunder hits your ears next, punctuated by the piercing pitch of white noise in the background. After a few blinks, your vision comes back to you. Oh good, glad that you’ve joined us in the land of the living. Unlike the nondescript corpse at your feet – it looks like… a butler? Oh dear. You’ve already killed Murder Suspect Number One in most situations. How terribly ironic.
After all, who could’ve killed him but you? You might not remember, but there is definitely a murder weapon in your hand. It’s probably a knife or a poisoned glass of wine or-
Wait, is that a toaster? A full on toaster? Or maybe it’s a taser. Maybe you bludgeoned this poor guy with an entire encyclopedia. Either way, it looks like your murder weapon is a little unconventional, whether it’s a stranger’s pair of underwear or a hair curler. Are you really supposed to believe you committed a murder with these? (Yes.)
That said in the next second the double doors will be opening up. It’s pretty clear you’re not alone. Think quick!
PHASE II [ 0600 ] Exploring more around the compound, you’ll find plenty of those tall, oil portraits of people hung around the walls. When you start walking, they’re all strangers. However by the time that you feel like you’re wandering around for an hour, two hours, they might start looking a little bit more… familiar? Mom? Is that you?
You don’t have time to think about that, though. You were clearly framed! You don't’ have a motive for killing some random NPC –
“Or do you?” a portrait will ask.
Oh. Holy shit. Well it’d just be rude to leave, right? Whether you stick around for conversation or not, you’ll find that was just the beginning. The portraits are going to start grilling you. Welcome to CERES Central’s Roast of You. What was your motive? Don’t you know you should respect the servants? How would you feel if you were caught like that? Careful turning your back on them though, because if you ignore them for too long, the subjects in the portraits may just reach out and snatch you to join them in their portrait world.
At that point, the only way to get out is to swap places with some other poor, unsuspecting soul wandering around.
PHASE III [ 1045 ] You know what makes me hungry? Murder.
What’s the point of making a mansion this big anyway? Who’s even here? Either way, whether you’re looking for the kitchen to make a fine post-homicide sandwich or just trying to escape, you’ll eventually make it to a stairwell. The most finicky stairwell ever. Is that a trail of bloody footprints leading up the steps? What? No. Stop it, just climb.
Or well – don’t climb too quickly now. The staircases apparently have a mind of their own, swapping from one doorway to another. You definitely haven’t seen this before. It would seem that these stairs might even be interested in keeping you in a circle forever, no concern for whether or not you’re hungry or, god forbid, need to use the restroom.
However the portraits in the stairwell will provide a little tip: “The stairs are gossips, you know. Why don’t you tell us a little something about yourself? Make it good!”
Weirdly enough, sound advice – that is, if you’re interested in shouting out your most embarrassing secrets into the void so a mansion can keep talking shit about you. Oh well. Your alternative is just being a stair golem. There are worse fates.
PHASE IV [ 1430 ] This hall is oddly quiet.
Well, until you hear it – the soft sniffles coming from down the hall, the broken sobs. It sounds like someone’s crying. For one reason or another, your footsteps take you forward – there’s really no point in going back now after all, right? Yet as you continue to walk… walk… walk… the crying becomes louder and louder. More desperate, more despaired. In time, it’s clear that this person is wailing, screaming, “How could this happen?!”
Within the span of a breath, all the lights in the hallway go out, leaving you in pitch black.
It occurs to you then that you hear a second set of steps. When did you stop walking? A cold chill runs down your spine and you find yourself running then, despite the fact that it feels like this pitch black hallway goes on forever. The other footsteps pick up, remind you that you’re not alone. No, certainly not.
Best hope that you find some assistance soon – otherwise it looks like the Butler Association is going to ignite some righteous vigilante justice on your ass.
BONUS [ why o'clock ] You’re in the grand ballroom now, ready to present your case. Armed with a cob pipe (don’t smoke inside, it’s rude), a detective hat, and a single spotlight aimed right at you, you now have to explain how you came to the conclusion about the True Killer that is Obviously Not You. Rather, it’ll just be the character of whoever tags into this prompt – yes, you are suddenly so very sure that they’re the ones who are the ultimate mastermind of this entire game and… you’re just going to have to bullshit the reason why even if you know virtually nothing about them. It’s a dog eat dog world out there, you know?
Sorry about that.
Should you actually provide enough of a compelling case or they take pity on you, having a villainous breakdown for the sake of the plot, you’ll be awarded with a coupon that’ll give you three free scoops at your local ice cream parlor! (Note: you must buy the first two scoops in order to qualify.) Of course, if you’re not able to nail them down as the killer, you are obviously the killer yourself (citation needed).
From there, you’ll be dragged off to face your punishment: for six grueling hours you will be tickled mercilessly.
[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with sensitive or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the log. ] |
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Like getting out of this hallway, right? Yeah, I can agree to that. [ he says this like everything else he's been saying makes perfect sense too, a sagely nod to go with the sheathing of one of his swords. a curious beat. kei reaches up to scratch the back of his head. ] But could you not do the water thing again? If there's a third, crying person out there, I'd like to be able to move unhampered, if it's all the same to you.
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[Sincere! ... But maybe with just a bit of dryness, because he wasn't entirely sure of how this would go down.
At the next part, though, he lets out a light laugh, as if he's already forgotten about how close this guy came to giving him a headache.]
Haha, I'll try. [That's like 90% of his skillset, though.] I wasn't really expecting to run into anyone else in this hall.
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And I didn't expect someone to swing a halberd at me, but I'll take it. [ especially since there was a lot of force behind that halberd!! and the water thing is interesting!!! you seem strong!! there's a feeling of contemplation as kei studies the darkness. ] So... now what. Keep walking? Think we have to take down the crying person?
