PHASE I [ 9 00 ] You open your eyes, and there is a chicken pecking at your face. It's not a very happy chicken, either, but if you can manage to fend it off, then it will be clear that you are in a village. It is... medieval-esque, in that video game sort of way; the details don’t seem too clear, but if you look to your left, there’s a cow! And to your right, a well! Ignore the clear evidence of modern technology in the buildings such as lights, gas, and 21st century plumbing; CERES is dedicated to authenticity.
Looks like the new ViViD level has finally been released, and everyone is invited to play, whether they want to or not.
The game (because this time, that's surely what it is) will start simple. Everyone begins in the same place and every NPC villager will say the same thing: to get out of here, you have to go through the caves. They’ll shove a stick at you (“take this, it’s dangerous to go alone”) and off you go, into the caves… !
Which are full of tiny rats and more chickens. They will try to fight you, but it’s really not very effective when they’re perfectly small and average (especially when everyone still has their typical powers and abilities -- CERES didn't mess with those at all this time). The caves are winding and circular and maze-like, and to make matters even worse, the only ones around are the other poor saps stuck in this situation.
But if you kill enough of the rats, you’ll get to hear the satisfying level up jingle. Congratulations! You are now level 2. It's probably satisfying just for a minute or so until you finally find your way out of those maze like caves and -- You're back in the village again. Great.
PHASE II [ 930 ] You’re carrying a bag. No matter what you do, you can’t take it off, either; it’s stuck with you through thick and thin. But it is awfully heavy. Maybe you should actually open it and see what’s inside?
The problem is, it’s going to take a while.
The bag has clearly tapped into its true hammerspace nature; there are items for days in there, and they’re all very, very strange. You might end up covered in hats of all sorts, buried in logs as you pull out one after another, or look like you have an odd fetish for pickaxes.
Maybe there’s 1/3rd of an evil turnip, half a piece of pie and an egg.
Geez, what in the world are you supposed to do with all of that?
PHASE III [ 1200 ] Eventually, you make it out of the caves the right way despite the harassment of the rats and chickens and the fact you'll keep perpetually getting lost. Hooray! You come out into a large, peaceful, scenic meadow, with a small river bubbling off to one side, and a house.
You'll immediately notice that there’s a bridge to cross the river, but there’s someone standing in the way of that bridge. When you approach to go past him, no matter what you try to do, you won't be able to. Asking him why he won't move will only get one thing in response -- “Bring me a fish. Cooked.”
Then he’ll shove a fishing rod at you and expect you to get to it. You can’t attack him, you can’t get past him -- looks like the only thing to do is to catch and cook that fish. Time to sit back, relax, and get to work. Or maybe you’ll team up with someone else and be the person in the house making sure that the fish gets cooked properly. For some reason, if you leave it too long it turns right into a pile of ashes.
Weirdly though, no matter how good you are at cooking or fishing usually, it’s as if you’re right back at the metaphorical level one. Any sort of seasoning or effort to cook it faster falls flat and in the end you'll only be able to place the fish in the pan and set it on the stove, whole. This may take awhile.
And if you try to cross the river itself, well... no, really, don’t try to cross the river.
At least if you get eaten, you’ll just respawn back in the village, but do have fun traveling through the caves again!
PHASE IV [ 1430 ] You made it through the caves. You made it across the river (with a slightly burnt fish). You’ve made it to the wide open world, and you can finally adventure to your heart’s content. You take a step forward on the road and --
A message pops up, bright red and in your face.
[ Restricted Area: Members Only ]
No matter what you do, you can’t go past that point. In fact, if you’re not careful and you’re going too fast, you might run face-first into it like it’s an invisible wall (which it is).
Then, just like that, you're back in the village. Again. Only this time, there's a nice, blinking message -- Pay a small subscription fee to access member's content. Oh well. No big deal, you can just start again.
Except then you see a cool sword and when you try to pick it up, you'll get that same message, and end up transported back to the village yet again. And again, with some shiny new armor. And again, with that attention-grabbing NPC over there. Looks like you're caught in an infinite loop here but no matter how much you inspect the pop up, there's no... actual way to pay the subscription fee (and why would you want to?). But at least you have company, because you can't be the only person who thought that sword was cool.
(It was really, really cool.)
BONUS [ xxxx ] What’s that on the ground in front of you? It looks like… some bunny ears? Or maybe it’s a chicken head, or a pumpkin head. Either way, the moment you touch it, you have a strong need to put it on your head -- and once it’s on, it’s not coming off.
To make matters worse, each hat has an effect associated with it; the bunny ears will, in fact, randomly turn you into a cute fluffy bunny for anywhere from 5 minutes to an hour before you pop right back to yourself, whereas the pumpkin hat will, in a complete reversal, turn you into Cinderella for a bit -- complete with beautiful ball gown and the ability to talk to all of those cute fluffy bunnies.
Also the rats will love you, so maybe you should go back to the caves again.
