ioculus | BECAUSE IT'S THAT TIME OF YEAR

Right! Right, I know! I'm not really, ha ha, c'mon!

[Yes he is. It's too late to take back the comment now. He can't quite identify why, though, other than that it was entirely unsatisfying. And of course it should be, because he's not into dudes! But it's supposed to be unsatisfying for him and not because it was boring!]

—You know I wasn't really tryin', right? Just then? Like, don't think I'm actually that bad a kisser for real!

[Yeah that was kind of a bad cover, but fortunately for Leon, William is focused on his own issues at the moment.]

I would assume not, because otherwise, I would question the taste of all the girls you have been with.

[He'd never kissed anyone before, so it's not like he can really talk. Or like he's even gonna mention that. It's very fortunate that this doesn't count and that he isn't the type of person to wait such things as firsts very high.]

Hey! . . . I mean, good! Don't assume I suck at it! That was like one millionth of my true power!

[He crosses his arms. Hmph!

But he's not exactly stepping away, either. He's still standing there under the mistletoe, despite being free to move now, and even casts a quick glance up at it.

Stupid plant . . . ]

One millionth of your true power? How does that even work? It's just your mouth against another person's mouth.

[Maybe it's a lack of experience, but he doesn't get it. Maybe it's just different with a girl or something? Especially if you actually have feelings for them?

Yeah he's never gonna get this, is he?

Also, he looks at the mistletoe.]

Does it bother you that much?

[Whoa, whoa, hold up. Just your mouth against another person's mouth? Just? That? Leon's expression shifts into one of surprised . . . pity. There we go, that's the word. He has never in his life pitied anyone as much as he pities William in this moment. This cannot stand.]

Not as much as you thinking kissing's totally boring and lame! You don't know what you're missin'!

[This is, perhaps, the moment that marks the beginning of his downfall.]

[That isn't a look William really needs to see directed at him and it's sitting poorly.]

Well that is my problem, isn't it? Not yours. Not like you can do anything about it.

[And he has a feeling like this is going a place it shouldn't. Uh oh.]

Duh, 'course I can't . . .

[It's not even half out of his mouth when he realizes it's not true. Of course he can. He's an awesome kisser. He could pretty easily teach by example here—

But why the hell is he even thinking about that?! Sure, they're still in the general vicinity of the mistletoe, but they totally deactivated it! He'd have to do it on purpose. And make it good this time.

Why'd that thought even pop into his head? He crosses his arms, playing it off. No it didn't.]

I-I'm just sayin' you're missing out! We're friends so I'm concerned, 's all! I'm like a concerned bystander, standin' by!

That is a strange thing for a friend to be concerned about. Of all the things I would think about, it wouldn't be how much and acquaintance enjoys kissing.

[For a moment, William had half thought that Leon was offering to, to show him how? But that was absurd and stupid and unlikely.

And he as half curious now, dammit.]

Really, I do not need anyone to be on "stand by" either. That is hardly useless in this situation.

[This situation which was supposed to be over, now that he wasn't stuck under the stupid mistletoe.]

I didn't mean it like that, damn . . .

[Actually, he's not even sure what William is implying by someone being on standby, but it's probably not what he meant? Probably! What had he even meant . . . Leon himself isn't sure what he's getting at, here. He flusters a little at the half-accusation implicit in mentioning how strange it is, too.]

I definitely didn't mean it in any "strange" way, got it? I'm just sayin' a guy wants his friends to experience all life's pleasures, right?!

[IS THIS REALLY NOT STRANGE THOUGH]

[William doesn't even know what he's getting at any more. Because he's too focused on waiting for the other shoe to drop.]

Yes. A friend would want that I suppose.

[Probably. He's not sure. He's never had a really normal friendship, even back home. So he's not sure how natural this conversation is.]

But may I ask that you speak plainly and tell me exactly what it is you are proposing in this situation?

I wasn't really "proposing" anything . . .

[Was he? What would it be? He can't think of anything either that makes any sense. Obviously William should try, that's the first step. Anyone can see that.]

Y'know, just, you should give it a shot sometime! Actually kissing for real, not the crap we just did! That totally didn't count!

...well yes, I plan on doing that, once I find someone I actually like enough to engage in such an activity with.

[Which might be a long ways off, so why even talk about this now? Ugh.]

It is not like there is any rush.

Yeah, but I'm tellin' you, the sooner you get in on it, the more fun you've got ahead of you!

[He leans in a little, with a grin. Conspiratorial. That's it, right? It's not like he's considering anything else that he'd be leaning in for. It just kinda happened like this.]

More fun ahead of me? You really like this sort of thing, don't you?

[Yeah Leon's super close now, but William's not going to lean back, because it's not like he's afraid of him.]

It is just weird to me.

That's 'cuz you've never tried it, I'm telling you!

[Except he had. Just now. With Leon. And it had sucked, because neither of them were thinking about the sacred moment of a dude's first kiss . . .

