//TESTDRIVE15.EXE

[reparator]

//testdrive15.EXE

The clock strikes twelve. The gong of the grandfather clock in the foyer tolls out the time in slightly unnecessarily obnoxious loud noises. The ambiance of this old mansion demands respect, care, awe -- Okay, no, wait, why are you even in this stupid dusty house? No reasons are forthcoming, because everyone knows that people just end up in places like this sometimes. That's just how the narrative device works. The hows and the whys don't matter -- all that matters is that you're all here, so you'd better get cracking and start exploring, because it's not like you can leave yet. Or ever, maybe. Good day, sirs and madams. Might I interest you in a nice glass of blood...y mary?

//SCENARIOS.EXE

PHASE I [ 0215 ] All you see is white. The crash of thunder hits your ears next, punctuated by the piercing pitch of white noise in the background. After a few blinks, your vision comes back to you. Oh good, glad that you’ve joined us in the land of the living. Unlike the nondescript corpse at your feet – it looks like… a butler? Oh dear. You’ve already killed Murder Suspect Number One in most situations. How terribly ironic. After all, who could’ve killed him but you? You might not remember, but there is definitely a murder weapon in your hand. It’s probably a knife or a poisoned glass of wine or- Wait, is that a toaster? A full on toaster? Or maybe it’s a taser. Maybe you bludgeoned this poor guy with an entire encyclopedia. Either way, it looks like your murder weapon is a little unconventional, whether it’s a stranger’s pair of underwear or a hair curler. Are you really supposed to believe you committed a murder with these? (Yes.) That said in the next second the double doors will be opening up. It’s pretty clear you’re not alone. Think quick! PHASE II [ 0600 ] Exploring more around the compound, you’ll find plenty of those tall, oil portraits of people hung around the walls. When you start walking, they’re all strangers. However by the time that you feel like you’re wandering around for an hour, two hours, they might start looking a little bit more… familiar? Mom? Is that you? You don’t have time to think about that, though. You were clearly framed! You don't’ have a motive for killing some random NPC – “Or do you?” a portrait will ask. Oh. Holy shit. Well it’d just be rude to leave, right? Whether you stick around for conversation or not, you’ll find that was just the beginning. The portraits are going to start grilling you. Welcome to CERES Central’s Roast of You. What was your motive? Don’t you know you should respect the servants? How would you feel if you were caught like that? Careful turning your back on them though, because if you ignore them for too long, the subjects in the portraits may just reach out and snatch you to join them in their portrait world. At that point, the only way to get out is to swap places with some other poor, unsuspecting soul wandering around. PHASE III [ 1045 ] You know what makes me hungry? Murder. What’s the point of making a mansion this big anyway? Who’s even here? Either way, whether you’re looking for the kitchen to make a fine post-homicide sandwich or just trying to escape, you’ll eventually make it to a stairwell. The most finicky stairwell ever. Is that a trail of bloody footprints leading up the steps? What? No. Stop it, just climb. Or well – don’t climb too quickly now. The staircases apparently have a mind of their own, swapping from one doorway to another. You definitely haven’t seen this before. It would seem that these stairs might even be interested in keeping you in a circle forever, no concern for whether or not you’re hungry or, god forbid, need to use the restroom. However the portraits in the stairwell will provide a little tip: “The stairs are gossips, you know. Why don’t you tell us a little something about yourself? Make it good!” Weirdly enough, sound advice – that is, if you’re interested in shouting out your most embarrassing secrets into the void so a mansion can keep talking shit about you. Oh well. Your alternative is just being a stair golem. There are worse fates. PHASE IV [ 1430 ] This hall is oddly quiet. Well, until you hear it – the soft sniffles coming from down the hall, the broken sobs. It sounds like someone’s crying. For one reason or another, your footsteps take you forward – there’s really no point in going back now after all, right? Yet as you continue to walk… walk… walk… the crying becomes louder and louder. More desperate, more despaired. In time, it’s clear that this person is wailing, screaming, “How could this happen?!” Within the span of a breath, all the lights in the hallway go out, leaving you in pitch black. It occurs to you then that you hear a second set of steps. When did you stop walking? A cold chill runs down your spine and you find yourself running then, despite the fact that it feels like this pitch black hallway goes on forever. The other footsteps pick up, remind you that you’re not alone. No, certainly not. Best hope that you find some assistance soon – otherwise it looks like the Butler Association is going to ignite some righteous vigilante justice on your ass. BONUS [ why o'clock ] You’re in the grand ballroom now, ready to present your case. Armed with a cob pipe (don’t smoke inside, it’s rude), a detective hat, and a single spotlight aimed right at you, you now have to explain how you came to the conclusion about the True Killer that is Obviously Not You. Rather, it’ll just be the character of whoever tags into this prompt – yes, you are suddenly so very sure that they’re the ones who are the ultimate mastermind of this entire game and… you’re just going to have to bullshit the reason why even if you know virtually nothing about them. It’s a dog eat dog world out there, you know? Sorry about that. Should you actually provide enough of a compelling case or they take pity on you, having a villainous breakdown for the sake of the plot, you’ll be awarded with a coupon that’ll give you three free scoops at your local ice cream parlor! (Note: you must buy the first two scoops in order to qualify.) Of course, if you’re not able to nail them down as the killer, you are obviously the killer yourself (citation needed). From there, you’ll be dragged off to face your punishment: for six grueling hours you will be tickled mercilessly. [ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with sensitive or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the log. ]

