The clock strikes twelve. The gong of the grandfather clock in the foyer tolls out the time in slightly unnecessarily obnoxious loud noises. The ambiance of this old mansion demands respect, care, awe --
Okay, no, wait, why are you even in this stupid dusty house?
No reasons are forthcoming, because everyone knows that people just end up in places like this sometimes. That's just how the narrative device works. The hows and the whys don't matter -- all that matters is that you're all here, so you'd better get cracking and start exploring, because it's not like you can leave yet.
Or ever, maybe.
 Good day, sirs and madams. Might I interest you in a nice glass of blood...y mary?
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PHASE I [ 02 15 ] All you see is white. The crash of thunder hits your ears next, punctuated by the piercing pitch of white noise in the background. After a few blinks, your vision comes back to you. Oh good, glad that you’ve joined us in the land of the living. Unlike the nondescript corpse at your feet – it looks like… a butler? Oh dear. You’ve already killed Murder Suspect Number One in most situations. How terribly ironic.
After all, who could’ve killed him but you? You might not remember, but there is definitely a murder weapon in your hand. It’s probably a knife or a poisoned glass of wine or-
Wait, is that a toaster? A full on toaster? Or maybe it’s a taser. Maybe you bludgeoned this poor guy with an entire encyclopedia. Either way, it looks like your murder weapon is a little unconventional, whether it’s a stranger’s pair of underwear or a hair curler. Are you really supposed to believe you committed a murder with these? (Yes.)
That said in the next second the double doors will be opening up. It’s pretty clear you’re not alone. Think quick!
PHASE II [ 0600 ] Exploring more around the compound, you’ll find plenty of those tall, oil portraits of people hung around the walls. When you start walking, they’re all strangers. However by the time that you feel like you’re wandering around for an hour, two hours, they might start looking a little bit more… familiar? Mom? Is that you?
You don’t have time to think about that, though. You were clearly framed! You don't’ have a motive for killing some random NPC –
“Or do you?” a portrait will ask.
Oh. Holy shit. Well it’d just be rude to leave, right? Whether you stick around for conversation or not, you’ll find that was just the beginning. The portraits are going to start grilling you. Welcome to CERES Central’s Roast of You. What was your motive? Don’t you know you should respect the servants? How would you feel if you were caught like that? Careful turning your back on them though, because if you ignore them for too long, the subjects in the portraits may just reach out and snatch you to join them in their portrait world.
At that point, the only way to get out is to swap places with some other poor, unsuspecting soul wandering around.
PHASE III [ 1045 ] You know what makes me hungry? Murder.
What’s the point of making a mansion this big anyway? Who’s even here? Either way, whether you’re looking for the kitchen to make a fine post-homicide sandwich or just trying to escape, you’ll eventually make it to a stairwell. The most finicky stairwell ever. Is that a trail of bloody footprints leading up the steps? What? No. Stop it, just climb.
Or well – don’t climb too quickly now. The staircases apparently have a mind of their own, swapping from one doorway to another. You definitely haven’t seen this before. It would seem that these stairs might even be interested in keeping you in a circle forever, no concern for whether or not you’re hungry or, god forbid, need to use the restroom.
However the portraits in the stairwell will provide a little tip: “The stairs are gossips, you know. Why don’t you tell us a little something about yourself? Make it good!”
Weirdly enough, sound advice – that is, if you’re interested in shouting out your most embarrassing secrets into the void so a mansion can keep talking shit about you. Oh well. Your alternative is just being a stair golem. There are worse fates.
PHASE IV [ 1430 ] This hall is oddly quiet.
Well, until you hear it – the soft sniffles coming from down the hall, the broken sobs. It sounds like someone’s crying. For one reason or another, your footsteps take you forward – there’s really no point in going back now after all, right? Yet as you continue to walk… walk… walk… the crying becomes louder and louder. More desperate, more despaired. In time, it’s clear that this person is wailing, screaming, “How could this happen?!”
Within the span of a breath, all the lights in the hallway go out, leaving you in pitch black.
It occurs to you then that you hear a second set of steps. When did you stop walking? A cold chill runs down your spine and you find yourself running then, despite the fact that it feels like this pitch black hallway goes on forever. The other footsteps pick up, remind you that you’re not alone. No, certainly not.
Best hope that you find some assistance soon – otherwise it looks like the Butler Association is going to ignite some righteous vigilante justice on your ass.
