PHASE I [ 9 00 ] You open your eyes, and there is a chicken pecking at your face. It's not a very happy chicken, either, but if you can manage to fend it off, then it will be clear that you are in a village. It is... medieval-esque, in that video game sort of way; the details don’t seem too clear, but if you look to your left, there’s a cow! And to your right, a well! Ignore the clear evidence of modern technology in the buildings such as lights, gas, and 21st century plumbing; CERES is dedicated to authenticity.
Looks like the new ViViD level has finally been released, and everyone is invited to play, whether they want to or not.
The game (because this time, that's surely what it is) will start simple. Everyone begins in the same place and every NPC villager will say the same thing: to get out of here, you have to go through the caves. They’ll shove a stick at you (“take this, it’s dangerous to go alone”) and off you go, into the caves… !
Which are full of tiny rats and more chickens. They will try to fight you, but it’s really not very effective when they’re perfectly small and average (especially when everyone still has their typical powers and abilities -- CERES didn't mess with those at all this time). The caves are winding and circular and maze-like, and to make matters even worse, the only ones around are the other poor saps stuck in this situation.
But if you kill enough of the rats, you’ll get to hear the satisfying level up jingle. Congratulations! You are now level 2. It's probably satisfying just for a minute or so until you finally find your way out of those maze like caves and -- You're back in the village again. Great.
PHASE II [ 930 ] You’re carrying a bag. No matter what you do, you can’t take it off, either; it’s stuck with you through thick and thin. But it is awfully heavy. Maybe you should actually open it and see what’s inside?
The problem is, it’s going to take a while.
The bag has clearly tapped into its true hammerspace nature; there are items for days in there, and they’re all very, very strange. You might end up covered in hats of all sorts, buried in logs as you pull out one after another, or look like you have an odd fetish for pickaxes.
Maybe there’s 1/3rd of an evil turnip, half a piece of pie and an egg.
Geez, what in the world are you supposed to do with all of that?
PHASE III [ 1200 ] Eventually, you make it out of the caves the right way despite the harassment of the rats and chickens and the fact you'll keep perpetually getting lost. Hooray! You come out into a large, peaceful, scenic meadow, with a small river bubbling off to one side, and a house.
You'll immediately notice that there’s a bridge to cross the river, but there’s someone standing in the way of that bridge. When you approach to go past him, no matter what you try to do, you won't be able to. Asking him why he won't move will only get one thing in response -- “Bring me a fish. Cooked.”
Then he’ll shove a fishing rod at you and expect you to get to it. You can’t attack him, you can’t get past him -- looks like the only thing to do is to catch and cook that fish. Time to sit back, relax, and get to work. Or maybe you’ll team up with someone else and be the person in the house making sure that the fish gets cooked properly. For some reason, if you leave it too long it turns right into a pile of ashes.
Weirdly though, no matter how good you are at cooking or fishing usually, it’s as if you’re right back at the metaphorical level one. Any sort of seasoning or effort to cook it faster falls flat and in the end you'll only be able to place the fish in the pan and set it on the stove, whole. This may take awhile.
And if you try to cross the river itself, well... no, really, don’t try to cross the river.
At least if you get eaten, you’ll just respawn back in the village, but do have fun traveling through the caves again!
PHASE IV [ 1430 ] You made it through the caves. You made it across the river (with a slightly burnt fish). You’ve made it to the wide open world, and you can finally adventure to your heart’s content. You take a step forward on the road and --
A message pops up, bright red and in your face.
[ Restricted Area: Members Only ]
No matter what you do, you can’t go past that point. In fact, if you’re not careful and you’re going too fast, you might run face-first into it like it’s an invisible wall (which it is).
Then, just like that, you're back in the village. Again. Only this time, there's a nice, blinking message -- Pay a small subscription fee to access member's content. Oh well. No big deal, you can just start again.
Except then you see a cool sword and when you try to pick it up, you'll get that same message, and end up transported back to the village yet again. And again, with some shiny new armor. And again, with that attention-grabbing NPC over there. Looks like you're caught in an infinite loop here but no matter how much you inspect the pop up, there's no... actual way to pay the subscription fee (and why would you want to?). But at least you have company, because you can't be the only person who thought that sword was cool.
(It was really, really cool.)
BONUS [ xxxx ] What’s that on the ground in front of you? It looks like… some bunny ears? Or maybe it’s a chicken head, or a pumpkin head. Either way, the moment you touch it, you have a strong need to put it on your head -- and once it’s on, it’s not coming off.
To make matters worse, each hat has an effect associated with it; the bunny ears will, in fact, randomly turn you into a cute fluffy bunny for anywhere from 5 minutes to an hour before you pop right back to yourself, whereas the pumpkin hat will, in a complete reversal, turn you into Cinderella for a bit -- complete with beautiful ball gown and the ability to talk to all of those cute fluffy bunnies.
Also the rats will love you, so maybe you should go back to the caves again.
