PHASE I [ 9 00 ] You open your eyes, and there is a chicken pecking at your face. It's not a very happy chicken, either, but if you can manage to fend it off, then it will be clear that you are in a village. It is... medieval-esque, in that video game sort of way; the details don’t seem too clear, but if you look to your left, there’s a cow! And to your right, a well! Ignore the clear evidence of modern technology in the buildings such as lights, gas, and 21st century plumbing; CERES is dedicated to authenticity.
Looks like the new ViViD level has finally been released, and everyone is invited to play, whether they want to or not.
The game (because this time, that's surely what it is) will start simple. Everyone begins in the same place and every NPC villager will say the same thing: to get out of here, you have to go through the caves. They’ll shove a stick at you (“take this, it’s dangerous to go alone”) and off you go, into the caves… !
Which are full of tiny rats and more chickens. They will try to fight you, but it’s really not very effective when they’re perfectly small and average (especially when everyone still has their typical powers and abilities -- CERES didn't mess with those at all this time). The caves are winding and circular and maze-like, and to make matters even worse, the only ones around are the other poor saps stuck in this situation.
But if you kill enough of the rats, you’ll get to hear the satisfying level up jingle. Congratulations! You are now level 2. It's probably satisfying just for a minute or so until you finally find your way out of those maze like caves and -- You're back in the village again. Great.
PHASE II [ 930 ] You’re carrying a bag. No matter what you do, you can’t take it off, either; it’s stuck with you through thick and thin. But it is awfully heavy. Maybe you should actually open it and see what’s inside?
The problem is, it’s going to take a while.
The bag has clearly tapped into its true hammerspace nature; there are items for days in there, and they’re all very, very strange. You might end up covered in hats of all sorts, buried in logs as you pull out one after another, or look like you have an odd fetish for pickaxes.
Maybe there’s 1/3rd of an evil turnip, half a piece of pie and an egg.
Geez, what in the world are you supposed to do with all of that?
PHASE III [ 1200 ] Eventually, you make it out of the caves the right way despite the harassment of the rats and chickens and the fact you'll keep perpetually getting lost. Hooray! You come out into a large, peaceful, scenic meadow, with a small river bubbling off to one side, and a house.
You'll immediately notice that there’s a bridge to cross the river, but there’s someone standing in the way of that bridge. When you approach to go past him, no matter what you try to do, you won't be able to. Asking him why he won't move will only get one thing in response -- “Bring me a fish. Cooked.”
Then he’ll shove a fishing rod at you and expect you to get to it. You can’t attack him, you can’t get past him -- looks like the only thing to do is to catch and cook that fish. Time to sit back, relax, and get to work. Or maybe you’ll team up with someone else and be the person in the house making sure that the fish gets cooked properly. For some reason, if you leave it too long it turns right into a pile of ashes.
Weirdly though, no matter how good you are at cooking or fishing usually, it’s as if you’re right back at the metaphorical level one. Any sort of seasoning or effort to cook it faster falls flat and in the end you'll only be able to place the fish in the pan and set it on the stove, whole. This may take awhile.
And if you try to cross the river itself, well... no, really, don’t try to cross the river.
At least if you get eaten, you’ll just respawn back in the village, but do have fun traveling through the caves again!
PHASE IV [ 1430 ] You made it through the caves. You made it across the river (with a slightly burnt fish). You’ve made it to the wide open world, and you can finally adventure to your heart’s content. You take a step forward on the road and --
A message pops up, bright red and in your face.
[ Restricted Area: Members Only ]
No matter what you do, you can’t go past that point. In fact, if you’re not careful and you’re going too fast, you might run face-first into it like it’s an invisible wall (which it is).
Then, just like that, you're back in the village. Again. Only this time, there's a nice, blinking message -- Pay a small subscription fee to access member's content. Oh well. No big deal, you can just start again.
Except then you see a cool sword and when you try to pick it up, you'll get that same message, and end up transported back to the village yet again. And again, with some shiny new armor. And again, with that attention-grabbing NPC over there. Looks like you're caught in an infinite loop here but no matter how much you inspect the pop up, there's no... actual way to pay the subscription fee (and why would you want to?). But at least you have company, because you can't be the only person who thought that sword was cool.
(It was really, really cool.)
BONUS [ xxxx ] What’s that on the ground in front of you? It looks like… some bunny ears? Or maybe it’s a chicken head, or a pumpkin head. Either way, the moment you touch it, you have a strong need to put it on your head -- and once it’s on, it’s not coming off.
