ioculus | BECAUSE IT'S THAT TIME OF YEAR

I wasn't really "proposing" anything . . .

[Was he? What would it be? He can't think of anything either that makes any sense. Obviously William should try, that's the first step. Anyone can see that.]

Y'know, just, you should give it a shot sometime! Actually kissing for real, not the crap we just did! That totally didn't count!

...well yes, I plan on doing that, once I find someone I actually like enough to engage in such an activity with.

[Which might be a long ways off, so why even talk about this now? Ugh.]

It is not like there is any rush.

Yeah, but I'm tellin' you, the sooner you get in on it, the more fun you've got ahead of you!

[He leans in a little, with a grin. Conspiratorial. That's it, right? It's not like he's considering anything else that he'd be leaning in for. It just kinda happened like this.]

More fun ahead of me? You really like this sort of thing, don't you?

[Yeah Leon's super close now, but William's not going to lean back, because it's not like he's afraid of him.]

It is just weird to me.

That's 'cuz you've never tried it, I'm telling you!

[Except he had. Just now. With Leon. And it had sucked, because neither of them were thinking about the sacred moment of a dude's first kiss . . .

It's not like Leon wants to be responsible for any dude's first kiss! It's just he's a little offended that he was and he ended up with the guy thinking it was "weird" and nothing special!]

—Look, like I said, what we just did didn't count, so—ssooooo . . .

[Sooooooo . . . ]

Well I do not particularly want to try it at all right now. Not if it's going to be this big, overwrought deal.

[Well that's not entirely true, but he's feeling really self conscious right now, because hell. What the hell.

William doesn't even want to think of things like first kisses as special. He's not a girl or anything like that. Still, he's a little more upset than he thought he'd be.]

So...

[So......]

So—right, you don't wanna try it, soooo, that's that!

[Wait. What would it have been if William did want to try it? What exactly were the options, here?]

I-I mean, 'course you wouldn't, I knew that . . .

[WHY IS HE STILL TALKING.]

Yes I mean, it's not like you are offering again, or would want to and I am not inclined to test our friendship any further.

[Wait? Why did he just say that? When he had a really good out there. A graceful way for the both of them to just drop this whole topic.]

Not that I am implying any sort of interest in that regard.

Yeah, right, I knew you weren't!

[He says, too quickly. Of course William wouldn't want to . . . if he did, maybe Leon would've been nice about it. Like let him down easy. Or he could even be really awesome about it and help him out like a good friend, which he is, by the way. A really awesome friend. And also an awesome kisser, and—

Hey, has William ever called them friends before? That manages to break through the confused feelings whirling through his head. Leon eases some and laughs.]

No way would you wanna risk losing a friend like me, right? I'm pretty great! Y'know, I wouldn't wanna lose you either . . . ! No matter how weird and nerdy you are sometimes, you're a pretty cool dude, William.

[He reaches out to fluff at William's hair, hand trailing down after that to rest on his shoulder. It's just normal contact. Sure, he's still pretty close, and now they're touching, but it's just because he's happy to hear they're friends!]

[William frowns when his hair is ruffled, because why do you do that tall people? But well, his brain is a little confused by the situation, which is totally normal for just friends. Is this how people in the modern era do friendship? Yes when in Rome...]

Weird and nerdy? I would have you know, I'm the elite of the elite. You are the weird one.

[Okay, the hand on his shoulder is nice and also part of this whole friends deal. Extended physical contact. The way all friends engage in physical contact.]

But I am glad we are both on the same page in this conversation.

[Totally on the same page.]

[They sure are. The same normal friendship page. Leon's grateful for their normal friendship; William's pretty funny when he's being all haughty like that. It's, like, cute in a dude way, not that dudes can be cute, but if they could!

It's nice that they are definitely both not confused right now.]

Yeah, yeah! I mean, if you'd wanted me to, though, maybe I would've done it.

[But he doesn't. That's fine. It's not like Leon wanted to show a weird nerd how kissing is actually really great, or anything.]

[It is totally normal and nice for your friends to compliment you on your cuteness okay. Except kind of not. But William's would be willing to pretend it is. Because that is what friends do.]

I would not mind. In a hypothetical situation of course. Hypothetically speaking.

[...like for scientific purposes. Because as a Realist, he was all about science and expanding his horizons. But they were not doing that. Obviously.]

—Seriously?

[Wait, he did want it? No, no, he said he wouldn't mind! That's not the same thing!

In fact, that's probably safe to say, right? It's not like not minding is the same as wanting to, so . . . not minding isn't weird. It just means he wouldn't freak out or anything. Which he wouldn't—Leon, that is. They'd already kissed once, just now! He hadn't freaked out then, to his own mild surprise. So obviously . . . ]

I wouldn't mind either, y'know, hypothetically?

[He's not quite sure what he means by "hypothetically" but William said it first so it's probably legit.]

It is good to know then, that neither of us would mind. it is the mature response in this situation.

[Did Leon even understand what "hypothetically" meant? Would explaining it make this situation better or worse?

But no, that was not important right now.]

But speaking from a theoretical perspective, what would actual, enjoyable kissing entail?

Uh, it . . . I mean, it's like . . .

[He gestures vaguely with his free hand, the one not on William's shoulder. Well, shit. He's never been good at explaining things that come instinctively to him, or involve a lot of physical feeling or action. What do you even say to explain how a good kiss feels? You can't do that! That's like explaining to a colorblind person what red looks like!

