ioculus | //TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

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!test drive

//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

Let it Go, Let it ~~Fucking~~ Go Already

Let's keep pretending it's not technically October in the game while Yuletide thoughts continue to spread through CERES. Inspired by recent tragic events, your friendly neighborhood programmer, Elias (

serritor) has constructed a wonderful new ice world to be accessed through ViViD, the popular virtual simulator.

As expected, this is a world covered in ice all over with a chill that bores into one's bones as players wander through. In the midst of it all lies a beautiful reconstruction of a mall, complete with various stores to suit your online shopping needs. However, before you can indulge in any spending, you're tasked with a mission should you choose to accept. You will have to enter the frost-covered mall which hosts a large, elaborate labyrinth and complete all the objectives as they're given to you and your party.

It seems that some horrible foe has arisen from the great beyond to kidnap Santa Bot (no relation to the futurama one). Unable to deliver toys and goods to the poor, needy adults of Cerealia, it's up to YOU to save him from a variety of enemies which include:

a.) Nasty, foul-mouthed elves
b.) A rabid flock of reindeer
c.) An ice queen who will not stop singing
d.) And a fucking minotaur. Why? Why not?

"Ho ho ho! And seasons greetings, players! I am Julius Vincere, the CEO of CERES, and I must apologize for a few recent temperature modifications as of late. But we were able to fix that small glitch quickly. We were only hoping to cool things down by a few degrees after we received a few complaints about overheating equipment. It seems our robots went a bit overboard with our dome, which is a safety precaution we put in place in the event of an outside threat or invasion. There's no need to fear, and we hope you enjoyed warming up with one another in the meantime.

Now, that that's behind us, let's have a little fun, shall we? I think some of you are familiar with the concept back in your home worlds. I observed enough to know that it's a pretty ostentatious holiday. That's why I asked my dear programmer, Elias, to build a simulation so we can experience a little bit of Christmas together. You can say it's a dress rehearsal for the real thing.

Anyway, if you all would be so kind as to sample this world and tell me how it goes. I want to see what you all think and get you all in the festive mood. Consider this my deep apology for one mistake too many. We won't allow it to happen again."

//SCENARIOS.EXE

PHASE I

[ 0000 ] Let the games begin! You're dropped before a giant forest with snow-covered trees, and in your path to reach the mall, there appears your first threat. They look cute and sweet -innocent little elves that smile and blush in your direction. They barely reach up to your chest and look up at you with big, glassy eyes as they promise to help you along your way. Little hands will grab yours, tugging you along. That is, until you're far enough along that you're deep in the midst of the forest where they decide to chip at a lake of frozen ice and chuck you inside.

They will then criticize your clothes, call you a piece of reindeer shit, tell you your ass is too fat then call your mother a whore. Because that's just how they roll. Here's your chance to fight back, get vengeance, and force the elves to tell you where Santa is. Those who manage to beat them into submission will be pointed in the right direction to the mall. Those who don't, have fun drowning in icy water!

PHASE II

[ 0000 ] Once you've escaped the elves, another trial appears. This time, it's in the form of twelve savage reindeer with blood dribbling from their lips. Their eyes are all an eerie shade of red, and they're staring at you deeply as though they can see into your soul. If you hope to get into that mall, you'll have to fight them down and avoid being caught in their antlers. There will be lots of bucking. Copious buckings. Kill the reindeer and remove their antlers for a special gift! (it's a coupon for a free McCERES burger.)

PHASE III

[ 0000 ] Once you reach the entrance of the mall, you'll be confronted with the icy labyrinth, guarded by a minotaur. He is large and in charge and will probably try to mow you down once he sees you. None of your weapons or magic will work, though. To pacify this beast, you will have to hug him. He requires a hug with feeling. He will tell you as much when you confront him. Give him a good squeeze then let him be. Love can cure many things!

PHASE IV

[ 0000 ] Are you done running around this maze of a mall? Tired of seeing the same Vidia's Secret store a dozen times? Alas, there is one last trial. It comes in the form of obnoxious carols being crooned in your direction by a beautiful ice queen. She's beckoning you to her with a siren song in the form of merry Christmas music, luring you in little by little and making you walk towards her while she tries to enchant you. She'll lean in close and whisper the rest of the song in your ear, and once you're in her trance, you'll turn on your own friends and party members to try and kill them. To avoid being drawn into her trance, you'll have to be knocked around a few times to regain your bearings. Then, it's either destroy her or be subjected to her ice magic. However, before she dies, she'll look deep into your eyes and beg you to save her and not to forget her.

She needs you.

Once you defeat her, Santa Bot will appear to dance a merry jig in your honor and shower you with credits. Hooray!

