PHASE I [ 9 00 ] You open your eyes, and there is a chicken pecking at your face. It's not a very happy chicken, either, but if you can manage to fend it off, then it will be clear that you are in a village. It is... medieval-esque, in that video game sort of way; the details don’t seem too clear, but if you look to your left, there’s a cow! And to your right, a well! Ignore the clear evidence of modern technology in the buildings such as lights, gas, and 21st century plumbing; CERES is dedicated to authenticity.
Looks like the new ViViD level has finally been released, and everyone is invited to play, whether they want to or not.
The game (because this time, that's surely what it is) will start simple. Everyone begins in the same place and every NPC villager will say the same thing: to get out of here, you have to go through the caves. They’ll shove a stick at you (“take this, it’s dangerous to go alone”) and off you go, into the caves… !
Which are full of tiny rats and more chickens. They will try to fight you, but it’s really not very effective when they’re perfectly small and average (especially when everyone still has their typical powers and abilities -- CERES didn't mess with those at all this time). The caves are winding and circular and maze-like, and to make matters even worse, the only ones around are the other poor saps stuck in this situation.
But if you kill enough of the rats, you’ll get to hear the satisfying level up jingle. Congratulations! You are now level 2. It's probably satisfying just for a minute or so until you finally find your way out of those maze like caves and -- You're back in the village again. Great.
PHASE II [ 930 ] You’re carrying a bag. No matter what you do, you can’t take it off, either; it’s stuck with you through thick and thin. But it is awfully heavy. Maybe you should actually open it and see what’s inside?
The problem is, it’s going to take a while.
The bag has clearly tapped into its true hammerspace nature; there are items for days in there, and they’re all very, very strange. You might end up covered in hats of all sorts, buried in logs as you pull out one after another, or look like you have an odd fetish for pickaxes.
Maybe there’s 1/3rd of an evil turnip, half a piece of pie and an egg.
Geez, what in the world are you supposed to do with all of that?
PHASE III [ 1200 ] Eventually, you make it out of the caves the right way despite the harassment of the rats and chickens and the fact you'll keep perpetually getting lost. Hooray! You come out into a large, peaceful, scenic meadow, with a small river bubbling off to one side, and a house.
You'll immediately notice that there’s a bridge to cross the river, but there’s someone standing in the way of that bridge. When you approach to go past him, no matter what you try to do, you won't be able to. Asking him why he won't move will only get one thing in response -- “Bring me a fish. Cooked.”
Then he’ll shove a fishing rod at you and expect you to get to it. You can’t attack him, you can’t get past him -- looks like the only thing to do is to catch and cook that fish. Time to sit back, relax, and get to work. Or maybe you’ll team up with someone else and be the person in the house making sure that the fish gets cooked properly. For some reason, if you leave it too long it turns right into a pile of ashes.
Weirdly though, no matter how good you are at cooking or fishing usually, it’s as if you’re right back at the metaphorical level one. Any sort of seasoning or effort to cook it faster falls flat and in the end you'll only be able to place the fish in the pan and set it on the stove, whole. This may take awhile.
And if you try to cross the river itself, well... no, really, don’t try to cross the river.
At least if you get eaten, you’ll just respawn back in the village, but do have fun traveling through the caves again!
PHASE IV [ 1430 ] You made it through the caves. You made it across the river (with a slightly burnt fish). You’ve made it to the wide open world, and you can finally adventure to your heart’s content. You take a step forward on the road and --
A message pops up, bright red and in your face.
[ Restricted Area: Members Only ]
No matter what you do, you can’t go past that point. In fact, if you’re not careful and you’re going too fast, you might run face-first into it like it’s an invisible wall (which it is).
Then, just like that, you're back in the village. Again. Only this time, there's a nice, blinking message -- Pay a small subscription fee to access member's content. Oh well. No big deal, you can just start again.
Except then you see a cool sword and when you try to pick it up, you'll get that same message, and end up transported back to the village yet again. And again, with some shiny new armor. And again, with that attention-grabbing NPC over there. Looks like you're caught in an infinite loop here but no matter how much you inspect the pop up, there's no... actual way to pay the subscription fee (and why would you want to?). But at least you have company, because you can't be the only person who thought that sword was cool.
(It was really, really cool.)
BONUS [ xxxx ] What’s that on the ground in front of you? It looks like… some bunny ears? Or maybe it’s a chicken head, or a pumpkin head. Either way, the moment you touch it, you have a strong need to put it on your head -- and once it’s on, it’s not coming off.
To make matters worse, each hat has an effect associated with it; the bunny ears will, in fact, randomly turn you into a cute fluffy bunny for anywhere from 5 minutes to an hour before you pop right back to yourself, whereas the pumpkin hat will, in a complete reversal, turn you into Cinderella for a bit -- complete with beautiful ball gown and the ability to talk to all of those cute fluffy bunnies.
Also the rats will love you, so maybe you should go back to the caves again.
Meanwhile, the chicken hat won't transform you into any odd creature, but it will inspire in the people wearing them a very real, persistent desire to build a nest. This will involve picking up twigs, trash, shiny things and whatever else catches your eye to try to build a nest out of it. You'll also try to pick up whatever food you find on the ground to eat, have the weirdest desire to lay an egg, and basically have all sorts of odd chicken-like instincts inflicted upon you.