To make matters worse, each hat has an effect associated with it; the bunny ears will, in fact, randomly turn you into a cute fluffy bunny for anywhere from 5 minutes to an hour before you pop right back to yourself, whereas the pumpkin hat will, in a complete reversal, turn you into Cinderella for a bit -- complete with beautiful ball gown and the ability to talk to all of those cute fluffy bunnies.
Also the rats will love you, so maybe you should go back to the caves again.
Meanwhile, the chicken hat won't transform you into any odd creature, but it will inspire in the people wearing them a very real, persistent desire to build a nest. This will involve picking up twigs, trash, shiny things and whatever else catches your eye to try to build a nest out of it. You'll also try to pick up whatever food you find on the ground to eat, have the weirdest desire to lay an egg, and basically have all sorts of odd chicken-like instincts inflicted upon you.
At least you look festive!
[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with sensitive or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the log. ] |
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solomon | makai ouji
[ for a man as worldly and wise as solomon, he has zero experience with chickens. they look odd, they make strange noises, and they're apparently trying to kill him. he is, therefore, running from them (because of course it hasn't occurred to him to try to kill them). robes hitched up in his hands, crown crooked on his head and veil slipping off, laughing like a maniac, and followed by a horde of extremely angry poultry.. and he's heading right for you, you poor bastard. ]
Help! [ he doesn't actually sound as if he's in much distress. if anything, he's enjoying himself. that doesn't stop him from skidding to a halt and then hiding behind you, still laughing breathlessly while evil chickens bear down in a squawking flurry of feathers. ] I think they want to eat me. Maybe we should run?
phase ii.
[ the bag's been extraordinarily entertaining thus far. solomon really needs to figure out how to make one of his own once he gets back home. so many interesting and bizarre items..
currently, he's seated on a rock on the side of the road, and he's draped in about fifteen brightly-coloured silk scarves, there's an enormous floppy witch hat on his head, and at his feet, an assortment of snacks, pieces of armor, and knick-knacks.
he glances up when he hears footsteps, amusement filling his features as he adjusts the brim of his hat. ]
What do you think? Does it suit me?
wildcard.
[ hit me! ]
II
He's walking down the road, looking for the next quest, when William notices a person covered in a bundle of scarves. Oh a crazy person. Better avoid making eye contact. Fortunately, the guy seems caught up in his multicolored everything anyways.
And then the man calls out to William right away, ending his dreams of escaping scot-free.
He quickly tries to think up a polite response.]
Well, I do not think the pink is your colo...
[And then William's mind screeches to a halt as recognition dawns on him. He tilts his head to see under the brim of that hat, even though he already knows who it is.]
You!
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he smiles, friendly but obviously puzzled. ] Me? [ and then, all at once, it makes sense.
for a moment or two, he's frozen-- but then, slowly, he reaches up to remove the hat, setting it aside. he brushes the scarves off, and rises gracefully to his feet, green eyes meeting and holding green. ]
.. I see. It's you, isn't it? [ his smile twists, seeming old and faded and sad for a moment or two. ] What's your name?
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[He blinks because this is strange, some how different than the time they spoke in his dream. Different than all those times he felt this man's memories, saw them through his eyes.
To see him in the flesh, or at least, as close to it as ViViD allowed was unnerving. Because it meant William couldn't ignore that this person, how ever infuriating, was real.]
William. William Twining.
How are you even here? As far as I understand it, this should not even be possible.
[And did the two of them have to look so alike? Because wow, were his features punchable when on another person's face.]
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I'm afraid so. I haven't died yet, so I suspect this is one of God's little jokes. [ he says 'god' with weary familiarity. he knows the creator better than some angels do, given his gifts, considering the blessing he was given at birth. ] I-- [ he sinks back down again slowly, hands curling together loosely in his lap, still watching william. ] I'm sorry. I'm sure that you've had to deal with.. a great deal already, given the kind of attention I seem to draw. I had hoped otherwise, but.. the fact that you recognize me at all is telling, I suppose.
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[William doesn't really have much faith in the God's ability to do something like this. It's part atheism, part observation.
Ugh, this awkward. Is this guy here for real then? He grimaces and shakes his head.]
Apologies are pointless right now and do not change what has already happened. Let us just deal with the here and now.
