PHASE I [ 9 00 ] You open your eyes, and there is a chicken pecking at your face. It's not a very happy chicken, either, but if you can manage to fend it off, then it will be clear that you are in a village. It is... medieval-esque, in that video game sort of way; the details don’t seem too clear, but if you look to your left, there’s a cow! And to your right, a well! Ignore the clear evidence of modern technology in the buildings such as lights, gas, and 21st century plumbing; CERES is dedicated to authenticity.
Looks like the new ViViD level has finally been released, and everyone is invited to play, whether they want to or not.
The game (because this time, that's surely what it is) will start simple. Everyone begins in the same place and every NPC villager will say the same thing: to get out of here, you have to go through the caves. They’ll shove a stick at you (“take this, it’s dangerous to go alone”) and off you go, into the caves… !
Which are full of tiny rats and more chickens. They will try to fight you, but it’s really not very effective when they’re perfectly small and average (especially when everyone still has their typical powers and abilities -- CERES didn't mess with those at all this time). The caves are winding and circular and maze-like, and to make matters even worse, the only ones around are the other poor saps stuck in this situation.
But if you kill enough of the rats, you’ll get to hear the satisfying level up jingle. Congratulations! You are now level 2. It's probably satisfying just for a minute or so until you finally find your way out of those maze like caves and -- You're back in the village again. Great.
PHASE II [ 930 ] You’re carrying a bag. No matter what you do, you can’t take it off, either; it’s stuck with you through thick and thin. But it is awfully heavy. Maybe you should actually open it and see what’s inside?
The problem is, it’s going to take a while.
The bag has clearly tapped into its true hammerspace nature; there are items for days in there, and they’re all very, very strange. You might end up covered in hats of all sorts, buried in logs as you pull out one after another, or look like you have an odd fetish for pickaxes.
Maybe there’s 1/3rd of an evil turnip, half a piece of pie and an egg.
Geez, what in the world are you supposed to do with all of that?
PHASE III [ 1200 ] Eventually, you make it out of the caves the right way despite the harassment of the rats and chickens and the fact you'll keep perpetually getting lost. Hooray! You come out into a large, peaceful, scenic meadow, with a small river bubbling off to one side, and a house.
You'll immediately notice that there’s a bridge to cross the river, but there’s someone standing in the way of that bridge. When you approach to go past him, no matter what you try to do, you won't be able to. Asking him why he won't move will only get one thing in response -- “Bring me a fish. Cooked.”
Then he’ll shove a fishing rod at you and expect you to get to it. You can’t attack him, you can’t get past him -- looks like the only thing to do is to catch and cook that fish. Time to sit back, relax, and get to work. Or maybe you’ll team up with someone else and be the person in the house making sure that the fish gets cooked properly. For some reason, if you leave it too long it turns right into a pile of ashes.
Weirdly though, no matter how good you are at cooking or fishing usually, it’s as if you’re right back at the metaphorical level one. Any sort of seasoning or effort to cook it faster falls flat and in the end you'll only be able to place the fish in the pan and set it on the stove, whole. This may take awhile.
And if you try to cross the river itself, well... no, really, don’t try to cross the river.
At least if you get eaten, you’ll just respawn back in the village, but do have fun traveling through the caves again!
PHASE IV [ 1430 ] You made it through the caves. You made it across the river (with a slightly burnt fish). You’ve made it to the wide open world, and you can finally adventure to your heart’s content. You take a step forward on the road and --
A message pops up, bright red and in your face.
[ Restricted Area: Members Only ]
No matter what you do, you can’t go past that point. In fact, if you’re not careful and you’re going too fast, you might run face-first into it like it’s an invisible wall (which it is).
Then, just like that, you're back in the village. Again. Only this time, there's a nice, blinking message -- Pay a small subscription fee to access member's content. Oh well. No big deal, you can just start again.
Except then you see a cool sword and when you try to pick it up, you'll get that same message, and end up transported back to the village yet again. And again, with some shiny new armor. And again, with that attention-grabbing NPC over there. Looks like you're caught in an infinite loop here but no matter how much you inspect the pop up, there's no... actual way to pay the subscription fee (and why would you want to?). But at least you have company, because you can't be the only person who thought that sword was cool.
(It was really, really cool.)
