Tl;cr!

[moribound]

TL;DR RELATIONSHIP❤MEME
① List all the characters you play.
② People reply with CR they truly, madly, deeply want to know about.
③ Tl;dr on character relationships. First impressions count too!
④ ???
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Comments

[adornmental]

ugh enjoy ur new years beverages punk

BUT LORD, SOUJI AND KASHUU... trying to organize this is a futile effort. I should start out by saying that Kashuu has never really been able to separate this Souji from the Souji who wielded him, which has definitely contributed a lot to the way his views and feelings have been shaped. Like he understands they're different people in a sense, and that this Souji is his own person, but there are so many similarities in their history and personality that he can't divorce them in his mind. Because of that, the same respect, reservations, bitterness, affection etc that he held for his own Souji just sort of transferred over without this Souji having to do anything for it. WHICH ISN'T EXACTLY GREAT... On the other hand, he's known Souji long enough so that he does stand out on his own as an individual in Kashuu's mind. It's just that the base he built this up from was "ALL SOUJIS ARE SOUJI" and that made him feel much closer in a much shorter period of time. Even for Kashuu, what they did was basically TurboBonding™...

So they grew very close very quickly and while he's grateful for that and for Souji's continued presence, he also regrets it to an extent! I've mentioned it before but he tried very hard and for a longass time to separate himself from his past, from what was important to him back then, from his identity, and then Souji just sort of tripped his way in and changed all of that in the blink of an eye. It was easy for Kashuu to pretend he didn't care about Souji when Souji was, you know, dead and buried. It's a lot harder to manage that when he's right there promising love and affection and tasty pancakes and pretty jewelry okay, he's weak... HE'S WEAK. He's so weak to Souji it's ridiculous and he's painfully aware of that, which is why he made that recent effort to separate himself from Souji. All those other Soujis started showing up and it was kind of a reminder to him that their bond isn't necessarily a good thing.

That's another problem entirely - the fact that his job is basically to ensure that Souji dies alone and that the Shinsengumi falls. He doesn't really have qualms with that aspect of his mission in particular, but he's afraid that it'll start to become harder to manage if he gets re-attached to Souji. WHICH HAS ALREADY HAPPENED but he still thinks he could make sure he stays deda even now... Can't let personal feelings interfere with The Mission™!! Which would work if Kashuu wasn't such an emotional sword, but alas. The only thing he's good at is tricking himself into believing he can set aside those feelings in a difficult situation. HE'S A MORON...

But I've mostly talked about these things before so I'LL FOCUS ON SOME NEW STUFF NOW. Primarily what's been happening in recent events, because they've been game changers... First there was the whole "I'LL SOLVE MY PROBLEMS AS USUAL - BY IGNORING THEM" stint that Kashuu briefly pulled where he more or less avoided Souji for a few days. That was kind of subconscious, almost; he just withdrew naturally as soon as the situation started to get uncomfortable. He'd never intentionally want to hurt Souji, so he wouldn't go out of his way to straight-up ignore him (unless he was upset or angry) and it was kind of a big surprise to hear that it had shaken Souji so badly. He was also surprised by how much he enjoyed that it had shaken him, because it told him that he was important, and that his presence (or lack thereof) made a difference, which is something he's always craving. BUT NOT LIKE THIS?! That made him feel really shitty in the end but he dealt with it in his usual way and just hasn't thought about those feelings since that day, good work Kashuu. He also hasn't really thought back on that promise either, but if he ever does, he'll probably regret it a little. Or a lot, depending. It's just one more thing binding him to the past that he still wants to break away from, and that's stifling and scary to him!! Basically he wants Souji's affection without feeling restrained or having to pick up those ties to his past, but that's impossible, so he's stuck in this cycle of being happy with this renewed relationship, and then displeased about it, and then ignoring that displeasure to refocus on the parts that make him happy, rinse repeat so on. It's working out alright for now, but it's the sort of thing that has the potential to implode or explode in a really ugly way someday. OOPS.

And then THE LIBRARY EVENT... Kashuu is definitely more aware of romance and sex and things like that than some other swords just because of his standing as a slum sword and all, but he's still functionally a moron when things are boiled down. It's why he was seriously COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS about how their relationship might look to an outside eye until CERES decided Souji should just try to get into his pants, and now he just feels awkward about the whole thing!! Though he tries not to let it get to him and is, for the most part, successful. He'd rather just ignore the whole thing (what a surprise) and pretend it never happened so he was kind of miffed at first that Souji was trying to pinpoint where the shift was/what had changed/etc, but he walked away from that conversation actually feeling a little more centered. It essentially taught him that his relationship with Souji is Even More Complicated than he first thought, but that it's okay, and that they'll (probably) be okay (until they have to go back home and Souji dies but he just won't think of that--)

He definitely wonders if the feelings he holds for this Souji might be romantic because he's a dumb sword and he doesn't know how to emotions at all... THEY AREN'T, but he can't really make the distinction on his own just yet. He does love Souji but not in an "I wanna shack up with this guy" kind of way, even if he doesn't mind physical intimacy; he'd probably end up regretting A Lot if they ended up in that sort of relationship honestly. They don't need that kind of added complication on top of their respective codependency and attachment/abandonment issues... BUT THAT'S ABOUT THE WHOLE OF IT they've been through some bumps lately and outwardly come out stronger for it, he enjoys being able to soak up all the affection Souji has to give, he doesn't mind the stability their promise offered - but there's a lot of uglier things lurking just below the surface that will probably fester because THESE TWO HAVE COMMUNICATION ISSUES. They're working on it, at least! Baby steps in a healthy direction!! They just need to stop derailing themselves from progress with their complexes.