ioculus | BECAUSE IT'S THAT TIME OF YEAR

What?

[Of course he can move, what are you talking about? He can definitely move! He's moving right now! He's . . . going to walk away . . .

Oh.]

—What the hell?! What's the deal with this stuff?

[Ohhhh no. No no no. Leon whips his head around, as if he might see the secret to unlocking this puzzle just sitting there nearby.]

Y, you're kiddin' me, right?!

[His mind is working and William's trying make himself move, but his body just refuses.]

No. This is impossible. I refuse to accept this.

[He looked around quickly, trying to see if there was some clue to this puzzle they were in. A solution that wasn't, ugh, kissing.

He shudders just thinking about it.]

Despicable.

CERES wouldn't do that, right?!

[That even comes out weak as hell, because of course they would. In fact, he ought to be grateful that's all they're doing. They've done way, way worse than just force two dudes to kiss.

. . . But right now, nothing feels worse than that. Uggghh. Leon cringes—even though he can't help but be a little offended at William's reaction, too.

He makes another futile effort to jerk away from the hold of the mistletoe, and nope. Nothing doing.]

Oh my god, they're totally doing that!

Why would they ever? Why?

[Honestly, he's been nearly murdered before, so William can't complain, yet...

Why? And why this guy? There are so many things wrong with this scenario. He tries to stop away for a long time.]

You do not suppose we can get away with it not being on the mouth? Surely they would accept something more... chaste?

You wanna kiss my hand like a gentleman?

[He snorts. That's actually kind of funny—still embarrassing, but funny. He can deal with embarrassing-funny, as long as they never talk about it again. Cool. Good idea. Oh god, here's hoping.

He holds out his right hand.]

Or my rings! Isn't that what you do to a king? Maybe you should bow to me too, ha ha!

[Okay now he's just exploiting this. Look, it's better than thinking about the possibility they might have to make out.]

Haha, you are quite hilarious.

[Yeah they are not going to ever talk about this. Mostly because of the embarrassment, partially because of the fact he knows a person who would kill this idiot for this, especially if the hand didn't work.

But anyways, he's gonna take his hand, and ugh... how does Dantalion always do this to William with a straight face? But he presses his lips to his hand as quickly as possible.]

Can you move now?

[Wow this is so stupid.]

[Well that was anticlimactic. Leon expects to feel . . . something, anything, about the kiss to his hand. Like slightly gayer maybe?? Or even straighter? But as soon as it happens, the obvious becomes obvious: it was nothing but a dude's lips on his fingers for like half a second, with no meaning behind it. Huh. That wasn't that bad.

Except there's one other obvious fact that comes up at around the same time: he still can't go anywhere.]

Nope. Shit . . . what are they, perverts or somethin'?! Maybe I've gotta give one back to you? It's gotta be that! Once we both do it they've gotta let us go, right?

[Frowning as he shook his hand, William sighed, trying to take a step.]

I think their perversion goes without saying. But anyways, there is no harm in trying the reverse...

[He extends his hand then because damn might as well. Honestly, they can't destroy his dignity any further.]

Well then, come on. Fair is fair anyways.

Ugh . . .

[So it hadn't been that bad in reverse, so what? Being the one to do the kissing is totally different! But Leon doesn't really have a choice. He grabs William's hand, holding it in his own, and quickly ducks and brings it to his lips and kisses the back of it. It's much more embarrassing this way, even though it's still just a dry, quick press of lips to skin that isn't even an erogenous zone or anything, yeesh.

But he gets it over with and then crosses his arms tight as he straightens again.]

We good? Please tell me we're good!

[Yeah this is pretty harmless. Then again it helps that there are no intense oaths of fealty involved. He shakes his hand out for a moment, because he is still weirded out.

He braces himself for a moment, as if he's gonna face inevitable disappointment. Then he finally tries and moves...

Oh. Oh, this is not okay.]

This is the worst day. Can you move? At all?

[Just because he can't go, doesn't mean Leon can't. And well, that would mean he would need to kiss him again.]

Uh, no.

[He tries. Boy, does he ever try. Leon's eyes go wide as he jerks in place, trying to force himself away . . . but his heart already knows it's futile.]

Shit. Shit, they're serious about this! I can't move! Do we gotta?!

...I suppose so. Unfortunately.

[He grimaces and closes his eyes, mentally bracing himself for this, because it's obviously going to happen. Sure, they could just try kissing on the cheek, but William senses that would be futile. Besides, what does it matter? It's just a stupid holiday tradition, like all holiday traditions. And they are both men anyways and Leon isn't his type, so this is totally okay and not horrible.

Okay, the justifying is done in his head now.]

We might as well get on with it then. It is not like anyone else is going to know.

R, right. Right, no one's gonna know! You're not gonna tell anyone! Right?!

[Please god let no one else know. He glances around to make sure no one is standing right there watching; luckily, William's right. Leon might have made them wait it out for hours if someone were actually here to watch him kiss a dude.

