//TESTDRIVE3.0.EXE

[reparator]

//TESTDRIVE3.0.EXE It Came from Beneath the Sink It's a normal day in Cerealia. Everyone is going about their business, settling into their new jobs, waving to the mail droid, enjoying themselves a sensual massage in the spa, racking up experience points in ViViD, etc. You decide it'd be a good time to check your inbox and see if there are any incoming messages. That's when you spot an e-mail simply titled 'fwd: gorg0n.' Out of curiosity, you decide to click on it and open it. What comes is a single image of a robot flashed briefly followed by scrambled words displayed on your screen: w̧̧̛͈̝̝̝͖͎͗̔͐̋̈́̈͋̀ͅͅè̻͈̙͎̖̙͖̦̫̖̇̓̐̃̍̿̔̾̕ ̨̢͇̮͖̲̘̣̬̞͗̂́̄̓̌̎̎̃͆a̢̪̥̪͔͙̝͖̱̞̍̿̽͐̀̿̚̕͠͝p͍̖̭̰̮̻͇͖̬̒̆̓̅͆̔̏͌̋̕ͅó̫̙̯̻̹͕͇̞̱͔̿͌̽̃̇̎̀̀͘ļ̡͍͙̠̻͇̠̱͉̒̏̌́̋͐̐͘͝͠ơ̢̹̟̗͇̝̣͈͖̲͆́̿̈́̋̒̅̀͘ģ̧͍͕̱̭̱̤̥͋́̄̄̀͗̽͜͝͝͝i̧̻̥̱̫̟̻̠̼̞̋̈̈͌͊͑̎̈́̂̎z̛̛̤̝̫̩͔̙͓͓͚͍͗̓̈́̇͑̀̽́e̛̲̬͓̙̹̲̠̤͔̊͛́̒͆͑̀́͋ͅ ̤̜̟̳̮̟̺̲̭̓̋̎̑͌̋́͌͘͝ͅf̗̥̠̙͓̞͖̞̋̒̓̃͂̈̊̍̌͗ͅͅỏ̢͔̥͔̱͔̬͔͚̒́̐̎͆̂̋̀̕ͅr̛͍̲̲͖̮͓̼̙̙͛̌̽̈́̈́͋̄̌̆͜ ̢̳̱̱͎̫͔̥̹̻̎̾̑̇͊̌͆͑̇͂t̢̛̝͍̤̳̲̗̦͈͇̐̓͛̑͆̎̃̑͝h̼̭̦͕̗̲͙̯̻̭͌͗͑̑̍̎͂͘̕͝i̡̳̗̩̲̼̞̜̗̎̈́͂̿͑̈́̐̈́͘͝ͅs̛̹̜̙̪̘̝͖̗͙̰̄͐͐̇̀̿̒̕͠ ̢̡͚̤̜̱̮̺͍͚͛̔̃̃͛̏̆̀̄͝į̡͙̮̣͕̲̟̠̯͆̾̋̈́̈́̔̔̽̓͌ṋ̨̧̢̛̛͔͉͉̖̯͎̃́̊̆͌͑̋̕t̢͈̳̬̝̻̫̪̘̪͑̃̃̐̂̾̈́͘̚̚è̢̢͙̻̤̗̮͒̍̏͑͊̄̐̀̍͜͜ͅr̨̻̟͉̳͇̝̜͓̮̅̎́͊̈́̔̎͆͠͠ȓ̯̹͉̻̻̼̝̤̟̓̓̇͂͗͐̓́͐ͅù͙̪̤̘̭̙̬̜͕͓̓̐̐̑̌͑̽̃͝ṕ̧̦̭͙̱̲̹̳̥̳͑̆́̏͒͗̌̚͠t͍͍̟̩͕̩͔̟̺̠̃͊̒̑͌̓̽͆̊͝ī͓͕͙̮͕̜̞̤̰͋̀̀̓͂̌̈́͝͠ͅơ̦̬̤̠͔͕͙̯̼̙͐̀̒́̈́̿͆͆͝n͔̬̲͉̪͎̪͓̹͐̒͊̀͋̃͂͒̓́͜ ̢̛̩̝͓̦̻͍̹͉̦́͑̀͐͆̃͋̽̂ḯ̢͍̭͕̮̠͚̠̪̗́̑͛͌̄̿̚͠͠n̡̰̯͚̪̮͕͕̘̹̅͆̿̿̓̑̓̈͘͝ ̲̺̣͇̯̥͇͔͎̮̒́́̑̍̀̿͘͝͝ý̡̠̺̣̗͔̪̠̀̔̽̓̉̉̈̓͜͝ͅo̖͎̝̪̲͍̩̪̩̰͐̒̎̿̔̃͐͐̋̚u͍̺̥͚̗̫̝̗̯̎͑͋̑̅̀̓̊̚͜͝r̛̛̮̼̹̬͈͇͈̙͉͛̍͋̄̍̓̍͜͠ ̛̪̜͔̣̝̠̙̫̤̈̂͛̈́͂̍̈͆̇͜b̤̟̞͉̳̝̠̦̝̹͂̿͒̀́̓̌̀̉̎r̤̫͖͖̫̮̱̙͈̻͛̐̈́̒̈́̊̀̀͠͝ǫ̜̞͖̮̦͎̪̤̀̆͗́͌̎́̊͛͜͝a̰̪̙̹̰̗̯̩͈̞̓͋͋͌̅͊̓̑̚͝ḑ̘͇̺̬̘͔̝͎͕̊̇̃̌̄͛̀͑̈͐ç̢̛̱̭͓̣͎̭͔͕̈͌̈̔͛́̃̀̆ä̧̡̢̱̮̳̤͓͉́̉̋̎̈́̀̒͜͝͠͝ş̹͓̟̙̱̼͍͚͛̀̾́̀̊͋̈́͛̚ͅt͈͉̹͈̼̝̳̘̗͚͂͋̎̉̈̍̂̽̚͝ ͙̗̘̲̩̯͓̙̟̞̅̇̆͛́͐̉̊̈́͠h̢̧̪̦̣̣̜̘̞̩̊̈́̎̌̾̋̿̑̚̕ë͇̩̱̪̤̝͔̮̮̟́̈́͊́̀͑͐͐̀͘l̢̛̞̝̲̖̪͙͙̙͍̎̔͌̃̓̎͌̿͘p̡̨̡̛̺͕̱̯̻̰̱̈́͛́̆͗̀̀̉̉p̤̖̦̱̻̮̰̖͇̥͋̓́͆̏͛́̚͝͝p̨̧̞̟̙͔̭̹͇͇̒́̇̓͛̍̔͑̚̕p̨̳͎̙͍̼̗̭͕̖̀͂̏̏͐̋́̾̓̆ ̢̨̠̹̼̺͔͖̣͙̅̋̎̐̂̂͛͘͝͝s̢̟̫̱̼͚̪͍̿͌͂͊̊̋̾̿̊͜͜͝s̢̧͎͚̣͓̘̝̥̤̈́̓͆̏̇͌̎͑̋͘û̝̱̙͇͎̫̭̞̳̖̂͗̾̆́̽́͑͘ ̧̧͕͉͖̳͙͕̰̜̇̐͌͑̓͆́͊͘͘ḩ̧̧̤̗̫͙͉̣̜͗̾̈́̌̈́̆͌͒̾͠ȩ̘͈̯̲̗͈̺͔̤̑͛̅̉̿͂́̐̿͘l̝̻̣̱̜̼͎̰͎̯̒̐͗͗̐̏̀̚͘͠p͇̟͕̹̤̭͎̥̪͋̐͐̎̈́́̃̆͑͝ͅ ̛͖͚̪̝͓͔̲̯̩̉̅͆͆͊̈̏͜͝͝w̘̟̜͍̮̟̺̤̼͖̍̌̂̎̆͛̀̊̕͝ę̼̩̤͓̣͉̼̎̈́̊̆̄͛̍̍͝͝ͅͅ ̢̹̖̪̺͇͙̥͈͕͊̆͐̍́̿͘͘͠͠ą̩̟͚͓̱̺͓̗̤̽̐̀́̓̃̊̓̚͠p̧̪̼͇̺̣̹̗͐̽́̈͆̄̈́͗̿͜͜͝o̧̡͈͈̞̠͉̯͍͉̓͆̋̈́̾̓̊͘͘͝ģ͙͚̱̺̘̦͖̖̗̔̃̏̋͗̏̇̌̔͠