BONUS [ xxxx ] What’s that on the ground in front of you? It looks like… some bunny ears? Or maybe it’s a chicken head, or a pumpkin head. Either way, the moment you touch it, you have a strong need to put it on your head -- and once it’s on, it’s not coming off.
To make matters worse, each hat has an effect associated with it; the bunny ears will, in fact, randomly turn you into a cute fluffy bunny for anywhere from 5 minutes to an hour before you pop right back to yourself, whereas the pumpkin hat will, in a complete reversal, turn you into Cinderella for a bit -- complete with beautiful ball gown and the ability to talk to all of those cute fluffy bunnies.
Also the rats will love you, so maybe you should go back to the caves again.
Meanwhile, the chicken hat won't transform you into any odd creature, but it will inspire in the people wearing them a very real, persistent desire to build a nest. This will involve picking up twigs, trash, shiny things and whatever else catches your eye to try to build a nest out of it. You'll also try to pick up whatever food you find on the ground to eat, have the weirdest desire to lay an egg, and basically have all sorts of odd chicken-like instincts inflicted upon you.
At least you look festive!
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Heero Yuy | Gundam Wing | ota
[ Mission accepted... or so he'd thought. Now, he's not so sure anymore.
It might have been nice of the guy on the bridge to warn him about the enormous man-eating fish-monster in the water instead of letting him find out about it the hard way (he'd have been there for days if he tried catching fish), but whatever. Minor setback. Besides, it's not as if any of this is real, right? At least, not if getting turned around in the caves twice and ending up right back where he started when there weren't any other entrances or exits near the one he walked through was any indication. They're just annoyances, frustrating at best. It's all just some sort of bad simulation, but he accepted it which means he has to push through it.
Armed once more with a stick (seriously, what is wrong with these people? do they not know what firearms are? or knives? a sharpened toothbrush? a sock or pillowcase with a rock in it? why is the only weapon they have to offer a freaking stick?) and the clothes on his back, he grits his teeth and starts back toward the caves for Round 4: Where the Hell is the Exit. This time, he's prepared. This time, there is a plan!
Alright, so maybe he's only planned as far as deciding this is going to be the last time he has to go back through this cave. It's a good thing piloting a Gundam didn't hinge on being able to get through a video game centered around ancient and domestic things, because he'd have probably never made it off the ground - he isn't trained in how to handle things like this, dammit!
His frustration levels have grown high enough that he's having trouble hiding it, and while he's not the most talkative of individuals, he's hit the point where he won't snub some assistance, even if it's only in getting out of this maze without ending up right back in the village. He just... doesn't know how to ask for help. ]
Phase III - in which perfection is a lie
[ He's crossed a cave of rats and chickens, punted several because they wouldn't get out of the way, been sent back to the village, and transformed his crappy little stick into a rat-flail using cloth torn from the hem of his pretty blue dress. He's been eaten by a fish-monster, pecked by chickens, bitten by rats, and dressed in drag. And now... he's right back to the bridge that he can't seem to get past, all because he doesn't know how to fish.
This entire experience has been absolutely awful thus far, and his patience with video games and simulations in general is about gone. It's not even a mission anymore, it's a distraction from what's really important.
Nothing he's tried thus far has worked. Threats didn't have the man on the bridge batting an eye, he doesn't have anything with which to craft an explosive or seven and blast the fish-monster out of the water, there isn't any actual technology to be found, and the fate of this game-world now rests on his ability to catch a stupid fish. How has he done? Thus far, he's managed to catch leaves, sticks, get the string tangled, snag his own shirt, and had one bite that got away. Discouraged and irritated? Absolutely. ]
This is all just a waste of-- [ Another attempt to cast... and there goes the rod, landing in the river with a splash. Sigh. Yep, he overdid it, and he's really hoping everybody else is having just as much trouble with all of this as he is. ] ...time.
[ Sorry, world, you're screwed.
Anybody got a fishing rod they could loan out? ]
BONUS - ♪♫ I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream ♫♪
[ Don't ever pick up things that are in your way. Don't bump them, don't touch them, and whatever else you do, do not put them on. It's a very important lesson. It's a lesson that came too late.
