ioculus | //TESTDRIVE3.0.EXE

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!test drive

//TESTDRIVE3.0.EXE

It Came from Beneath the Sink

It's a normal day in Cerealia. Everyone is going about their business, settling into their new jobs, waving to the mail droid, enjoying themselves a sensual massage in the spa, racking up experience points in ViViD, etc. You decide it'd be a good time to check your inbox and see if there are any incoming messages. That's when you spot an e-mail simply titled 'fwd: gorg0n.'

Out of curiosity, you decide to click on it and open it. What comes is a single image of a robot flashed briefly followed by scrambled words displayed on your screen:

w̧̧̛͈̝̝̝͖͎͗̔͐̋̈́̈͋̀ͅͅè̻͈̙͎̖̙͖̦̫̖̇̓̐̃̍̿̔̾̕ ̨̢͇̮͖̲̘̣̬̞͗̂́̄̓̌̎̎̃͆a̢̪̥̪͔͙̝͖̱̞̍̿̽͐̀̿̚̕͠͝p͍̖̭̰̮̻͇͖̬̒̆̓̅͆̔̏͌̋̕ͅó̫̙̯̻̹͕͇̞̱͔̿͌̽̃̇̎̀̀͘ļ̡͍͙̠̻͇̠̱͉̒̏̌́̋͐̐͘͝͠ơ̢̹̟̗͇̝̣͈͖̲͆́̿̈́̋̒̅̀͘ģ̧͍͕̱̭̱̤̥͋́̄̄̀͗̽͜͝͝͝i̧̻̥̱̫̟̻̠̼̞̋̈̈͌͊͑̎̈́̂̎z̛̛̤̝̫̩͔̙͓͓͚͍͗̓̈́̇͑̀̽́e̛̲̬͓̙̹̲̠̤͔̊͛́̒͆͑̀́͋ͅ ̤̜̟̳̮̟̺̲̭̓̋̎̑͌̋́͌͘͝ͅf̗̥̠̙͓̞͖̞̋̒̓̃͂̈̊̍̌͗ͅͅỏ̢͔̥͔̱͔̬͔͚̒́̐̎͆̂̋̀̕ͅr̛͍̲̲͖̮͓̼̙̙͛̌̽̈́̈́͋̄̌̆͜ ̢̳̱̱͎̫͔̥̹̻̎̾̑̇͊̌͆͑̇͂t̢̛̝͍̤̳̲̗̦͈͇̐̓͛̑͆̎̃̑͝h̼̭̦͕̗̲͙̯̻̭͌͗͑̑̍̎͂͘̕͝i̡̳̗̩̲̼̞̜̗̎̈́͂̿͑̈́̐̈́͘͝ͅs̛̹̜̙̪̘̝͖̗͙̰̄͐͐̇̀̿̒̕͠ ̢̡͚̤̜̱̮̺͍͚͛̔̃̃͛̏̆̀̄͝į̡͙̮̣͕̲̟̠̯͆̾̋̈́̈́̔̔̽̓͌ṋ̨̧̢̛̛͔͉͉̖̯͎̃́̊̆͌͑̋̕t̢͈̳̬̝̻̫̪̘̪͑̃̃̐̂̾̈́͘̚̚è̢̢͙̻̤̗̮͒̍̏͑͊̄̐̀̍͜͜ͅr̨̻̟͉̳͇̝̜͓̮̅̎́͊̈́̔̎͆͠͠ȓ̯̹͉̻̻̼̝̤̟̓̓̇͂͗͐̓́͐ͅù͙̪̤̘̭̙̬̜͕͓̓̐̐̑̌͑̽̃͝ṕ̧̦̭͙̱̲̹̳̥̳͑̆́̏͒͗̌̚͠t͍͍̟̩͕̩͔̟̺̠̃͊̒̑͌̓̽͆̊͝ī͓͕͙̮͕̜̞̤̰͋̀̀̓͂̌̈́͝͠ͅơ̦̬̤̠͔͕͙̯̼̙͐̀̒́̈́̿͆͆͝n͔̬̲͉̪͎̪͓̹͐̒͊̀͋̃͂͒̓́͜ ̢̛̩̝͓̦̻͍̹͉̦́͑̀͐͆̃͋̽̂ḯ̢͍̭͕̮̠͚̠̪̗́̑͛͌̄̿̚͠͠n̡̰̯͚̪̮͕͕̘̹̅͆̿̿̓̑̓̈͘͝ ̲̺̣͇̯̥͇͔͎̮̒́́̑̍̀̿͘͝͝ý̡̠̺̣̗͔̪̠̀̔̽̓̉̉̈̓͜͝ͅo̖͎̝̪̲͍̩̪̩̰͐̒̎̿̔̃͐͐̋̚u͍̺̥͚̗̫̝̗̯̎͑͋̑̅̀̓̊̚͜͝r̛̛̮̼̹̬͈͇͈̙͉͛̍͋̄̍̓̍͜͠ ̛̪̜͔̣̝̠̙̫̤̈̂͛̈́͂̍̈͆̇͜b̤̟̞͉̳̝̠̦̝̹͂̿͒̀́̓̌̀̉̎r̤̫͖͖̫̮̱̙͈̻͛̐̈́̒̈́̊̀̀͠͝ǫ̜̞͖̮̦͎̪̤̀̆͗́͌̎́̊͛͜͝a̰̪̙̹̰̗̯̩͈̞̓͋͋͌̅͊̓̑̚͝ḑ̘͇̺̬̘͔̝͎͕̊̇̃̌̄͛̀͑̈͐ç̢̛̱̭͓̣͎̭͔͕̈͌̈̔͛́̃̀̆ä̧̡̢̱̮̳̤͓͉́̉̋̎̈́̀̒͜͝͠͝ş̹͓̟̙̱̼͍͚͛̀̾́̀̊͋̈́͛̚ͅt͈͉̹͈̼̝̳̘̗͚͂͋̎̉̈̍̂̽̚͝ ͙̗̘̲̩̯͓̙̟̞̅̇̆͛́͐̉̊̈́͠h̢̧̪̦̣̣̜̘̞̩̊̈́̎̌̾̋̿̑̚̕ë͇̩̱̪̤̝͔̮̮̟́̈́͊́̀͑͐͐̀͘l̢̛̞̝̲̖̪͙͙̙͍̎̔͌̃̓̎͌̿͘p̡̨̡̛̺͕̱̯̻̰̱̈́͛́̆͗̀̀̉̉p̤̖̦̱̻̮̰̖͇̥͋̓́͆̏͛́̚͝͝p̨̧̞̟̙͔̭̹͇͇̒́̇̓͛̍̔͑̚̕p̨̳͎̙͍̼̗̭͕̖̀͂̏̏͐̋́̾̓̆ ̢̨̠̹̼̺͔͖̣͙̅̋̎̐̂̂͛͘͝͝s̢̟̫̱̼͚̪͍̿͌͂͊̊̋̾̿̊͜͜͝s̢̧͎͚̣͓̘̝̥̤̈́̓͆̏̇͌̎͑̋͘û̝̱̙͇͎̫̭̞̳̖̂͗̾̆́̽́͑͘ ̧̧͕͉͖̳͙͕̰̜̇̐͌͑̓͆́͊͘͘ḩ̧̧̤̗̫͙͉̣̜͗̾̈́̌̈́̆͌͒̾͠ȩ̘͈̯̲̗͈̺͔̤̑͛̅̉̿͂́̐̿͘l̝̻̣̱̜̼͎̰͎̯̒̐͗͗̐̏̀̚͘͠p͇̟͕̹̤̭͎̥̪͋̐͐̎̈́́̃̆͑͝ͅ ̛͖͚̪̝͓͔̲̯̩̉̅͆͆͊̈̏͜͝͝w̘̟̜͍̮̟̺̤̼͖̍̌̂̎̆͛̀̊̕͝ę̼̩̤͓̣͉̼̎̈́̊̆̄͛̍̍͝͝ͅͅ ̢̹̖̪̺͇͙̥͈͕͊̆͐̍́̿͘͘͠͠ą̩̟͚͓̱̺͓̗̤̽̐̀́̓̃̊̓̚͠p̧̪̼͇̺̣̹̗͐̽́̈͆̄̈́͗̿͜͜͝o̧̡͈͈̞̠͉̯͍͉̓͆̋̈́̾̓̊͘͘͝ģ͙͚̱̺̘̦͖̖̗̔̃̏̋͗̏̇̌̔͠