It's not like Leon wants to be responsible for any dude's first kiss! It's just he's a little offended that he was and he ended up with the guy thinking it was "weird" and nothing special!]

—Look, like I said, what we just did didn't count, so—ssooooo . . .

[Sooooooo . . . ]

Well I do not particularly want to try it at all right now. Not if it's going to be this big, overwrought deal.

[Well that's not entirely true, but he's feeling really self conscious right now, because hell. What the hell.

William doesn't even want to think of things like first kisses as special. He's not a girl or anything like that. Still, he's a little more upset than he thought he'd be.]

So...

[So......]

So—right, you don't wanna try it, soooo, that's that!

[Wait. What would it have been if William did want to try it? What exactly were the options, here?]

I-I mean, 'course you wouldn't, I knew that . . .

[WHY IS HE STILL TALKING.]

Yes I mean, it's not like you are offering again, or would want to and I am not inclined to test our friendship any further.

[Wait? Why did he just say that? When he had a really good out there. A graceful way for the both of them to just drop this whole topic.]

Not that I am implying any sort of interest in that regard.

Yeah, right, I knew you weren't!

[He says, too quickly. Of course William wouldn't want to . . . if he did, maybe Leon would've been nice about it. Like let him down easy. Or he could even be really awesome about it and help him out like a good friend, which he is, by the way. A really awesome friend. And also an awesome kisser, and—

Hey, has William ever called them friends before? That manages to break through the confused feelings whirling through his head. Leon eases some and laughs.]

No way would you wanna risk losing a friend like me, right? I'm pretty great! Y'know, I wouldn't wanna lose you either . . . ! No matter how weird and nerdy you are sometimes, you're a pretty cool dude, William.

[He reaches out to fluff at William's hair, hand trailing down after that to rest on his shoulder. It's just normal contact. Sure, he's still pretty close, and now they're touching, but it's just because he's happy to hear they're friends!]

[William frowns when his hair is ruffled, because why do you do that tall people? But well, his brain is a little confused by the situation, which is totally normal for just friends. Is this how people in the modern era do friendship? Yes when in Rome...]

Weird and nerdy? I would have you know, I'm the elite of the elite. You are the weird one.

[Okay, the hand on his shoulder is nice and also part of this whole friends deal. Extended physical contact. The way all friends engage in physical contact.]

But I am glad we are both on the same page in this conversation.

[Totally on the same page.]

[They sure are. The same normal friendship page. Leon's grateful for their normal friendship; William's pretty funny when he's being all haughty like that. It's, like, cute in a dude way, not that dudes can be cute, but if they could!

It's nice that they are definitely both not confused right now.]

Yeah, yeah! I mean, if you'd wanted me to, though, maybe I would've done it.

[But he doesn't. That's fine. It's not like Leon wanted to show a weird nerd how kissing is actually really great, or anything.]

[It is totally normal and nice for your friends to compliment you on your cuteness okay. Except kind of not. But William's would be willing to pretend it is. Because that is what friends do.]

I would not mind. In a hypothetical situation of course. Hypothetically speaking.

[...like for scientific purposes. Because as a Realist, he was all about science and expanding his horizons. But they were not doing that. Obviously.]

—Seriously?

[Wait, he did want it? No, no, he said he wouldn't mind! That's not the same thing!

In fact, that's probably safe to say, right? It's not like not minding is the same as wanting to, so . . . not minding isn't weird. It just means he wouldn't freak out or anything. Which he wouldn't—Leon, that is. They'd already kissed once, just now! He hadn't freaked out then, to his own mild surprise. So obviously . . . ]

I wouldn't mind either, y'know, hypothetically?

[He's not quite sure what he means by "hypothetically" but William said it first so it's probably legit.]

It is good to know then, that neither of us would mind. it is the mature response in this situation.

[Did Leon even understand what "hypothetically" meant? Would explaining it make this situation better or worse?

But no, that was not important right now.]

But speaking from a theoretical perspective, what would actual, enjoyable kissing entail?

Uh, it . . . I mean, it's like . . .

[He gestures vaguely with his free hand, the one not on William's shoulder. Well, shit. He's never been good at explaining things that come instinctively to him, or involve a lot of physical feeling or action. What do you even say to explain how a good kiss feels? You can't do that! That's like explaining to a colorblind person what red looks like!

Leon laughs awkwardly; he knows this is stupid. He can feel the stupidity oozing out of his every pore.]

—I dunno how to explain it, you've gotta experience it for yourself! If you're asking how to do it, practice makes perfect, right?

[This is the only topic Leon will ever, ever say that about.]

And if you're wondering about how it feels, you've gotta just go for it and feel it! It's like trying to explain how a food tastes. You could say, sweet, or salty, or bitter, or whatever, but you're not really gonna know 'til it's in your mouth, if you know what I mean!

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