PHASE I [ 9 00 ] You open your eyes, and there is a chicken pecking at your face. It's not a very happy chicken, either, but if you can manage to fend it off, then it will be clear that you are in a village. It is... medieval-esque, in that video game sort of way; the details don’t seem too clear, but if you look to your left, there’s a cow! And to your right, a well! Ignore the clear evidence of modern technology in the buildings such as lights, gas, and 21st century plumbing; CERES is dedicated to authenticity.
Looks like the new ViViD level has finally been released, and everyone is invited to play, whether they want to or not.
The game (because this time, that's surely what it is) will start simple. Everyone begins in the same place and every NPC villager will say the same thing: to get out of here, you have to go through the caves. They’ll shove a stick at you (“take this, it’s dangerous to go alone”) and off you go, into the caves… !
Which are full of tiny rats and more chickens. They will try to fight you, but it’s really not very effective when they’re perfectly small and average (especially when everyone still has their typical powers and abilities -- CERES didn't mess with those at all this time). The caves are winding and circular and maze-like, and to make matters even worse, the only ones around are the other poor saps stuck in this situation.
But if you kill enough of the rats, you’ll get to hear the satisfying level up jingle. Congratulations! You are now level 2. It's probably satisfying just for a minute or so until you finally find your way out of those maze like caves and -- You're back in the village again. Great.
PHASE II [ 930 ] You’re carrying a bag. No matter what you do, you can’t take it off, either; it’s stuck with you through thick and thin. But it is awfully heavy. Maybe you should actually open it and see what’s inside?
The problem is, it’s going to take a while.
The bag has clearly tapped into its true hammerspace nature; there are items for days in there, and they’re all very, very strange. You might end up covered in hats of all sorts, buried in logs as you pull out one after another, or look like you have an odd fetish for pickaxes.
Maybe there’s 1/3rd of an evil turnip, half a piece of pie and an egg.
Geez, what in the world are you supposed to do with all of that?
PHASE III [ 1200 ] Eventually, you make it out of the caves the right way despite the harassment of the rats and chickens and the fact you'll keep perpetually getting lost. Hooray! You come out into a large, peaceful, scenic meadow, with a small river bubbling off to one side, and a house.
You'll immediately notice that there’s a bridge to cross the river, but there’s someone standing in the way of that bridge. When you approach to go past him, no matter what you try to do, you won't be able to. Asking him why he won't move will only get one thing in response -- “Bring me a fish. Cooked.”
Then he’ll shove a fishing rod at you and expect you to get to it. You can’t attack him, you can’t get past him -- looks like the only thing to do is to catch and cook that fish. Time to sit back, relax, and get to work. Or maybe you’ll team up with someone else and be the person in the house making sure that the fish gets cooked properly. For some reason, if you leave it too long it turns right into a pile of ashes.
Weirdly though, no matter how good you are at cooking or fishing usually, it’s as if you’re right back at the metaphorical level one. Any sort of seasoning or effort to cook it faster falls flat and in the end you'll only be able to place the fish in the pan and set it on the stove, whole. This may take awhile.
And if you try to cross the river itself, well... no, really, don’t try to cross the river.
At least if you get eaten, you’ll just respawn back in the village, but do have fun traveling through the caves again!
PHASE IV [ 1430 ] You made it through the caves. You made it across the river (with a slightly burnt fish). You’ve made it to the wide open world, and you can finally adventure to your heart’s content. You take a step forward on the road and --
A message pops up, bright red and in your face.
[ Restricted Area: Members Only ]
No matter what you do, you can’t go past that point. In fact, if you’re not careful and you’re going too fast, you might run face-first into it like it’s an invisible wall (which it is).
Then, just like that, you're back in the village. Again. Only this time, there's a nice, blinking message -- Pay a small subscription fee to access member's content. Oh well. No big deal, you can just start again.
Except then you see a cool sword and when you try to pick it up, you'll get that same message, and end up transported back to the village yet again. And again, with some shiny new armor. And again, with that attention-grabbing NPC over there. Looks like you're caught in an infinite loop here but no matter how much you inspect the pop up, there's no... actual way to pay the subscription fee (and why would you want to?). But at least you have company, because you can't be the only person who thought that sword was cool.
(It was really, really cool.)
