//TESTDRIVE3.0.EXE

[reparator]

//TESTDRIVE3.0.EXE It Came from Beneath the Sink It's a normal day in Cerealia. Everyone is going about their business, settling into their new jobs, waving to the mail droid, enjoying themselves a sensual massage in the spa, racking up experience points in ViViD, etc. You decide it'd be a good time to check your inbox and see if there are any incoming messages. That's when you spot an e-mail simply titled 'fwd: gorg0n.' Out of curiosity, you decide to click on it and open it. What comes is a single image of a robot flashed briefly followed by scrambled words displayed on your screen: w̧̧̛͈̝̝̝͖͎͗̔͐̋̈́̈͋̀ͅͅè̻͈̙͎̖̙͖̦̫̖̇̓̐̃̍̿̔̾̕ ̨̢͇̮͖̲̘̣̬̞͗̂́̄̓̌̎̎̃͆a̢̪̥̪͔͙̝͖̱̞̍̿̽͐̀̿̚̕͠͝p͍̖̭̰̮̻͇͖̬̒̆̓̅͆̔̏͌̋̕ͅó̫̙̯̻̹͕͇̞̱͔̿͌̽̃̇̎̀̀͘ļ̡͍͙̠̻͇̠̱͉̒̏̌́̋͐̐͘͝͠ơ̢̹̟̗͇̝̣͈͖̲͆́̿̈́̋̒̅̀͘ģ̧͍͕̱̭̱̤̥͋́̄̄̀͗̽͜͝͝͝i̧̻̥̱̫̟̻̠̼̞̋̈̈͌͊͑̎̈́̂̎z̛̛̤̝̫̩͔̙͓͓͚͍͗̓̈́̇͑̀̽́e̛̲̬͓̙̹̲̠̤͔̊͛́̒͆͑̀́͋ͅ ̤̜̟̳̮̟̺̲̭̓̋̎̑͌̋́͌͘͝ͅf̗̥̠̙͓̞͖̞̋̒̓̃͂̈̊̍̌͗ͅͅỏ̢͔̥͔̱͔̬͔͚̒́̐̎͆̂̋̀̕ͅr̛͍̲̲͖̮͓̼̙̙͛̌̽̈́̈́͋̄̌̆͜ ̢̳̱̱͎̫͔̥̹̻̎̾̑̇͊̌͆͑̇͂t̢̛̝͍̤̳̲̗̦͈͇̐̓͛̑͆̎̃̑͝h̼̭̦͕̗̲͙̯̻̭͌͗͑̑̍̎͂͘̕͝i̡̳̗̩̲̼̞̜̗̎̈́͂̿͑̈́̐̈́͘͝ͅs̛̹̜̙̪̘̝͖̗͙̰̄͐͐̇̀̿̒̕͠ ̢̡͚̤̜̱̮̺͍͚͛̔̃̃͛̏̆̀̄͝į̡͙̮̣͕̲̟̠̯͆̾̋̈́̈́̔̔̽̓͌ṋ̨̧̢̛̛͔͉͉̖̯͎̃́̊̆͌͑̋̕t̢͈̳̬̝̻̫̪̘̪͑̃̃̐̂̾̈́͘̚̚è̢̢͙̻̤̗̮͒̍̏͑͊̄̐̀̍͜͜ͅr̨̻̟͉̳͇̝̜͓̮̅̎́͊̈́̔̎͆͠͠ȓ̯̹͉̻̻̼̝̤̟̓̓̇͂͗͐̓́͐ͅù͙̪̤̘̭̙̬̜͕͓̓̐̐̑̌͑̽̃͝ṕ̧̦̭͙̱̲̹̳̥̳͑̆́̏͒͗̌̚͠t͍͍̟̩͕̩͔̟̺̠̃͊̒̑͌̓̽͆̊͝ī͓͕͙̮͕̜̞̤̰͋̀̀̓͂̌̈́͝͠ͅơ̦̬̤̠͔͕͙̯̼̙͐̀̒́̈́̿͆͆͝n͔̬̲͉̪͎̪͓̹͐̒͊̀͋̃͂͒̓́͜ ̢̛̩̝͓̦̻͍̹͉̦́͑̀͐͆̃͋̽̂ḯ̢͍̭͕̮̠͚̠̪̗́̑͛͌̄̿̚͠͠n̡̰̯͚̪̮͕͕̘̹̅͆̿̿̓̑̓̈͘͝ ̲̺̣͇̯̥͇͔͎̮̒́́̑̍̀̿͘͝͝ý̡̠̺̣̗͔̪̠̀̔̽̓̉̉̈̓͜͝ͅo̖͎̝̪̲͍̩̪̩̰͐̒̎̿̔̃͐͐̋̚u͍̺̥͚̗̫̝̗̯̎͑͋̑̅̀̓̊̚͜͝r̛̛̮̼̹̬͈͇͈̙͉͛̍͋̄̍̓̍͜͠ ̛̪̜͔̣̝̠̙̫̤̈̂͛̈́͂̍̈͆̇͜b̤̟̞͉̳̝̠̦̝̹͂̿͒̀́̓̌̀̉̎r̤̫͖͖̫̮̱̙͈̻͛̐̈́̒̈́̊̀̀͠͝ǫ̜̞͖̮̦͎̪̤̀̆͗́͌̎́̊͛͜͝a̰̪̙̹̰̗̯̩͈̞̓͋͋͌̅͊̓̑̚͝ḑ̘͇̺̬̘͔̝͎͕̊̇̃̌̄͛̀͑̈͐ç̢̛̱̭͓̣͎̭͔͕̈͌̈̔͛́̃̀̆ä̧̡̢̱̮̳̤͓͉́̉̋̎̈́̀̒͜͝͠͝ş̹͓̟̙̱̼͍͚͛̀̾́̀̊͋̈́͛̚ͅt͈͉̹͈̼̝̳̘̗͚͂͋̎̉̈̍̂̽̚͝ ͙̗̘̲̩̯͓̙̟̞̅̇̆͛́͐̉̊̈́͠h̢̧̪̦̣̣̜̘̞̩̊̈́̎̌̾̋̿̑̚̕ë͇̩̱̪̤̝͔̮̮̟́̈́͊́̀͑͐͐̀͘l̢̛̞̝̲̖̪͙͙̙͍̎̔͌̃̓̎͌̿͘p̡̨̡̛̺͕̱̯̻̰̱̈́͛́̆͗̀̀̉̉p̤̖̦̱̻̮̰̖͇̥͋̓́͆̏͛́̚͝͝p̨̧̞̟̙͔̭̹͇͇̒́̇̓͛̍̔͑̚̕p̨̳͎̙͍̼̗̭͕̖̀͂̏̏͐̋́̾̓̆ ̢̨̠̹̼̺͔͖̣͙̅̋̎̐̂̂͛͘͝͝s̢̟̫̱̼͚̪͍̿͌͂͊̊̋̾̿̊͜͜͝s̢̧͎͚̣͓̘̝̥̤̈́̓͆̏̇͌̎͑̋͘û̝̱̙͇͎̫̭̞̳̖̂͗̾̆́̽́͑͘ ̧̧͕͉͖̳͙͕̰̜̇̐͌͑̓͆́͊͘͘ḩ̧̧̤̗̫͙͉̣̜͗̾̈́̌̈́̆͌͒̾͠ȩ̘͈̯̲̗͈̺͔̤̑͛̅̉̿͂́̐̿͘l̝̻̣̱̜̼͎̰͎̯̒̐͗͗̐̏̀̚͘͠p͇̟͕̹̤̭͎̥̪͋̐͐̎̈́́̃̆͑͝ͅ ̛͖͚̪̝͓͔̲̯̩̉̅͆͆͊̈̏͜͝͝w̘̟̜͍̮̟̺̤̼͖̍̌̂̎̆͛̀̊̕͝ę̼̩̤͓̣͉̼̎̈́̊̆̄͛̍̍͝͝ͅͅ ̢̹̖̪̺͇͙̥͈͕͊̆͐̍́̿͘͘͠͠ą̩̟͚͓̱̺͓̗̤̽̐̀́̓̃̊̓̚͠p̧̪̼͇̺̣̹̗͐̽́̈͆̄̈́͗̿͜͜͝o̧̡͈͈̞̠͉̯͍͉̓͆̋̈́̾̓̊͘͘͝ģ͙͚̱̺̘̦͖̖̗̔̃̏̋͗̏̇̌̔͠