He steps a little closer, unthinkingly—then realizes that worked. Cool. He can move as long as it's even closer to William. That's just adding insult to injury! He grimaces, rubbing a hand through his hair as he settles in closer . . .

Okay, so maybe he's stalling a little.]

—Just quick, right?

Why would I tell anyone about this!?

[That's probably a little unnecessarily insulting in tone, but he can't help it, because this is... not what he wanted to be doing today. Okay, he didn't have any awesome plans, but kissing another guy definitely wasn't on the list. For a variety of reasons related to a variety of hang ups.]

Yes, quick.

[And he leans in and stops. Because this is weird and stupid and he can't.]

. . . Aren't you gonna do it?!

[Dammit, is he going to make Leon do it? And after insulting him too! Not that Leon is feeling any more complimentary about this, so he can't take it that hard . . . it might even be weirder if William were acting into it or something. It'd be better for his ego, though. How's a guy supposed to pick between his ego and his dick, huh?

But they need to get this over with. So fine. Fine! Leon glances around again, assuring no one is watching, and then just quickly curls one hand around the back of William's neck to hold it that way and closes the distance and presses their lips together.]

[Oh okay that is... both fine and not fine, because on one hand William doesn't have to actually do anything, on the other hand, this feels like he failed somehow? Which is stupid. Very stupid.

Though at the very least, there really is nothing to it. It's just one person's lips against his, nothing more. Wow, he was just freaking out over nothing.

He pulls away as quickly as he thinks is prudent. Breaking away too fast might not satisfy the blasted mistletoe. Too long though might give someone the wrong idea.]

Okay then, let's see if this works...

[He tries to move and yes, surprisingly he is able to take a step back.]

Finally!

Huh? Yeah—

[Oh right, they're done. That was . . . anti-climactic. Leon makes a face; it really had just been lips against his for like, two seconds. They weren't much different from a girl's, except for how it had been a lot more boring, because neither of them had exactly been into it . . . ]

I'm kinda disappointed.

[Like, if you're gonna do a gay thing and freak out over it, shouldn't it at least feel good to make up for the freaking out? But then he'd freak out even more, probably? This is confusing.]

...I do not see anything to be disappointed about. We achieved our goal.

[Okay he's just trying to avoid talking about his own, complicated feelings, because yeah, that really was a whole lot of nothing. It felt stupid getting all worked up over it.]

Right! Right, I know! I'm not really, ha ha, c'mon!

[Yes he is. It's too late to take back the comment now. He can't quite identify why, though, other than that it was entirely unsatisfying. And of course it should be, because he's not into dudes! But it's supposed to be unsatisfying for him and not because it was boring!]

—You know I wasn't really tryin', right? Just then? Like, don't think I'm actually that bad a kisser for real!

[Yeah that was kind of a bad cover, but fortunately for Leon, William is focused on his own issues at the moment.]

I would assume not, because otherwise, I would question the taste of all the girls you have been with.

[He'd never kissed anyone before, so it's not like he can really talk. Or like he's even gonna mention that. It's very fortunate that this doesn't count and that he isn't the type of person to wait such things as firsts very high.]

Hey! . . . I mean, good! Don't assume I suck at it! That was like one millionth of my true power!

[He crosses his arms. Hmph!

But he's not exactly stepping away, either. He's still standing there under the mistletoe, despite being free to move now, and even casts a quick glance up at it.

Stupid plant . . . ]

One millionth of your true power? How does that even work? It's just your mouth against another person's mouth.

[Maybe it's a lack of experience, but he doesn't get it. Maybe it's just different with a girl or something? Especially if you actually have feelings for them?

Yeah he's never gonna get this, is he?

Also, he looks at the mistletoe.]

Does it bother you that much?

[Whoa, whoa, hold up. Just your mouth against another person's mouth? Just? That? Leon's expression shifts into one of surprised . . . pity. There we go, that's the word. He has never in his life pitied anyone as much as he pities William in this moment. This cannot stand.]

Not as much as you thinking kissing's totally boring and lame! You don't know what you're missin'!

[This is, perhaps, the moment that marks the beginning of his downfall.]

[That isn't a look William really needs to see directed at him and it's sitting poorly.]

Well that is my problem, isn't it? Not yours. Not like you can do anything about it.

[And he has a feeling like this is going a place it shouldn't. Uh oh.]

Duh, 'course I can't . . .

[It's not even half out of his mouth when he realizes it's not true. Of course he can. He's an awesome kisser. He could pretty easily teach by example here—

But why the hell is he even thinking about that?! Sure, they're still in the general vicinity of the mistletoe, but they totally deactivated it! He'd have to do it on purpose. And make it good this time.

Why'd that thought even pop into his head? He crosses his arms, playing it off. No it didn't.]

I-I'm just sayin' you're missing out! We're friends so I'm concerned, 's all! I'm like a concerned bystander, standin' by!

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