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[ after all, he's sly, and often extraordinarily subtle. still, he lets the subject drop, mostly because he gets sick of god's interference, and this young man is infinitely more fascinating.
his lips quirk back up in a small, amused smile. ] Oh my, how practical. [ he pats the rock beside him in invitation. ] Would you like to take a seat for the moment? I don't bite. [ he might sparkle a little annoyingly, but the cheerier he is, the less likely people are to notice how thin and ill he looks. uriel really takes his job seriously, after all. ]
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[He frowns, but takes the invitation to sit down, because really, what else is there to do right now. And besides, the one time they spoke wasn't long and ended in a horrible, splitting headache.]
So, have you just been playing with a bag since you arrived here?
[Somehow, it just vexes William to see Solomon sitting here, all undignified. Everyone had made such a big deal out of him. He was not impressed.]
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phase I
With his poor senses thus assaulted, Uriel doesn't even need to feel the ever so familiar spiritual equivalent of hello sweetheart, your doom has just entered the premises to know exactly who he is dealing with.]
Solomon! [And since concealing his shock - and maybe tears - is as necessary as it is useless, he adds:] What did you do to the chickens?
[He is not running away from poultry! Let them peck. He is clearly the superior bird here.]
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[ solomon pls. he absolutely did something to piss them off.. somehow. probably tripped over one or something.
oh, they're.. definitely bearing down on them. he can hardly hear himself over the clucking and squawking. feathers are flying. it'd be funny if it wasn't so messy. (who's he kidding, it's still funny.) still, he yelps a little as one of them pecks at his slipper-clad foot, releasing kevin to dance sideways a little.. and nearly falling into the feathery crowd. ]
Ouch! They're really going to eat me! Vicious birds..! [ kind of like a certain angel he knows. ]
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He considers carbonizing the chickens, but he knows that would probably upset Solomon - an old habit he has been trying really hard to get rid of. And so he wraps his arm around the human's waist and takes flight, his sole wing suddenly visible and shedding like crazy as he finds his way to a tree top.]
Now. [He states very seriously, after making sure Solomon is properly balanced on a thick branch] Release young master...or I swear I will toss you back at them.
[Oh dear. He is threatening Solomon already. That feels kind of nostalgic, doesn't it? But at least it is for a good cause. Solomon can't possibly possess young master whenever he wants!]
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he blinks at the sudden threat (that's familiar), more puzzled than upset. ]
Young master..? [ green eyes lift to the single wing, then take a moment to look over the clothing the angel is wearing, hands still curled in the fabric. what..? he laughs abruptly. ] Uriel, what are you wearing? What-- [ helplessly, his eyes are drawn to the wing again-- and more specifically, to the space where its twin should be. ] .. What's happened? Who are you calling 'master'?
I'm so sorry... :')
No, Solomon. He is not falling for this whole amnesiac act of yours! Instead, he will try to grab the king by his thin ankles and shake him upside down from the tree branch, as if he could make Solomon cough William up.
That most certainly doesn't count as torture, does it?]
Stop pretending and let him go!
[With that, he at least hopes to avoid talking about his "master" and his missing wing for the next ten seconds or so. And have the satisfaction of shaking Solomon a bit while he is at it. Honestly, it is a win-win situation.]
UGH KEVIN
Uriel, this is indecent. I had no idea you were that sort of angel. Punishment and bondage, yes, but this is a little much even for you..
[ but the demand only earns another puzzled glance, head tilting faintly, green eyes starting to go a little dizzy. and if kevin cares to look closely, well.. the king does seem a little frail-- too thin, the bones in his wrists and ankles too prominent, skin pale. for all his apparent good cheer, it seems as if he's near the end of his life. ]
I'm afraid that I still have no idea who you're talking about. Is it this master of yours? Need I be jealous that you're bestowing your attentions on some other unfortunate fellow?
:')
Okay, time to stop shaking Solomon upside down. Now. NOW. ]
DO LEARN TO WEAR UNDERCLOTHES, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!
[This was a terrible idea. All of it. Out of sheer instinct, he wraps his arms around Solomon and holds him closer so he won't fall off the branch, and yes, yes, the human feels frail and ill, and whose fault is that, Lord Uriel?]
You are not lying, are you? You do not remember...
[Well, isn't that wonderful.]
You have...no reason to be jealous.
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II
...It certainly would be good to protect against the sun, [he commented, raising his feathered fan up to hide his expression while he thought over the hat a little further.] The rain as well; although it's ability to protect you against chickens is subject to debate.
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he reaches into his bag and pulls out another really stupid hat, offering it up. ] Would you like one? It wouldn't do to burn, after all. And this one at least has the bonus of being feathered. [ he pauses, turning it in his hands, a smile threatening the corner of his mouth. ] Perhaps it'll confuse the chickens..