//SCENARIOS.EXE PHASE I [ xxxx ] Nobody likes spam, yet everyone's inboxes are being filled with all kinds of strange e-mails, all with the same title. No matter how many times you try to delete them, they continue to appear in your inbox. They're frustrating, but not all of them lead to the same message. Some have other regular CERES spam attached -25% off Cosmos Cosmetics, Enlarge Your Penis Today - Here's How!, Dear Sir or Madam, I'm a Cerealian Prince, looking to deposit all these credits in a willing bank account, and the like. Through with checking them all, you start to notice your other devices glitching one by one. The microwave is on a nuclear setting; the washing machine is making dying raptor noises; the refrigerator is moving on its own. PHASE II [ xxxx ] You haven't seen the worst of it. Oh no. The toilet lid happens to be flopping up and down, and when you peer down it, you notice a single, coiled robotic tentacle, moving around the lid and trying to stretch upwards. It continues to flop about, trying to get your attention. If you're unlucky to be using the restroom at this time, well. Have fun. PHASE III [ xxxx ] The tenacles aren't just coming out of the toilets anymore. They're popping out of the sinks and all of the city's sewer ways. As you look outside, you'll see them grabbing a hold of pedestrians and strangling them or trying to tug them down inside the sewer. Since they're simple machines, they can be cut down, but they won't go without a vicious fight. PHASE IV [ xxxx ] The sewer covers all burst to reveal what lies underneath. Armies of them start to crawl out -the sewer-cleaning droids of Cerealia- onto the streets without reprieve. The droves will need to be exterminated as they will continue to attack without cause or reason. BONUS [ whyo'clock ] For those of you who decide to send the Cerealian prince money, you will find that your bank account is actually gifted with twice as many credits as it had before. The Cerealian prince will then send you a video of his true form to thank you personally. Congratulations! Thanks to the fabulous glitches, the Pimpbot5000 has gone from "Bitch, where's my money" mode to "Have all the money, all the money ever" mode. Enjoy! [ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE Welcome to CEREALIA's third Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Comments

Kumou Tenka || Donten ni Warau

[sunshrouded]

[ PHASE I || ACTION ]

[Guess who tried to make contact with the Cerealian prince. If you guessed that it was one (1) technologically-incompetent crab head, you would be correct.

Honestly Tenka knows nothing about spam and even less about e-mail. People didn't have time for this shit because where he's from, they had crops to tend and people to kill instead. This is a really strange hobby so honestly he's new to the place and figures he has nothing to lose. Why not try to befriend a prince?

This is now leading to him chasing after his vacuum cleaner. Does he know it's a vacuum cleaner? Probably not. He just knows that it's in his possession and probably shouldn't be going anywhere.

How is it on the streets already....?]

Hey, catch that weird thing for me! It's got a mind of its own...!!

[ PHASE IV || ACTION ]

[This is a lot different than taking down random ronin. Regardless, Tenka's gotten the idea that if these robot things aren't taken care of, then a lot of people could get hurt! So it's with practiced movements that he's using his metal fan to slice off their tentacle arms, leaving them immobile and -

Well, eventually he's got a neat mountain of them and he's standing on top of them, flicking his metal fan disdainfully. Now he's hopping off as soon as he can, though not without a crude comment.]

These things smell like crap. Is this what the future is like? Does it all smell like crap....?

[Thank god someone is asking the important questions.]

phase i

[fowlmiliar]

[jesus fucking christ what is happening

Memoca doesn't care much about email herself, but she does care for the television that is currently tumbling down the street. Come back here, she needs to watch her dumb cartoons...!]

What the hell?! [And then she turns the corner to come face-to-face with Tenka's vacuum cleaner. Her runaway TV is temporarily forgotten as she slams right into the vacuum cleaner.

Now, this would normally stop it... but Memoca is a small 110cm girl with seagull wings for hands, so she can't grab the floor to halt it or keep it still with her weight. So she's just. Being dragged along now.]

Why is this happening?!

[sunshrouded]

[ . . . what is going on, who is going on, what the fuck is happening.

For a moment, Tenka needs to survey the situation. Because that sure is his vacuum cleaner carting off some kind of.... monster person? What happened to her hands? Is she okay? Maybe she should see a doctor.

Though in the next moment he's definitely being tackled by a television - though he's at least better equipped to catch it, now working on wrangling it into a state of incapacitation. How do you incapacitate a machine though???]