//SCENARIOS.EXE

PHASE I

[ xxxx ] Nobody likes spam, yet everyone's inboxes are being filled with all kinds of strange e-mails, all with the same title. No matter how many times you try to delete them, they continue to appear in your inbox. They're frustrating, but not all of them lead to the same message. Some have other regular CERES spam attached -25% off Cosmos Cosmetics, Enlarge Your Penis Today - Here's How!, Dear Sir or Madam, I'm a Cerealian Prince, looking to deposit all these credits in a willing bank account, and the like.

Through with checking them all, you start to notice your other devices glitching one by one. The microwave is on a nuclear setting; the washing machine is making dying raptor noises; the refrigerator is moving on its own.

PHASE II

[ xxxx ] You haven't seen the worst of it. Oh no. The toilet lid happens to be flopping up and down, and when you peer down it, you notice a single, coiled robotic tentacle, moving around the lid and trying to stretch upwards. It continues to flop about, trying to get your attention. If you're unlucky to be using the restroom at this time, well. Have fun.

PHASE III

[ xxxx ] The tenacles aren't just coming out of the toilets anymore. They're popping out of the sinks and all of the city's sewer ways. As you look outside, you'll see them grabbing a hold of pedestrians and strangling them or trying to tug them down inside the sewer. Since they're simple machines, they can be cut down, but they won't go without a vicious fight.

PHASE IV

[ xxxx ] The sewer covers all burst to reveal what lies underneath. Armies of them start to crawl out -the sewer-cleaning droids of Cerealia- onto the streets without reprieve. The droves will need to be exterminated as they will continue to attack without cause or reason.

BONUS

[ whyo'clock ] For those of you who decide to send the Cerealian prince money, you will find that your bank account is actually gifted with twice as many credits as it had before. The Cerealian prince will then send you a video of his true form to thank you personally. Congratulations! Thanks to the fabulous glitches, the Pimpbot5000 has gone from "Bitch, where's my money" mode to "Have all the money, all the money ever" mode. Enjoy!

[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE

Welcome to CEREALIA's third Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

The droid staggers from the impact, giving Takakage enough time to send several energy blades from his sword and amplify the effect that his Persona's forceful attack had done. The robot's exoskeleton splinters further, preventing it from getting up immediately, and it lies on the ground waving its legs for a few moments - and that's exactly enough time for Awanagi to charge up, float forward, and fire a Megido straight into the robot's chassis.

The iridescent orb of energy detonates inside the cleaning droid - there is a flash of bright white light, the sound of static, and the robot explodes from inside. Much of its internal workings had been completely vapourized, and its exoskeleton falls harmlessly apart (its inside surface extremely charred). A few pieces go over the two men's heads, but otherwise the shrapnel is few and far between.

Takakage watches the smoking remains for a few moments longer to establish that it had indeed been neutralized before he turns to address the stranger that had come to his aid. They both did not seem to be in good shape - the strategist himself had been drained by his Persona's point-blank spell, and denting the robot must have cost his ally a lot of stamina.

"Thank you for your assistance." He gives the other a grateful nod. "Please, allow me to heal you." Without magical forms of combat, one had to rely on their own strength and stamina - he wouldn't want to cause the stranger any more trouble than necessary.

Awanagi floats back to his side, silently raising its left hand. The jewel on its mask glows a lighter blue for a moment, and golden light begins to pool at the other man's feet. The spell would heal his immediate wounds and relieve some of his fatigue - hopefully no permanent harm had been done.

There's a sigh of relief at the robot falling apart. Really, Shinpachi is in no way used to modern technology, so he wasn't sure just how much it would take for that thing to give in.. but it does seem like their combined efforts did the job, so he can't help but feel relieved.

He's a little more wary of the.. spirit.. thing.. (What did Minako call it again? Is this slightly different from hers?) But it's not like he's in any position to move away when he's only just tackled a robot, so he just accepts the help for now. Weird unexplainable glowing light and all. He's already seen tentacle ladies who can take on different faces and people turning into undead beings, what's one more weird thing.. and at least this does help make him feel less exhausted and stop the bruising on his shoulder before it actually pops up.

