PHASE I [ 9 00 ] You open your eyes, and there is a chicken pecking at your face. It's not a very happy chicken, either, but if you can manage to fend it off, then it will be clear that you are in a village. It is... medieval-esque, in that video game sort of way; the details don’t seem too clear, but if you look to your left, there’s a cow! And to your right, a well! Ignore the clear evidence of modern technology in the buildings such as lights, gas, and 21st century plumbing; CERES is dedicated to authenticity.
Looks like the new ViViD level has finally been released, and everyone is invited to play, whether they want to or not.
The game (because this time, that's surely what it is) will start simple. Everyone begins in the same place and every NPC villager will say the same thing: to get out of here, you have to go through the caves. They’ll shove a stick at you (“take this, it’s dangerous to go alone”) and off you go, into the caves… !
Which are full of tiny rats and more chickens. They will try to fight you, but it’s really not very effective when they’re perfectly small and average (especially when everyone still has their typical powers and abilities -- CERES didn't mess with those at all this time). The caves are winding and circular and maze-like, and to make matters even worse, the only ones around are the other poor saps stuck in this situation.
But if you kill enough of the rats, you’ll get to hear the satisfying level up jingle. Congratulations! You are now level 2. It's probably satisfying just for a minute or so until you finally find your way out of those maze like caves and -- You're back in the village again. Great.
PHASE II [ 930 ] You’re carrying a bag. No matter what you do, you can’t take it off, either; it’s stuck with you through thick and thin. But it is awfully heavy. Maybe you should actually open it and see what’s inside?
The problem is, it’s going to take a while.
The bag has clearly tapped into its true hammerspace nature; there are items for days in there, and they’re all very, very strange. You might end up covered in hats of all sorts, buried in logs as you pull out one after another, or look like you have an odd fetish for pickaxes.
Maybe there’s 1/3rd of an evil turnip, half a piece of pie and an egg.
Geez, what in the world are you supposed to do with all of that?
PHASE III [ 1200 ] Eventually, you make it out of the caves the right way despite the harassment of the rats and chickens and the fact you'll keep perpetually getting lost. Hooray! You come out into a large, peaceful, scenic meadow, with a small river bubbling off to one side, and a house.
You'll immediately notice that there’s a bridge to cross the river, but there’s someone standing in the way of that bridge. When you approach to go past him, no matter what you try to do, you won't be able to. Asking him why he won't move will only get one thing in response -- “Bring me a fish. Cooked.”
Then he’ll shove a fishing rod at you and expect you to get to it. You can’t attack him, you can’t get past him -- looks like the only thing to do is to catch and cook that fish. Time to sit back, relax, and get to work. Or maybe you’ll team up with someone else and be the person in the house making sure that the fish gets cooked properly. For some reason, if you leave it too long it turns right into a pile of ashes.
Weirdly though, no matter how good you are at cooking or fishing usually, it’s as if you’re right back at the metaphorical level one. Any sort of seasoning or effort to cook it faster falls flat and in the end you'll only be able to place the fish in the pan and set it on the stove, whole. This may take awhile.
And if you try to cross the river itself, well... no, really, don’t try to cross the river.
At least if you get eaten, you’ll just respawn back in the village, but do have fun traveling through the caves again!
PHASE IV [ 1430 ] You made it through the caves. You made it across the river (with a slightly burnt fish). You’ve made it to the wide open world, and you can finally adventure to your heart’s content. You take a step forward on the road and --
A message pops up, bright red and in your face.
[ Restricted Area: Members Only ]
No matter what you do, you can’t go past that point. In fact, if you’re not careful and you’re going too fast, you might run face-first into it like it’s an invisible wall (which it is).
Then, just like that, you're back in the village. Again. Only this time, there's a nice, blinking message -- Pay a small subscription fee to access member's content. Oh well. No big deal, you can just start again.
Except then you see a cool sword and when you try to pick it up, you'll get that same message, and end up transported back to the village yet again. And again, with some shiny new armor. And again, with that attention-grabbing NPC over there. Looks like you're caught in an infinite loop here but no matter how much you inspect the pop up, there's no... actual way to pay the subscription fee (and why would you want to?). But at least you have company, because you can't be the only person who thought that sword was cool.
(It was really, really cool.)
BONUS [ xxxx ] What’s that on the ground in front of you? It looks like… some bunny ears? Or maybe it’s a chicken head, or a pumpkin head. Either way, the moment you touch it, you have a strong need to put it on your head -- and once it’s on, it’s not coming off.
To make matters worse, each hat has an effect associated with it; the bunny ears will, in fact, randomly turn you into a cute fluffy bunny for anywhere from 5 minutes to an hour before you pop right back to yourself, whereas the pumpkin hat will, in a complete reversal, turn you into Cinderella for a bit -- complete with beautiful ball gown and the ability to talk to all of those cute fluffy bunnies.
Also the rats will love you, so maybe you should go back to the caves again.
