[he repeats the name a few times, each time letting it increase in both volume and panic. it's not as if nam soon doesn't know the answer to that question anyway. even before he'd asked, he knew that answer would be a no.
it was my fault then... and it's my fault again now.
rational thought leaves nam soon at a time it absolutely shouldn't, but it just can't be helped. his eyes glaze over, his heart still racing with panic as he drops to his knees at heung soo's side. there's a lump forming in his throat, and he can't get that notion out of his head. this is all his fault. if he hadn't gotten so mad three years ago, if he hadn't taken things too far, if he hadn't forced heung soo to run right now... he wouldn't be laying on the ground like this. he wouldn't be writhing in pain while out on some strange street on a chilly night. hell, for all he knows, they wouldn't even be here (wherever here is) at all if not for that.
so nam soon can't help anything. not the way his face is wracked with guilt, nor the the way his hands hover over heung soo's knee, trembling uncontrollably. he can't help the lump that forms in his throat, or the tears that form in his eyes. even though he knows that heung soo is probably in more pain right now, and that he needs to be doing anything but totally shutting down, he can't help himself. there is no coping mechanism for this sort of situation. not when he's somehow led his best friend into a situation that pains them both in more ways than anyone in any world could possibly understand.
there's only one thing nam soon really knows right now.
he can't leave. he won't leave. even though there's a part of him that knows his fight or flight reaction is set to flight, nam soon knows that he can't repeat the past. even if he really wanted to, he isn't sure his legs would be able to carry him at this point. how long did it take for him to be able to at the hospital? not until he saw heung soo's face in the window... and right now, he's already jumped that hurdle. so he absolutely can't leave.]
It's okay. It's okay. Just... just wait. We got out, it's okay. [he repeats it like a mantra with the hopes that one of them will start believing it. nam soon doesn't. really, he just wants to throw up, but he's doing his best to hold it together for heung soo's sake.
(he's failing miserably, of course, but isn't that to be expected?)
he doesn't know what else he can do. he can't make that pain stop, he can't offer any advice. he feels so useless. it's times like this he's reminded why there's nobody worse than him, why he wishes he could just throw himself away in the same manner ha kyung threw her uniform right into the han that night.]
god why would you do this to me
[he repeats the name a few times, each time letting it increase in both volume and panic. it's not as if nam soon doesn't know the answer to that question anyway. even before he'd asked, he knew that answer would be a no.
it was my fault then... and it's my fault again now.
rational thought leaves nam soon at a time it absolutely shouldn't, but it just can't be helped. his eyes glaze over, his heart still racing with panic as he drops to his knees at heung soo's side. there's a lump forming in his throat, and he can't get that notion out of his head. this is all his fault. if he hadn't gotten so mad three years ago, if he hadn't taken things too far, if he hadn't forced heung soo to run right now... he wouldn't be laying on the ground like this. he wouldn't be writhing in pain while out on some strange street on a chilly night. hell, for all he knows, they wouldn't even be here (wherever here is) at all if not for that.
so nam soon can't help anything. not the way his face is wracked with guilt, nor the the way his hands hover over heung soo's knee, trembling uncontrollably. he can't help the lump that forms in his throat, or the tears that form in his eyes. even though he knows that heung soo is probably in more pain right now, and that he needs to be doing anything but totally shutting down, he can't help himself. there is no coping mechanism for this sort of situation. not when he's somehow led his best friend into a situation that pains them both in more ways than anyone in any world could possibly understand.
there's only one thing nam soon really knows right now.
he can't leave. he won't leave. even though there's a part of him that knows his fight or flight reaction is set to flight, nam soon knows that he can't repeat the past. even if he really wanted to, he isn't sure his legs would be able to carry him at this point. how long did it take for him to be able to at the hospital? not until he saw heung soo's face in the window... and right now, he's already jumped that hurdle. so he absolutely can't leave.]
It's okay. It's okay. Just... just wait. We got out, it's okay. [he repeats it like a mantra with the hopes that one of them will start believing it. nam soon doesn't. really, he just wants to throw up, but he's doing his best to hold it together for heung soo's sake.
(he's failing miserably, of course, but isn't that to be expected?)
he doesn't know what else he can do. he can't make that pain stop, he can't offer any advice. he feels so useless. it's times like this he's reminded why there's nobody worse than him, why he wishes he could just throw himself away in the same manner ha kyung threw her uniform right into the han that night.]