Your guess is as good as mine!!

[fowlmiliar]

[She should not go see a doctor, they would just jab at the underneath of her wings and make her squawk really loudly in their faces again. An unpleasant experience for all involved, especially when she transformed into full seagull form to shit on their heads.

Speaking of which-- there's a flash of light, and instead of a little girl, there's a seagull lying face flat on the vacuum cleaner. Have you ever seen a bird after it slammed into glass? That dazed, unfocused look in its eyes coupled with its wings spread out across the ground as it visibly fumbles over what the fuck just happened?

Yeah.]

Is land technology always this whack? [Yes, she can still speak in this form. Her beak isn't even moving, but it's not telepathy. That's kinda creepy.

In any case, seagulls have webbed feet, so she simple uses her foot at a hinge and tries... lifting the vacuum in the air by the hinge... what is she doing...]

[sunshrouded]

[....... what is going on.........]

Transformation magic?! Are you cursed....?!

[EVEN LESS IS MAKING SENSE TO TENKA NOW. Though honestly his response now is to kind of just drop the TV because there are much stranger and worrying things to focus on now.]

iv!

[cloudyskies]

[Okay, Soramaru can absolutely admit that these things are kind of strange and definitely smell funny, but—! He had just come running down this particular street when he heard Tenka's words, arrogant and overconfident, and when he hears them, he can't help but be really annoyed...!]

Stupid Aniki... [He pauses, mumbling those words to himself before calling out to Tenka:] Now's not the time for complaining! There's more of them heading this way!

[Soramaru wants to fight them, too, but there's just so many... It was only coincidence that he ended up coming down this way (because he absolutely was not looking for Tenka's help!), but... let's be real, there are too many, he definitely needs the help.]

[sunshrouded]

[Arrogant and overconfident, it's kind of the usual. Though honestly he can't help but get a dig in at the mention that there's more of these machines coming this way and oh, so Soramaru can't handle them?]

What - did your precious master not train you well enough for this? Ha, I knew that gloomy guy couldn't be good at everything.

[Take that, Sousei.

. . . except yeah okay, Tenka is stepping forward confidently regardless. As much as he does want to rub this in Soramaru's face as well as Sousei's, he does recognize that he has a duty to fulfill now. Can't have his precious little brother getting hurt after all.]

[cloudyskies]

[He should’ve run right past him. But Soramaru’s been running for a while—he had fought at first, but it was like for every one he defeated, three more would take its place, so eventually, he had no choice but to run. But he needed to catch his breath now, so he’s bent over, his hands on his knees, looking up just enough to make a face at Tenka because goodness.]

Shut up! I can fight them just fine! [He hangs his head again, though.] There’s just too many of them…

[sunshrouded]

Yeah, yeah, I get it. [Tenka's just chuckling faintly now as he idly uses his fan to actually fan himself, a grin already on his face.] Too many all at once, you were backed up against a corner, blah blah.

[He does reach out a hand to ruffle Soramaru's hair though.]

Your aniki's gonna take care of it now.

[cloudyskies]

[He growls a little to himself, even after Tenka's affectionate gesture and reassuring words. He makes it sound like he isn't surprised at all that Soramaru had run into trouble! It makes him so mad...

But it's not like it's surprising, either. It was only natural that Tenka would be so confident in his own abilities. Even when it came to these foreign— machines? Monsters? Whatever they were. Even then, he was strong enough to be able to take on so many of them and make it look so easy, too.

It's just not fair, you know?

He lifts his head just enough to be able to look up at him again.]

I'm coming, too.

[You know. Once he catches his breath.]

i

[insincerely]

[Fortunately, Shinnosuke knew better than to try and make contact with the Cerealian prince, so he simply deleted all of his spam and went on with his life.

... Too bad others are trying to drag him into their life.

If Shinnosuke were a good Samaritan, he'd help out. Eeeeexcept he's not, so.]

... Well, that's something you don't see everyday.

[sunshrouded]

So you're just going to let it pass right by you?!

[Where is your sense of adventure, dude. Though honestly despite Tenka's choice of words, his vacuum cleaner is actually making a beeline for Shinnosuke now, as if it senses the passivity and rudeness.

Well now you have to be involved.]

[insincerely]

Why not?

