ioculus | //TESTDRIVE3.0.EXE

//TESTDRIVE3.0.EXE

It Came from Beneath the Sink

It's a normal day in Cerealia. Everyone is going about their business, settling into their new jobs, waving to the mail droid, enjoying themselves a sensual massage in the spa, racking up experience points in ViViD, etc. You decide it'd be a good time to check your inbox and see if there are any incoming messages. That's when you spot an e-mail simply titled 'fwd: gorg0n.'

Out of curiosity, you decide to click on it and open it. What comes is a single image of a robot flashed briefly followed by scrambled words displayed on your screen:

w̧̧̛͈̝̝̝͖͎͗̔͐̋̈́̈͋̀ͅͅè̻͈̙͎̖̙͖̦̫̖̇̓̐̃̍̿̔̾̕ ̨̢͇̮͖̲̘̣̬̞͗̂́̄̓̌̎̎̃͆a̢̪̥̪͔͙̝͖̱̞̍̿̽͐̀̿̚̕͠͝p͍̖̭̰̮̻͇͖̬̒̆̓̅͆̔̏͌̋̕ͅó̫̙̯̻̹͕͇̞̱͔̿͌̽̃̇̎̀̀͘ļ̡͍͙̠̻͇̠̱͉̒̏̌́̋͐̐͘͝͠ơ̢̹̟̗͇̝̣͈͖̲͆́̿̈́̋̒̅̀͘ģ̧͍͕̱̭̱̤̥͋́̄̄̀͗̽͜͝͝͝i̧̻̥̱̫̟̻̠̼̞̋̈̈͌͊͑̎̈́̂̎z̛̛̤̝̫̩͔̙͓͓͚͍͗̓̈́̇͑̀̽́e̛̲̬͓̙̹̲̠̤͔̊͛́̒͆͑̀́͋ͅ ̤̜̟̳̮̟̺̲̭̓̋̎̑͌̋́͌͘͝ͅf̗̥̠̙͓̞͖̞̋̒̓̃͂̈̊̍̌͗ͅͅỏ̢͔̥͔̱͔̬͔͚̒́̐̎͆̂̋̀̕ͅr̛͍̲̲͖̮͓̼̙̙͛̌̽̈́̈́͋̄̌̆͜ ̢̳̱̱͎̫͔̥̹̻̎̾̑̇͊̌͆͑̇͂t̢̛̝͍̤̳̲̗̦͈͇̐̓͛̑͆̎̃̑͝h̼̭̦͕̗̲͙̯̻̭͌͗͑̑̍̎͂͘̕͝i̡̳̗̩̲̼̞̜̗̎̈́͂̿͑̈́̐̈́͘͝ͅs̛̹̜̙̪̘̝͖̗͙̰̄͐͐̇̀̿̒̕͠ ̢̡͚̤̜̱̮̺͍͚͛̔̃̃͛̏̆̀̄͝į̡͙̮̣͕̲̟̠̯͆̾̋̈́̈́̔̔̽̓͌ṋ̨̧̢̛̛͔͉͉̖̯͎̃́̊̆͌͑̋̕t̢͈̳̬̝̻̫̪̘̪͑̃̃̐̂̾̈́͘̚̚è̢̢͙̻̤̗̮͒̍̏͑͊̄̐̀̍͜͜ͅr̨̻̟͉̳͇̝̜͓̮̅̎́͊̈́̔̎͆͠͠ȓ̯̹͉̻̻̼̝̤̟̓̓̇͂͗͐̓́͐ͅù͙̪̤̘̭̙̬̜͕͓̓̐̐̑̌͑̽̃͝ṕ̧̦̭͙̱̲̹̳̥̳͑̆́̏͒͗̌̚͠t͍͍̟̩͕̩͔̟̺̠̃͊̒̑͌̓̽͆̊͝ī͓͕͙̮͕̜̞̤̰͋̀̀̓͂̌̈́͝͠ͅơ̦̬̤̠͔͕͙̯̼̙͐̀̒́̈́̿͆͆͝n͔̬̲͉̪͎̪͓̹͐̒͊̀͋̃͂͒̓́͜ ̢̛̩̝͓̦̻͍̹͉̦́͑̀͐͆̃͋̽̂ḯ̢͍̭͕̮̠͚̠̪̗́̑͛͌̄̿̚͠͠n̡̰̯͚̪̮͕͕̘̹̅͆̿̿̓̑̓̈͘͝ ̲̺̣͇̯̥͇͔͎̮̒́́̑̍̀̿͘͝͝ý̡̠̺̣̗͔̪̠̀̔̽̓̉̉̈̓͜͝ͅo̖͎̝̪̲͍̩̪̩̰͐̒̎̿̔̃͐͐̋̚u͍̺̥͚̗̫̝̗̯̎͑͋̑̅̀̓̊̚͜͝r̛̛̮̼̹̬͈͇͈̙͉͛̍͋̄̍̓̍͜͠ ̛̪̜͔̣̝̠̙̫̤̈̂͛̈́͂̍̈͆̇͜b̤̟̞͉̳̝̠̦̝̹͂̿͒̀́̓̌̀̉̎r̤̫͖͖̫̮̱̙͈̻͛̐̈́̒̈́̊̀̀͠͝ǫ̜̞͖̮̦͎̪̤̀̆͗́͌̎́̊͛͜͝a̰̪̙̹̰̗̯̩͈̞̓͋͋͌̅͊̓̑̚͝ḑ̘͇̺̬̘͔̝͎͕̊̇̃̌̄͛̀͑̈͐ç̢̛̱̭͓̣͎̭͔͕̈͌̈̔͛́̃̀̆ä̧̡̢̱̮̳̤͓͉́̉̋̎̈́̀̒͜͝͠͝ş̹͓̟̙̱̼͍͚͛̀̾́̀̊͋̈́͛̚ͅt͈͉̹͈̼̝̳̘̗͚͂͋̎̉̈̍̂̽̚͝ ͙̗̘̲̩̯͓̙̟̞̅̇̆͛́͐̉̊̈́͠h̢̧̪̦̣̣̜̘̞̩̊̈́̎̌̾̋̿̑̚̕ë͇̩̱̪̤̝͔̮̮̟́̈́͊́̀͑͐͐̀͘l̢̛̞̝̲̖̪͙͙̙͍̎̔͌̃̓̎͌̿͘p̡̨̡̛̺͕̱̯̻̰̱̈́͛́̆͗̀̀̉̉p̤̖̦̱̻̮̰̖͇̥͋̓́͆̏͛́̚͝͝p̨̧̞̟̙͔̭̹͇͇̒́̇̓͛̍̔͑̚̕p̨̳͎̙͍̼̗̭͕̖̀͂̏̏͐̋́̾̓̆ ̢̨̠̹̼̺͔͖̣͙̅̋̎̐̂̂͛͘͝͝s̢̟̫̱̼͚̪͍̿͌͂͊̊̋̾̿̊͜͜͝s̢̧͎͚̣͓̘̝̥̤̈́̓͆̏̇͌̎͑̋͘û̝̱̙͇͎̫̭̞̳̖̂͗̾̆́̽́͑͘ ̧̧͕͉͖̳͙͕̰̜̇̐͌͑̓͆́͊͘͘ḩ̧̧̤̗̫͙͉̣̜͗̾̈́̌̈́̆͌͒̾͠ȩ̘͈̯̲̗͈̺͔̤̑͛̅̉̿͂́̐̿͘l̝̻̣̱̜̼͎̰͎̯̒̐͗͗̐̏̀̚͘͠p͇̟͕̹̤̭͎̥̪͋̐͐̎̈́́̃̆͑͝ͅ ̛͖͚̪̝͓͔̲̯̩̉̅͆͆͊̈̏͜͝͝w̘̟̜͍̮̟̺̤̼͖̍̌̂̎̆͛̀̊̕͝ę̼̩̤͓̣͉̼̎̈́̊̆̄͛̍̍͝͝ͅͅ ̢̹̖̪̺͇͙̥͈͕͊̆͐̍́̿͘͘͠͠ą̩̟͚͓̱̺͓̗̤̽̐̀́̓̃̊̓̚͠p̧̪̼͇̺̣̹̗͐̽́̈͆̄̈́͗̿͜͜͝o̧̡͈͈̞̠͉̯͍͉̓͆̋̈́̾̓̊͘͘͝ģ͙͚̱̺̘̦͖̖̗̔̃̏̋͗̏̇̌̔͠

