//TESTDRIVE7.0.EXE

[reparator]

//TESTDRIVE7.0.EXE Mystery Science Theatre -3000 Welcome to Cerealia's latest attraction. In an effort to branch into other forms of entertainment, CERES has been slowly patching together films from various worlds to show in its brand new movie theater. So, grab a friend, sit back, and enjoy the newest batch of imported films with a nice bucket of popcorn. As you'll notice from the long line outside, it's the latest rage in the colony, and those tired of the same virtual battles in ViViD are eager to enjoy a little change in scenery. For those eager to participate, you will find yourself being lead into the lobby by one of the many robotic theater employees. Showing today are five special films, and in the lobbies are various screens advertising them through the movie's digital avatar, Mnemosyne. Allow her to take you on a virtual tour of CERES' finest theatrical offerings. (( P.S. no actual actors/actresses appear in any of the films. It's all done through advanced CGi-technology and voice acting. )) "GOOD EVENING, MOVIE-GOERS. I AM MNEMOSYNE, YOUR GUIDE FOR THIS EVENING. AS YOU CAN SEE, WE HAVE SEVERAL CONCESSIONS FOR YOU. PLEASE PARTAKE IN THE CONCESSIONS, BUT DO NOT MAKE A MESS. THE THEATER ROBOTS HAVE BEEN PROGRAMMED TO TAKE ACTION FOR LITTERING. TONIGHT'S FILMS ARE THE MUCH LAUDED AND CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED FILMS HAND-PICKED BY JULIUS VINCERE: MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE RATED A LARGE ADVENTURER 7 RATED B THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON RATED C DECEASE HARDER II RATED D YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS RATED Z PLEASE MAKE YOUR SELECTION AT THE BOOTHS IN THE FRONT OF THE LOBBY THEN FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS TO THE APPROPRIATE THEATER. THANK YOU AND ENJOY YOUR EVENING."

//SCENARIOS.EXE THEATER I [ 0000 ] MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE - RATED A Advertised as a delightful tale of ponies discovering magic and friendship, this is a must-see! For adults that is. The ponies are killed within the first ten minutes, and then the rest of the run time is filled with a celebratory orgy of Roman-esque proportions. There are no mentions of ponies after the initial scene. They are neither seen nor mourned nor heard from. There are only naked, gyrating bodies as far as the eye can see. If you manage to sit through the horror long enough, you will notice a certain something in between the moaning. Is that your face on one of the protags? Is it a beloved family member or a friend? You will find that spliced between the scenes are cherished and innocent childish memories now being soiled by passionate cries of pleasure. Enjoy the new memory, your poor, sweet summer child. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself. THEATER II [ 0000 ] LARGE ADVENTURER 7 - RATED B A touching tale of dealing with loss and more loss. This film is about a giant robot and his pet human that gets eradicated in the Third Robotic Genocide, leaving behind just a human carcass. The giant robot clings to the carcass and cries robotic tears until finally he chucks the carcass into a river full of carcasses and decides to go on a deep quest in search of cheese. But spliced between this tale of woe, viewers will see images of themselves caught in a romantic memory. A first kiss, perhaps? A first love-making session? A first crush? A desired one will also have their face molded on top of all the carcasses as they flow away. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself. THEATER III [ 0000 ] THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON - RATED C Agent Dick Angry takes it upon himself to assemble a team of miscreant aliens to invade the hell out of "Planet Earth." The aliens include Zorn, an intelligent toaster; Crisis, a blue-skinned beauty that turns purple when she's aroused; Trish, a rogue miniature ficus with a criminal record; and General Cerealia, a handsome, ripped man who beats evil-doers with his laptop and who looks suspiciously like CERES' programmer, Elias. This adventurous romp will feature the tragic memories of death interweaving with the destruction of the "Planet Earth." Those who attend will see first-hand the memories of their own worlds slowly being demolished before their eyes and all their loved ones screaming in agony. Then it'll loop itself again and again for the last hour of the film. Enjoy! This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself. THEATER IV [ 0000 ] DECEASE HARDER II - RATED D Jack McJack is a cop who is having none of your shit. In this action film, he will ride around on a velociraptor and go around punching evil-doers and detonating them with land mines. If you want all the violence in the world, this is the film for you. Watch as every second is filled with pointless explosions and every curse word in all the known languages in Cerealia. Of course, spliced between every action scene will be every embarrassing moment of your life being played out for you and only you. Or is it? Start sweating and looking in every direction as you begin to wonder if everyone else can see that time you tripped and fell on your senpai almost kissing him (sacre bleu D= !) BONUS - THEATER V [ whyo'clock ] YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS - RATED Z This is a touching film about tenderness and coming together to overcome obstacles and achieve greatness. The Yard-Door people run into danger when an evil megalord starts polluting the air with negative feelings. The Yard-Door people must band together and save the world through kindness. They will go and help their neighbors get across the street, rake up leaves from their lawns, donate canned food to the poor, and collect toys for children who do not have any. While this film will draw tears from your eyes, you will see happy memories. The happiest that can be mustered. They will be spliced in with the scenes in the movie, occurring side-by-side with all the smiles and fuzzy feelings leaking off the screens. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself. Also, beware! This film contains the angriest of Theater Cleaning Robots. Dropping anything on the floor will result in a bit of a flogging with a wooden paddle and a robot calling you a dirty slut and claiming that you like it. Yes, BDSM robots will not take your bad behavior. You better bend over and start apologizing for being such a filthy, little theater-goer. [ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE Welcome to CEREALIA's seventh Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Comments

