//SCENARIOS.EXE
THEATER I [ 00 00 ]
MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE - RATED A
Advertised as a delightful tale of ponies discovering magic and friendship, this is a must-see! For adults that is. The ponies are killed within the first ten minutes, and then the rest of the run time is filled with a celebratory orgy of Roman-esque proportions. There are no mentions of ponies after the initial scene. They are neither seen nor mourned nor heard from. There are only naked, gyrating bodies as far as the eye can see.
If you manage to sit through the horror long enough, you will notice a certain something in between the moaning. Is that your face on one of the protags? Is it a beloved family member or a friend? You will find that spliced between the scenes are cherished and innocent childish memories now being soiled by passionate cries of pleasure. Enjoy the new memory, your poor, sweet summer child. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.
THEATER II [ 0000 ]
LARGE ADVENTURER 7 - RATED B
A touching tale of dealing with loss and more loss. This film is about a giant robot and his pet human that gets eradicated in the Third Robotic Genocide, leaving behind just a human carcass. The giant robot clings to the carcass and cries robotic tears until finally he chucks the carcass into a river full of carcasses and decides to go on a deep quest in search of cheese.
But spliced between this tale of woe, viewers will see images of themselves caught in a romantic memory. A first kiss, perhaps? A first love-making session? A first crush? A desired one will also have their face molded on top of all the carcasses as they flow away. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.
THEATER III [ 0000 ] THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON - RATED C
Agent Dick Angry takes it upon himself to assemble a team of miscreant aliens to invade the hell out of "Planet Earth." The aliens include Zorn, an intelligent toaster; Crisis, a blue-skinned beauty that turns purple when she's aroused; Trish, a rogue miniature ficus with a criminal record; and General Cerealia, a handsome, ripped man who beats evil-doers with his laptop and who looks suspiciously like CERES' programmer, Elias.
This adventurous romp will feature the tragic memories of death interweaving with the destruction of the "Planet Earth." Those who attend will see first-hand the memories of their own worlds slowly being demolished before their eyes and all their loved ones screaming in agony. Then it'll loop itself again and again for the last hour of the film. Enjoy! This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.
THEATER IV [ 0000 ]
DECEASE HARDER II - RATED D
Jack McJack is a cop who is having none of your shit. In this action film, he will ride around on a velociraptor and go around punching evil-doers and detonating them with land mines. If you want all the violence in the world, this is the film for you. Watch as every second is filled with pointless explosions and every curse word in all the known languages in Cerealia.
Of course, spliced between every action scene will be every embarrassing moment of your life being played out for you and only you. Or is it? Start sweating and looking in every direction as you begin to wonder if everyone else can see that time you tripped and fell on your senpai almost kissing him (sacre bleu D= !)
BONUS - THEATER V [ whyo'clock ]
YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS - RATED Z
This is a touching film about tenderness and coming together to overcome obstacles and achieve greatness. The Yard-Door people run into danger when an evil megalord starts polluting the air with negative feelings. The Yard-Door people must band together and save the world through kindness. They will go and help their neighbors get across the street, rake up leaves from their lawns, donate canned food to the poor, and collect toys for children who do not have any.
While this film will draw tears from your eyes, you will see happy memories. The happiest that can be mustered. They will be spliced in with the scenes in the movie, occurring side-by-side with all the smiles and fuzzy feelings leaking off the screens. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.
Also, beware! This film contains the angriest of Theater Cleaning Robots. Dropping anything on the floor will result in a bit of a flogging with a wooden paddle and a robot calling you a dirty slut and claiming that you like it. Yes, BDSM robots will not take your bad behavior. You better bend over and start apologizing for being such a filthy, little theater-goer.
[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]
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Emperor Kuzco | The Emperor's New Groove
[This is what Kuzco stood in line for? Man, what a waste of time! He didn't really get what the big deal was or why he should've felt moved to tears about it. The young man groans, kicking his feet up on the chair in front of him and resting his hands behind his head.]
Lame! Only peasants could like something this overrated.
[What a bore. Or, it's a bore until he starts seeing images of himself, staring into ornate mirrors lined with gold. He sits up, smile on his face.]
Now, that's more like it! [Oh, he was so beautiful! He could look at that handsome mug all day and never get bored. And he'd always sort of wanted to be a star. King of the World was great and all, but the politics always made him yawn. Maybe he'd look into modeling tunics, or--wait--
The scenes stop being so picturesque when his face shows up on dead bodies floating downriver. He clutches his face and gives a wail of displeasure.]
Hey! [He practically whines.] No, nuh-uh, not cool! I don't like this movie thingy anymore! Someone turn it off!
[At this point, Kuzco's practically throwing a tantrum in his seat, his arms crossed and face flushed in a frustrated pout. Why do bad things always happen to good people? Whoever's responsible for this is totally gonna get fired for being treason. And then thrown out of a window.]
III.