//RUN.EXE

Welcome to Cerealia's fifteenth Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Comments

Pidge | Voltron: Legendary Defender

[lionbyomission]

A potential spoiler appears! If you haven't seen Voltron/plan on watching it unspoiled/love secrecy in all its forms, please let me know and I'll adjust my tags to match your preference.

phase I - holy shit it's CLUE (or someone's been reading bungou stray dogs A+ prompting goddamn)

[ It's not Pidge's first time using a taser. But usually when the kid uses it, it's with good reason, like a teammate who won't shut up, or... you know, self-defense.

Kneeling down to check the butler's pulse and finding nothing, the sound of the door opening is full tilt reason to panic. ]

I- I- It's not what you're thinking, I swear!

[ Yeah it's really easy to hide a taser behind your back when you're hunched over a dead guy. ]

phase III - ain't lion about this

[ The bloody footprints give Pidge a full-body shiver, something cartoonish and almost comedic. ]

Me? Why would stairs want to know about-- Woah, woah--! [ and the poor thing is tumbling head-over-heels down a moving staircase, thumping down a few steps before finally regaining balance. ] I'll never find anyone at this rate.

[ ...but is it true? Will the stairs cooperate if you talk to them? If Pidge can't hack them, at least trying to talk would be beneficial.

A suspicious look left. A suspicious look right.

There's nobody here.

The quietest of whispers. I'll share mine if you'll share yours. ]

I sweat a lot.

[ The stairs laugh heartily. This means war. ]

BONUS - let's get phoenix wright/dangan ronpa up in this murderhouse

[ Pidge thrusts the taser out at the cob pipe as if to say Objection! ]

It couldn't have been me!

[ "because I am still holding the murder weapon" is not how that sentence was supposed to end. Whoops. ]

Phase I

[roughhandjob]

Woah, woah! Hold up-

[He raises both hands in the universal 'hold the phone' gesture. He looks down. -Oh. Well, that's bad, isn't it. Eyes widen as the gravity hits. Alright, how do you lead the way out of something like this?]

I know you wouldn't do something like this- [Deep breath. Let's collect the situation here.] What happened, here?

"i let the body hit the floor" a sad little biography [1/2]

[lionbyomission]

Well, you see... Shiro?!

