PHASE I [ 9 00 ] You open your eyes, and there is a chicken pecking at your face. It's not a very happy chicken, either, but if you can manage to fend it off, then it will be clear that you are in a village. It is... medieval-esque, in that video game sort of way; the details don’t seem too clear, but if you look to your left, there’s a cow! And to your right, a well! Ignore the clear evidence of modern technology in the buildings such as lights, gas, and 21st century plumbing; CERES is dedicated to authenticity.
Looks like the new ViViD level has finally been released, and everyone is invited to play, whether they want to or not.
The game (because this time, that's surely what it is) will start simple. Everyone begins in the same place and every NPC villager will say the same thing: to get out of here, you have to go through the caves. They’ll shove a stick at you (“take this, it’s dangerous to go alone”) and off you go, into the caves… !
Which are full of tiny rats and more chickens. They will try to fight you, but it’s really not very effective when they’re perfectly small and average (especially when everyone still has their typical powers and abilities -- CERES didn't mess with those at all this time). The caves are winding and circular and maze-like, and to make matters even worse, the only ones around are the other poor saps stuck in this situation.
But if you kill enough of the rats, you’ll get to hear the satisfying level up jingle. Congratulations! You are now level 2. It's probably satisfying just for a minute or so until you finally find your way out of those maze like caves and -- You're back in the village again. Great.
PHASE II [ 930 ] You’re carrying a bag. No matter what you do, you can’t take it off, either; it’s stuck with you through thick and thin. But it is awfully heavy. Maybe you should actually open it and see what’s inside?
The problem is, it’s going to take a while.
The bag has clearly tapped into its true hammerspace nature; there are items for days in there, and they’re all very, very strange. You might end up covered in hats of all sorts, buried in logs as you pull out one after another, or look like you have an odd fetish for pickaxes.
Maybe there’s 1/3rd of an evil turnip, half a piece of pie and an egg.
Geez, what in the world are you supposed to do with all of that?
PHASE III [ 1200 ] Eventually, you make it out of the caves the right way despite the harassment of the rats and chickens and the fact you'll keep perpetually getting lost. Hooray! You come out into a large, peaceful, scenic meadow, with a small river bubbling off to one side, and a house.
You'll immediately notice that there’s a bridge to cross the river, but there’s someone standing in the way of that bridge. When you approach to go past him, no matter what you try to do, you won't be able to. Asking him why he won't move will only get one thing in response -- “Bring me a fish. Cooked.”
Then he’ll shove a fishing rod at you and expect you to get to it. You can’t attack him, you can’t get past him -- looks like the only thing to do is to catch and cook that fish. Time to sit back, relax, and get to work. Or maybe you’ll team up with someone else and be the person in the house making sure that the fish gets cooked properly. For some reason, if you leave it too long it turns right into a pile of ashes.
Weirdly though, no matter how good you are at cooking or fishing usually, it’s as if you’re right back at the metaphorical level one. Any sort of seasoning or effort to cook it faster falls flat and in the end you'll only be able to place the fish in the pan and set it on the stove, whole. This may take awhile.
And if you try to cross the river itself, well... no, really, don’t try to cross the river.
At least if you get eaten, you’ll just respawn back in the village, but do have fun traveling through the caves again!
PHASE IV [ 1430 ] You made it through the caves. You made it across the river (with a slightly burnt fish). You’ve made it to the wide open world, and you can finally adventure to your heart’s content. You take a step forward on the road and --
A message pops up, bright red and in your face.
[ Restricted Area: Members Only ]
No matter what you do, you can’t go past that point. In fact, if you’re not careful and you’re going too fast, you might run face-first into it like it’s an invisible wall (which it is).
Then, just like that, you're back in the village. Again. Only this time, there's a nice, blinking message -- Pay a small subscription fee to access member's content. Oh well. No big deal, you can just start again.
Except then you see a cool sword and when you try to pick it up, you'll get that same message, and end up transported back to the village yet again. And again, with some shiny new armor. And again, with that attention-grabbing NPC over there. Looks like you're caught in an infinite loop here but no matter how much you inspect the pop up, there's no... actual way to pay the subscription fee (and why would you want to?). But at least you have company, because you can't be the only person who thought that sword was cool.
(It was really, really cool.)
BONUS [ xxxx ] What’s that on the ground in front of you? It looks like… some bunny ears? Or maybe it’s a chicken head, or a pumpkin head. Either way, the moment you touch it, you have a strong need to put it on your head -- and once it’s on, it’s not coming off.
To make matters worse, each hat has an effect associated with it; the bunny ears will, in fact, randomly turn you into a cute fluffy bunny for anywhere from 5 minutes to an hour before you pop right back to yourself, whereas the pumpkin hat will, in a complete reversal, turn you into Cinderella for a bit -- complete with beautiful ball gown and the ability to talk to all of those cute fluffy bunnies.
Also the rats will love you, so maybe you should go back to the caves again.