//SCENARIOS.EXE

PHASE I

[ xxxx ] Nobody likes spam, yet everyone's inboxes are being filled with all kinds of strange e-mails, all with the same title. No matter how many times you try to delete them, they continue to appear in your inbox. They're frustrating, but not all of them lead to the same message. Some have other regular CERES spam attached -25% off Cosmos Cosmetics, Enlarge Your Penis Today - Here's How!, Dear Sir or Madam, I'm a Cerealian Prince, looking to deposit all these credits in a willing bank account, and the like.

Through with checking them all, you start to notice your other devices glitching one by one. The microwave is on a nuclear setting; the washing machine is making dying raptor noises; the refrigerator is moving on its own.

PHASE II

[ xxxx ] You haven't seen the worst of it. Oh no. The toilet lid happens to be flopping up and down, and when you peer down it, you notice a single, coiled robotic tentacle, moving around the lid and trying to stretch upwards. It continues to flop about, trying to get your attention. If you're unlucky to be using the restroom at this time, well. Have fun.

PHASE III

[ xxxx ] The tenacles aren't just coming out of the toilets anymore. They're popping out of the sinks and all of the city's sewer ways. As you look outside, you'll see them grabbing a hold of pedestrians and strangling them or trying to tug them down inside the sewer. Since they're simple machines, they can be cut down, but they won't go without a vicious fight.

PHASE IV

[ xxxx ] The sewer covers all burst to reveal what lies underneath. Armies of them start to crawl out -the sewer-cleaning droids of Cerealia- onto the streets without reprieve. The droves will need to be exterminated as they will continue to attack without cause or reason.

BONUS

[ whyo'clock ] For those of you who decide to send the Cerealian prince money, you will find that your bank account is actually gifted with twice as many credits as it had before. The Cerealian prince will then send you a video of his true form to thank you personally. Congratulations! Thanks to the fabulous glitches, the Pimpbot5000 has gone from "Bitch, where's my money" mode to "Have all the money, all the money ever" mode. Enjoy!

[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE

Welcome to CEREALIA's third Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Not good. Not good. This is seriously just getting worse and worse on people. Nico practically springs out of the way of the streets, intent on putting as much distance between her and whatever those things are. But there are too many people still on the street and far too many of them are getting hurt. She can hear the screams and know things are just going to get worse.

Her staff is drawn out of her chest without a second thought. She points it at the nearest monster, eyes blazing.]

Compartmentalize.

[The thing suddenly breaks apart into neat little chunks, collapsing to the ground. She turns and sees Edgeworth with a sword and points her staff at the monster he's fighting as well, frowning.]

Seorsum.

[It, too, crumbles into a heap. She casts Edgeworth a look.]

We need to get out of here. There's too many of them.

[Edgeworth doesn't notice Nico until the droid he was dueling (it was parrying his attacks with its tentacles and it was becoming difficult for him to find an opening) crumbles, and he backs away when that happens, lowering his sword. He decides that now is not the time to question how she did it.

She was right, of course. A part of himself chides him for rushing into battle as if this were the same thing as an invasion in Death City, but another part argues back that he couldn't leave these people to fend for themselves with droids in the loose.]

There must be a better way to deal with them than engaging each machine one by one. [Perhaps now was the time to use their brains instead of their weaponry.]

//TESTDRIVE3.0.EXE

HEY BOO (also phase iv)

OMG LET ME PLAY WITH YOU AGAIN