Meanwhile, the chicken hat won't transform you into any odd creature, but it will inspire in the people wearing them a very real, persistent desire to build a nest. This will involve picking up twigs, trash, shiny things and whatever else catches your eye to try to build a nest out of it. You'll also try to pick up whatever food you find on the ground to eat, have the weirdest desire to lay an egg, and basically have all sorts of odd chicken-like instincts inflicted upon you.
At least you look festive!
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aerith gainsborough ( final fantasy vii )
[ well. this doesn't seem all that unfamiliar, traversing caves and fighting weird creatures for exp. it's just that most of the things she's used to hitting with sticks are more dangerous than small rats and chickens. she honestly feels bad attacking them up until one of those hideous rats tries to bite her leg, then she is not in the least bit above whacking it with her overpowered rod/using overpowered magic on it/etc. gross!!!
as far as getting through the winding tunnels and onto wherever she's supposed to be going next, though, she's pretty lost—it's not long before she's wandered her way in a circle several times with a small army of small creatures following at her heels. she could just blow up the whole group of them, but that would be kind of mean. so she just... hustles her way along, trying not to pay attention to her vicious little pursuers. unfortunately that means she's not watching where she's going all that well, which both gets her more lost and also makes it more likely to run into another adventurer.
if she does bump into you, though, just take comfort in the fact that she doesn't fall down; she assumes whatever she bumps into as dangerous and takes a whack at it with her staff, instead. ]
—Oh!! Sorry! You're not a giant chicken at all.
(phase iii)
[ Aerith has never been fishing before. and you know what's fun about fishing, even to a first-timer who doesn't hesitate to try new things, given the chance? nothing. nothing is fun about it. it takes her half of forever to stop getting tangled up in the fishing line and then even longer to figure out how to cast the line without hooking the back of her dress instead, but then, finally, she gets that hook in the water.
without putting on any bait (she doesn't know you're supposed to), but it's in the water. it's a miracle. and an even bigger miracle is when something pretty hefty gives a tug on her line. or maybe more like a yank. it rips the fishing rod right out of her hands and she goes sprawling into the reeds to grab it before it gets dragged away, catching the tail end of it and rolling all over in the mud to try and yank it back, shrieking half with the effort and half with delight.
now this is fun. maybe fishing isn't so bad after all. ]
phase i
[ She raises one hand in surrender as she rubs the injury with the other one, a little apologetically. ]
I'm okay though, you don't have to worry. Though I didn't think anybody would have been spooked enough to do that.
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It's not that, it's... [ well. glancing back at the oncoming swarm of small beasts. they're at least slow moving, so she has time to ask - ] Are you okay? I can heal, if you want.
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You'll probably be able to tell if I really do.
[ Except she just drops the stick and goes for a dropkick towards the first 'monster'. ]
III
Ah...! Young miss! Your endeavor...!
[He winces and balls up a fist.]
Please tell me! Is this an endeavor that you need to do yourself, or will you take assistance?!
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He—he didn't say we couldn't accept help, right? This thing is really strong...!
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He pauses in thought as he considers the bridge man's words.]
That's right! Please do not worry... I will do everything that I can to help you!
[He runs up beside her and then reaches over, trying to grab onto fishing rod firmly, and he grunts as he tries to give a mighty pull.]
Our strengths and willpower combined...!
phase i
You'll have to hit harder than that to kill a chicken. [ The stick in his hand is bloodied up to the hilt. There may also be some stray chicken feathers on his clothes. ]
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at least not on him. just. in case he was worried about that. ]
I'm not much of a bruiser, I'm afraid! But I realized right at the last second that I was swinging at a person, so I may have gone a little easier than I would on a real life chicken.
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You might want to get ready to swing again. [ dryly ]
phase 1
More likely, though, is that they were unused to dangerous situations.
He thinks he probably could've cleared this when he was nine. That's more commentary on himself than anyone else, though. Mercenary life, or whathaveyou.
As he's turning around a bend in the cave, something (someone) bumps him, immediately putting him on guard. Fortunately, quick reflexes allow him to catch the stick that'd been whistling towards him with decent speed.
Unfortunately, his palm is now smarting like hell in the aftermath of the decision. ]
No, I'm not clucking around. [ A joke??? Dropping his hand, he half shakes it off. Hopefully it doesn't bruise. ]
Nice swing.
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Sorry, sorry! All those rats and things following me just had me so on edge. Are you okay? Do you need healing? [ leaning forward a little to try and get a look at his hand. ] I hope I didn't break any bones...
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It's fine, don't worry about it. [ Almost instinctually, he fractionally turns his hand away from her sight, palm facing in. The test flex of his fingers earlier told him nothing was broken or even fractured. All there will be in a few days are bruises. ]
Are you going to be okay in here?
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at the question she glances over her shoulder almost as if in response, then back again. maybe just a little sheepish. ]
Oh, I'm fine! It's not like it's really dangerous in here, just... well, I stopped fighting them off, and then they sort of gathered into an army.
