PHASE I [ 9 00 ] You open your eyes, and there is a chicken pecking at your face. It's not a very happy chicken, either, but if you can manage to fend it off, then it will be clear that you are in a village. It is... medieval-esque, in that video game sort of way; the details don’t seem too clear, but if you look to your left, there’s a cow! And to your right, a well! Ignore the clear evidence of modern technology in the buildings such as lights, gas, and 21st century plumbing; CERES is dedicated to authenticity.
Looks like the new ViViD level has finally been released, and everyone is invited to play, whether they want to or not.
The game (because this time, that's surely what it is) will start simple. Everyone begins in the same place and every NPC villager will say the same thing: to get out of here, you have to go through the caves. They’ll shove a stick at you (“take this, it’s dangerous to go alone”) and off you go, into the caves… !
Which are full of tiny rats and more chickens. They will try to fight you, but it’s really not very effective when they’re perfectly small and average (especially when everyone still has their typical powers and abilities -- CERES didn't mess with those at all this time). The caves are winding and circular and maze-like, and to make matters even worse, the only ones around are the other poor saps stuck in this situation.
But if you kill enough of the rats, you’ll get to hear the satisfying level up jingle. Congratulations! You are now level 2. It's probably satisfying just for a minute or so until you finally find your way out of those maze like caves and -- You're back in the village again. Great.
PHASE II [ 930 ] You’re carrying a bag. No matter what you do, you can’t take it off, either; it’s stuck with you through thick and thin. But it is awfully heavy. Maybe you should actually open it and see what’s inside?
The problem is, it’s going to take a while.
The bag has clearly tapped into its true hammerspace nature; there are items for days in there, and they’re all very, very strange. You might end up covered in hats of all sorts, buried in logs as you pull out one after another, or look like you have an odd fetish for pickaxes.
Maybe there’s 1/3rd of an evil turnip, half a piece of pie and an egg.
Geez, what in the world are you supposed to do with all of that?
PHASE III [ 1200 ] Eventually, you make it out of the caves the right way despite the harassment of the rats and chickens and the fact you'll keep perpetually getting lost. Hooray! You come out into a large, peaceful, scenic meadow, with a small river bubbling off to one side, and a house.
You'll immediately notice that there’s a bridge to cross the river, but there’s someone standing in the way of that bridge. When you approach to go past him, no matter what you try to do, you won't be able to. Asking him why he won't move will only get one thing in response -- “Bring me a fish. Cooked.”
Then he’ll shove a fishing rod at you and expect you to get to it. You can’t attack him, you can’t get past him -- looks like the only thing to do is to catch and cook that fish. Time to sit back, relax, and get to work. Or maybe you’ll team up with someone else and be the person in the house making sure that the fish gets cooked properly. For some reason, if you leave it too long it turns right into a pile of ashes.
Weirdly though, no matter how good you are at cooking or fishing usually, it’s as if you’re right back at the metaphorical level one. Any sort of seasoning or effort to cook it faster falls flat and in the end you'll only be able to place the fish in the pan and set it on the stove, whole. This may take awhile.
And if you try to cross the river itself, well... no, really, don’t try to cross the river.
At least if you get eaten, you’ll just respawn back in the village, but do have fun traveling through the caves again!
PHASE IV [ 1430 ] You made it through the caves. You made it across the river (with a slightly burnt fish). You’ve made it to the wide open world, and you can finally adventure to your heart’s content. You take a step forward on the road and --
A message pops up, bright red and in your face.
[ Restricted Area: Members Only ]
No matter what you do, you can’t go past that point. In fact, if you’re not careful and you’re going too fast, you might run face-first into it like it’s an invisible wall (which it is).
Then, just like that, you're back in the village. Again. Only this time, there's a nice, blinking message -- Pay a small subscription fee to access member's content. Oh well. No big deal, you can just start again.
Except then you see a cool sword and when you try to pick it up, you'll get that same message, and end up transported back to the village yet again. And again, with some shiny new armor. And again, with that attention-grabbing NPC over there. Looks like you're caught in an infinite loop here but no matter how much you inspect the pop up, there's no... actual way to pay the subscription fee (and why would you want to?). But at least you have company, because you can't be the only person who thought that sword was cool.