//SCENARIOS.EXE PHASE I [ xxxx ] Nobody likes spam, yet everyone's inboxes are being filled with all kinds of strange e-mails, all with the same title. No matter how many times you try to delete them, they continue to appear in your inbox. They're frustrating, but not all of them lead to the same message. Some have other regular CERES spam attached -25% off Cosmos Cosmetics, Enlarge Your Penis Today - Here's How!, Dear Sir or Madam, I'm a Cerealian Prince, looking to deposit all these credits in a willing bank account, and the like. Through with checking them all, you start to notice your other devices glitching one by one. The microwave is on a nuclear setting; the washing machine is making dying raptor noises; the refrigerator is moving on its own. PHASE II [ xxxx ] You haven't seen the worst of it. Oh no. The toilet lid happens to be flopping up and down, and when you peer down it, you notice a single, coiled robotic tentacle, moving around the lid and trying to stretch upwards. It continues to flop about, trying to get your attention. If you're unlucky to be using the restroom at this time, well. Have fun. PHASE III [ xxxx ] The tenacles aren't just coming out of the toilets anymore. They're popping out of the sinks and all of the city's sewer ways. As you look outside, you'll see them grabbing a hold of pedestrians and strangling them or trying to tug them down inside the sewer. Since they're simple machines, they can be cut down, but they won't go without a vicious fight. PHASE IV [ xxxx ] The sewer covers all burst to reveal what lies underneath. Armies of them start to crawl out -the sewer-cleaning droids of Cerealia- onto the streets without reprieve. The droves will need to be exterminated as they will continue to attack without cause or reason. BONUS [ whyo'clock ] For those of you who decide to send the Cerealian prince money, you will find that your bank account is actually gifted with twice as many credits as it had before. The Cerealian prince will then send you a video of his true form to thank you personally. Congratulations! Thanks to the fabulous glitches, the Pimpbot5000 has gone from "Bitch, where's my money" mode to "Have all the money, all the money ever" mode. Enjoy! [ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE Welcome to CEREALIA's third Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Comments

Miles Edgeworth | Ace Attorney | comes equipped with previous game history...and skillz

[prosecutory]

[PHASE I: VOICE

Edgeworth is not at all impressed with these ads and spam e-mails. And he is even more unimpressed with the washing machine groaning deeply, the lid flopping up and down like the mouth of a giant creature. While trying to delete the spam and looking over the washing machine to see if he can make heads or tails of it, he will send out this voice message. His tone is imbued with frustration and weariness; as if being stuck here wasn't enough, now the technology was acting up.]

Would anyone know how to repair washing machines, or stop this incessant flood of spam messages in my inbox?

[PHASE II: RESIDENCES; ACTION

Hope you weren't planning on spending a quiet day, because your day just got noisier with the addition of one, extremely loud and incredibly close:]

Nnnnggghhhooooh!

[What ensues is the sound of steel clashing with steel, a resounding door slam, and frantic footsteps as Edgeworth hurriedly sprints out of his apartment. His clothes are flecked with small water stains, and in his right hand is a saber. His breathing is quick and shallow, and his feet are spaced in a ready battle stance in case something nasty crawls out of his pad.

Tapping him on the shoulder right now would not be advisable while he's armed.]

[PHASE IV: RESIDENTIAL DISTRICT; ACTION

It wasn't just the toilets. It wasn't just the sinks. And now, they weren't just robotic tentacles. The scene outside is nothing short of pandemonium as people scramble to get out of the droids' way, slam doors into the robots' faces (well, they sort of had faces, maybe) or even climb whatever is climbable in the vicinity.

Edgeworth himself jumps when, several yards away, a sewer cover pops as easily as one would pop the cover of a canister of potato chips. But he promptly stiffens his resolve as he remembers why he even came out here. He doesn't consider himself a hero, but if he doesn't do anything, those sewer droids will wreak havoc upon the district. Besides, his nerves were already buzzing with the adrenaline of combat, his sword hand trembling a touch. Hopefully he hasn't yet forgotten how to fight properly. The tentacle in his bathroom was one thing. A full droid was another.