[stolengoods]

Well, pardon if I sound forward, but do you want to see this together? I mean, I guess I could skip out on the movies and just eat the candy, but I'm already here, so. Might as well see some moving pictures.

[ He sips on the sugar slurry that is a slushie almost contemplatively. Sure, the horses thing seems kinda boring, but if Twinkles likes it... there are worse movies to go into. ]

[troubadear]

Hmpf. That is forward.

[Gaius is a Shepherd and has somehow won Chrom's favour, so Maribelle is willing to tolerate him to a degree. But really...]

Do you honestly think that a woman of my breeding could be seen galavanting about with a known criminal?

[stolengoods]

Well, you're not really among peers, Twinkles. We're in a whole new world. I don't think people will start talking unless you tell them all about my sordid history.

[ He's not sure if that's enough to convince her, though. She has a lot of reasons to not like him, some she doesn't even know of yet. If she wants, though, he can sit a few seats down from her. More room for his candy. ]

[troubadear]

... Rest assured, I have no reason of doing so unless you give me a reason to. [Like, say, if she catches you stealing from royalty a third time.] They shall have to rely on your actions here to judge you.

But all the same, I must insist that you keep your distance. For the sake of my poor temper if nothing else. [And with that Maribelle spins around, hair flying out behind her as she heads into the theatre. Sorry, Gaius, but maybe horses will put her in a good mood for you??]

[stolengoods]

... Of course. [ There's a hint of annoyance, there, but it's not because he's really annoyed. Again, she has every reason to dislike him, and when he thinks about what he did to her father, it's hard to ignore the guilt that creeps up on him. ]

Crivens, are all the women I get involved with so high strung? [ It's said more to himself, and quiet enough that she might not hear. Nonetheless, he'll cart his goods into the theater behind her, and sit one seat behind her, and a few to the left. This pony show better be something, or he'll spend the whole thing ruminating on that personal guilt. ]

[troubadear]

[He better be ruminating on that personal guilt, because Maribelle sure is more focused on how annoyed she is that he followed her than on the film. Honestly, why must he always stay within range, even when she tells him to stay away? There is no one in all the world, Maribelle thinks resolutely, that she despises more than Gaius.

... Okay, maybe Gangrel. Kidnappers don't count.

