PHASE I [ 9 00 ] You open your eyes, and there is a chicken pecking at your face. It's not a very happy chicken, either, but if you can manage to fend it off, then it will be clear that you are in a village. It is... medieval-esque, in that video game sort of way; the details don’t seem too clear, but if you look to your left, there’s a cow! And to your right, a well! Ignore the clear evidence of modern technology in the buildings such as lights, gas, and 21st century plumbing; CERES is dedicated to authenticity.
Looks like the new ViViD level has finally been released, and everyone is invited to play, whether they want to or not.
The game (because this time, that's surely what it is) will start simple. Everyone begins in the same place and every NPC villager will say the same thing: to get out of here, you have to go through the caves. They’ll shove a stick at you (“take this, it’s dangerous to go alone”) and off you go, into the caves… !
Which are full of tiny rats and more chickens. They will try to fight you, but it’s really not very effective when they’re perfectly small and average (especially when everyone still has their typical powers and abilities -- CERES didn't mess with those at all this time). The caves are winding and circular and maze-like, and to make matters even worse, the only ones around are the other poor saps stuck in this situation.
But if you kill enough of the rats, you’ll get to hear the satisfying level up jingle. Congratulations! You are now level 2. It's probably satisfying just for a minute or so until you finally find your way out of those maze like caves and -- You're back in the village again. Great.
PHASE II [ 930 ] You’re carrying a bag. No matter what you do, you can’t take it off, either; it’s stuck with you through thick and thin. But it is awfully heavy. Maybe you should actually open it and see what’s inside?
The problem is, it’s going to take a while.
The bag has clearly tapped into its true hammerspace nature; there are items for days in there, and they’re all very, very strange. You might end up covered in hats of all sorts, buried in logs as you pull out one after another, or look like you have an odd fetish for pickaxes.
Maybe there’s 1/3rd of an evil turnip, half a piece of pie and an egg.
Geez, what in the world are you supposed to do with all of that?
PHASE III [ 1200 ] Eventually, you make it out of the caves the right way despite the harassment of the rats and chickens and the fact you'll keep perpetually getting lost. Hooray! You come out into a large, peaceful, scenic meadow, with a small river bubbling off to one side, and a house.
You'll immediately notice that there’s a bridge to cross the river, but there’s someone standing in the way of that bridge. When you approach to go past him, no matter what you try to do, you won't be able to. Asking him why he won't move will only get one thing in response -- “Bring me a fish. Cooked.”
Then he’ll shove a fishing rod at you and expect you to get to it. You can’t attack him, you can’t get past him -- looks like the only thing to do is to catch and cook that fish. Time to sit back, relax, and get to work. Or maybe you’ll team up with someone else and be the person in the house making sure that the fish gets cooked properly. For some reason, if you leave it too long it turns right into a pile of ashes.
Weirdly though, no matter how good you are at cooking or fishing usually, it’s as if you’re right back at the metaphorical level one. Any sort of seasoning or effort to cook it faster falls flat and in the end you'll only be able to place the fish in the pan and set it on the stove, whole. This may take awhile.
And if you try to cross the river itself, well... no, really, don’t try to cross the river.
At least if you get eaten, you’ll just respawn back in the village, but do have fun traveling through the caves again!
PHASE IV [ 1430 ] You made it through the caves. You made it across the river (with a slightly burnt fish). You’ve made it to the wide open world, and you can finally adventure to your heart’s content. You take a step forward on the road and --
A message pops up, bright red and in your face.
[ Restricted Area: Members Only ]
No matter what you do, you can’t go past that point. In fact, if you’re not careful and you’re going too fast, you might run face-first into it like it’s an invisible wall (which it is).
Then, just like that, you're back in the village. Again. Only this time, there's a nice, blinking message -- Pay a small subscription fee to access member's content. Oh well. No big deal, you can just start again.
Except then you see a cool sword and when you try to pick it up, you'll get that same message, and end up transported back to the village yet again. And again, with some shiny new armor. And again, with that attention-grabbing NPC over there. Looks like you're caught in an infinite loop here but no matter how much you inspect the pop up, there's no... actual way to pay the subscription fee (and why would you want to?). But at least you have company, because you can't be the only person who thought that sword was cool.
(It was really, really cool.)
BONUS [ xxxx ] What’s that on the ground in front of you? It looks like… some bunny ears? Or maybe it’s a chicken head, or a pumpkin head. Either way, the moment you touch it, you have a strong need to put it on your head -- and once it’s on, it’s not coming off.
To make matters worse, each hat has an effect associated with it; the bunny ears will, in fact, randomly turn you into a cute fluffy bunny for anywhere from 5 minutes to an hour before you pop right back to yourself, whereas the pumpkin hat will, in a complete reversal, turn you into Cinderella for a bit -- complete with beautiful ball gown and the ability to talk to all of those cute fluffy bunnies.
Also the rats will love you, so maybe you should go back to the caves again.
