//TESTDRIVE11.EXE

[reparator]

//testdrive11.EXE

The sky is blue, the birds are singing, and it is a beautiful day to be a hero. And CERES sure knows that all of you people like to be heroes! So the new ViViD level is geared towards those who clearly have nothing better to do with their time than save people and take down villainous creatures!! Or, well, that seems to be the intent behind the game, but it's a little... unfinished... Welcome to CERESscape! A world dedicated to the mythical! The magical! And everything in between! You, INSERT USER INFORMATION HERE, are the hero chosen to save our world from a dire threat. Will you take up the task? Or leave us all to perish! Only you can decide our fate. Good luck, hero.

//SCENARIOS.EXE

PHASE I [ 900 ] You open your eyes, and there is a chicken pecking at your face. It's not a very happy chicken, either, but if you can manage to fend it off, then it will be clear that you are in a village. It is... medieval-esque, in that video game sort of way; the details don’t seem too clear, but if you look to your left, there’s a cow! And to your right, a well! Ignore the clear evidence of modern technology in the buildings such as lights, gas, and 21st century plumbing; CERES is dedicated to authenticity. Looks like the new ViViD level has finally been released, and everyone is invited to play, whether they want to or not. The game (because this time, that's surely what it is) will start simple. Everyone begins in the same place and every NPC villager will say the same thing: to get out of here, you have to go through the caves. They’ll shove a stick at you (“take this, it’s dangerous to go alone”) and off you go, into the caves… ! Which are full of tiny rats and more chickens. They will try to fight you, but it’s really not very effective when they’re perfectly small and average (especially when everyone still has their typical powers and abilities -- CERES didn't mess with those at all this time). The caves are winding and circular and maze-like, and to make matters even worse, the only ones around are the other poor saps stuck in this situation. But if you kill enough of the rats, you’ll get to hear the satisfying level up jingle. Congratulations! You are now level 2. It's probably satisfying just for a minute or so until you finally find your way out of those maze like caves and -- You're back in the village again. Great. PHASE II [ 930 ] You’re carrying a bag. No matter what you do, you can’t take it off, either; it’s stuck with you through thick and thin. But it is awfully heavy. Maybe you should actually open it and see what’s inside? The problem is, it’s going to take a while. The bag has clearly tapped into its true hammerspace nature; there are items for days in there, and they’re all very, very strange. You might end up covered in hats of all sorts, buried in logs as you pull out one after another, or look like you have an odd fetish for pickaxes. Maybe there’s 1/3rd of an evil turnip, half a piece of pie and an egg. Geez, what in the world are you supposed to do with all of that? PHASE III [ 1200 ] Eventually, you make it out of the caves the right way despite the harassment of the rats and chickens and the fact you'll keep perpetually getting lost. Hooray! You come out into a large, peaceful, scenic meadow, with a small river bubbling off to one side, and a house. You'll immediately notice that there’s a bridge to cross the river, but there’s someone standing in the way of that bridge. When you approach to go past him, no matter what you try to do, you won't be able to. Asking him why he won't move will only get one thing in response -- “Bring me a fish. Cooked.” Then he’ll shove a fishing rod at you and expect you to get to it. You can’t attack him, you can’t get past him -- looks like the only thing to do is to catch and cook that fish. Time to sit back, relax, and get to work. Or maybe you’ll team up with someone else and be the person in the house making sure that the fish gets cooked properly. For some reason, if you leave it too long it turns right into a pile of ashes. Weirdly though, no matter how good you are at cooking or fishing usually, it’s as if you’re right back at the metaphorical level one. Any sort of seasoning or effort to cook it faster falls flat and in the end you'll only be able to place the fish in the pan and set it on the stove, whole. This may take awhile. And if you try to cross the river itself, well... no, really, don’t try to cross the river. At least if you get eaten, you’ll just respawn back in the village, but do have fun traveling through the caves again! PHASE IV [ 1430 ] You made it through the caves. You made it across the river (with a slightly burnt fish). You’ve made it to the wide open world, and you can finally adventure to your heart’s content. You take a step forward on the road and -- A message pops up, bright red and in your face. [ Restricted Area: Members Only ] No matter what you do, you can’t go past that point. In fact, if you’re not careful and you’re going too fast, you might run face-first into it like it’s an invisible wall (which it is). Then, just like that, you're back in the village. Again. Only this time, there's a nice, blinking message -- Pay a small subscription fee to access member's content. Oh well. No big deal, you can just start again. Except then you see a cool sword and when you try to pick it up, you'll get that same message, and end up transported back to the village yet again. And again, with some shiny new armor. And again, with that attention-grabbing NPC over there. Looks like you're caught in an infinite loop here but no matter how much you inspect the pop up, there's no... actual way to pay the subscription fee (and why would you want to?). But at least you have company, because you can't be the only person who thought that sword was cool. (It was really, really cool.) BONUS [ xxxx ] What’s that on the ground in front of you? It looks like… some bunny ears? Or maybe it’s a chicken head, or a pumpkin head. Either way, the moment you touch it, you have a strong need to put it on your head -- and once it’s on, it’s not coming off. To make matters worse, each hat has an effect associated with it; the bunny ears will, in fact, randomly turn you into a cute fluffy bunny for anywhere from 5 minutes to an hour before you pop right back to yourself, whereas the pumpkin hat will, in a complete reversal, turn you into Cinderella for a bit -- complete with beautiful ball gown and the ability to talk to all of those cute fluffy bunnies. Also the rats will love you, so maybe you should go back to the caves again. Meanwhile, the chicken hat won't transform you into any odd creature, but it will inspire in the people wearing them a very real, persistent desire to build a nest. This will involve picking up twigs, trash, shiny things and whatever else catches your eye to try to build a nest out of it. You'll also try to pick up whatever food you find on the ground to eat, have the weirdest desire to lay an egg, and basically have all sorts of odd chicken-like instincts inflicted upon you. At least you look festive! [ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with sensitive or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the log. ]