He'd finally gotten within sight of the bridge, only to find his path blocked by a pumpkin, so he did what he thought was the smart thing and picked it up to throw it aside, except it ended up on his head instead of in the weeds along the path. Why is a good question, and he's just going to assume it's a part of this awful game, but either way, the end result is less than appealing to him. Maybe he'll get lucky and it won't last, but for now, he's just going to step off the path, close his eyes, mentally cross his fingers, and try to wait it out despite the desire to go back to the cave.
Those just passing by and paying him no mind will be ignored. Anyone who makes a sound in his general direction or moves toward him will likely be met with a glare or a threat of impending doom that will never actually happen because his follow-through is sub-par. ]
iii
Well. That is a new strategy, but probably not a very effective one. So the blond makes his way to the bank and makes a cast of his own, hook and line and weights hitting the water with a small splash before he reals in the excess tension. He's figured out casting pretty well.
Because he's caught and then burned about a dozen fish so far, to beyond the point of recognition. You know who's never actually learned to cook? Quatre Raberba Winner. He was raised a sheltered rich kid and even now, when left to his own devices, well, he chooses food that involves no cooking. Vegetables, crackers and cheese? Totally a meal. But that aside, he glances over to Heero with a faint smile.] It's definitely a waste of time. But, maybe we should work together.
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Besides, they've worked together before and nobody ended up getting eaten or wearing dresses, so maybe this is a sign that he needs the assistance. ]
Fishing wasn't exactly a training requirement.
[ That is to say, he acknowledges and accepts your offer of working together. Just don't let him touch the rod. ]
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He does laugh at the explanation.] Mm. Somehow I missed out on that lesson too.
[...he spends a lot of time in the desert and in space. You know what he's not doing? Fishing.] But I've been at it a while already, so I've mostly got the hang of that part.
[A sheepish cringe.] If I could stop burning them all to ashes, I'd have been finished and logged out by now.
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Meanwhile, where Quatre is getting the hang of fishing, all Heero's managed to do is get through the caves and make rat-flails. Every single time he reaches the point where he has to fish, something goes horribly wrong. Either he tries to take Option 3 and do the exact opposite of what he's supposed to or he manages to slip up in a way that's incredibly minute but still just enough to force him to have to start over. All that training and programming and it's something so stupidly simple that thwarts him. Worst Mission Ever.
Are you sure he can't push you into the water?]
Given that everything seems to repeat itself, there probably isn't an end to this.
[ On a slightly more optimistic note, however, he's going to make an attempt to teamwork. How he is with cooking is also questionable, but the actual cooking part is all about control, which he may be able to handle. ] Your timing is probably off. How long were you leaving it?
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[As for the next question, he can't quite hold back a smile as he answers,] Mm... I'd have to say 'too long' if I thought about it. It's tricky though. One minute it still seems raw and then it's beyond charred.
[A pause.] This really isn't like our usual missions...
i am sorry for late edit! ;; i broke my html and just now saw it
phase 1 (for real this time)
Now, he's not an overly religious (at all, in any sense) person, but one starts to get the inklings of belief when they're forced to repeat themselves more than thrice over. He's on such a round in the caves, because he's managed not to fall into a pit trap or get overrun by rats this time. Except, he's just been going in circles. It's maddening and dizzying all at once.
At some point, he'd stopped his motions entirely, absently batting rats away as he thought it through. There has to be an exit. It might take a while to find, but he was going to find it. All he had to do was figure out how to mark where he'd been before.
Ok, this might be do-able.
Still lost in thought, he starts walking again, slowly, steps careful. He's half paying attention; meaning he doesn't walk straight into Heero. But stops just short of causing a bodily collision. A good thing it was avoided, because if the storm cloud on the other boy's face is any indication of his run in the caves thus far, well, it doesn't look pretty. ]
Not going well?
(omg you made me choke on my tea!)
Where Trowa's partially paying attention, Heero's soldiering forth with a single-minded determination, but not quite so focused that the other goes unnoticed. A collision in a cave might have been a bad thing, after all, and thrown them both back into that godforsaken village. Still, the question gives him pause, actually having to stop for the briefest of moments to consider it before answering. ]
It was.
[ ...and then things went bad. Over and over and over again to the point where he was probably only screwing up now because he was letting frustration set in.