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His expression relaxes a bit– maybe he's smiling? The lighting makes it hard to tell. ]
I suppose that's the idea. Gather and overwhelm; a better strategy when it's not being used against you. [ He's definitely amused, there's a warmer tone to his answer than before. ] I can give you a hand, if you need it.
[ Because while he's used to fighting alone, two people can clear the way faster. ]
phase I
[Another time, another place, Iris might have questioned how anyone could mistake her for a giant chicken. Fortunately, she had already encountered several oddities of her own, and as such, the other woman's error was understandable.]
Forgive me. [Stepping back, she offered a light bow of her head in apology for the earlier bump.] I was so taken aback with our current surroundings, I wasn't looking where I was going.
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Neither was I! I'm being, er, followed, and I couldn't help thinking maybe they were herding me to their master or something. A giant chicken would be a reasonable master for a bunch of smaller chickens, don't you think?
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Truthfully?
I'm...not sure what to think right now. All of this is a little overwhelming for me.
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You can come with me if you want. I can use magic, and these things aren't all that dangerous so long as you don't let them get too big in numbers, it seems like.
[ hence her whole issue. ]
no subject
[...!]
Did you say...magic?
[Her first thought was that the woman was a Spirit Medium, though she had never quite heard channeling referred to as magic before.]
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i; I do keep saying someone needs to smack him in the head...
That repetition, however, from village to cave to village again (ad nauseum), does nothing to assuage his lingering doubt that this isn't still some kind of karmic post-death punishment: forced to repeat menial things that don't matter, forced to watch the same hurts over and over. Or worse, it's that he "died" but can't die at all, and eternity is that hideous repetition.
Either way, it's as unsettling as it is annoying.
He's in the caves, assuming that the footfalls and ambient sounds around him--usually fairly clear and precise out in a world that makes slightly more sense than virtual reality--are simply more lost chickens or ankle biting rats, and he doesn't think twice about them.
Until he's hit upside the head. Hard.
His first thought, immediately, is that there's something that'll finally make a fair fight. The second is spared for wondering about the probably-growing bump on his head. The third waits for the response that follows, as he's caught mid-turn.
That voice.
In that split second it takes before he finishes wheeling around, he's already finding a way to tell his heart not to gets its hopes up. It's always a joke, or a ruse, or some kind of threat. It's not real. It isn't ever.
And yet. His breath catches in his throat, and he stares more than he probably should, dumbstruck and not quite comprehending what he's seeing. Her name ends up strangled in there somewhere, and instead all he can manage after an awkward pause is:]
Do you regularly hit chocobo that hard?
i exist only to deliver
she looks back at the sound of his voice with an odd tingling sensation up and down the back of her neck, the kind she gets when she's hearing things that most other people don't hear, but this hardly seems like the time or place. that hardly seems like the person or voice. it gives her a weird feeling. ]
No, not usua...lly—
[ she gets about the same confounded look on her face when it clicks, who she's looking at. surprised enough to gasp and recoil—like she's seen a ghost—but that reaction only lasts a second before she's just standing there, brow furrowed, head tilted, as if trying to interpret whether this is a vision or not. I mean, it has to be. not real. for a lot of reasons. how is it even possible that she could run into him here, after all this time, looking exactly the way he left her when she herself has changed so much?
she just. moves her mouth silently when blinking doesn't make the illusion disappear. ]
... Z...ack?
bless you bless everything
[It's a very intelligent response.
But this alone about cinches this "apparition" as real. Every other time he sees this--maybe not this very scenario, far fewer rats are involved then--there aren't words. No real acknowledgement, just vaguely remembered smiles (or worse, depending).
If nothing else, it's a good kick in the face to that hellish repetition. Enough that it snaps him out of rote, comfortable responses, where the seizing up moves to his chest instead of getting stuck in his throat.
He grins like an idiot, assuming only that the conflict in her glance is for the same reason his had been (it would be ridiculous to think it's more than that, wouldn't it, to assume she's aware of anything that's happened here?), and he brushes right by that unease in typical Zack fashion.
By simply not addressing any of it. That pounding in his heart doesn't mean anything and will definitely go away if he ignores it enough.]I--uh. [Words, Zack.] Probably deserved that. Not sure what for...
[But something.]
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for a second she wants to laugh. maybe cry. maybe honestly hit him again?? she just doesn't know how to react, she goes with just saying the first thing that comes to mind, holding the Princess Guard tight to her chest like it's helping her somehow. steeling her against a totally different kind of encounter. ]
You kind of really did deserve it.
[ with a touch of humor, and maybe the faintest smile, but it hasn't quite sunk in yet. she looks down, pursing her lips, and then back up again. yep, he's still there. ]
It's been... years. Since I last saw you. I thought—
[ yeah no letting that sentence drop. she doesn't know what she thought. ]
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iii to break that combo
but she knew you weren't supposed to do that. ]
Next time try to hold onto the rod. [ pardon the sass. ]