[ Pidge drops the taser. Naturally, it hits the ground at the perfect angle to start buzzing again, not looking suspicious in the slightest. ]

I told the computer that I had to get back to the lions, but it dropped me here instead. With this guy. [ Um. ] Who I've never seen before. [ Speaking of which. Pidge shakes her head. ] I have to be seeing things. There's no way you're here too.

the smol and the suspicious: a biography part 2

[lionbyomission]

[ Her initial sigh of relief is cut short. The timing might be too convenient. Or it might be a coincidence. Either way, dead body. ]

You're not in on this, are you?

[roughhandjob]

Me? Of course not! [He frowns, and sighs. It makes sense for her to be suspicious. He would be too, but this isn't the time for that.]

Look, however you got here, it makes sense that I'd be brought here too. The others are probably around here somewhere too, and they might need our help- We can't let whatever happened to this guy happen to us, or anybody else.

Now think- what do you remember?

[lionbyomission]

[ Okay, that sigh? Cartoon mushroom bubble. ]

You have a point. This doesn't look like Galra tech. [ She picks up the taser and... pokes it? ] This barely looks like Earth tech. But I really don't remember anything since the wormhole.

[roughhandjob]

I'm kind of glad I'm not the only one,then. Just when I thought some of my memories were starting to come back, too.

[He leans down, to take a good look at the body.]

I don't really think a toy like that could do something like this. This has to be some sort of set up!

Phase I

[unpreparer]

[Illidan has had many things shouted at him when he entered a room, his appearance alone helped in that. However there were very few who would assume he cared about some dead thing. Then again this was a tiny human, and he has started to realize, the smaller the human the less they make sense.]

And what exactly would you assume I am thinking?

[lionbyomission]

[ Pidge freezes.

A masculine build, an inhuman skin tone, horns-- But no, this alien doesn't look like a Galra soldier. Not that there isn't anything to be afraid of, of course, but the reassurance that an enemy hasn't pursued you into the depths of computer code (yet) is good to know. ]

I mean, it isn't what it looks like. I found him like this.


[ Yeah, "the smaller they are, the less sense they make" is a pretty good working assumption. ]

[unpreparer]

You make the assumption that I care either way.

[The glow beneath his blindfold narrows as he squints at the corpse, how he can see it is anyone's guess, but probably one of the least alarming things about his appearance. Fortunately he's more bored than agitated, and indulging the tiny babbling thing for now. Better than getting yelled at again for throwing monsters at them.]

That one doesn't even look significantly difficult to kill. [ A beat.] Not that you appear to be the most impressive specimen yourself.

[lionbyomission]

...I'm guessing he wasn't a friend of yours. [ Pidge looks from the body back to this new guy. ] People aren't "specimens." I'm not, and neither was he.

[unpreparer]

[He gives the body a nudge with a hoofed foot.]

No. I haven't the slightest idea who he was, nor do I particularly care. He was bound to die in another... [Crap. How long did humans live again? Had anyone ever even told him? Probably. He really needed to start actually listening to these things.] ...century or so? Your kind are notoriously short lived, and this one looks rather elderly.

[Ugh, now he went and got the little thing all righteous at him. He crossed his arms and let out a sigh.]

It is a figure of speech, child. It means you are not the most robust example of your species.

Phase I

[mouseketeerish]

Pidge!

[at least now she knows that she wasn't alone in this. Allura's worry is overwhelmed, temporarily, by relief at seeing a familiar face, and she rushes forward, bloody dress and all.]

Are you alright?

[she places a hand on her shoulder]

Oh, you don't know how relieved I am to see you!

!!!!!! (also i'm sorry, gosh i've gotta fix these icons up)

[lionbyomission]

[ Allura's familiar voice keeps Pidge grounded. She turns all of her focus away from the body on the floor and every bit of it to the far more important one in front of her. ]

I'm okay, Princess. And I'm glad to see-- [ that you're safe?? just kidding, any relief Pidge has is overridden by the sight of the blood. ] What happened to your dress?! Were you attacked? Please tell me that isn't your blood!

i feel you... I'd have less icons if I hadn't had a long plane ride today ALSO 1/2

[mouseketeerish]

What?