But to specify that the 'was' doesn't mean 'it was until you showed up', he'll make the effort to elaborate a little more. Besides, Trowa was the one who patched him up after attempting self-detonation, so it's not like the guy doesn't already know he makes mistakes. ]
... Three trips ago.
i live to serve
[ For some reason, that fills him with good humor. This would be the second time Heero's made him laugh (if he knew about the first time). The other boy is the perfect soldier. Willing to sacrifice himself and his Gundam for the colonies, for the mission. Trowa's still shocked by that fact.
So to hear that it's taken him numerous times to even get to this point... well, perfect soldiers have their faults after all. Hm. ]
Where'd you get stuck?
you are beautiful... and i mean that in a non-creepertastic way
Okay, so there's one part that stands out more than the rest, probably due to the big teeth and the feeling of living in one of those old 'don't go in the water' horror movies he's never seen. Eh, he'll be honest. No sense in lying to him, and he's got nothing to gain from doing it. ]
Fishing.
[ The word is as close to being laced with venom as he can get while keeping his tone even. It's fast become the bane of his existence and if he could've just shot the guy on the bridge and walked past him, he would've. ]
If nobody's mentioned it yet, don't attempt to cross the river on your own. It doesn't work.
sparkles like Zechs Merquise on the beach
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Bonus
Where is a mobile suit when you need one...
He approaches the "woman" in an attempt to see if he can be of any help.]
Are you alright, miss?
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Wait... miss?! Is he actually being mistaken for a girl?!
If ever there was a time when he would wish the ground would open up and swallow him whole, this is it. Come to think of it, he really can't think of a time he's ever actually felt genuine embarrassment until now. It's not a feeling he's enjoying, and he'd give anything to have a gun on him to make a threat actually seem threatening, but all he's got is a stick and a dress so it'll have to do.
He doesn't dare turn around, because this is humiliating enough as it is, instead turning his head just enough that he can fix Zechs with a Look while still maintaining some semblance of dignity, stick held tightly. ]
"Miss"?
[ Please tell him he doesn't really look like that much of a woman, because if he does, maybe hiding in the caves would've been a better idea after all. ]
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Not to mention, Heero needs to tone up a little.]
...my mistake. [He wants to know how he got in that dress, but it's best to not ask. Things are odd enough as is.] Who's responsible for all of this?
[Better to focus on a mutual enemy than get at each other's throats again.]
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What 'this' is he referring to? The dress, the area in general, being there at all, or every last thing about this place? Unfortunately, though, the answers are all exactly the same, and it's probably not the best idea to keep his back to the man. Humiliation gets shelved for now as he turns to face him, arms crossed, one eyebrow raised. ]
If I knew, do you really think I'd still be here?
[ Don't answer that with a yes. Or anything remotely close to a yes. In fact, a negative response would be ideal, because even if he's in a dress and looks like someone could easily snap him in half, he's still capable of bending steel... and he's got a stick. That's probably the scariest thing about him right now.
Not that he'd actually try anything at the moment. With the luck he's been having, he'd get tangled in the skirts and fall on his face. ]
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3!
[ One Duo Maxwell might've watched too many old movies when he had a little spare time where he didn't need to be making repairs to his gundam, or playing with Deathscythe' controls to make sure that everything was up to par and where it was supposed to be. All that fine tuning and paying attention often lead to a brain that just needed a break, which meant that some mindless, shitty quality old movie was generally on Duo's plate for watching while he went over his next mission's specifications, or before he went and bothered someone about what they were going to do about dinner. He was a growing boy - he needed the damn food, even if it was canned or freeze dried, or.. caught in a river.
Imagine a certain long haired pilot's surprise when he hears a rather big splash from his spot in the long grass, his (as usual) black-clad figure sitting up from the long grass -
- and promptly busting in to laughter. ]
Geez, Heero! You don't wing the whole thing!
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Why does he not have a handgun?
Then again... ]
If you think you can do better, go right ahead and try, but you'll have to get your own rod. I'm not going in after that one.
[ ...if he can get Duo to cover the catching and cooking, he might have a shot at making it out of here. It's not as if he hasn't swiped things from the other before. ]
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I have my own rod, genius. I didn't chuck mine in to the river. [ In fact, it's sitting right there in front of him, the lure in the water, ever innocent looking even as it's buried in the ground and waiting for the first fish that would dare to take a bite. Howard might've actually managed to give Duo a few usable life lessons, for an old man. The braided pilot doesn't seem too fussed about Heero's situation, though, still smirking in the way that probably makes Heero want to shoot him even more. ]
And 'm not catchin' nothin' for you, Yuy. So don't even think about it.