(It was really, really cool.)
BONUS [ xxxx ] What’s that on the ground in front of you? It looks like… some bunny ears? Or maybe it’s a chicken head, or a pumpkin head. Either way, the moment you touch it, you have a strong need to put it on your head -- and once it’s on, it’s not coming off.
To make matters worse, each hat has an effect associated with it; the bunny ears will, in fact, randomly turn you into a cute fluffy bunny for anywhere from 5 minutes to an hour before you pop right back to yourself, whereas the pumpkin hat will, in a complete reversal, turn you into Cinderella for a bit -- complete with beautiful ball gown and the ability to talk to all of those cute fluffy bunnies.
Also the rats will love you, so maybe you should go back to the caves again.
Meanwhile, the chicken hat won't transform you into any odd creature, but it will inspire in the people wearing them a very real, persistent desire to build a nest. This will involve picking up twigs, trash, shiny things and whatever else catches your eye to try to build a nest out of it. You'll also try to pick up whatever food you find on the ground to eat, have the weirdest desire to lay an egg, and basically have all sorts of odd chicken-like instincts inflicted upon you.
At least you look festive!
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[Which is all well and good.]
Is there anyone else here that I might know? Like...if the world's destroyed...?
[And wait...saying that out loud is less than comforting. Her voice falters...]
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...If I had to be honest, Ema. I think the answer would be 'I don't know'.
CERES has been hiding a lot from us. That much is clear. They could be deceiving us about all of this, but... We haven't found any conclusive evidence yet going either way.
All that I have right now is conviction that we have a world to return to. A-and... if not... I'm ready to anything that I have to in order to turn that around.
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Still, imagining Lana, Phoenix, Edgeworth, Officer Marshall, and all the rest dead because of some aliens...was not a pleasant image.]
R-Right. Of course. We'll fix it, somehow. IF it is real.
[Swallowing, she looks at her feet.]
Is my sister here, like you? Or...Mister Edgeworth? Or anyone else?
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He tries to rest a hand on her shoulder in comfort.]
I'm sorry. I haven't seen your sister here at all. But there are a number of other people here from our world. Edgeworth included.
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Well. That's something. I'm sure that Lana's going to show up eventually. If you and Mister Edgeworth are here. And if not, then we'll just have to save her again.
[Even if that means fighting aliens. Or something.]
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He smiles warmly and gives her shoulder a gentle squeeze before he withdraws it.]
That's the spirit, Ema. We'll work it out either way. Who knows? Your presence here might end up being our secret weapon.
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[A beat. Of course really!]
I guess with the power of science, and you...not really knowing all that much about forensics, I probably can help, huh?
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And you have a lot of spirit - that'll help us get through as well. [Since it hasn't been crushed yet!]
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[Another pause. This time more thoughtful.]
But don't we have to get out of this...game first?
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[He nods.]
You're right. I guess that's our first mission... We'll have to find a way to beat this game, and then we should be able to leave.
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[Ema finishes upturning her bag and more mining gear spills out.][
And if it comes to it we can tunnel out. Or...[Eyes the explosive flask]
There's always that.
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Why... don't we explore our less explosive options first off?
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[She's not really all that eager to go pyromaniac on people either way.]
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[With Luminol, pink glasses, and blowing on the mic.]
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Well, maybe not exactly like last time... [I really hope this game doesn't have any blood in it...]
But I'm sure your know-how can come in handy somehow. Know any tips for navigating caves?
[I have a feeling that knowing that moss grows on the north side of tries isn't going to come in handy here...]
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[Useless tidbit number 1]
Aaand...really that's about it.
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Alright! Well... We have one of those covered at least! [They're not alone! Well done.]
It's a little too late to set up a trail to the entrance. I guess we'll just have to... soldier on?
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[Phoenix...]
I guess we will.
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[In the lack of anything helpful, he just looks around and points down a random tunnel.]
How about we try that way first?
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[Phoenix, are you just clicking on everything again hoping to find a clue?]
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...Defense attorney's intuition?