Meanwhile, the chicken hat won't transform you into any odd creature, but it will inspire in the people wearing them a very real, persistent desire to build a nest. This will involve picking up twigs, trash, shiny things and whatever else catches your eye to try to build a nest out of it. You'll also try to pick up whatever food you find on the ground to eat, have the weirdest desire to lay an egg, and basically have all sorts of odd chicken-like instincts inflicted upon you.
At least you look festive!
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no subject
[Excitement! Azamat didn't seem all that concerned about Minato getting steadily dragged towards the river's edge, and quickly moved over to the human's side, peering at the massive shadow. Hmmm, he was willing to bet that they snagged some kind of possessed fish of some sort. Common in Sodom, and something Azamat disliked tangling with. Slimy, disgusting creatures. However... they needed a fish, and that old man at the bridge can't say jack shit if he planted this huge bastard at his feet!
Haha~ he can smell victory~!]
Give it here, noodle-arms.
[Azamat easily plucked the rod out of the human's grasp, planting his heels right into the ground and feeling the rod's wire grow instantly taut. He felt a mild strain on his arms and shoulders, but he didn't budge. Though, the shadow didn't either. It couldn't pull away, but the rod's little spinny dohickey that pulled in the line wouldn't even turn a millimetre, the mechanism too weak against a monster like that in the water. Azamat supposed it was a miracle the rod hadn't outright snapped, but it meant that they were at an impasse. Shit]
Ugh, this is so stupid. Oi, human, go snipe the bastard. You've got magic in you, right? [Or, something like it. He was sensing something from the weird human] So use it. Kill the fish while I've got it still.
no subject
Here goes nothing...Lucifer! [Whatever misgivings Minato might have about still using his Evoker when he's pulled off a certain stunt previously evaporates as Lucifer emerges behind him, toasting the shadowy thing with an incredible burst of non-elemental magic while leaving the river intact- that being said the impact still displaces a massive amount of water and some of it probably fell on these two idiots.] Did it work?
no subject
But no, it was not the infamous stripper angel of the bar Gehenna. Instead some weird magical... entity burst forth from the human when it shot itself... in the head... okay, you know what. He was just going to roll with it. This place was just a strange and crazy and weird, and trying to make sense of all the fucked up shit was going to drive him kookier than a first world angel. He even stoically endured the smelly river water splashing all over him, though there was a small part of his mind now dedicated to screaming into the void from sheer despair.
His clothes... wet and smelling of countryside. He knew he led a sinful life, but seriously, come on...]
Well. [Azamat's tone was flat] Considering the bastard's turned into dead weight... yes. It did work.
[He pulled the line. The deadweight obligingly came towards him, no resistance felt. Yup, definitely dead as a doornail. Right, so, let's reel this bastard in so he can cook it and leave this place before he ended up obliterating it from a meltdown induced meteor shower]
no subject
...that doesn't look like any fish I've seen, alien or otherwise. [Indeed, what the hell is this doing in a river? The world may never know.]
no subject
Fucking demons, contaminating waters again.
[It was a very serious problem that transcended all worlds it seemed! Sodom's waters were downright poisonous, with how much evil and demonic energies were concentrated there. Filled to the brim with sea creatures possessed and distorted, seeing things like that was unfortunately commonplace. Though, this one looked a little... uh, non-threatening. Probably a 'special' demon that still hadn't figured out how biological bodies were meant to be formed yet. Still, it was obviously not a fish, and if this river was just filled with these things... ugh.]
Well, fuck it. We fished it, it's now a fish. [He sulkily stomped over and roughly kicked the thing with the steel tip of his boot. It made a very odd noise, like stepping in viscera. It made his skin crawl] This is the most disgusting thing I ever laid eyes on. Oi, human, you can pick it up and carry it.
no subject
This is a game, so it has to count as a fish...let's try cooking it.
no subject
[How did one cook a possessed fish anyway? Azamat had no clue. He'd never cooked a thing in his life, since he didn't eat human cuisine, and he was fairly certain that roasting it with his holy fire would leave it inedible. Oh, sure, it'd get rid of the possessing evil spirit, but though his purification spells were pitifully weak compared to most angels, against mundane or weak creatures, it was still enough to reduce them to ash with little effort.
But... it wasn't as if they had any other choice]
Ahhh, I guess this means we'll need to build a fire. Twigs... twig twigs twigs... ah, hey, grass could work too, right? That's flammable.
no subject
Just sets it down and runs it through with his sword. Yep. It was doomed anyway so he doesn't feel that bad about it.]
I can light a fire too, but it didn't go too well in my past attempts...
no subject
[Um.]
Uh...
[He didn't know how to react to that casual brutality. Azamat shifted a few inches away from Minato, giving his sword a wary look - before wincing at the poor skewered fish-demon-thing oozing stuff all over the river bank. How cold...]
...scary... [He went back to grass plucking] Er, we'll try it anyway. I'll probably burn the thing to cinders.