BONUS

[ whyo'clock ] You can't escape Christmas without a random sprig of mistletoe floating around your head and following you around. For those who try to escape, the mistletoe bot will only move all the quicker. Those caught under its insistent floating will be compelled to kiss a neighbor or two or ten. Or even kiss the minotaur. What we're saying is you should probably run.

[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE

Welcome to CEREALIA's fifth Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

phase iv.

[ The Ice Queen defeated, Minako slumps on the floor as Santa Bot dances and showers her with credit. She's exhausted, and while she kept a brave face throughout the day, it's getting harder to keep the smile on her face as she just feels so... tired.

She'll just... lie over here... and probably drown in credits, but she's too exhausted to do anything about it... The floor's not that bad of a bed. ]

[ One of the most important people in her life is lying in the snow. This simply will not do. First and foremost, she collects the credits into a small pile next to her, then gently shake Minako's shoulder. ]

[ At the touch on her shoulder, Minako groans. Weakly. She's dreaming of great big warm beef bowls from Hagakure and they're wonderful— ]

Nnn. 'owls. Eef owls.

[ Also she's starting to snore. ]

Minako? Minako! Wake up!

[ Still shaking. Come on girl, there's hot chocolate over yonder. ]

[ The shaking's getting more insistent that Minako decides it's time to wake up, albeit slowly and groggily, and rubbing the tiredness from her eyes as she sits up. ]

S'npai? That you?

[ Minato is pretty tired as well, and— he's kind of jealous that Minako beat him to the punch, when it came to claiming a spot on the floor. And that she thought of the idea first. But he makes his way over anyway, takes the Santa bot in his hands (sleep disruptions were the worst)— and crouches down. ]

…looks comfortable. [ under his breath, and mostly in envy— though the latter would be hard to tell. ]

[ Nope, she doesn't hear a thing, she's definitely fast asleep and bone tired and probably snoring (the most lady-like snore!).

The floor could be warmer, though, as she huddles to form a pseudo-fetal position. ]

[ The snore doesn't phase him in the slightest (he could care less), but her positioning was kind of concerning, as well as her skin colour if it were any indication. Right… Hypothermia. He looks around, working to conjure up a solution.

His thought process goes something along the lines of this:

> Lend her his blazer (… which would barely help her as is and would put himself in the danger zone)
> Summon a Persona and start a fire (… no)
> Heat Riser, maybe…? He never had a chance to utilise it (party buffs…) but. … Actually, it probably wouldn't help to be experimental, especially with low energy reserves.

… … So all that being said, sorry fellow lethargic protagonist…! He'll reach over and try to shake her arm. ]

[ A snort comes out of her when she feels someone shaking her arm. For a while, she contemplates waking up (but sleep…), and instead mumbles something unintelligible (something about beef bowls and hot chocolate).

And goes right the fuck back to sleep. ]

Permission to carry you? [ Gives her arm one final jab… ] You have ten seconds to respond.

[ Until he does it anyway. ]

[ Her response at the jab? Is a groan as she rolls over and slowly opens her eyes to see—

……… Okay, just how often do you see Gekkoukan high school students armed with swords? Minako opens her mouth, words a little slurred. ]

Who're you?

[ The guy that's fallen next to her is loud as fuck, though. ]

Ah, I'm beat! I bet we could buy enough for sukiyaki with this, huh? Sukiyaki, sukiyaki!

[ And he accidentally kicks her leg, oops. ]

[ NO. NOT OOPS. MORE LIKE, SHIT.

BUT HE'S TOO TIRED TO MOVE... ]

[ Wow, that was rude! As that actually got her to wake up, if a little bleary-eyed. She squints at the guy lying next to her and just. Stares.

Give her a minute or two to wake up again. ]

S'kiyaki?

[ Slurred, sleepy, but the idea of food is tempting. Really tempting. ]

[ Yata just looks up at the sky with red ears and so many regrets. ]

Su-su-s'kiyaki! I mean, I'm sorry! Sukiyaki?

Edited 2014-12-03 08:15 (UTC)

[ Is he offering? Because it would be nice. And you know what, Minako's gonna try to sit up and wipe the exhaustion from her eyes. ]

'S good. [ A pause and then a yawn. She'll get back to complete sentences in a while. For now, slightly slurred phrases will have to do. ] B'yin?

[ He rolls on his side and faces his back toward her, too embarrassed to carry this conversation. ]

I can... cook. If... you want.

[ It's not like he could refuse her after she brought it up. ]

minako arisato | persona 3 portable

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i was expecting this

like you expected anything else??

point

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i wanted to fix my icons before tagging this but i couldn't wait any longer

!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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