//TFLN.EXE

[geophile]

 
 

• go to textsfromlastnight.com
• post a text (or several)
• create ridiculousness!
• a lot of these are bound to be nsfw so. y'know. look out for that.

Comments

[geophile]

1. Left and drinking in a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a suit. This is my life.
2. No, I do not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
3. Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
4. So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?

( alternatively, send him a text! )

[ukakus]

1. Please at least meow so I know you aren't dead.
2. I pretty much saved your life. You were so convinced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon".
3. Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
4. I'm twenty. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.

[Or OPTION 5, send her a text.]

3

[freeinghorror]

is that suppose to be news?

[braidedwonder]

1. Pants are for mortals.

2. The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people.

3. I just wanna be euthanized. Thas it.

4. Or send him a text!

2

[freeinghorror]

My bad. I must have left it at the wrong door.

[sunnymerc]

1. I love when I'm alone in the apartment. It's like pants were never invented.

2. I'm sorry I flooded your inbox with messages about me crying over the fact I can't hug every cat.

3. You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience.

3

[youraffection]

u no i shouldnt b surprised by this at all

[ HE'S A LITTLE JEALOUS. Not that he wants to be anyone's first gay experience, but... ]

[manolia]

1. You stole my roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set her free'.

2. Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.

3. Lube is flammable.

4. [text him!]

bonus. He called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called Excalibur.

[youraffection]

1. wuts the polite way 2 say "hey i dont actually want 2 bang u, i just swiped right on u bcuz u didnt like me in hs and i needed validation"

2. dude u were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around ur head and u spoke silently 4 the rest of the night...i think pterodactyls were involved

3. so 2 questions...y am i covered in muffins and r there pictures of this

4. if i ever get 2 the point where i am moaning when i pee, plz do the honorable thing and kill me

3.

[covenantal]

Yes.

[freeinghorror]

1. Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality. The rest is 10% good looks and 15% sleeping cat.

2. Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in.

3. Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?

4 TEXT HIM

[rosaichthys]

1. he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.

2. Pants are for mortals

3. Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.

4. Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality. I'm a gorgeous hot mess

5. TEXT HER.

1

[youraffection]

well that escalated quickly
past bad experiences?

[meouch]

1 — Quick, I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
2 — Did I actually send you 45 texts saying meow?
3 — There are paw prints all over my ceiling. (^-人-^)
4 — Tried killing a moth in the bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.

[ you can also text him or his dumb ass cat alter ego! ]

2

[youraffection]

yeah it got old after the 10th

[pr159]

1. Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.

2. Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.

3. You know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND brother's first gay experience.

4. text him

1

[fishyoldman]

Now that's just stone cold!

[fingerbanged]

1. I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.

2. I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face

3. Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Someone told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?

4. Text him!

3

[yourotherleft]

no but that would explain the mystery pants in my kitchen.

that fuckin hurt by the way

[mermaiding]

1. I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it

2. My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered

3. Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.

4. Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.

3

[speariting]

I mean...as long as the berries aren't poisonous

[saudadist]

1. So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.

2. Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".

3. This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.

4. I am naked and annoyed.

5. Shoot her a text!

[ ooc: Also, good luck figuring out if it's Lucy or Nyuu texting. ]

1

[freeinghorror]

cold water and baking soda mixture works most of the time
or cold water and white vinegar
whatever you do, don't use any harsh chemicals or really heavy scrubbing unless you have a supply of hospital cleaners on hand

[hijiwanwan]

1. I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
2. You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
3. It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
4. CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
5. text him....................!?

1

[spes_phthisica]

so quick question
do you know what a meme is

i didnt but now your toilet selfie is one

[soukoku]

       ( 1. ) fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence

       ( 2. ) I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.

       ( 3. ) my servant gets here at 6 so i have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.

       ( 4. ) is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?

       ( 5. ) just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.

       ( 6. ) text him!

[tamamoe]

1. Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares

2. fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.

3. I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.

4. Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises

5. Send her a text!

1

[rosaichthys]

I do not believe that is art so I will deny your request!

[wolfpuppy]

1. Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole

2. If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.

3. Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.

4. our relationship is perfect: 90% threatening to punch him in the dick, 10% actually dickpunching him

5. [text him!]

2

[rosaichthys]

If anything, you should make sure that you have rose petals in your bath! It makes things most marvelous while doing the two things you are best at! Drinking and eating! Be merry! Evaluate your life choice another day.

[pseudonyms]

1.) Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality. I'm a gorgeous hot mess.

2.) So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.

3.) I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.

4.) I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.

5.) Text her!

2

[youraffection]

...no way srsly?

[yourotherleft]

1. Our relationship is perfect. 90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching

2. IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW

3. Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.

4. I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.

[dereban]

1. Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?

2. i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"

3. It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.

4. There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink

( or text her! )

1

[manolia]

[Misfire or not, he'll reply...]

Men absolutely have this option; we merely wear cologne that says "do me now," rather than clothing. At least, that is the trend with many of the men here.

bless you for posting this

[unionjackoff]

1) I swear to god he's a one man village people.

2) I just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks. I'm waiting to see how long it takes the woman to realize what I said.

3) I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cat's collar.

4) he's so sweet and it's so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.

5) text him

[babermetrics]

1. When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.

2. I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework

3. I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics

4. if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY

5. fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there

6. (or text him!)

5

[notsolomon]

That is a really amazing typo.

That or there is something you need to get off your chest.

[switchback]

1. from zero to dumpster fire how shitty are you feeling after that bender

2. last night you said i looked like a pretzel with the salt scraped off and i guess i was really pissed about it because i just found a note that says "pretzels can still get revenge" taped to my bathroom mirror in my handwriting, written in shaving cream

3. i was standing in the middle of the street waiting for a pinecone to cross thinking it was a hedgehog

4. it took me over sixteen years to realize you can use the microwave to cook things so honestly when you look at it that way the mess isnt really my fault at all

[ or text him! ]

3

[sunnymerc]

it sounds like a cute pinecone. did you keep it?

[onerous]

1. I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.

2. I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??

3. Why make bad decisions when I can just watch you?

4. I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are.

(or send her a text, of course)

1

[niceguypose]

YURI, YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME!! I DID NOT KNOW THAT THE AUTOCORRECT HAD BETRAYED ME!

THOSE TEXTS WERE SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT SPELUNKING!

[spes_phthisica]

1. im not sure about this. last time you painted my pig.

2. i can hear suggestive sounds and im terrified of the implications of that in this house.

3. just had cupcakes and soda for dinner, now i'm playing video games. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.

4. i think i found an e pill under the couch.. or really bad tasting candy. check back in 30min this could get exciting.

5. set off the fire alarm in our building at 2:30 am last night. 150 naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.

6. so after decking the bouncer i decided that the only honorable thing was to throw myself out.

4 - rip yams

[tsukainikui]

Okita-kun please be more careful..........