Meanwhile, the chicken hat won't transform you into any odd creature, but it will inspire in the people wearing them a very real, persistent desire to build a nest. This will involve picking up twigs, trash, shiny things and whatever else catches your eye to try to build a nest out of it. You'll also try to pick up whatever food you find on the ground to eat, have the weirdest desire to lay an egg, and basically have all sorts of odd chicken-like instincts inflicted upon you.
At least you look festive!
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And so often for them. At least they're used to it?
[That was Tony's first thought. So Hercules at least was familiar with the game.]
Good to see you too. I almost thought I was stuck here with the NPCs. They're not exactly the best conversationalists.
[The quip was the only thing he could think of at first. At least he was running into a familiar face that wasn't trying to kill him on sight. Tony lifted the visor of his helmet and gave the other hero a slightly concerned smile. He noticed the stains on the man's shoes, too.]
I think it's trying to to tell you something... I'm pretty sure that last squeak was "Prepare to die."
[He took the offered hand firmly, a bit relieved that he was getting a handshake and wasn't in the rat's position. Did the game have friendly fire?]
Anyway, have you gotten to the end of these caves? Not that I don't like wandering around mazes... Actually, no, I just want to get out of here. You can even have my rats if you help me out. They come with their own level up clip.
of course. what week in 616 is complete without a crazy vr sim gone wrong?
I’ve been in a few of these ‘games’ so far. [He airquotes, of course.] But this is the first one I’ve been in that was so plainly put together like one of Amadeus's role-playing games. A far cry from the last, at least. No monstrous Pac-Man trying to kill us, and no Tetris blocks falling on our heads yet anyway. Most inconvenient, that. [Only Hercules…and maybe Thor…would talk so casually about Retro-gaming gone horribly wrong.
He clapped an arm around the armored shoulder of his fellow hero and waved his arm to encompass the entire swarm of rats that was now beginning to encircle them. A chittering horde hellbent on revenge…but without the levels to scratch either of their defenses. CERES clearly hadn’t thought to program any sort of enrage mechanic. A pity.]
In any event, though, I believe I’ll let you keep your new friends. I’m sure you’ll be able to tame them or something, given that this is simply a virtual reality simulation. Perhaps they could even be reprogrammed to show us the way through the maze, for if there is an ending I have not found it.
[One particularly bold rat, the one Herc had grabbed up, stands up on two legs and starts shaking a paw at the two men.]
Clearly though, they dislike being ignored.
Well, at least this one isn't Hank's.
You sound disappointed. Were you hoping to find a dragon?
[Or maybe an army. That seemed more like Hercules's speed. The rats might have numbers, but that was all they had. Tony could tell that they had already lost the other Avenger's interest. He was trying not to be amused by that, but it was hard not to get swept up in the energy of hanging around larger than life powers.]
Whoever programmed them gave them too much ego.
[He said, as if he wouldn't know anything about that. He grinned a little beneath the faceplate and his voice caught a bit of the amusement. The rat swarm was still trying to intimidate them, but the protocol apparently followed more traditional styles of enemy combat. Even with the numbers, the rats... weren't exactly swarming.]
I think they're taking turns. I can try to alter the code, but this isn't my game. Results may vary.
[Not to mention that trying to crack it from the inside meant he was going through a lot of the user-focused security. But Tony decided they did need to find the exit somehow, so he fell silent. And after a few minutes, the lead rat grew slightly larger and changed to a vaguely purple color. Well. It was technically a change?]
Uh. You know, I think I'll call him Ben.
Thank goodness for small mercies. it's also better than Arcade's i guess.
[The King of Monsters had indeed been a worthy adversary, and one Hercules was eager to find again
Marvel get the rights back :(. Truly a beast of note, unlike any other he’d ever fought, the sheer weight of it enough to strain even his might. An army would’ve been acceptable too, but he did prefer monsters of legend to mortal men and pixelated rats. More sport that way.While Tony made with his technowizardry, Hercules amused himself largely by catching some of the rats on his foot and kicking them up into the air like hackeysacks, juggling squeaking and angry creatures and chuckling to himself as they nibbled at his toes. It almost tickled. Almost.
But Tony was right, he was getting a little bit bored, and was more interested in getting out of the cave and talking to his Futurist colleague. The purple rat, at least, was worth a laugh though. It was a name he had associations with, after all.]
Ben, eh? If Mister Grimm were here I imagine he would have something to say about that! Though, it would appear CERES security might be a little tougher to crack than I’d thought. Too much effort, too little gain.
[After coming to that conclusion, Hercules cracked his knuckles and hunched. He’d deal with this the old fashioned way.]
Stand back, and let the Prince of Power deal with our furry foes.
[And true to classic RPG fashion, he used his “Finishing Move!” Stabbing his fingers into the ground, he yanked up a huge section of the cave floor, sending rats flying as the slab came free. And then with a magnificent yaulp, he pushed forward, bulldozing through the horde and scattering them in a matter of seconds. Most dissolved into pixelated explosions of smoke as many enemies did…and when he was finished there was a fairly loud ding over both their heads.