She's so distracted by her sulking thoughts that it's a whole minute into the orgy before Maribelle realises just what is going on on the screen in front of her. It's very clear when this happens because fifteen seconds later, she screams.]

[stolengoods]

[ It's a good thing Maribelle noticed, because Gaius has been staring on at the screen in utter horror at the orgy going on that he's even forgotten to speak. Screw it, he never should have given movies a chance. This is a wicked sorcery even dark mages wouldn't conjure up! Well, maybe Tharja would, and then these writhing, naked people on screen would all be Robin... ugh, that wasn't a mental image he needed right now! Especially since one of them really looks like Robin!

He'll make his way to the aisle while carefully balancing all his snacks (even if he's horrified, he can't just leave them behind. It'd be cruel!) and gestures to Maribelle. ]

Come on, this way!

[troubadear]

[Seeing Robin is bad. Seeing Chrom is worse. Maribelle did not need this today and as she stands in a hurry she clasps her hands over her face. She may not be the most sheltered of noblewomen (a lady must have her secrets) but this is way way too much for her. She rushes down the aisle, following the sound of Gaius' voice, and likely stumbles a bit in her blindness.]

This- What kind of obscene dark magic-

[stolengoods]

[ A hand reaches out to steady her, and while he's not bold enough to dare grab her hand, the temptation is there just to lead her away from this whole thing fast enough. Of all the people to see a massive sex romp, he'd think Maribelle was the least likely to tolerate such indecency. He'll rush away to the doors outside, nearly tripping over a robot, and hold the door open for her. Those sex noises coming from the movie theater? Enough to haunt his dreams for at least a week.

He's not sheltered at all, but that was too much, too fast. ]

Dark magic is right.

[troubadear]

[Under the circumstances? She might forgive him for being bold. As it is, she'll just rush out under her own power, peeking between her fingers to make sure she doesn't run into anything. The sound is enough anyway.

She's bright red by the time she makes it outside and looking furious.]

... Just what kind of establishment is this? For Naga's sake, it's the middle of the day! Children could attend without knowing any better!

[stolengoods]

It almost seems like children would be baited into it, what with the cutesy pony poster. I guess we know now what that A rating means.

[ He's actually a little red himself, because while he's not as disturbed by it, it's certainly a lot for someone of his time period. Full on nudity and bodies slapping and all that. It'd be something to joke about with someone else, but with Maribelle? ]

You think you're gonna be okay after that? It's not something for someone so delicate, that's for sure.

[troubadear]

I will certainly be complaining to the management! Such irresponsibility cannot be tolerated! Nor- nor such crude attempts at art!

[Anything described as "Roman-esque" is gonna be a shocker, no matter how familiar you are with the lower rings of society. Ylissean brothels are certainly not so crass (don't ask Maribelle how she knows that).]

I'm perfectly fine, darling, it was merely a shock- oh, but poor Lord Chrom! If he knew there were such slanderous depictions of him and Robin out in the world he would be horrified!

[stolengoods]

Chrom? I didn't see Chrom in there, but I did catch a glimpse of Robin... doing some incredibly unsavory stuff. If they were here, they would have Elfired the screen, for sure.

[ He thinks on that with some amusement-- the robots would have probably gone nuts, but watching that screen go up in flames would be the highlight of his movie-watching experience. Surely all films can't be this bad? ]

I bet that's probably put you way out of the mood for any more movie watching, right? I'm tempted to check out something else, but...

[troubadear]

This establishment is fortunate that I have more restraint... And that I don't normally carry tomes to recreational events. [Maybe she should start.]

[But ugh.] Gaius, surely even you cannot be willing to go back in there! That was horrifically inappropriate!

[stolengoods]

I'm just saying, they can't all be like that, right? Maybe those ratings actually stand for something. Like 'A' must mean 'Abomination' or something, clearly.

We don't have this kind of stuff back home. Once everything gets sorted out, we might end up regretting missed opportunities.

[troubadear]

And perhaps "D" is for "Despicable". Darling, there are some opportunities best missed.

... Which were you thinking of attending?