Meanwhile, the chicken hat won't transform you into any odd creature, but it will inspire in the people wearing them a very real, persistent desire to build a nest. This will involve picking up twigs, trash, shiny things and whatever else catches your eye to try to build a nest out of it. You'll also try to pick up whatever food you find on the ground to eat, have the weirdest desire to lay an egg, and basically have all sorts of odd chicken-like instincts inflicted upon you.
At least you look festive!
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Let's pretend he's got a blindfold and all that. This just required the douchiest smirk icon I had
Not that he particularly cared. It was really the few scraps of pity that made him almost put in an effort not to laugh. But that right there about summed up the young prince's life.]
I cannot be certain, but it smells a bit overdone.
I don't blame him
At least he felt a little better now.]
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Come along, Kael. If you intend survive long enough to see more of this place, you will need to learn how to fend for yourself eventually.
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But it had been so long since he had to bother with common tasks (that couldn't be solved with magic), which was problematic. At least he wouldn't starve (if one could survive off mana bread and water).]
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Not for the moment, perhaps, but you should always be prepared.
[He took a sheathed dagger from his pocket and tossed it to the prince before wading into the water himself. He didn't have the patience to attempt to teach Kael how to actually fish, he would just let the mage do the easy part. He waded into the water seeking out some viable fish, while giving a shout over to the young prince.]
You know how to gut and clean a fish?
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That is not a skill that was ever required of me. [ It's his best attempt at sounding poised at how hapless he is at certain things. Besides (he reasoned), fish weren't a mainstay of the typical Blood Elf diet anyway
like that's a valid excuse.]no subject
You won't like it.
[Just getting that out there while he waited for some fish to approach. It did not take him long before he managed to catch one, and with little warning, tossed it towards the prince nearly immediately after had caught it.]
They have a tendency to continue moving after they're dead.
[And that was the advice he was going to give. Kael could ask more if he wanted, but Illidan wouldn't give more advice unless directly asked... or if Kael was botching it that much. He thought it an effective teaching method, those he taught never seemed to forget the lessons, at least out of those who survived.
Good thing these fish don't seem deadly.
Illidan soon went back to searching for another fish, though it would likely take a bit of time considering he just frightened the school off.]
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At least he manages to catch the fish, though barely at that, letting out a curse as he does so. The poor creature thrashes in his hands, slippery and quick, as it tries to escape back into the water. It was a small blessing then that Kael wasn't completely unfamiliar with daggers, having used them as accessories to spellcasting before. Still using a dagger for spells and using them to clean a fish was something else entirely.
The fish winds up skewed on dagger point, still twitching in vain. Unfortunately Kael had paid little attention to how he pierced it, and the fish is impaled guts and all. To say it was a mess was an understatement.]
Ridiculous! [ All of this, really.]
Don't suppose you've been keeping up with Legion? People gonna take your sword Kael
And then he just kept watching. Neglecting his initial task. Not even making any backhanded comment at the prince's troubles, because that would require actually knowing what he was doing to that poor fish.
You know, he's just going to wait there. See how long it takes Kael to feel him staring. Then see how much more judgmental staring it takes for Kael to explain what he's trying to accomplish without saying anything.]
I did! At least Blizzard remembered it existed...
The movement didn't prove to be an issue. [Probably because the fish is in several pieces at this point, completely gutted. If Illidan was expecting embarrassment from Kael there's nothing of the sort, just a slight exasperation.
He finished the task. Technically.]
lol I had figured they'd forgotten about it too. Either way leveling a fire mage for the sword alone
[Well, technically he doesn't, but he's gathered enough to decide to just take care of his own fish. Should probably put Kael to use with something he's... slightly more adept at.]
If you get a fire started, I shall do the rest.
[Because you are not touching his fish.]
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Of course, the fire is a bit larger than a normal cooking flame, but Kael has it under control nonetheless.]
Are ludicrous tasks like this common? [Totally not sulking.]
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Do you not know where your food comes from, Prince Kael?
[He takes a seat on the ground next to Kael'thas, and holds his hand out for the return of his dagger.]
It may have been requested of us today, but tomorrow you may need to do this to feed yourself.
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He hands Illidan his dagger, still sour about the whole mess of it.]
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[Not that he was against gross overuse of magic, he simply still had some old Kaldorei habits he couldn't shake.
He takes the dagger and quickly and cleanly scales the fish, then guts it with practiced ease. Then skewers it with a sharpened stick, and lets it roast. Probably making it look far easier than it actually was. In hindsight he probably at least should have shown Kael that first... Oh well.]
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He's silent until the fish is down roasting, and speaks quietly.]
You know as well as I do that magic is our greatest asset and weakness. [ It is a stark truth, and one he only shares because Illidan is one of the only others who would understand. Ultimately if he had to, he would learn what was required to survive here. But his stubborn would persist, through and through.]
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[He takes his fish and hands it to Kael'thas. His pity for the younger elves' plight winning out.]
Take this one, I do not believe yours will be sufficient. I shall acquire another one and meet up with you later.
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But he is grateful and in lieu of a thank you, he stands and offers a bow instead.]
I do not know how this place functions, but I assume we will be able to find one other by our respective energies. [ A rather polite way of saying that fel energy is rather distinctive. With that he takes the fish, holding it rather daintly away from his body.]