[ he seems way too interested in the halberd part and the taking down someone part. ]
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[... Tachikawa. Tachikawa, please. Also, Karl's not interested in throwing down???]
Keep walking sounds like the best idea we have right now, but maybe we shouldn't resort to fighting someone right away?
[Maybe he shouldn't say that considering what he just did a minute ago, but still!!]
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Hmm... but this situation feels a little bit like it's a 'final boss', doesn't it? [ it's a legitimate take on the situation?! even though most of kei's exposure to video games comes from kunichika's vidya collection, and kunichika obviously has her biases. but kei thinks that he reasonably knows the genre to guess a few things, and the situation now? seems very video-game like to him.
with a small laugh and very good-naturedly: ] Anyway, what's the point of tossing us into a house like this without having us fight our way out?
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Also... there's something about this situation that's beginning to remind him of his life just before waking up in this place, aka on Mt. Nerga where he attempted to talk things over with his biological dad only to essentially be told "no shut up you pansy FIGHT ME."
... If nothing else, this guy's being a lot friendlier about it than Barion was, but there's that same feeling of talking to a wall while trying to not settle things by beating each other up.]
... That really is how things seem to end up as most of the time, isn't it...? [He sighs.] Still, if we can talk things through, we should try that first.
[STOP DENYING HIM HIS DIPLOMACY.]
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Uh... sure, yeah. [ dubiously. ] I'll be counting on you to do that, since I'm not really a talking kind of guy. But when that fails, I'll go and beat them up. [ if you haven't noticed it yet..... sobs.... he's really not here for his brains...... but at least he's aware of his own faults?! maybe this is a sort of character development?? anyway, talking has always been jin's forte. sometimes kazama too, if you can get him to start talking, since when he starts he doesn't really stop until he's done with his point or whatever. but kei? he likes to think of himself as an action man.
'action man'. but whatever, enough talk. kei lets that instinct take his feet again, hollow steps in water until he's found solid ground once more, fully expecting to hear footsteps following him in his wake. onto more interesting topics -- the interest in kei's voice only grows: ] So are you a Neighbour? How long have you been a soldier?
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[He's... getting that impression...
And he is indeed following Tachikawa!!]
A Neighbour? [Uh, he's pretty sure he doesn't live next door to this guy.] And let's see... about ten years, give or take a few.
[Though he's not a soldier in the conventional sense—but that's not really a detail he feels the need to mention.]
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Ten years, huh. No wonder the force you had was pretty good. [ in contrast, kei's only been a soldier for what, four years? but throughout that time, he's taken down Neighbours who were far older and had far more experience than he did, so he's not at all that intimidated by the experience gap. in fact, he's excited. definitely excited. ] So what does that water stuff do? [ ... ] Wait, don't tell me. I kind of want to find out myself.
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[Karl, on his part, while proud of his abilities, isn't thinking about how good he might be vs. his companion here because he wouldn't like to assume, except that's a moot point because he's not even thinking about competing with Tachikawa at all.]
... Find out yourself? I'm not gonna shoot it at you again, if that's what you mean...
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-- wait, how accurate are you? What's your control like? [ maybe he's just too used to fighting with izumi, who can hit a gnat out of the air and avoid kei by a hair's breadth no matter where he is, but. maybe it's okay to get to know his new, potential and shiny ally a little. ]
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[Karl isn't, like, 100% opposed, as he enjoys a good friendly fight once in a while, but having it be one of the first things he does with a complete stranger is... er...]
Not counting when completely in the dark, I don't have a habit of missing, if that's what you mean.
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he's also totally taking this as a 'yes' for a mock fight later-- ] And of course! Yeah! As soon as we beat up the boss. Don't tire yourself out too much, okay? I want to make sure that it's a good fight.
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[He hasn't really seen much of this guy's skills, but he's probably at least pretty good to have blocked his attack.
And wow, that was not a yes.]
Umm, I haven't actually agreed, you know...
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[ but kei was so sure he did?!??! ]
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... Sorry, but I don't think I'm really in the mood for a friendly fight right now. Some other time, maybe.
[And maybe when they're not, you know, complete strangers??]
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[ a beat. ] What do I call you?
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[Quietly, he sighs.]
Karl. Like I said, pick a later date? Anyway, what about you?
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... Karl's starting to regret things, at the same time that Tachikawa seems so enthusiastic and friendly about this (particularly compared to Lugina, who was just kind of "fuck you, Karl—we're fighting now!") that it's hard to be too exasperated. Who knows? Maybe it'll be fun.]
Ha... I'll be waiting, then. [He probably shouldn't be encouraging him, but.] Can we find a way out of here first, though?
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'maybe it'll be fun' he says. 'it'll be fine' he says. ]
Oh, don't worry. We will. [ BECAUSE NOTHING CAN STOP HIM FROM MAKING THIS SPARRING MATCH A REALITY, JUST WATCH HIM-- his steps take on a more purposeful feel to it as he bulldozes his way forward, all confidence and determination. ] We've been hanging around here in this hallway long enough that whoever's watching us should be sending in some cavalry any minute now. After that, boss time~
[ a twenty year old man using a tilde..... embarrassing...... ]
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Can you at least try and not sound so excited about it?
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You don't understand, Karl-san. I haven't had a good fight in ages.
[ is this a grown man whining? yes, yes it is a grown man whining. ]
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... I'm sorry to hear that? Couldn't you have found someone to spar with, though?
[Don't you have any friends, Tachikawa????]