ioculus | //TESTDRIVE15.EXE

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!test drive

//TESTDRIVE15.EXE

//testdrive15.EXE

The clock strikes twelve. The gong of the grandfather clock in the foyer tolls out the time in slightly unnecessarily obnoxious loud noises. The ambiance of this old mansion demands respect, care, awe --

Okay, no, wait, why are you even in this stupid dusty house?

No reasons are forthcoming, because everyone knows that people just end up in places like this sometimes. That's just how the narrative device works. The hows and the whys don't matter -- all that matters is that you're all here, so you'd better get cracking and start exploring, because it's not like you can leave yet.

Or ever, maybe.

Good day, sirs and madams. Might I interest you in a nice glass of blood...y mary?

//SCENARIOS.EXE

PHASE I

[ 0215 ] All you see is white. The crash of thunder hits your ears next, punctuated by the piercing pitch of white noise in the background. After a few blinks, your vision comes back to you. Oh good, glad that you’ve joined us in the land of the living. Unlike the nondescript corpse at your feet – it looks like… a butler? Oh dear. You’ve already killed Murder Suspect Number One in most situations. How terribly ironic.

After all, who could’ve killed him but you? You might not remember, but there is definitely a murder weapon in your hand. It’s probably a knife or a poisoned glass of wine or-

Wait, is that a toaster? A full on toaster? Or maybe it’s a taser. Maybe you bludgeoned this poor guy with an entire encyclopedia. Either way, it looks like your murder weapon is a little unconventional, whether it’s a stranger’s pair of underwear or a hair curler. Are you really supposed to believe you committed a murder with these? (Yes.)

That said in the next second the double doors will be opening up. It’s pretty clear you’re not alone. Think quick!

PHASE II

[ 0600 ] Exploring more around the compound, you’ll find plenty of those tall, oil portraits of people hung around the walls. When you start walking, they’re all strangers. However by the time that you feel like you’re wandering around for an hour, two hours, they might start looking a little bit more… familiar? Mom? Is that you?

You don’t have time to think about that, though. You were clearly framed! You don't’ have a motive for killing some random NPC –

“Or do you?” a portrait will ask.

Oh. Holy shit. Well it’d just be rude to leave, right? Whether you stick around for conversation or not, you’ll find that was just the beginning. The portraits are going to start grilling you. Welcome to CERES Central’s Roast of You. What was your motive? Don’t you know you should respect the servants? How would you feel if you were caught like that? Careful turning your back on them though, because if you ignore them for too long, the subjects in the portraits may just reach out and snatch you to join them in their portrait world.

At that point, the only way to get out is to swap places with some other poor, unsuspecting soul wandering around.

PHASE III

[ 1045 ] You know what makes me hungry? Murder.

What’s the point of making a mansion this big anyway? Who’s even here? Either way, whether you’re looking for the kitchen to make a fine post-homicide sandwich or just trying to escape, you’ll eventually make it to a stairwell. The most finicky stairwell ever. Is that a trail of bloody footprints leading up the steps? What? No. Stop it, just climb.

Or well – don’t climb too quickly now. The staircases apparently have a mind of their own, swapping from one doorway to another. You definitely haven’t seen this before. It would seem that these stairs might even be interested in keeping you in a circle forever, no concern for whether or not you’re hungry or, god forbid, need to use the restroom.

However the portraits in the stairwell will provide a little tip: “The stairs are gossips, you know. Why don’t you tell us a little something about yourself? Make it good!”

Weirdly enough, sound advice – that is, if you’re interested in shouting out your most embarrassing secrets into the void so a mansion can keep talking shit about you. Oh well. Your alternative is just being a stair golem. There are worse fates.

PHASE IV

[ 1430 ] This hall is oddly quiet.

Well, until you hear it – the soft sniffles coming from down the hall, the broken sobs. It sounds like someone’s crying. For one reason or another, your footsteps take you forward – there’s really no point in going back now after all, right? Yet as you continue to walk… walk… walk… the crying becomes louder and louder. More desperate, more despaired. In time, it’s clear that this person is wailing, screaming, “How could this happen?!”

Within the span of a breath, all the lights in the hallway go out, leaving you in pitch black.