[Damn it, though. Quickly, Shinnosuke traces glowing light through the air, manipulating his 《Headphone Fuzz》.

【In an instant ♪ In a flash ♪ In the time of a flash ♪
The flash of time, the flash of an instant ♪ In an instant ♪ In a flash—】

And with that, he murmurs:]

Acceleration switch.

[He kicks the ground, jumping in an instant so that he can climb onto the ledge of some nearby building.

NOPE. HE'S NOT GETTING INVOLVED WITH THIS.]

[sunshrouded]

[w... h...at......

Okay, forget the weird runaway machine, Tenka is stopping to a halt now to look up at Shinnosuke and tilt his head.]

Are you some kind of superhuman?!

[Because okay there are very few people he knows who can do that sort of thing and they're all either mystical or ninja.

As for the vacuum, it's now definitely getting away.

Goodbye, vacuum. Goodbye.]

[insincerely]

Oh my, you got me. [...] And don't you have a sentient vacuum cleaner to chase?

I.

[deontology]

[You're a dumbass, Tenka. You're a dumbass and nobody should think otherwise. But Sousei is coming from the opposite direction, and so when that vacuum cleaner crosses his path, he does the immediate--he steps forward, lifts his leg and kicks it to the side, so it can't get back onto its wheels and go anywhere.

Problem solved.

Quick and dirty as always--]

...What are you doing? [???? why are you here.

what is this thing.

why]

[sunshrouded]

[ . . . wow, that

that was really easy

Tenka's slowing his run then and surveying the scene and thinking about his answer. Though really, honesty is the best policy so-]

Well, I was helping out the local royal family and for some reason, some of my stuff started rebelling on me.

[truth]

[deontology]

[that's what he's here for. to make the things you're making a big deal out of look really easy.

Sousei just pauses.

...Yeah, that sounds just like Tenka. Wow.]

...Let's take this back, then. It--and you--are only in the way like this.

[get your vacuum out of the middle of the walkway, dude.]

[1/2]

[sunshrouded]

I had the situation completely under control!

[what do you mean he's in the way, way to be an ass

even if that is kind of the usual.]

[sunshrouded]

[Though now as Tenka's approaching the vacuum, it looks like the wheels are still going. He makes a face at that.]

Looks like it's still got some fight in it. [ . . . and then he looks over to Sousei with a genuinely curious expression] Doesn't it look kinda like a turtle on its back?

[deontology]

[It's true??? Okay. Jeeze.

Sousei just pauses at that, though, actually looking at it, and he doesn't even know why he bothered, because the answer is--]

No.

[He's never seen any turtle that looks like this, okay.]

Grab it from one end and I'll grab the other. There's no need to make more of a scene. [Especially not over something like this.]

[sunshrouded]

I call the not-moving part.

[THAT WAS SAID SO QUICKLY

But yeah nope, he's just going to position himself over by the side that doesn't have the still moving wheels, aka the side with the actual handle. Because when will he ever volunteer to make Sousei's life easier?

anyway, more importantly]

You still have no imagination though, Sousei....

[deontology]

[TENKA............Sousei actually rolls his eyes at that. Where did the cool and calm and collected captain of the Yamainu go? The world will never know.

But he just sets his expression and reaches down and grabs the vacuum firmly on either side, avoiding the still moving wheels.]

You have too much imagination. [SO THERE. he's here to ground your useless (but oh so important) imagination okay.]

Focus on this first. [...] What were you helping the family with? [Is it still important...]

[sunshrouded]

Ha! If you think that I have a lot of imagination, you should talk to Chuutarou sometime.

[Focus, what focus? But nah, he's already thinking about his hyperactive little brother. . . . and also how much he misses him, but Tenka's sunny smile doesn't falter at all.]

But ah - I think the prince needed some place to put some money? Beats me, you know politics isn't really my forte, but if he was desperate enough to just send it out in the mail, I figure he's in a pretty tight spot.

[And maybe Tenka could keep some of the money - you know, a handling fee. Alcohol is still just as expensive here as it was back home...]

[deontology]

[He has talked to Chuutarou before.... he takes after Tenka too much. Why can't he be more like Soramaru...? At least he's diligent.

... ... ...]

Ah.

[.........uh.]

That was likely a trick of some sort. [why are you so gullible.]