Meanwhile, the chicken hat won't transform you into any odd creature, but it will inspire in the people wearing them a very real, persistent desire to build a nest. This will involve picking up twigs, trash, shiny things and whatever else catches your eye to try to build a nest out of it. You'll also try to pick up whatever food you find on the ground to eat, have the weirdest desire to lay an egg, and basically have all sorts of odd chicken-like instincts inflicted upon you.
At least you look festive!
[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with sensitive or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the log. ] |
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phase I
With his poor senses thus assaulted, Uriel doesn't even need to feel the ever so familiar spiritual equivalent of hello sweetheart, your doom has just entered the premises to know exactly who he is dealing with.]
Solomon! [And since concealing his shock - and maybe tears - is as necessary as it is useless, he adds:] What did you do to the chickens?
[He is not running away from poultry! Let them peck. He is clearly the superior bird here.]
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[ solomon pls. he absolutely did something to piss them off.. somehow. probably tripped over one or something.
oh, they're.. definitely bearing down on them. he can hardly hear himself over the clucking and squawking. feathers are flying. it'd be funny if it wasn't so messy. (who's he kidding, it's still funny.) still, he yelps a little as one of them pecks at his slipper-clad foot, releasing kevin to dance sideways a little.. and nearly falling into the feathery crowd. ]
Ouch! They're really going to eat me! Vicious birds..! [ kind of like a certain angel he knows. ]
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He considers carbonizing the chickens, but he knows that would probably upset Solomon - an old habit he has been trying really hard to get rid of. And so he wraps his arm around the human's waist and takes flight, his sole wing suddenly visible and shedding like crazy as he finds his way to a tree top.]
Now. [He states very seriously, after making sure Solomon is properly balanced on a thick branch] Release young master...or I swear I will toss you back at them.
[Oh dear. He is threatening Solomon already. That feels kind of nostalgic, doesn't it? But at least it is for a good cause. Solomon can't possibly possess young master whenever he wants!]
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he blinks at the sudden threat (that's familiar), more puzzled than upset. ]
Young master..? [ green eyes lift to the single wing, then take a moment to look over the clothing the angel is wearing, hands still curled in the fabric. what..? he laughs abruptly. ] Uriel, what are you wearing? What-- [ helplessly, his eyes are drawn to the wing again-- and more specifically, to the space where its twin should be. ] .. What's happened? Who are you calling 'master'?
I'm so sorry... :')
No, Solomon. He is not falling for this whole amnesiac act of yours! Instead, he will try to grab the king by his thin ankles and shake him upside down from the tree branch, as if he could make Solomon cough William up.
That most certainly doesn't count as torture, does it?]
Stop pretending and let him go!
[With that, he at least hopes to avoid talking about his "master" and his missing wing for the next ten seconds or so. And have the satisfaction of shaking Solomon a bit while he is at it. Honestly, it is a win-win situation.]
UGH KEVIN
Uriel, this is indecent. I had no idea you were that sort of angel. Punishment and bondage, yes, but this is a little much even for you..
[ but the demand only earns another puzzled glance, head tilting faintly, green eyes starting to go a little dizzy. and if kevin cares to look closely, well.. the king does seem a little frail-- too thin, the bones in his wrists and ankles too prominent, skin pale. for all his apparent good cheer, it seems as if he's near the end of his life. ]
I'm afraid that I still have no idea who you're talking about. Is it this master of yours? Need I be jealous that you're bestowing your attentions on some other unfortunate fellow?
:')
Okay, time to stop shaking Solomon upside down. Now. NOW. ]
DO LEARN TO WEAR UNDERCLOTHES, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!
[This was a terrible idea. All of it. Out of sheer instinct, he wraps his arms around Solomon and holds him closer so he won't fall off the branch, and yes, yes, the human feels frail and ill, and whose fault is that, Lord Uriel?]
You are not lying, are you? You do not remember...
[Well, isn't that wonderful.]
You have...no reason to be jealous.
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his hands immediately clutch at uriel's clothes again as he's righted, green eyes wide and puzzled in his face. the angel is so different. all the righteous fury has gone out of him-- or has at least been muffled somehow. and there's still his missing wing to consider. ]
.. Remember..? [ a gentle prompt, even as he frees a hand, lifting it to touch fingertips to the angel's jaw. they trail up, tracing his cheekbone, then gently brush a few dark strands of hair out of his eyes. ] Goodness, just what has my wrathful angel been doing lately..?
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....A long time has passed. [A little understatement harms none.] You were lost...and then I found you again. Naturally, it was not you anymore.
[Since humans live such preciously short lives, and Solomon made certain his would be even shorter.]
I have been watching over him ever since.
[ So maybe he is still a little obsessive... ]
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.. Even after so long.. [ his voice sounds a little faint. ] My soul is still a prize, isn't it. [ of course it is. some small part of him had hoped for better (oblivion, or at least never to wake properly again), but when he's honest with himself, he knows better. heaven intends to have him, and as long as heaven searches for him, hell will try to stop them-- particularly given his personal importance to a number of demons and, more importantly, lucifer. it's a vicious, ugly cycle.
he's shaking a little, he realizes, but he can't step away to hide it without falling. (for a very brief moment, he considers doing so anyway.) ]
Does he know yet? Does he know.. what he is?