//RUN.EXE

Welcome to CEREALIA's Eleventh Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Comments

Kael'thas Suntrider | Warcraft |

[virdeant]

PHASE I:
[ The various critters and creatures were child's play, and Kael'thas handles them without much thought (lighting them aflame) as he strides through the cave. It's a blessing that they're handled with such ease, as the Sin'dorei's thoughts are elsewhere, trying to make sense of just what has transpired to bring him to such a place. The destruction of not only his people, but of all of Azeroth and Outland? It was beyond ludicrous.

The sound of the level-up catches his attention though, and he off offhandedly remarks:]

Goblin artifacts grow stranger by the day.


PHASE III:

[ What little was left of Kael'thas patience was running thin. Fish. He was expected to fish, to please a stranger and continue onward.]

They expect me to carry out such a trite task? [ It's more muttered to himself than anyone in the area, and the fishing pole is dropped on the ground, discarded. If they wanted fish...

Kael'thas gestures with his hands, swirls of magic forming in his hand. A moment later, a water elemental forms, jumping into the water. Kael'thas needed no physical tools, not when he had magic at his disposal.]



BONUS:

[ As if the theatrics in this place weren't enough, there were even Hallow's End decorations strewn about haphazardly. Kael'thas admittedly knew little more than the basics about the holiday, but he recognized the decorations well enough.

One moment he had picked up the pumpkin hat to better examine it, and the next he found it on his head, even if he had no intention of doing so in the first (orange clashes with his crimson red robes, even).

...Just another thing to sour the Sin'dorei prince's mood, as he begins to storm off— not realizing there is a growing line of critters trailing him.]

Wildcard

[ Write me a prompt, or PM if you have something in mind. Open to anything.]

Phase III

[unpreparer]

[Illidan had noted the familiar presence from some distance, but had chosen not to make himself known immediately to his ally. Mostly out of a morbid sense of curiosity of just how a prince was going to attempt how to fish.

Then he noted the water elemental, and just couldn't let the travesty go on any further.