[Having not gotten his way in the last film he attended, Kuzco makes himself at home in this one and expects it to be much more fitting to his personal standards. Maybe it won't be so bad. When he sees his home up on the big screen, he can care less about all the peasants and all his servants dying and crying and holding one another as they get blown to smithereens. They were, like, super gross anyway. Maybe if they were rich like him, they wouldn't have such a hard time staying alive!
That's when his room, his throne, his precious stuffed animal collection and meticulously hand-sculpted model of the would-be Kuzcotopia go up in flames. Kuzco gives a yell of frightened alarm and misery before becoming overpowered by his emotions. He bursts into tears without shame.]
No! Kuzcotopia! You were so young! You had so much promise!
[How could they take you away? He hadn't even gotten the chance to use the water slide! Not even once!]
III.
If he's... crying, actually crying, it must be really bad, right? ]
There, there.
[ A slightly sticky hand pat's Kuzco's shoulder. Poor guy. ]
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How could anyone do this to me?
[He's always been such a kind, loving, understanding ruler who everyone adored unconditionally.]
It isn't fair! My beautiful empire!
[But despite his tears, his mood abruptly shifts when he feels a hand on his shoulder. With a petrified shriek, Kuzco all but falls from his chair in his scramble to stand. He puts his hands up defensively and tries to take a stern tone through his pathetic sniveling.]
Whoa! Whoa there, pal! No touchy the emperor, capisce?
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But when Kuzco shrieks at his touch, he quickly holds up his hands. Emperor, then. He'd been comforting a crying emperor. He's not sure if even Chrom would be this broken up about it, and he was an exalt. ]
Easy, buddy. You looked like you really needed it. Haven't seen someone cry like that since the last Exalt's funeral.
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[He knows he was crying, but what kind of sorry sap was going to admit it. An emperor had no faults! And if he didn't want to acknowledge his tears, then nobody else should, either!]
I've got my emotions on lock.
[He likes to think that he has an amazing poker face, but that's because he was such a sore loser if anyone beat him at gambling they'd be met with a sorry fate. So, he never lost. Ever.
Kuzco pretends to scratch his eye so he can wipe the tears away from his eyelids. Totally subtle.]
Your concern is adorable, so I'll let it slide, this time.
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[ He won't roll his eyes in front of him, even though it's really dark and he doubts Kuzco can see it anyway. ]
I hear there's a good movie about horses if, you know, you want to give that a shot. Probably has less bodies to deal with.
[ Of course, he'd seen a lot of people run out of that particular theater in disgust. Not that he'd overheard any of what was going on in there, but apparently wholesome pony entertainment wasn't the only thing on the table in there. If that was bad, he'd love to see this guy's reaction to it. ]
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Yeah! What are you waiting for? Lead the way!
[Opening his mouth again, Kuzco has the sudden thought to make the stranger carry him--he has such weak ankles, you know--but decides against it. Whatever Gaius has on his hands, Kuzco doesn't want it anywhere on his fine clothes. Or his delicate skin. Or his anything.]
And it better be as good as you say it is.
[He's not ever letting you forget his displeasure in it, otherwise. But if he likes it, you better believe he's taking credit for the idea to change movies.]
II
Kuzco? He's a whiny baby wearing enough finery to pass for someone from El Dorado. Talk about an easy target.]
Not having a great day, huh?
[She might be mocking him. Just a little.]
Chin up, little guy.
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But that's beside the point! He isn't going to get distracted! Kuzco knows when he's being slighted and as the Emperor he doesn't have to take it!]
Uh, yeah. Hello? Do you not see what they've done? Plastering my face all over the common [dead] rabble like we're on the same level? They're mocking my authority!
[If they were back on his world he'd snap his fingers and this entire place would be in shambles. How dare they humiliate him like this! Thinking they're all so big and mighty just because they plucked him out of a whatever they called it. Tch. Like he's supposed to act like they'd done him some sort of favor. Well, he wasn't any charity case! He'd show them!
Eventually. I mean, the movie isn't over yet.]
iii!
On the other... his distress is so comical that it almost makes Oz forget that what's happening on the screen is actually horrific?? THERE THERE, SMALL BABY. Oz will hold out a handkerchief helpfully.]
It's okay! It's just a movie!
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[That's it for his kingdom, his reign, his ultimate summer getaway. With another sob, Kuzco helps himself to the offered handkerchief. He practically snatches it as if he already owns it and blows his nose loudly with it.]
What did I do to deserve this?
[Even if it wasn't real, he was being shown it on purpose and it was mean and totally completely 100% undeserved!]
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Instead, in a placating sort of tone:]
Will it be okay if you have sooome- [and then THRUSTING A BUCKET OUT that had been tucked into the seat next to him.] -popcorn?!
[A WHOLE DELICIOUS BUTTERY TUB. Food cures all that ails.]
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No. [He chews as if in contemplation. Okay, maybe a little.] It helps. Good work, peasant.
[At the very least, Oz seems to have put a stop the the waterworks. Kuzco sinks down into his seat until his chin's resting against his chest. It makes his crown slip a little closer to his forehead.]
Why would anyone ever want to destroy my palace? Everybody loves me!