He sprints forward, blade in hand as he parries the tentacle strikes. One grazes the bridge of his nose, another knocks him to the ground, but he manages to hold his own. And yet, he is dimly aware that he is only fighting one. There were so many other droids on the loose that had to be taken care of, and he was merely one man who had only so recently become trained for combat. Trained, but not an expert.

HELP HIM FIGHT THESE THINGS, WOW.]

phase i

[unathletic]

Get a spam filter.

[ Isn't that what you usually do against spam.. but then again, Heung Soo realises it's not that easy here either. Here they are, trapped in some sort of anime scifi city, and there's not even something as simple as a spam filter. Even though they have robots everywhere. What kind of backwards technology is that, huh? ]

.. and tell me if you find one. [ Yes, indicating that he hasn't found the true solution to this spam problem just yet either.. if he gets even one more message about dating single robots, he swears!!! ]

[prosecutory]

A spam filter? Is such a thing easily found over the Internet? [Does he have to pay for it? Is it a program? CELLPHONES TAKE PICTURES NOW OMG??]

[unathletic]

[ .. oh god. He saw the grey hair, but the rest of the guy didn't look that old so he figured it wasn't just some random old man.. but he doesn't even know about spam filters and the like, so maybe he's ancient after all?! Sounds like just his luck to run into, really. ]

You haven't heard of them? [ What are you.. 80... ]

[prosecutory]

I have, but...I'm uncertain whether I have to pay for them or not. [Durrr.]

[unathletic]

I haven't found one here yet. So I don't know.

[ This place seems to be governed by entirely different rules than most actually normal places.. ]

.. you look like the kind of guy who can afford it though. [ Sure, they may not have their money from back home here, but that cravat? That guy's a total snob, probably. ]

[prosecutory]

Is that really an issue? [Affordability? Shouldn't these things be inexpensive if everyone was on the Internet these days?

...and yes he IS a bit of a snob.]

[unathletic]

Of course. [ He's pretty self-conscious of money, after all. It's what happens when your mother dies and your sister has to take care of you.. it's not like he's been young enough to not realise how much of a difficult time she must have had just trying to make ends meet. ] Why do you think they gave us some money when we first got here? Everything costs money, just like back home.

[ "Your worlds were all destroyed and you're all data now" backstory or not, some things apparently don't change across worlds. ]

[prosecutory]

Er...what I meant is that, if usage of a network like this is widespread, it should not be so difficult to acquire a spam filter. [Y'know, it would become a necessity of sorts and should therefore be more accessible to people.

...then again, the opposite could be true and unscrupulous folk could try and make big bucks off something like this.]

[unathletic]

Ah. Yeah. That's what I thought.

[ But unfortunately, nothing seems to make sense at all in weird anime land over here.. ]

Back home everything had it. But even though there's modern technology everywhere here [ even more modern than he's used to, what's up with all these robots) ] they don't have it.

It's weird.

HEY BOO (also phase iv)

[grimmspells]

[Not good. Not good. This is seriously just getting worse and worse on people. Nico practically springs out of the way of the streets, intent on putting as much distance between her and whatever those things are. But there are too many people still on the street and far too many of them are getting hurt. She can hear the screams and know things are just going to get worse.

Her staff is drawn out of her chest without a second thought. She points it at the nearest monster, eyes blazing.]

Compartmentalize.

[The thing suddenly breaks apart into neat little chunks, collapsing to the ground. She turns and sees Edgeworth with a sword and points her staff at the monster he's fighting as well, frowning.]

Seorsum.

[It, too, crumbles into a heap. She casts Edgeworth a look.]

We need to get out of here. There's too many of them.

OMG LET ME PLAY WITH YOU AGAIN

[prosecutory]

[Edgeworth doesn't notice Nico until the droid he was dueling (it was parrying his attacks with its tentacles and it was becoming difficult for him to find an opening) crumbles, and he backs away when that happens, lowering his sword. He decides that now is not the time to question how she did it.

She was right, of course. A part of himself chides him for rushing into battle as if this were the same thing as an invasion in Death City, but another part argues back that he couldn't leave these people to fend for themselves with droids in the loose.]

There must be a better way to deal with them than engaging each machine one by one. [Perhaps now was the time to use their brains instead of their weaponry.]