BONUS [ xxxx ] What’s that on the ground in front of you? It looks like… some bunny ears? Or maybe it’s a chicken head, or a pumpkin head. Either way, the moment you touch it, you have a strong need to put it on your head -- and once it’s on, it’s not coming off.
To make matters worse, each hat has an effect associated with it; the bunny ears will, in fact, randomly turn you into a cute fluffy bunny for anywhere from 5 minutes to an hour before you pop right back to yourself, whereas the pumpkin hat will, in a complete reversal, turn you into Cinderella for a bit -- complete with beautiful ball gown and the ability to talk to all of those cute fluffy bunnies.
Also the rats will love you, so maybe you should go back to the caves again.
Meanwhile, the chicken hat won't transform you into any odd creature, but it will inspire in the people wearing them a very real, persistent desire to build a nest. This will involve picking up twigs, trash, shiny things and whatever else catches your eye to try to build a nest out of it. You'll also try to pick up whatever food you find on the ground to eat, have the weirdest desire to lay an egg, and basically have all sorts of odd chicken-like instincts inflicted upon you.
At least you look festive!
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phase 3
So that's why, should Trowa allow him to get behind him, Kaneda will press something hard (stop......) to the line of his spine]
You won't haveta worry about him in a minute. If you don't do as I say, you won't haveta worry about anything, with your head off.
[there's a pause]
....You ain't caught shit.
no subject
No.
[ A pause of his own as the words sink in. ] You'd take my head for a fish?
[ Stranger, you must be desperate. ]
no subject
A harder nudge.]
You really suck at this...might not be worth it to keep your head if you can't even catch a fish. Might need a lesson. And no, I don't wanna take it, but I need to get outta here, so!
no subject
That's a lot of "mights". [ Stranger, you're not very good at being threatening....... ] Have you considered all of your options?
no subject
[way too calm...and smartassed....like he isn't taking Kaneda seriously!]
All I know is, I'm the one with the weapon here.
no subject
I'm not religious.
[ Considering his options, he wonders if he can reach the thing pressing into his back. Hm, yes, probably. Years of acrobatic training really coming in handy, here. One moment he's still and in the next, he's reached behind him, grabbing hold of the object's point, twisting to pull it out and away from his body. With another yank, he attempts to throw the intruder off-balance. ]
no subject
[he doesn't get time for the quip, which is fuckin rude. That's beside the point because all of a sudden he's on his ass, arm in a chokehold and guess what? They are not playing the pull my finger game.
It'd been his hand the entire time.]
THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM!? YOU'RE GONNA BREAK IT!
[Kaneda doesn't take this laying down so much as he struggles and wraps his free hand around Trowa's wrist, squeezes hard and squirms beneath him
(it isn't panic so much as the edge of his eyeteeth that flare)]
no subject
The threats had been so flimsy– part of him had wanted to laugh. Instead, he levels his gaze at the struggling boy, seemingly nonplussed at the tight grip that's around his wrist currently. He considers being extra mean, just to prove a point, but it seems like a waste of time. ]
You shouldn't make threats if you have no follow through.
[ And just as fast as he'd grabbed the other's hand, he lets go. ]
no subject
And really looks like he wants to slug the other teen.]
You shouldn't be a smartassed little bitch when you coulda gotten it. You probably ain't even worth it, anyway.
[look at the bold badass rubbing his hand sullenly]
no subject
Minutely, he frowns at the twist and the digging in of nails. Mostly about the twisting, since he needs these hands for piloting. Trowa would much rather they be unstrained. Withholding a sigh and the urge to preemptively pop the mouthy teen one, he manages to get his expression back to something more neutral. ]
Not everyone is going to take a bluff at face value. [ Dude is lucky it hadn't been Heero. ] Interesting that I'm not worth it after you've been caught, though.
no subject
Kaneda's still deciding whether or not he wants another go at him, on general principle]
You were only minutely worth it before, on account of you actually catchin' shit...the moment you fucked up you weren't.
[a look of pity is cast in the way of Trowa's....haul]
You coulda eaten those after you got what you wanted. Such a waste of life.
no subject
I'm not catching them to eat them.
[ It's for this stupid mission. Quest. Whatever they wanted to call it here. A flash of irritation flickers in his eyes as he glances at the river. This has been taking entirely too long. ]
Did you bypass the man on the bridge?
no subject
And oho-! Is that real emotion there?]
If this plan wasn't gonna work out I'd get a big rock and bash his balls in until he let me pass.