At least you look festive!
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Viselle | Original Character | OTA
[These dark caverns were the perfect makings of a final boss arena. Carnage - in the form of stray white feathers? Check. Conveniently placed torches for ambiance? Check. A large, half woman, half spider? Check. And there you have it: the ideal final boss stage! Except Viselle was incredibly lost. No murderous intent here, except for the chickens she had roasted, and the one that was currently de-feathered and placed on her makeshift fire and spit.
So, no epic battle to be had here. Instead, she'd play Shopkeep; be so inclined to offer up one of those many unfortunate chickens for a modest fee.]
50 for both drumsticks, 100 for the whole bird. [A good saleswoman always smiles. Even with her ludicrous pricing scale.] I'm also very, very open to trade. Your choice entirely!
PHASE III
[Call her Cooking Mama, because that's what this game was slowly evolving into. Viselle navigated her way through the caves, only to be faced with yet another task of only menial importance, but nevertheless impeded her progress. "Bring me a fish." he said, "Cooked." he said. And not so much as a "please" or a "thank you". The thought crossed her mind to ford it across the river but...not a good deal for a spider. She'll never say so, mind you. So began her chagrined fishing attempts on the river bank.
But she couldn't have asked for better weather - could ask for a cute straw hat to complete the aesthetic primed and fresh in her mind. Rustic, forest chic, lazing the the sunny day away by the bank; waiting, but not too eagerly, for your line to nibble with promise. A fine fantasy she'd readily indulge in.
The truth was, however, that when her line tugged she reared up the fishing pole frantically. The passerby would see the arachne putting her whole body into reeling in and pulling the pole with all of her might. Until the line snapped.]
Oh come on! You should have just accepted your fate!
[Save her. Save her from fishing simulator hell.]
I couldn't not. And I'm sorry. Phase I
Perhaps it was because he was related to the goddess that originally cursed Arachne? Or maybe it was because Arachne had joined up with Hera and the Dark Avengers recently and tried to eat him? Or it might've been because Hercules just never could quite parse the idea of having eight legs and an exoskeleton. Either way, the look on his face when he rounds the bend and spots our fair shopkeeper? Is one of utter confusion.]
By my father's mighty beard, Arachne?!
[Well have a hulking hunk of Olympian staring at you from twenty feet off, wearing the most puzzled look. Nevermind that he hasn't looked at your face yet. Spiderlegs and human torso is enough to baffle him...]
don't be omg pats you
Nope, sorry. I'm familiar though - she's kind of a big deal in some circles. Like, Spider Madonna.
[Viselle doesn't move any closer, nor does she shift in place, in order to not startle what she could only sum up to be a walking, talking action figure.]
Uh...you're here for the chicken, right? I'm not the dungeon master or whatever. I won't bite, promise.
no subject
You're familiar...with her? One of her kin? Some other poor soul my sister cursed?
[We'll...skip the chicken for now, he'll get back to that.]
no subject
[Sister? She knows the story well enough, Athena didn't want to be shown up so turn the competition into an spider. Viselle puts two and two together - and she looks a little skeptical; eyes narrowed and nose crinkled. She's only seen the faces of her gods, after all.]
Who, or what, are you? Since we're giving already giving each other the third degree, who's your sister?
no subject
[Why didn't you say so first? Either way, he's more than proud to give his name.]
As for myself, I am Hercules. The Olympian God of Strength, Labor, and Heroism. And my sister? I suspect you know her by reputation at least. Athena Panhellenios, the Goddess of Wisdom and War.
III
No offense really because hopefully you don't suck. Both literal and figuratively.
[Somewhere along that line. And just watching the broken line be slowly taken out further away.]
no subject
[Ah yes, the broken line floating down river. A metaphor for her life at this very moment.]
Don't bother trying to get across the bridge. That bozo wants a fish, cooked at that, and won't take no for an answer. And he's rude.
no subject
[Not that anyone wanted to know that one.]
Rude's something you'll have to deal with, though. At least he's not trying to drown you in quicksand or something.
no subject
[And she gives the rod a soldier's burial: chucked across the river and onto the other side. Probably not the smartest move: Who knows if she could get another fishing rod? But Jorōgumo are a passionate breed...so Viselle passionately threw away her key item for this quest. Or not.]
Well, I guess I'm pretty grateful for that. Now...hear me out on this. [Here is her master alternative, get ready.] Have you ever tried noodling?
no subject
[Suddenly, GASP.]
You can't cook me al dente!!
no subject
[But now she was thinking about them and her belly growled in response. Tragedy, a spider without noodles.]
I mean catching fish with your bare hands; that's noodling. Ever heard of it?
no subject
[She wasn't one for water anyway. But to have to grab fish right out of it? Nope.]
You'd have to be pretty desperate for that.
III
.....somehow, seeing a spider woman fishing in the middle of the forest was one of the least surprising things he had seen since leaving his own world.
Stumbling out of his makeshift bed, he shuffled over to the woman and braced her arms with his.]
I've heard that you need to do this gently-- [he said, but was abruptly cut off by a strong jerk from the fish--] Oof! This-- this must be a 'big one.'
[Whatever that was, he didn't know. He had never been fishing in his life.]
Phase III
I guess that 'come into my parlor' doesn't always work...]
W-well, look at the bright side.
...
...Now you have a big fish story you can tell?