He let the shadowmeld fall, and stepped forward, arms crossed over his chest.]

That isn't going to work.

[virdeant]

[ It was incredibly fortunate that Kael'thas had spent much of his life training in the art of diplomacy and social graces. Because despite every weird occurrence that he had witnessed so far, Illidan's voice is both surprising and alarming for numerous reasons. He turns around, forgetting about the water elemental and the strange task for a moment.

The only outward indication of Kael'thas' surprise is a slight flicker in his eyes, before he bows to his ally(?).]

Lord Illidan.

They have attempted to enlist your aid as well? [ Kael'thas wasn't quite sure what to make of his experience in this strange place so far, but at the moment, it was a secondary concern. Strange worlds be damned, it was more disconcerting to see the liege you totally weren't planning on abandoning at the next opportunity... ]

[unpreparer]

[Illidan remained blissfully unaware of Kael's brief tell, thus remained relatively relaxed, even in the odd situation at hand. He's been here long enough not to care. He even scoffed at the young prince's question, his usual arrogant self, at least before his defeat at the hands of Arthas. As far as he was concerned Kael was a loyal ally.]

They try, and I am nearly bored enough to comply. [He cast a glance over at the water elemental.] I see you are making some semblance of an attempt at fishing, which makes me wonder if you have ever tried before...

[He assumes not. That water elemental was likely just going wind up with a fish in it, and while some part of him would be very amused at watching the young Prince try and get it out, he also did feel some form of pity for him. He really seemed to have the most terrible luck... which coming from him means a lot.]

[virdeant]

[ The Sin'dorei prince is silent, listening to Illidan's words and taking note of his demeanor. Illidan seemed to be in a fairly amicable mood which was odd, but Kael isn't about to press his luck at the moment. He focuses back on the conversation about the ridiculous quest.]

When I was a child. [ This time, Kael makes no effort to hide his displeasure at the situation, especially given that it had been at least a century since he partaken in such things. With that too he gestures, and the elemental starts to search for a fish, chasing several around in the water.

Like Illidan predicted it catches one or rather, incorporates a fish into it's mass.]

[unpreparer]

[He was quiet for a moment, just watching the scene unfold, and yep. He called it. Fish in a water elemental. This was going to be good.]

And did that usually happen when you were a child?

[He's really trying to mask just how amusing he finds this. As one who was very accustomed to hunting and living off the land on his own, watching the prince's attempts at something he found so simple rather hilarious.

At least he showed no traces of the madness that consumed him in his later few years, well, no more than usual anyway. Getting his kicks at the expense of others always did brighten his mood a bit.]

[virdeant]

I always preferred fire over water. [ As if that answers the question well enough. Kael recalls the water elemental with a wave of his hand, as the hapless fish swims around in it's core.

Absentmindedly he puts a hand to his chin, thinking of what to do next. He could easily banish the elemental but it was likely the fish would go with it, which defeated the whole point. Well, the stubborn man had said he wanted the fish cooked...

To Kael, fire was the answer to almost everything. Illidan should recognize the beginnings of a fire spell easily, even if Kael doesn't bother to put much mana behind it given the target. The spell fires off effortlessly, hitting the water elemental and the fish head on. The elemental evaporates into a haze of vapor instantly, while the fish falls to the ground, blackened and charred.

...he tried.]

Let's pretend he's got a blindfold and all that. This just required the douchiest smirk icon I had

[unpreparer]

[You know laugh people have when they're trying not to laugh, but very clearly is laughing? Yeah he's doing that, except not trying to hide it that much. His whole form shakes from the stifled laughter, which is still glaringly obvious given the sheer size of him. The accompanying almost wheezing noise sure wasn't making him any less obvious.

Not that he particularly cared. It was really the few scraps of pity that made him almost put in an effort not to laugh. But that right there about summed up the young prince's life.]

I cannot be certain, but it smells a bit overdone.