It's enough that he can fully rise to his feet again and straighten himself by the time the light vanishes, glancing from Awanagi to the other man.

"No problem 'bout helping you, but.." He glances at the gun for just a moment before he lets out another sigh, a little (but only a little) more troubled this time. "But next time you go fightin' with someone, make sure to explain that to 'em in advance. You could kill someone from surprise, pulling that in the middle of battle." He's just lucky that he saw it before, really..

"Ah, of course." Takakage inclines his head by way of a reply. "My apologies for not informing you earlier - there had been no time." He had grown accustomed to the state of affairs in Hinoto-Ri, where Personas were the norm - but that was not the case for the people of Cerealia. He will need to take note from now on.

He holsters his Evoker but doesn't dismiss his Persona - its skills may come in handy sometime later. Now that his left hand is free, he takes his spellbook from where it had been hovering in the air, closing it and carrying it by his side. His sword is also returned to its strap on his belt - there is no need to fight anymore, and he would not want to show any signs of potential aggression towards the individual who had just saved him.

The strategist is still curious to see someone potentially from his era here. He also notices that they are conversing in his native tongue as opposed to the Cerealian norm - that would further support the possibility that this man is also from the Land of the Rising Sun.

"Might I know your name?"

Man, finally someone who looks a little like they're from his own time and place and isn't someone he already knows from back home.. and then they have all these weirdass powers. Go figure, there's always a twist to these things in this kind of place.

But it's not like Takakage seems unfriendly or anything, so he'll at least offer up his name. If not just in return for the healing just now - it's not like he was obligated to do that, after all, Shinpachi came to help him of his own volition.

"Nagakura Shinpachi." At least he figures he can say it in the order he's used to for once.. small blessings of normalcy even with some other stuff that's still plenty weird. There's another glance at the Persona before he looks back to the other man. ".. Good to meet you, I guess."

Takakage notes Shinpachi's hesitation - it's apparent that the other man is unsure about what to make of his Persona. Awanagi did appear organic, but it certainly did not look fully human, and someone from their homeland without his experiences would be wary of it. Perhaps it would be better if he mentions it later.

He dismisses Awanagi with a thought before offering a half-bow and his own introduction. "I am Kobayakawa Takakage, retainer of the Mouri clan. 'tis a pleasure to make your acquaintance."

The other man's name confirms their shared heritage, and he recognizes it as the name of a Shinsegumi captain - though he cannot be sure whether this is truly the man he has read about. It's a little strange to be seeing someone from his own personal future whom he knows from history texts of modernity.

Time works in mysterious ways.

... Oh.

Well, that is awkward, to say the least. Shinpachi may act like a dumbass half of the time, but he's a lot more intelligent than what he acts like. Most of the time, anyway. Intelligent enough to have read a lot and have had a proper samurai education and all, and so he knows very well what that name means as well. The Mouri clan - it means this guy's from a long time ago, because those were the Choshu before they were called that way, huh? Before that whole deal at Sekigahara..

Man, he never expected to actually meet anyone from his history rather than the future. And then to think it's someone from the opposite side too. Awkward. Thankfully Shinpachi isn't immediately the type to draw a blade over that in a place like this, especially now with the huge time gap going on anyway.

Not to mention that he doesn't expect Takakage to actually recognize his name because of it. But little does he know..

"Ain't it a little weird for a guy from your time to already be using that?" Motioning at the gun. It doesn't really look like anything from this place either - it's a little too old for that - so he's got to have gotten it from somewhere else.

Ah, that. He inclines his head by way of a reply. "It is not a firearm in the conventional sense, and cannot fire. Rather, it is a summoning device." As should be evident by how he had used it just a few minutes before. "I acquired it in another realm."

It's a little too complicated to explain at the moment, so he just leaves it at that. He can guess at the thoughts running through Shinpachi's head - he knows all too well what came after his death, and the eventual roles of his clan's descendants. But that's all over, now. History cannot be changed anymore, at least not by his hand - and conflicts in their world held no sway over this realm, in any case. Shinpachi might exhibit some hostility, but Takakage certainly did not hold any of it.

