PHASE I [ 9 00 ] You open your eyes, and there is a chicken pecking at your face. It's not a very happy chicken, either, but if you can manage to fend it off, then it will be clear that you are in a village. It is... medieval-esque, in that video game sort of way; the details don’t seem too clear, but if you look to your left, there’s a cow! And to your right, a well! Ignore the clear evidence of modern technology in the buildings such as lights, gas, and 21st century plumbing; CERES is dedicated to authenticity.
Looks like the new ViViD level has finally been released, and everyone is invited to play, whether they want to or not.
The game (because this time, that's surely what it is) will start simple. Everyone begins in the same place and every NPC villager will say the same thing: to get out of here, you have to go through the caves. They’ll shove a stick at you (“take this, it’s dangerous to go alone”) and off you go, into the caves… !
Which are full of tiny rats and more chickens. They will try to fight you, but it’s really not very effective when they’re perfectly small and average (especially when everyone still has their typical powers and abilities -- CERES didn't mess with those at all this time). The caves are winding and circular and maze-like, and to make matters even worse, the only ones around are the other poor saps stuck in this situation.
But if you kill enough of the rats, you’ll get to hear the satisfying level up jingle. Congratulations! You are now level 2. It's probably satisfying just for a minute or so until you finally find your way out of those maze like caves and -- You're back in the village again. Great.
PHASE II [ 930 ] You’re carrying a bag. No matter what you do, you can’t take it off, either; it’s stuck with you through thick and thin. But it is awfully heavy. Maybe you should actually open it and see what’s inside?
The problem is, it’s going to take a while.
The bag has clearly tapped into its true hammerspace nature; there are items for days in there, and they’re all very, very strange. You might end up covered in hats of all sorts, buried in logs as you pull out one after another, or look like you have an odd fetish for pickaxes.
Maybe there’s 1/3rd of an evil turnip, half a piece of pie and an egg.
Geez, what in the world are you supposed to do with all of that?
PHASE III [ 1200 ] Eventually, you make it out of the caves the right way despite the harassment of the rats and chickens and the fact you'll keep perpetually getting lost. Hooray! You come out into a large, peaceful, scenic meadow, with a small river bubbling off to one side, and a house.
You'll immediately notice that there’s a bridge to cross the river, but there’s someone standing in the way of that bridge. When you approach to go past him, no matter what you try to do, you won't be able to. Asking him why he won't move will only get one thing in response -- “Bring me a fish. Cooked.”
Then he’ll shove a fishing rod at you and expect you to get to it. You can’t attack him, you can’t get past him -- looks like the only thing to do is to catch and cook that fish. Time to sit back, relax, and get to work. Or maybe you’ll team up with someone else and be the person in the house making sure that the fish gets cooked properly. For some reason, if you leave it too long it turns right into a pile of ashes.
Weirdly though, no matter how good you are at cooking or fishing usually, it’s as if you’re right back at the metaphorical level one. Any sort of seasoning or effort to cook it faster falls flat and in the end you'll only be able to place the fish in the pan and set it on the stove, whole. This may take awhile.
And if you try to cross the river itself, well... no, really, don’t try to cross the river.
At least if you get eaten, you’ll just respawn back in the village, but do have fun traveling through the caves again!
PHASE IV [ 1430 ] You made it through the caves. You made it across the river (with a slightly burnt fish). You’ve made it to the wide open world, and you can finally adventure to your heart’s content. You take a step forward on the road and --
A message pops up, bright red and in your face.
[ Restricted Area: Members Only ]
No matter what you do, you can’t go past that point. In fact, if you’re not careful and you’re going too fast, you might run face-first into it like it’s an invisible wall (which it is).
Then, just like that, you're back in the village. Again. Only this time, there's a nice, blinking message -- Pay a small subscription fee to access member's content. Oh well. No big deal, you can just start again.
Except then you see a cool sword and when you try to pick it up, you'll get that same message, and end up transported back to the village yet again. And again, with some shiny new armor. And again, with that attention-grabbing NPC over there. Looks like you're caught in an infinite loop here but no matter how much you inspect the pop up, there's no... actual way to pay the subscription fee (and why would you want to?). But at least you have company, because you can't be the only person who thought that sword was cool.
