ioculus | //TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

Let it Go, Let it ~~Fucking~~ Go Already

Let's keep pretending it's not technically October in the game while Yuletide thoughts continue to spread through CERES. Inspired by recent tragic events, your friendly neighborhood programmer, Elias (

serritor) has constructed a wonderful new ice world to be accessed through ViViD, the popular virtual simulator.

As expected, this is a world covered in ice all over with a chill that bores into one's bones as players wander through. In the midst of it all lies a beautiful reconstruction of a mall, complete with various stores to suit your online shopping needs. However, before you can indulge in any spending, you're tasked with a mission should you choose to accept. You will have to enter the frost-covered mall which hosts a large, elaborate labyrinth and complete all the objectives as they're given to you and your party.

It seems that some horrible foe has arisen from the great beyond to kidnap Santa Bot (no relation to the futurama one). Unable to deliver toys and goods to the poor, needy adults of Cerealia, it's up to YOU to save him from a variety of enemies which include:

a.) Nasty, foul-mouthed elves
b.) A rabid flock of reindeer
c.) An ice queen who will not stop singing
d.) And a fucking minotaur. Why? Why not?

"Ho ho ho! And seasons greetings, players! I am Julius Vincere, the CEO of CERES, and I must apologize for a few recent temperature modifications as of late. But we were able to fix that small glitch quickly. We were only hoping to cool things down by a few degrees after we received a few complaints about overheating equipment. It seems our robots went a bit overboard with our dome, which is a safety precaution we put in place in the event of an outside threat or invasion. There's no need to fear, and we hope you enjoyed warming up with one another in the meantime.

Now, that that's behind us, let's have a little fun, shall we? I think some of you are familiar with the concept back in your home worlds. I observed enough to know that it's a pretty ostentatious holiday. That's why I asked my dear programmer, Elias, to build a simulation so we can experience a little bit of Christmas together. You can say it's a dress rehearsal for the real thing.

Anyway, if you all would be so kind as to sample this world and tell me how it goes. I want to see what you all think and get you all in the festive mood. Consider this my deep apology for one mistake too many. We won't allow it to happen again."

//SCENARIOS.EXE

PHASE I

[ 0000 ] Let the games begin! You're dropped before a giant forest with snow-covered trees, and in your path to reach the mall, there appears your first threat. They look cute and sweet -innocent little elves that smile and blush in your direction. They barely reach up to your chest and look up at you with big, glassy eyes as they promise to help you along your way. Little hands will grab yours, tugging you along. That is, until you're far enough along that you're deep in the midst of the forest where they decide to chip at a lake of frozen ice and chuck you inside.

They will then criticize your clothes, call you a piece of reindeer shit, tell you your ass is too fat then call your mother a whore. Because that's just how they roll. Here's your chance to fight back, get vengeance, and force the elves to tell you where Santa is. Those who manage to beat them into submission will be pointed in the right direction to the mall. Those who don't, have fun drowning in icy water!

PHASE II

[ 0000 ] Once you've escaped the elves, another trial appears. This time, it's in the form of twelve savage reindeer with blood dribbling from their lips. Their eyes are all an eerie shade of red, and they're staring at you deeply as though they can see into your soul. If you hope to get into that mall, you'll have to fight them down and avoid being caught in their antlers. There will be lots of bucking. Copious buckings. Kill the reindeer and remove their antlers for a special gift! (it's a coupon for a free McCERES burger.)

PHASE III

[ 0000 ] Once you reach the entrance of the mall, you'll be confronted with the icy labyrinth, guarded by a minotaur. He is large and in charge and will probably try to mow you down once he sees you. None of your weapons or magic will work, though. To pacify this beast, you will have to hug him. He requires a hug with feeling. He will tell you as much when you confront him. Give him a good squeeze then let him be. Love can cure many things!

PHASE IV

[ 0000 ] Are you done running around this maze of a mall? Tired of seeing the same Vidia's Secret store a dozen times? Alas, there is one last trial. It comes in the form of obnoxious carols being crooned in your direction by a beautiful ice queen. She's beckoning you to her with a siren song in the form of merry Christmas music, luring you in little by little and making you walk towards her while she tries to enchant you. She'll lean in close and whisper the rest of the song in your ear, and once you're in her trance, you'll turn on your own friends and party members to try and kill them. To avoid being drawn into her trance, you'll have to be knocked around a few times to regain your bearings. Then, it's either destroy her or be subjected to her ice magic. However, before she dies, she'll look deep into your eyes and beg you to save her and not to forget her.

She needs you.

Once you defeat her, Santa Bot will appear to dance a merry jig in your honor and shower you with credits. Hooray!

BONUS

[ whyo'clock ] You can't escape Christmas without a random sprig of mistletoe floating around your head and following you around. For those who try to escape, the mistletoe bot will only move all the quicker. Those caught under its insistent floating will be compelled to kiss a neighbor or two or ten. Or even kiss the minotaur. What we're saying is you should probably run.