2/2

[mouseketeerish]

Oh.

[she'd conveniently forgotten her own harrowing awakening the moment she'd seen Pidge that-- yes, she'd forgotten about the blood.

Or rather, she'd willed herself a little too hard to forget it.]

It's not mine, no. I-- came to in a... [a glance at the body] rather similar situation, unfortunately. I-- didn't know what else to do, so I went looking for... others.

you wouldn't by crazy-random-happenstance happen to have flown to Anime Expo, would you? :o

[lionbyomission]

[ A similar situation? Like anyone could believe the Princess is a murder suspect. This is clearly a disorientation tactic. ]

I was worried that the Galra had followed you here. It looks like someone is trying to frame us -- you, or me, or the other Paladins -- but I can't figure out why. My mind is totally blank. But we'll get to the bottom of this, I promise.

threeee!! have a robot, pidge

[pinsky]

[Sulla knows it's a simulation; she's been in virtual space before, and she's been in physical space before, and the two feel different. It doesn't make it any less jarring when she finds a dead butler, a flat-pack furniture manual with an allen wrench, and blood all over her hands.]

[But what is there to do but go forward, really? Forward, through the jeering portraits of is that Mr. Sterling? and the looming oak doors, she goes... And when she opens another set of double doors, she's talking to herself.]

Okay, okay, just find a ohmigoooood is that the same butler. [Sulla takes one step towards Pidge and the body, then another. She bends down to inspect the body further...]

[And then she finally realizes she should address the living person, instead.]

Ahaha, hi, uh. Yeah. [Smooth.]

ADOPT EVERY ROBOT

[lionbyomission]

...Hi? [ Another bloodied individual, also incapable of keeping calm and not babbling. This can only get exponentially more awkward. ] Do you, um. Do you work here?

[ also smooth. ]

she's a grown teenage synthetic and also in the closet about it, you can't adopt her!!

[pinsky]

[Okay. Okay. At least this... Person is as awkward as she is? Do you work here? Sulla can't help a little laugh, just to herself, half-nervous and half-legitimately charmed.]

Ahaha-- Ohgeez, I'm sorry. [Maybe, she realizes, that was inappropriate.] I just. I saw the same butler, it looks like the same one, and it kiiiinda looked like I killed him but I know I didn't, and this is so weird. Why is this always so weird?

...befriend every robot, then!

[lionbyomission]

[ If this isn't a singular experience, that's more evidence towards Pidge's innocence. That's a relief. On the other hand: ]

Always? Like "always finding bodies" or "always getting framed for murder"? Not that you did it-- if I didn't do it, you couldn't have done it from outside the room--

[ The puzzle is solved. ]

It's probably always this weird.

I - Oh I know spoilers re: Pidge 8|b

[mieldelimon]

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! [Honey Lemon holds her hands out, hoping the gesture would indicate she means no harm.] [She says as gently as possible:] It's okay! It's okay niño. I know you didn't do it.

\o/ (and sorry for the delay!)

[lionbyomission]

[ Pidge doesn't drop the taser, but lowers her guard a little. ]

You do? I mean, of course you do. Of course I didn't. Did you also find a body?

[ this is not coming out right at a l l . ]

No problem! Pretty late myself >w>

[mieldelimon]

[n o p e. But hey, Honey still thinks you're innocent, Pidge.] Ahaha... noooo. Not exactly. [But she did find somebody else finding another dead body because this mansion is a labyrinth and it seems ViViD likes mixing up the doors in this level. It's Keith.] Do you know what to do?

then late must be the new cool

[lionbyomission]

Well... [ what to do with a dead body? what to do with a body in general? what to do when trying not to look like a murder suspect? Pidge takes a deep breath.






And looks a bit more curiously at Honey. She seems genuine. ] No, I don't.