(It was really, really cool.)
BONUS [ xxxx ] What’s that on the ground in front of you? It looks like… some bunny ears? Or maybe it’s a chicken head, or a pumpkin head. Either way, the moment you touch it, you have a strong need to put it on your head -- and once it’s on, it’s not coming off.
To make matters worse, each hat has an effect associated with it; the bunny ears will, in fact, randomly turn you into a cute fluffy bunny for anywhere from 5 minutes to an hour before you pop right back to yourself, whereas the pumpkin hat will, in a complete reversal, turn you into Cinderella for a bit -- complete with beautiful ball gown and the ability to talk to all of those cute fluffy bunnies.
Also the rats will love you, so maybe you should go back to the caves again.
Meanwhile, the chicken hat won't transform you into any odd creature, but it will inspire in the people wearing them a very real, persistent desire to build a nest. This will involve picking up twigs, trash, shiny things and whatever else catches your eye to try to build a nest out of it. You'll also try to pick up whatever food you find on the ground to eat, have the weirdest desire to lay an egg, and basically have all sorts of odd chicken-like instincts inflicted upon you.
At least you look festive!
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iii
Well. That is a new strategy, but probably not a very effective one. So the blond makes his way to the bank and makes a cast of his own, hook and line and weights hitting the water with a small splash before he reals in the excess tension. He's figured out casting pretty well.
Because he's caught and then burned about a dozen fish so far, to beyond the point of recognition. You know who's never actually learned to cook? Quatre Raberba Winner. He was raised a sheltered rich kid and even now, when left to his own devices, well, he chooses food that involves no cooking. Vegetables, crackers and cheese? Totally a meal. But that aside, he glances over to Heero with a faint smile.] It's definitely a waste of time. But, maybe we should work together.
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Besides, they've worked together before and nobody ended up getting eaten or wearing dresses, so maybe this is a sign that he needs the assistance. ]
Fishing wasn't exactly a training requirement.
[ That is to say, he acknowledges and accepts your offer of working together. Just don't let him touch the rod. ]
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He does laugh at the explanation.] Mm. Somehow I missed out on that lesson too.
[...he spends a lot of time in the desert and in space. You know what he's not doing? Fishing.] But I've been at it a while already, so I've mostly got the hang of that part.
[A sheepish cringe.] If I could stop burning them all to ashes, I'd have been finished and logged out by now.
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Meanwhile, where Quatre is getting the hang of fishing, all Heero's managed to do is get through the caves and make rat-flails. Every single time he reaches the point where he has to fish, something goes horribly wrong. Either he tries to take Option 3 and do the exact opposite of what he's supposed to or he manages to slip up in a way that's incredibly minute but still just enough to force him to have to start over. All that training and programming and it's something so stupidly simple that thwarts him. Worst Mission Ever.
Are you sure he can't push you into the water?]
Given that everything seems to repeat itself, there probably isn't an end to this.
[ On a slightly more optimistic note, however, he's going to make an attempt to teamwork. How he is with cooking is also questionable, but the actual cooking part is all about control, which he may be able to handle. ] Your timing is probably off. How long were you leaving it?
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[As for the next question, he can't quite hold back a smile as he answers,] Mm... I'd have to say 'too long' if I thought about it. It's tricky though. One minute it still seems raw and then it's beyond charred.
[A pause.] This really isn't like our usual missions...
i am sorry for late edit! ;; i broke my html and just now saw it
If he were one to laugh in a non-bone-chilling-scare-the-hell-out-of-everyone sort of way, he may have actually chuckled at the comment about the fish, but he's not, so the most Quatre gets is sort of a noncommittal sound that could be some sort of snicker, but could also be just a means of saying 'I'm still listening'. ]
Is there a variance in time or is it about the same? [ Patterns, boy. Think in patterns. ] If there isn't much difference, it becomes a matter of paying attention.
[ He doesn't waste any time deliberating the last statement, giving a short huff in response. ] I don't think it is a mission. We're just going in circles.