I don't blame him

[virdeant]

...quite, unless he has the taste of an Orc. [ The words are spat out, as his temper flares. Illidan's response only adds to the insult of the whole situation, and Kael's verdant spheres swirl around angrily. With a huff, the rest of the fish goes up in a vibrant pillar of fire, the only thing left of it a dark mark on the ground.

At least he felt a little better now.]

[unpreparer]

[He just quietly strode past Kael'thas, glancing into the water, then over his shoulder at the young prince. Now he at least had moved on from being a dick, to actually helping. Sort of. Probably still going to he kind of a dick about it. Though he's probably going to do it the hard way, probably also going to be unnecessarily dangerous.]

Come along, Kael. If you intend survive long enough to see more of this place, you will need to learn how to fend for yourself eventually.

[virdeant]

This has nothing to do with survival. [ But he complies, following in Illidan's wake. For as much as he was Prince of the Sin'dorei, he had also seen his share of the front line, and he could hold his own there, as they both knew.

But it had been so long since he had to bother with common tasks (that couldn't be solved with magic), which was problematic. At least he wouldn't starve (if one could survive off mana bread and water).]

[unpreparer]

[He scoffed at the prince's remark. He knew a few things Kael did not. After all, he had only recently returned to the main city after weeks out in the wilderness. While he did not worry about Kael's ability to protect himself, thinking about how he would have handled the past few weeks were another matter entirely.]

Not for the moment, perhaps, but you should always be prepared.

[He took a sheathed dagger from his pocket and tossed it to the prince before wading into the water himself. He didn't have the patience to attempt to teach Kael how to actually fish, he would just let the mage do the easy part. He waded into the water seeking out some viable fish, while giving a shout over to the young prince.]

You know how to gut and clean a fish?

[virdeant]

[ Kael is silent and catches the dagger without further response; Illidan had a point, but Kael wasn't going to outright admit it.]

That is not a skill that was ever required of me. [ It's his best attempt at sounding poised at how hapless he is at certain things. Besides (he reasoned), fish weren't a mainstay of the typical Blood Elf diet anyway like that's a valid excuse.]

[unpreparer]

[He had figured as much. Kael and his people were very reminiscent of the highborn from which they descended. It did not bother him, it simply gave him something to expect.]

You won't like it.

[Just getting that out there while he waited for some fish to approach. It did not take him long before he managed to catch one, and with little warning, tossed it towards the prince nearly immediately after had caught it.]

They have a tendency to continue moving after they're dead.

[And that was the advice he was going to give. Kael could ask more if he wanted, but Illidan wouldn't give more advice unless directly asked... or if Kael was botching it that much. He thought it an effective teaching method, those he taught never seemed to forget the lessons, at least out of those who survived.
Good thing these fish don't seem deadly.

Illidan soon went back to searching for another fish, though it would likely take a bit of time considering he just frightened the school off.]

Bonus

[displacediety]

[ One of those small critters seemed out of place, judging by the way it rolled and tumbled along. Almost as if it wasn't used to moving so nimbly on rabbit paws.

It had managed to stumble off a fair distance before suddenly bursting back into it's regular form. A heap of disheveled stone and gold, quivering as if it were suffering a miniature earthquake. ]

No! No. Sss-...

[ The shaking stopped as Tlaloc reassembled himself before Kael'thas. A stone golem adorned with a small pair of rabbit ears manifested itself; just as startled and disorientated as one could expect. ]

[virdeant]

[ The sound of rocks catches his attention, and he turns, looking at the line of critters before finding the source. He steps back as the rabbit(?) reassembles itself, his eyes narrowed.]

And what type of familiar are you meant to be? [ Anyone else might be more surprised at the development, but Kael is mostly just suspicious. Golems were fairly common in Azeroth, albeit without rabbit ears. Of course, Kael fails to realize he looks equally ridiculous in comparison, even if swapping out long dress robes for a gown wasn't that much of a stretch.]

[displacediety]

[ "Familiar"... Years and years ago that might have meant something on his world. Storybooks and fantasy type stuff, Tlaloc thought. But on Earth? That ancient alien world? The only word used for something like Tlaloc translated to "worker". The golem pushed himself upright and... seemed hesitant to respond. ]

I'm...