[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE

Welcome to CEREALIA's fifth Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[phase i]

[ever the curious soul, it doesn't take Xion long to fall for the elves' trap. she may only have a rudimentary understanding of Christmas, but she knows enough that it's supposed to be a season of joy and giving...! who could blame her, with her lack of worldly experience causing her to genuinely believe in them? it doesn't take long for that to start dissipating, but by the time she realizes that their intentions aren't the best, it's too late. their throwing her into the lake upsets her, but not because of the frigid cold and their jeers, but because they betrayed her when she had placed trust in them. that, to her, is the biggest offense of all.

the sudden appearance of a large key-shaped object in her hand as she bobs in the freezing water surprises not only the elves, but her as well. she doesn't dwell on it for too long, though, for she has other things to worry about at the moment. she may not be one for violence when it's unnecessary, but maybe she could try to intimidate them now that she's armed? it's worth a try. if all else fails, she could always follow the words of wisdom she imparted to a friend once upon a time:

"when in doubt, give it a good smack."]

[phase iv]

[with all the trials she's overcome so far, Xion is more than prepared for the final encounter. and what a final encounter it ends up being—the queen's dirty tricks almost manage to succeed as Xion comes close to taking out the other people trying to bring down the queen, but a well-placed punch to the stomach by one of her teammates (accompanied by a guilty "sorry, but this is for your own good") brings her back to reality. the daring of the queen to turn her against her allies brings her to a rare state of anger, but the pain from the hit she took causes her to sit on the sidelines to try and regain her strength. from there, it's only a matter of time before the final blow is struck.

as she starts to stand up now that the battle is over, she doesn't expect the queen to still be hanging on for just a few more seconds. when she hears the woman's final words, she freezes in place—and not because of the ice magic. no, the queen's last request, to not forget her, resonates with Xion in the deepest of ways. was she really evil all along, or was she...? despite the fact that they were just in the midst of battle, Xion can't help but reach out toward the queen, but it's too late.

though Santa Bot appears to congratulate her and the rest of the combatants on their victory, Xion can't consider it that. she sits on her knees amidst the shower of gifts, letting those last words echo in her head.

could they have been kindred spirits?]

[bonus]

[having no concept of Christmas other than the presence of Santa and the exchanging of gifts, Xion doesn't at all understand what the mistletoe bot is trying to accomplish by following her around. all it's really doing is weirding her out! with a dubious look on her face, she tries to speak to it...]

Um... why are you following me?

[no this isn't just to try and make up for the previous prompt what are you talking about]

Edited 2014-12-04 20:17 (UTC)

You too?

[ Thankfully, Xion's not alone; there's someone who's been running as fast as she can. She's not really sure that she can destroy the robot to begin with, considering the fact that it's not human and it isn't a threat -- just an annoyance.

Though the disgust is clear as she runs a hand down her face. ]

[as Xion has had limited interaction with people other than her former peers, she's a bit skittish as Rin comes up to her. she tries her best to hide it, though.]

Yeah, it's been doing it for a while now. Do you know where yours came from?

No idea.

[ Rin just simply shrugs at Xion's words, shaking her head. ]

I'd just rather that they go away and stop being such a hindrance.

What... is it? It's called mistletoe, right?

Yes, that's right.

[ A simple nod. ]

Do you know what the meaning of the mistletoe is?

I just know that it has something to do with Christmas... even then, I don't know much about that.

[better to be honest than not, right?]

... Oh, really? So you don't happen to know the meaning behind it? Do you want me to tell you?

Sure? [she casts a wary look at the mistletoe bots...] Maybe it'll help figure out what to do with them.

You see, when two people are under a mistletoe, it's generally said that they have to kiss.

...

Is that what it wants us to do?

[aaand there's the embarrassment. she's been told she's not supposed to have feelings, so why this?! from the point of view of someone who was literally born to be a fighter, she has no idea, no reference on how to handle this.]

[ Rin drags a hand down her face in order to hide her own embarrassment, eyes peering out from the edges of her fingertips as she speaks with an annoyed tone. ]

I'm assuming that is is, but it doesn't necessarily mean that it'll get rid of them.

Um.

[the compelling effect of the mistletoe would probably be working better on her if she had any notion of romance.]

Maybe we should just keep ignoring them.

... I think that would be for the best.

[ Thankfully, Rin isn't affected easily by magic or any supernatural phenomena. She's just... severely annoyed by them. ]

Hopefully they'll leave us alone once they know that.

I guess...

[she shifts awkwardly as she tries to ignore the bots; will they leave once they realize these two aren't to be swayed so easily?]

I'm sorry, I should probably introduce myself. I'm Xion.

[ Maybe, maybe not. Even Rin's not exactly sure as she keeps an eye on the robots from the corner of her eye, definitely wary of them. ]

It's a pleasure to meet you Xion-san; regardless of these circumstances. I'm Tohsaka Rin.

//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

xion | kingdom hearts

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