But back to the issue at hand. This is the first droid that has actually attacked him, but their tentacles have shown up all over the city. "These machines seem to have gone berserk everywhere. Have any more of them appeared?"

What a day. Usually days are already weird enough, but now with the robots going crazy, some ancestor of their usual enemies showing up - with some weird summoning gun, no less.. it sure is one of the weirdest days lately.

It's a good thing that Shinpachi is pretty good at shoving these things beside him for a moment. He too has to admit that their biggest problem right now is the robots, especially if more droids are lurking around to wait and try to attack them.

"Those guys in charge already said something like this'd happen." He lets out a sigh at that, but it's only a light kind of bother - they did manage to handle that robot just now fine, after all. "I mean, nothing this weird, but I think they were sayin' stuff might go a little outta control. They could've at least mentioned it'd be this bad, geez!"

"I had sent in an inquiry regarding this matter to the authorities, but they have not yet replied." Takakage suppresses a sigh - the Hinoto-Ri administrators were much more efficient than this, even if one of them had been the one responsible for their dimensional tear all along. "If I may speak my mind, I doubt they will be able to shut this down swiftly." A pause. "If the corruption has indeed spread this far, it may have infected the city's mainframe as well. It may be time we take things into our own hands."

He means going out and helping as many people as they can. The pervasiveness of the technology here meant that threats were now everywhere. The downside to relying too much on something is that catastrophe occurs if it fails.

"Of course, there is still much we do not know about. We need to be careful."

Well, at least this guy sure seems to be immediately on the case.. he's got to be new with the way he's talking about everything (and the fact that Shinpachi can't recall seeing another guy from older times around before other than the other guys of the Shinsengumi) but even so, he's already sending messages to the people in charge, huh..

Not that it's a bad thing. Just a little surprising, considering how generally confused every other new person he'd ran into had been.

"Yeah. It doesn't seem like they're trying to do anything about it yet." If anything, it seemed like their warning and the way they told people to download something (which had gone entirely over Shinpachi's head, really) had only backfired even more, making the problem worse. "I dunno if the two of us can take care of everything in the city though. There's got to be dozens and dozens of these things around."

It's probably the downside to using robots for everything instead of people: once they go nuts, you have a big problem to deal with.

An ordinary person would be confused upon finding themselves in the CERES colony, but Takakage has been trained to adapt to sudden situations from young. Panic and confusion did little to improve matters, and as with all new scenarios he had tried his best to learn as much about it as possible. Facts are the foundations upon which all strategies are built - even though he no longer leads a navy nor army, logic still reliably provides a good plan to act on.

"That is true." He inclines his head thoughtfully. "We may need to recruit others who are willing to aid us. Might you know anyone else within this colony?"

Takakage himself is all alone, but this man might have a few acquaintances in the area.

"The other guys of the Shinsengumi, probably.." He doesn't really mind throwing around the name - mostly since Takakage is so far from the past that Shinpachi doubts he'd even know what the name meant. Not that he knows about the other reading up on history, but still..

The man glances around him for a moment as if he may already be able to spot one of them, but it probably isn't that easy with just how big this city is and how more than half of them didn't exactly get to carry their Shinsengumi blues with them here.

"They're probably already around town tryin' to get rid of these things. None of 'em are the kinda guys to just sit down and take this."

Not when the robots are probably attacking any innocent person they can come across, he's sure.

"Ah, so they are here as well? That is a relief." Having some people they could rely on would be good. And the Shinsengumi would be proficient in battle as well, making taking down the other droids easier. Though...

"Perhaps it would be easier if we could contact your comrades, so that a plan can be crafted." It's what he does best as a strategist, of course. "We will be able to take down the robots on our own, but if they do have a 'central mind' located somewhere, it would be faster to eliminate that instead."

Though knowing how technology usually worked... "I can also heal your injuries. Combat would be less taxing."

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//TESTDRIVE3.0.EXE

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I apologize if I get my history wrong - I haven't yet read up in depth about the Edo era and beyond

it's cool! my knowledge of pre-bakumatsu stuff is a little spotty anyway LMFAO

together we can write a full history book

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