BONUS [ why o'clock ] You’re in the grand ballroom now, ready to present your case. Armed with a cob pipe (don’t smoke inside, it’s rude), a detective hat, and a single spotlight aimed right at you, you now have to explain how you came to the conclusion about the True Killer that is Obviously Not You. Rather, it’ll just be the character of whoever tags into this prompt – yes, you are suddenly so very sure that they’re the ones who are the ultimate mastermind of this entire game and… you’re just going to have to bullshit the reason why even if you know virtually nothing about them. It’s a dog eat dog world out there, you know?
Sorry about that.
Should you actually provide enough of a compelling case or they take pity on you, having a villainous breakdown for the sake of the plot, you’ll be awarded with a coupon that’ll give you three free scoops at your local ice cream parlor! (Note: you must buy the first two scoops in order to qualify.) Of course, if you’re not able to nail them down as the killer, you are obviously the killer yourself (citation needed).
From there, you’ll be dragged off to face your punishment: for six grueling hours you will be tickled mercilessly.
[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with sensitive or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the log. ] |
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Sokka | ATLA
"--by virtue of the fact that the moon was shining in the left-eastern window, and therefore could see everything I did, and I would never, ever, ever disappoint her, you can see, Your Honors, why I, an innocent adolescent, could never have committed this grave crime against--" and here he quickly turned his pipe around, to read the etched text, "Percival Jeeves Weatherbee Esquire the Third, the late departed, and my dear friend, and also a dear friend of Her Royal Highness, the moon!"
And here, Sokka's head bowed reverently. He let his final point sink in, before his head jerked up violently.
"But Your Honors, to your own honor, must be wondering-- who, then?"
He blew a few bubbles pensively.
"Who would do this to Mr. Esquire the Third? And in the presence of the Moon herself! Who could so brazenly dishonor Your Honors in front of so noble a witness?"
The spotlight didn't give him enough room to pace, not without having to turn back every couple of words, but Sokka compensated with his hands, whirling his pipe toward the door.
"We can't expect the culprit to walk through this door, of course, but Your Honors, if they did, I would prove it was them, beyond a shadow of a doubt!"
no subject
Sadly, no knife-wielding maniac here. Togo had rolled herself halfway into the room before realizing there was anyone there at all, let alone Ace Detective Sokka.
"...Am I interrupting something?"
1/2
He dashed forward, leaving his warm spotlight behind, and pointed back toward the doorway.
"We don't take kindly here to enemies of Mr. Esquire the Third! And they always return," and he here he bent, right down into her face, and hissed play along!! before resuming his booming bravado, "to the scene of the crime!"
He turned and waved quickly, in the vague direction of the people he was making his case to, and jerked his chin at the door.
2/2
He pointed at the door Togo just entered from. "We're leaving now."
no subject
Well, might as well play up the role of the sinister culprit, then. Togo smiled ominously as she rolled into position after him. "You think you can pin this one on me, detective? Very well, I'll be your opponent. I'll show beyond a shadow of a doubt that there are no holes in my alibi!"
no subject
Either way, he holds the door politely. She is his accomplice now, for better or worse, and they'll get out of here together.
no subject
"I'll be pushed, of course. What sort of person would do unnecessary work when someone else is offering to do it for them? Lead the way, so-called detective."
It's unclear if the others are buying it, but they're at least confused, which is similar.
no subject
Once he thought they were clear, he went around to the front of the chair and clapped.
"You have a career on the stage ahead of you!" he gushed. "I have no idea how to get from here to that stage, but hey, I was convinced."
He paused. "Well, I mean, I hope you were acting..."
no subject
"I was definitely acting. If I was the culprit, I'd at least put in a little effort to not act like I was the culprit."
no subject
"What I want to know is...how do you know he's a friend of the moon? A little bit of a jerk to just assign this poor bastard a sob story, aren't you."
The entire story is just as stupid as the kid looks, with his bubbles, but he does seem harmless.
no subject
One day Sokka's mouth would not get him in trouble, but that was not today.
no subject
Her brows hike high at this next line of...reaching.
"You're just embarrassing yourself, kid. Cut it out."
no subject
He gestured vaguely around the ballroom; there wasn't much to be specific about. "What would you have me do instead?"
no subject
Michelle keeps her expression carefully neutral.
"Come up with a theory that isn't bullshit, for starters."
no subject
no subject
"For additional starters, this will only make your brain ooze even more. Take a deep breath, okay?"