[He crosses his arms over his chest. Nobody's paying attention to the movie, right? There's no harm in him going on and on about his problems as loudly as he wants.]
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Thanks! [For... for saying good work, presumably. It's hard to tell... Maybe he's just thanking Kuzco for the pause in attempting to flood the theater with salty salty tears.]
Oh— is that what you're seeing? [A glance toward the screen.] Well, they're probably showing it to you just to upset you.
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What do you mean 'is that what I'm seeing'? What else would I be seeing? You can't tell me that you're seeing something different.
[If this is some sort of game, he's not amused.]
And yeah, duh! It's gotta be on purpose! And why aren't you more upset about it?
[Cause you should be, hello!]
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[Which he doesn't explain any further than that... He glances back to the screen as if to double-check, nodding once more to himself after confirming. Yep, that sure isn't Kuzcotopia up there.]
If they're doing it on purpose, then being upset is what they want to see, right? So if you try not to let yourself be bothered, they might stop using methods like this!
[What sound and solid reasoning, truly. Actually it is decent, with the glaring caveat that it might just make CERES resort to even more drastic measures...]
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[Kuzco demands to know! Everybody should be mourning the loss of Kuzcotopia with him. There's nothing more important anywhere ever!]
Maybe with a bit of positive thinking you can stop seeing whatever it is you're seeing and start seeing the right thing.
[He's the Emperor sooooo he basically can't be wrong.]
But how can I not be bothered when this is all just so mean? It's mean! Man, I wish my guards were here. I'd have them search for the one responsible.
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III
For awhile Milo had been enraptured, but began dividing his time between the screen and the books in his lap-- at least until the guy next to him starts wailing--]
Aah-- Um.. Uh... Sir? Is-Is... Haha-- [Wow this is awkward--] everything alright?
[Should he be quiet right now?? This guy wasn't being quiet.]
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[Kuzco stops crying long enough to point wildly at the screen, thoroughly affronted by the question he's been given by the book-laden neighbor he didn't realize he had.]
My birthday's ruined!
[Shucks. And he'd worked oh-so-hard for that vacation, too. Really did his old man proud.]
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[He throws his glance back at the screen and... well all he can really make out are images of the destruction of Atlantis. Statues he saw rise being crushed back down, roads flooded and buildings destroyed-- people running and-- and screaming--
Kida screaming.]
Really...sorry...
[His thought process stutters; he trails off and almost looks like he's about to choke on nothing, pushing his hair out of his eyes and readjusting his glasses, instead turning his attention back on his wailing neighbor to-- try and forget that he didn't actually see any of that--]
I'm... I'm sorry uh-- Bir, Birthday? Your birthday?
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[Kuzco rolls his eyes. Man, was this guy slow on the uptake, or what? Nobody else had a birthday half as relevant as his. Huffing, he turns in his seat so he can face Milo more fully and props up his chin in one hand.]
Don't take this the wrong way, but has anybody ever told you you have a bit of an articulation problem?
[It's super annoying, actually. Like, ugh, wow, is Kuzco ever glad that he has a selective listening problem. And that on top of the glasses? Yeesh. How does this guy ever get a date? Well, Kuzco's guessing he doesn't. He doesn't look like he even gets out much to begin with.]
You should get that looked into. I know a few people--but, well, I guess they'd kind of hard to get a hold of now, or whatever.
[This whole place was just one big drag.]
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[Seriously how was he supposed to know it was this guy's birthday. Yeesh. He rubs his neck awkwardly at the guy's indignant huffing.]
Actually it's-- it's funny, y'see I'm actually a linguist but a few people have told me that my accent sounds a little closer to the typical lower class dialect of the day-- not to say they speak badly of course but you have your differences in pronunciation and makes it sound a lot more rough when you're a native speaker and you're listening to it so--
[Well he's rambling but-- hey, look on the bright side, right! None of that. Everyone is gone and dead sort of thing.
He awkwardly stops himself, clearing his throat with a hand covering his mouth and leaning back into his chair.]
Yeah I, I've been told that.
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Uh-huh...
[All at once Kuzco finds the underside of his fingernails to be much more interesting and turns his focus on them.]
That's great for you. Seriously. I bet you're a real blast at parties.
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Oh, y'know, I've been known to uh-- [He pushes up his glasses, roll his shoulders and puts on a tone of affected confidence... before looking at his conversation partner's face again and deciding to drop that entirely.]
I uh. Got a lot-- lot of work to do, usually.
[He got invited to parties in Atlantis OK.]
Uh-- Milo Thatch. [Subject change! He puts an awkward smile this time, extending his hand to shake.] Ni-Nice to meet you.
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[He looks down at the hand extended to him, clearly unimpressed, but slowly brings his hand down toward it. He's still not completely sure if he's going to touch it at all, so he's leaving himself the opportunity to yank his hand back at the last second. Hey, you never know. This could be some sort of assassination attempt and one can't be to careful.]
Emperor Kuzco.
[You know, the one and only? His eyebrow raises in clear expectation. He's sort of a big deal, Milo has to have heard of him.]
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