It occurs to you then that you hear a second set of steps. When did you stop walking? A cold chill runs down your spine and you find yourself running then, despite the fact that it feels like this pitch black hallway goes on forever. The other footsteps pick up, remind you that you’re not alone. No, certainly not.

Best hope that you find some assistance soon – otherwise it looks like the Butler Association is going to ignite some righteous vigilante justice on your ass.

BONUS

[ why o'clock ] You’re in the grand ballroom now, ready to present your case. Armed with a cob pipe (don’t smoke inside, it’s rude), a detective hat, and a single spotlight aimed right at you, you now have to explain how you came to the conclusion about the True Killer that is Obviously Not You. Rather, it’ll just be the character of whoever tags into this prompt – yes, you are suddenly so very sure that they’re the ones who are the ultimate mastermind of this entire game and… you’re just going to have to bullshit the reason why even if you know virtually nothing about them. It’s a dog eat dog world out there, you know?

Sorry about that.

Should you actually provide enough of a compelling case or they take pity on you, having a villainous breakdown for the sake of the plot, you’ll be awarded with a coupon that’ll give you three free scoops at your local ice cream parlor! (Note: you must buy the first two scoops in order to qualify.) Of course, if you’re not able to nail them down as the killer, you are obviously the killer yourself (citation needed).

From there, you’ll be dragged off to face your punishment: for six grueling hours you will be tickled mercilessly.

[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with sensitive or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the log. ]

//RUN.EXE

Welcome to Cerealia's fifteenth Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

-- PHASE 1

[the only unusual thing here is the dinner fork she's holding. oh and— that dead body. right. dead bodies are probably important too. yet Murasa seems more fascinated with the utensil than the corpse, brows scrunched together in confusion and the body ignored for now.

in fact, she's quick to step right over the victim, still turning the bloody fork over in her hands as if there's supposed to be a secret code hidden in the metal. the doors open right then— her head snaps up, and she lowers the incriminating weapon with the body still behind her.]

... Wasn't me.

[yep. she shrugs.]

-- PHASE 2

[arguing with a bunch of portraits sure seems like a productive way to pass the time!! which is why she's doing her best to ignore them. sort of.]

"You were caught redhanded!" "Why are you so nonchalant, you monster?!" "How could you! He did nothing wrong!" [etcetera. etcetera. etcetera.

yet Murasa only scowls and brushes past them, only taking the briefest moments to respond with the same phrases muttered over and over again as she passes each portrait:]

Right, right. Sorry for your loss. Yeah, sorry 'bout it. Too bad for him, right? A real tragedy.

[she's not even defending herself?! though it looks like her patience is steadily wearing thin as the portraits continue to yell at her all the way down the hall. when she spots the first real person, not portrait, nearby, she rushes up to them.]

Hey, you. How do you get 'em to shut up?

[Togo's been watching for a bit now. She was their target earlier.]

Actually, could I convince you to just let them shout at you instead? The only way I've found to get them to quiet down is to sic them on someone else, and you don't really seem to mind them, so you'd be doing the rest of us a big favor.

What? No way. They're annoying.

[extra emphasis on annoying. trying to destroy the portraits sounds like a good idea, but vandalism ain't really cool.

she needs to at least know who the owner of this place is before she starts wrecking stuff!!]

What's their problem, anyway? I probably didn't even kill that guy. ["probably"]

[Well, it was worth a shot. Togo glances at the shaming shouting portraits.]

I think they're just saying that to annoy you, so if it's annoying, I guess it's working.

Maybe we could take down all the portraits and put them in a stack face down. Or set fire to them.

Or... we could do both of those things.

[some of the portraits start screeching about MORE MURDER. would that even count as murder, though? Murasa sure doesn't care.]

That aside, you got any idea what's up with this place? The dead body in the first room was a nice touch, but these portraits are just plain irritating.

Oh, did you find a dead body, too? I wonder if someone's playing a really, really elaborate prank.

What was your murder weapon, if you don't mind my asking?

I got this.

[she pulls out a bloody fork she'd apparently been keeping in her back pocket this whole time. at that, the portraits around them go into an uproar, yelling at Murasa about how she's terrible blah blah blah.]

Kinda silly, right? It's not even an efficient weapon. I'd have had to stab the guy loads of times with this little thing before he went down.

Edited 2016-07-01 03:42 (UTC)

minamitsu murasa | touhou project

Phase 2

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