Leon laughs awkwardly; he knows this is stupid. He can feel the stupidity oozing out of his every pore.]

—I dunno how to explain it, you've gotta experience it for yourself! If you're asking how to do it, practice makes perfect, right?

[This is the only topic Leon will ever, ever say that about.]

And if you're wondering about how it feels, you've gotta just go for it and feel it! It's like trying to explain how a food tastes. You could say, sweet, or salty, or bitter, or whatever, but you're not really gonna know 'til it's in your mouth, if you know what I mean!

So... it's a unique experience then.

[That didn't help at all and he bit his lip as he thought on it. Yeah this wasn't helping make him less curious. Not at all. It just made it sound weirder.]

What was it like when you did it? For the first time I mean. Assuming you even remember it.

[That's not meant as insult by the way, it's just a logical assumption that someone like Leon has probably done it so much it doesn't matter.]

Uh—

[Whoa. He has a moment of being distracted by William biting his lip—weird. That's weird . . . it's just that the motion catches his attention, and he's still standing pretty close, and suddenly there he is staring at William's mouth and spacing out. When he's asked the question, he jerks back to attention, flustered.]

—Course I remember it! You always remember your first, right? But, I mean, it's not like it was great. Everyone sucks when they've never done it before. But that just means you try again, and again . . . it's pretty hot doing it with someone until they start to get better at it, know what I mean?

[It's been a while since he had the pleasure.

Damn, is he ever thinking a lot about kissing right now.]

Edited (whoops) 2016-01-14 04:53 (UTC)

So inexperience is not problem? That is good to know.

[Though he likes to think he wouldn't be terrible at it, largely because his ego won't allow for that and well he does care about the other person's feelings.]

Sorry. This is probably a bit strange to speak about.

[This tension is getting worse and he feels much more uptight than usual despite the attempts at small talk.

Something needs to give. Seriously.]

No way, what're friends for? Guys talk about this stuff all the time!

[Leon does, anyway. He's that dude who's into Guy Talk, like what kind of girls his friends like, their makeout experience—you know. It's manly bonding! That is definitely what this is.

But William's not wrong that it still feels a little strange, for some reason. Is William blushing? (Leon's blushing some himself.)]

Really then? I guess it's different back home.

[Very different apparently. Then again, half the guys William knew weren't human. And would have taken such talk in the wrong way. The idiots.]

So then...

[Why? Why is he talking? It'd probably be better to let this weird silence stretch.]

I guess I will say, I'm sorry this happened. That it wasn't... tolerable.

H-hey, it's not like it was torture or anything . . .

[Should it have been? No, he'd been surprised by how ordinary it was. Not the big deal he'd made it out to be in his head before it happened. None of the many, many potential consequences Leon had imagined kissing a guy would have had happened at all: he hadn't thrown up or anything, or immediately become gay (probably?), or been suddenly mobbed by people calling him names and laughing in his face. In light of that—]

It was totally tolerable! You'd know if I wasn't tolerating it! I'm sorry it wasn't . . . good!

[He feels like he shouldn't want for it to have been good, but this is his friend and all . . .

And he definitely could make it good, he knows. Damn, does he really want to leave his friend here thinking that wasn't even tolerable, when it totally hadn't been a big deal in the first place?!

Before he can think even more excessively about it, he blurts out:]

Look, let's just . . . redo it. Better!

Redo it?

[No. That's the word he should have said. What William would have normally said. Just say no and walk away from this because it's too ridiculous.

but instead he's not going anywhere.

Because honestly, he didn't want it to be weird. Perhaps it's just how stubborn William can be when it comes to any failings on his part.

He brushes a hand behind the back of his neck, thinking for a moment before he answers.]

But sure, let us try it again. Just so this isn't on our minds in the future.

Yeah—right, exactly!

[That's exactly why, Leon decides, after William says it. He hadn't thought of it that way before, but it makes sense! Things are weird now. When things are weird you should do something about them! This is a thing that they can do. It probably won't make things more weird, right?

Right.

Leon edges his hand from William's shoulder back around behind his neck again, up along the line of his hair, curling against the skin above his collar. Pretty much where William's hand had been a moment ago, in fact.]

. . . I'll make sure it's tolerable this time?

I will take your word for that.

[Because he has no real baseline for what "tolerable" is, let alone what good is here. Other than not awful or embarrassing.

When Leon put his hand on the back of William's neck, he shivered just a little.]

...is there anything I need to do?

Uh, you just kinda—

[Okay, no. Leon's not good at teaching by explaining at the best of times; kissing's an even worse topic than usual for that. He's a lead by example kind of guy. How else do people learn how to kiss? Maybe there are books?

He cuts himself off and shakes his head, laughing a little. There's a weird nervousness inside him about this, and he's not sure why (they already did it once! doing it again isn't a big deal, geez!), but at least laughing a little eases it off some.]

—forget it, I'll just show you! Just follow my lead. You pick it up as you go!

[And with that he shoves all his overthinking out of his head and leans in and presses his lips to William's. This time he doesn't pull away right away; he doesn't push it yet, either, giving William a moment to get used to at least this much, but he does leave his hand where it was on his neck, and wraps the other arm loosely around his waist.

See, this is cool and normal and fine so far.]

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