[ The word seemed to hiss from the mask like some rudimentary speaker. ]

...

[ Time was passing, Tlaloc! He struggled with what ought to be a very easy question. The answer was easily "I'm no familiar" right? So why was saying it so intimidating? The being in front of him was waiting for an answer. Things were quickly going to get awkward if he remained on this cliffhanger of a sentence. ]

A work-... laborer-... Temple builder.

[virdeant]

[ Kael crosses his arms as he listens to Tlaloc's explanation. The speech pattern doesn't seem too out of the ordinary, given how Elementals tended to communicate.]

For whom do you serve? [ That was the more important question.]

[displacediety]

[ Well at least this was an easier question. While Tlaloc's physical being was still an enigma to himself, every single fleshy little creature he served under made it apparent who their true leader was.

The golem idly reached for his own face, tracing a stone digit over the sides until they met the rabbit ears. ]

Followers of Huitzilopochtli, diety of the sssun.

[ The mask tilted back, glancing towards the pixilated skybox that likely made up their simulation. ]

...Not thisss one, but another one.

[virdeant]

[ He raises an eyebrow at the mention of "Sun". The name preceding it was unfamiliar (neither could he place what race it belonged to), but the power of the Sun he could empathize with on a level.]

I see.

Then here you are without a master? [ Which was odd, for a familiar. What use were they without their summoner?]

[displacediety]

[ The stone facade seemed to twitch and shake as though the face inside really wished to scrunch up. A short time later he reverted back to his passive hunch. ]

It'sss-... true.

[ He moved from side to side with a low rumble. As much as it pained him to feel like he's just being thrown deeper into a labyrinth, Tlaloc had to admit that being free of that planet was liberating. Nobody here expected him to be any sort of deity or really cared who he was at all! ]

I'm bound by no one! Free. It-... has been a while. I'm not sssure what to do now.

[virdeant]

[ The blood elf prince nods, storing the information for later. Though he still wasn't sure what type of familiar a worker was (earth perhaps?), it was interesting nonetheless.]

You would not be the only one. [ Said dryly. This place... Kael had seen nothing like it. But back to what he had seen prior:]

You were a rabbit. Transformation is an ability you possess?

[displacediety]

No! Especially not into such a sssmall thing!

[ He grabbed one of the rabbit ears with his thumb and index and pulled hard enough to remove his stone face entirely. ]

I thought it wasss y-

[ He quickly bent forward as the mask clung back to his body with a CLACK ]

-You who had done it. Judging by the other ones following you!

[ Tlaloc nodded at the menagerie of critters currently enamored with Kael. ]

[virdeant]

[ Kael smirks for a moment, about to confirm that while he could do such a thing it would be pointless— before he spots the parade of critters behind him again, looking up at him expectantly. He was so focused on the "familiar" and had forgotten they were there.]

Anar'alash denal! [ He reverts back to his mother tongue for a moment (the phrase roughly equivalent to "My God"), before taking a step back and watching the critters follow. One of the squirrels even squeals, before attempting to make a dive at Kael's shoe.]

I did not will you, or them, to do such a thing. [ Clearly, there was some type of spell at work.]

[displacediety]

[ Tlaloc had close to no experience with any sort of magic beyond the priests that had summoned him. The thought of his entire physical existence relying on such an unsettling force would send chills up his spine if he had one. Now with this whole shtick piled on, rabbit ears and all, he began to wonder how the rest of his experience in this world would go. ]

Maybe we are cursed... [ The hissing was barely there as the voice lowered into a quiet, frightened whisper. ]

Well. Maybe I am, at leassst. Gaining the adoration of the wildsss doesn't sound as terrible...

[ He felt a strange feeling on the horizon that was quickly building. A sort of fuzzy, furry feeling bristling beneath his stone shell. As though any moment a flareup of rabbit-itis could come to ruin everything. ]