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Koumei eyed the hat in consideration, passing a glance between the black feathers of the ridiculous hat and the black feathers of his ornamented fan. A careful eye would note the simplistic seal engraved upon the hilt of the tool....
Not that it mattered.]
Thank you, but no. [Koumei bobbed his head.] I've found that gifts of food is the best way to make peace with them-- although they may be able to tell someone who appreciates the company of birds from someone who doesn't.
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still, instead of commenting on it, he simply smiles, setting the feathered hat down and brushing the scarves off his shoulders to rise. ]
It seems as if you discovered that a little late. [ he gestures to his own hair, hidden beneath the wide brim of his hat. ] You're starting to resemble a bird a bit, yourself. [ he finally sweeps the hat off his head, setting it down, only to pick up a small bundle--a veil and elaborate crown--from the rock he was sitting on, hugging it loosely to his chest as he steps over the mess he's made. ] I have to admit, this place is a little strange even by my standards.
What's your plurk? I feel like I need to squee at you about parallels between our canons
How curious. Koumei, similarly, refrained from commenting.
Instead, he settled himself on the nearby rock and ran a hand thoughtfully through his messy topknot. The ends of his hair trailed down near his knees, even with how it was styled-- and it was clear that he had as little patience for his hair as he had for properly dressing himself in the morning.]
It is for me as well. Most of the devices here are far beyond even the Magic Tools developed by a country near the southern border of my homeland. I find that every question I ask just brings on more...
Frankly, it's more peaceful in this strange village. Though it's still confusing, it's easier to understand.
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he gently starts pushing some of the items he'd pulled out of his bag to the side with a foot, making space so that he can seat himself again if he wants. ]
Where is it that you come from, if you don't mind my asking? [ he glances back up, smile warm and friendly and open. ] I've never seen clothing like yours. [ not untrue. and he's also still curious about the seal on that fan. ]
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It's very different from this place, but I also find the differences intriguing. And like you, I find it strange to travel alone as well.
[Between the members of his elder brother's household, the small army of misfits that his younger brother had amassed, the various self-serving guards who clung to the skirts of his youngest sister, and his own assistants, such quiet was indeed quite strange.]
How about yourself, if it's no imposition? I'm curious about your manner of dress as well.
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I
[Kazuya barely had time to process what was happening by the time Solomon and his unholy chicken horde descended upon him. One moment he had been wandering about in mild, drowsy confusion, the next, chickens. Chickens everywhere. And, oh, this weirdly dressed crazy person using him as a meatshield! The audacity! He was lucky that Kazuya was too bewildered and frightened by the sudden poultry onslaught or he would've thrown him to the wolves- er, chickens!]
Ow! Stoppit you- ouch! - dumb chickens- ooowww! Stop scratching meeeee~!!! [Well, Solomon chose his meatshield well at least. All of Kazuya's yelping and flailing was taking the heat off the King, and onto the poor boy instead] Damn- ow! - okay that's it!!
[Whoosh! The chicken that was leading the assault (a nasty, brutish looking thing), spontaneously combusted with black flames. The aggressive squawking turned into one of panic. The chickens fled with their leader now slain, successfully routed - and Kazuya stood, scratched and thoroughly dishevelled yet victorious, with feathers in his hair and a wild gleam in his eyes, breathing heavily]
...what... the fuck. [He half-turned to the Chicken Man, looking like he was half tempted to begin throttling him] Did you just set chickens on me? Chickens?! The hell is wrong with you!?
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solomon presses his fingers lightly to his mouth, green eyes wide and innocent and seemingly devastated. ]
Alas, poor fowl. At least your end was quick..
[ but then he glances up at kazuya, mouth quirking a little beneath his fingers, taking in his disheveled appearance, the feathers covering him. .. oh dear. he supposes he really should apologize, but the truth is, he's struggling not to laugh. ] Well, in all fairness, I did suggest running. It's hardly my fault that you didn't take me up on it.
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[Kazuya began to look sulky when he saw the Chicken Man's open amusement, and he aggressively raked his fingers through his hair to dislodge the feathers clinging there, only making his dishevelment worse. His hair was sticking up in all sorts of wild directions now, destroying whatever little intimidation factor he possessed]
Ugh, the feathers are everywhere...! Damn it. [He dropped his hands in open disgust, pulling the collar of his sweater out to peer down it. Any feathers down there...] The hell did you do to make them so mad, anyway? You better not have been doing weird, creepy stuff...