Apparently? Experience is shared among party members.
Ben? Renained unscathed, however. Scampering up onto the rock furrow, he shook a paw once more.]
Heh. Now that’s done. Shall we go searching?
The universe in which every dangerous situation is at least better than the last one.
Tony watched as most of the rats were crushed by the slab of stone in one blow.]
Well, that was efficient.
[The leveling chime sounded its agreement and Tony let out a wry laugh.]
Thanks for doing all the work. Okay, I guess this means the navigation is up to me. I just need to find the right protocols.
[There was a pause as the programs shifted to the new commands. And then the cave flickered around them, stabilizing again with a new addition: a flat, blue-tinted overhead image that floated in the air like a screen between them, projected from Tony's armor. He sounded all too pleased with himself as he finished.]
There we go. Ta-da! Mini-map.
Busy day at work...but yes, pretty much. Cerealia: slightly saner than 616 NYC.
Then shall we be off? Lead on, and I shall smash any rodents who dare impede our path.
[He paused, canting his head curiously to one side, studying the survivor.]
Except for him, of course. He knows the score, don't you, Ben?
[The rat chitters angrily and scuttles off into some tunnel or something, clearly plotting their demise. Aaand...of they go. Silence holds for about ten seconds, the Olympian simply unable to restrain himself. He'd gone a whole month with housewives, shark men, teenagers, and a boy with a talking winged hamster for company, and nobody he was even remotely familiar with. He likes to jabber.]
I take it you just came from the powerpoint presentation, Anthony?
Work is always in the way. :c
Yeah. It was, uh, a little disconcerting, to be honest. The last time I was stuck in a virtual system like this, the designer of that program wasn't friendly.
Or the time before that, actually. Or any time.
[Then again, desperate times did tend to crop up and require desperate measures. He couldn't really judge anyone based on something he only had basic information about (yet). And so far things actually seemed pretty harmless.]
What do you think of them? You apparently already know your way around. How long have you been here?
Indeed.
[An inconvenience that occasionally forced him to run from Pac-Man, punch Tetris blocks, and play hangman with Thor's neck on the line. Or...a pirate. He had never quite gotten an answer on whether that was actually Thor or actually the shark man's captain. But it mattered little, in the end.]
I've been here a month, at most. It's been...eventful...even by our standards. [Herc rolls his shoulder, popping his neck in what passed for a pedantic gesture for someone used to thinking with his fists.] As to my feelings on CERES, our supposed saviors? I don't believe their tale for an instant.
[He shoots Tony a small smile.]
I mean, do you you believe that there's an alien race out there capable of destroying our entire universe without us knowing? I don't mean to take an Earth-centric viewpoint, but if these Flamines beings did really exist, would not the Kree, Nova Corps, Shi'ar, or any of the other alien empires we've encountered have some idea? Would not good Heimdall have seen them coming and offered appropriate warning? And that's not counting the research Doctor Richards, dear Henry, and yourself have done.
[Chuckling, he drops a hand onto the man's shoulder heavily, giving it an affable shake, though he is becoming uncharacteristically serious.]
Come now, Anthony. Surely you don't think that these aliens could stand up to the combined might of the Avengers, to say nothing of our friends among the Fantastic Four, X-Men, Asgard, and Olympus. CERES is lying. And what's more, they have a great deal of gall to do so while borrowing my Aunt's name.
no subject
We don't know everything that's out there, Hercules. Even Reed would point that out. We've seen a lot, and I agree that if there is another army of conquerors out there, they aren't going to get our world, but they could be out there. Maybe they're from a completely different world.
[Tony is a futurist. There's no way he can actually dismiss possibility when it comes to unexplored regions. He still doesn't believe CERES is being completely honest with them, but they could be twisting a partial truth to get what they wanted from their data. He can't argue that away.]
I wish we had some of them here to ask. They could be mentioned in forgotten rumors or something, and I'm not as familiar with galactic politics as the others. Which kills me to say, by the way, just so you know. But the thing is, we've never heard of CERES either. I mean, as a group. Not to sound self-important, but we do attract a lot of attention. Maybe these guys are going to try to muscle in on some space.
[He ends that serious analysis with a chuckle of his own, albeit a bit dry.]
Never a dull moment, is it? Okay, so assuming they're lying to us, then what do they want? That's the question. And can you punch whatever they have as backup when we confront them with it?
no subject
It is strange, but yes, I am in agreement. It is strange that this place exists without some knowledge on our end, a mention in passing or an observation forgotten. It's not as though dimensional travel is uncommon, after all. But what strikes me as stranger is that you and I are the only men from our world here.
[Gesturing around, he let out a chuff of annoyance.]
It makes little sense though, if they want the heroes of Earth out of the way for some sinister purpose to take only you and I. Why leave Thor, Stephen, and Doctor Richards behind? To say nothing of the others. Which means perhaps that we were legitimately an accident. A half truth.
But a half truth that I can and will punch them for when we have anything resembling a clue as to their desire.