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[He covers the human's hands with his own. They are warm, solar even. No matter what he does, the angel won't let him fall.
Have you ever seen Uriel smile, Solomon? Well, there is a first time for everything.]
You have not met my young master yet, so it is only natural that you would underestimate his ego. [Does he sound proud? Yes, yes he does.] He could not care less about heaven or hell. He will not be a prize, or a pawn. And I shall protect him with all my strength.
[Which is very much treason talk coming from him, but what the heck, he has already made up his mind, even if he would rather not challenge heaven directly if he can help it. ]
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.. So I've managed to make you mine, after all. It just took a few more centuries and another life.
[ he leans up to kiss the end of the angel's nose fondly, as if this isn't the creature sent to torment he and his kingdom. ]
I'm glad that you have one another.
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[Solomon is a terrible person capable of making Angels of Repentance blush. Blush like tomatoes about to explode in a rain of tomato fireworks. Uriel feels...weird. His heart is racing, his respiration is all wrong, and a part of him really wants to toss Solomon back to the chickens and
escapefly away.Every single feather on his single wing stands up. He looks firmly at a tree branch which has the unquestionable advantage of not being Solomon's lips.]
As expected, you are nothing but presumptuous.
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his hands uncurl from the angel's clothing, but only to slide over his shoulders, holding onto him more securely (supposedly). ]
You've always known that. You know me better than almost anyone. [ he lets himself sink down a little, resting his brow in the crook between uriel's neck and shoulder. ] .. I am glad you're here. I wish I'd been able to protect you, though.
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Also, the way the human manages to touch his left shoulder without touching the area that really hurts. Damn you, Solomon.]
You smell of chamomile.
[He makes a disgusted face and attempts to push Solomon away, but the gesture is completely insincere and the strength put in it wouldn't have dislodged a sickly kitten.]
My punishment was well-deserved. There was nothing you could have done.
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.. Because I was dead at the time, I suppose. Or will be.
[ and so uriel will be beyond his protection. even so, it doesn't mean that solomon is any happier about it. he hates heaven, he hates its archaic and foolish punishments. he hates that uriel was maimed for no good reason. ]
Punishment is worthless. I'm sick to death of my loved ones suffering it.
[ he takes a breath, lifting his head again. ]
.. Can we leave? I'm afraid I've lost my interest in games today.
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That is bloody typical. [He says, but his voice is unsteady, what with Solomon's hands and words distracting him.]
Punishment is...
[What he does. Did. The way things work. Stop confusing him, for Heaven's sake.]
A mere human cannot change the rules.
[And yet here he is, the "Angel of Cruelty", kicking a seemly empty cottage's door open so he can find a warm place for Solomon and maybe some disgusting herbal tea.]
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[ for a moment, the defiance is back in solomon's tone, stubborn, certain. look what he's already done, after all.
he subsides a moment later, though, sinking into an abandoned chair and curling his legs up onto it. his eyes follow uriel as he moves around the little cottage, weary but-- intent, intrigued. he's never seen the angel like this before, after all. it hasn't worn off its novelty. ]
.. How long have you lived on earth as a human? [ long enough to learn how to be one rather well, it seems. ]
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Soon enough the tiny cottage is flooded with the scent of delicious food.]
I have lived on Earth for...a while. Three thousand years or so, though only a few years under this disguise.
[Kevin Cecil, priest and butler at your service, emerging from the kitchen and placing a tray with omelete, toast and disgusting tea in front of Solomon as if that was the most natural thing in the whole world.]
Perhaps food will cheer you up.
[He can tell Solomon is depressed. Why, making Solomon depressed was his job. ]
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You can cook. You can cook and make tea and you call my reincarnation 'master'.. Too many shocks for one day, Angel.
[ he's not that shocked. after all, he'd planted the seed of independent thought in uriel's head knowingly. even so, seeing the result of it is.. strange. still, he unfolds himself, leaning forward to take the tea, lifting it between both hands to keep them from trembling.
blowing the steam off the top, he takes a careful sip, then relaxes back into his chair again. ]
It's good. .. I shouldn't be surprised. Everything you set your hand to, you do well.
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He looks at yet another random direction - the curtains need mending - and clutches his hands together so he won't throw them up in despair.
That is, until he looks back and realizes Solomon's hands are trembling. He leans forward, carefully supporting them with his own gloved hands, tea cup and all.]
Oh, for Heaven's sake, Solomon. Be quiet and eat!
[There are way too many feelings. Good feelings. Bad feelings. Uriel is a simple creature and cannot process them all at once. So he stares down at Solomon's hands in his own and wishes young master was here. His precious charge would boss him around and make everything far easier.]