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[ Forget the handgun, where's an RPG when you need one?
There's no mention of asking him to, because let's face it, he wouldn't ask. He'll just do the smart thing and bide his time. Eventually Duo would catch something, and when he does... ]
And I didn't "chuck mine into the river", I just didn't care to hold onto it. [ Eh, technically it's the same thing, but saying he wasn't trying to hold onto it sounds better than saying 'I made an oopsie'.
Then again, if he holds Duo out over the water, could that braid double as a fishing line? ]
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Bonus
After a moment, the bunny paused stood up on her hind legs and stared at him... before suddenly falling over laughing. The laughter may even be familiar sounding! Eventually Relena regained her breath enough to speak. ]
Heero, I think you should leave the dress wearing to me from now on.
i should never read tags while eating because I always end up choking XD
The rabbit is talking. The rabbit is talking and he understands it. The rabbit is talking, he understands what it's saying, and it sounds like Relena.
That's it, he's going crazy. Overuse of the ZERO system. Too many blows to the head. Injuries sustained on the battlefield only now showing up in the form of visual and auditory hallucinations. He's probably actually unconscious somewhere and this is all in his head, repeating patterns by being stuck in some sort of endless loop where he always fails at fishing and hearing voices, but at least the voice belongs to one of the few people he really feels some level of comfort with -there's far too few of those, and it could've been Dr. J, so he'll take it.
Just... don't speak to the rabbit. Talking back to a hallucination only means he's accepted that he belongs in a padded cell with a straitjacket. ]
I'd offer to trade, but rabbits don't wear clothes.
[ ...which means the bunny would be in a dress several sizes too large and he'd end up naked. He might be crazy, but he's not that crazy. If he knew fairy tales, he'd think this some weird adaptation of the Frog Prince, but he doesn't, which is probably a good thing.
You know what, come and get him, men in white coats. The rabbit is the first thing to talk to him that didn't make him have to think or do things he doesn't have any experience doing or want to beat it with a stick, so this is perfectly fine for now. ]
XD
At the forefront is just how much she wishes she had a camera because she was sure there were a few people that would love to see a sight like this. ]
You're right, though I doubt I'll be a bunny for the rest of my life. Or at least I hope not.
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Alright, he has to ask as cautiously as possible, because now he's a little concerned for his own sanity. ]
... What would you be if you're not a rabbit?
[ Things have been incredibly weird ever since he made the mistake of picking up the pumpkin, so maybe that's why this is happening? Maybe it was laced with some sort of drug and this is one really crazy acid trip. Though, that would mean that it'll wear off eventually, which is a good thing.]
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Flashpoint's walking towards the bridge, picking chicken feathers out of the seams of her plating, happy to at least not be lost in those damn caves anymore. Victory only lasts so long though and she'll reach the bridge soon...]
No GPS, fraggin' unrealistic!
[ Also she's pretty sure she's got rat in her undercarriage. GROSS. ]
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That doesn't look like any mobile suit he's ever seen before, and yet it almost makes this place suddenly feel a little more home-like. Except now he wants to know the rest: what are the specs? where'd it come from? who designed it? how does it handle? how do you fit a pilot inside it? Female pilots weren't a rare thing, but a mech like that has him wanting to know more. If he were anybody else, he'd be calling out and chasing her down, but he's himself, so he's just quietly chasing her instead, eyes wide, curiosity piqued.
Many apologies, Flashpoint, but you've just acquired a really short human-shaped shadow who thinks you're one of the coolest things about this place.]
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Better to be in bipedal mode anyway; the weird natives here seem to like talking an actual face. Which she has, and a very expressive one at that. It's currently expressing how much she agrees with the 'this place sucks' sentiment. The fish-obsessed guy at the bridge isn't helping, either. ]
Seriously? [ What even is this stick thing he just shoved into her too-large hand? ] Maybe you should get your own damn fish and let people with real business through!
[ And maybe if she wasn't so busy being disgruntled, Flashpoint would realize she has a tail of a different kind. ]