It's a normal day in Cerealia. Everyone is going about their business, settling into their new jobs, waving to the mail droid, enjoying themselves a sensual massage in the spa, racking up experience points in ViViD, etc. You decide it'd be a good time to check your inbox and see if there are any incoming messages. That's when you spot an e-mail simply titled 'fwd: gorg0n.'
Out of curiosity, you decide to click on it and open it. What comes is a single image of a robot flashed briefly followed by scrambled words displayed on your screen:
[ xxxx ]
Nobody likes spam, yet everyone's inboxes are being filled with all kinds of strange e-mails, all with the same title. No matter how many times you try to delete them, they continue to appear in your inbox. They're frustrating, but not all of them lead to the same message. Some have other regular CERES spam attached -25% off Cosmos Cosmetics, Enlarge Your Penis Today - Here's How!, Dear Sir or Madam, I'm a Cerealian Prince, looking to deposit all these credits in a willing bank account, and the like.
Through with checking them all, you start to notice your other devices glitching one by one. The microwave is on a nuclear setting; the washing machine is making dying raptor noises; the refrigerator is moving on its own.
PHASE II
[ xxxx ]
You haven't seen the worst of it. Oh no. The toilet lid happens to be flopping up and down, and when you peer down it, you notice a single, coiled robotic tentacle, moving around the lid and trying to stretch upwards. It continues to flop about, trying to get your attention. If you're unlucky to be using the restroom at this time, well. Have fun.
PHASE III
[ xxxx ]
The tenacles aren't just coming out of the toilets anymore. They're popping out of the sinks and all of the city's sewer ways. As you look outside, you'll see them grabbing a hold of pedestrians and strangling them or trying to tug them down inside the sewer. Since they're simple machines, they can be cut down, but they won't go without a vicious fight.
PHASE IV
[ xxxx ]
The sewer covers all burst to reveal what lies underneath. Armies of them start to crawl out -the sewer-cleaning droids of Cerealia- onto the streets without reprieve. The droves will need to be exterminated as they will continue to attack without cause or reason.
BONUS
[ whyo'clock ]
For those of you who decide to send the Cerealian prince money, you will find that your bank account is actually gifted with twice as many credits as it had before. The Cerealian prince will then send you a video of his true form to thank you personally. Congratulations! Thanks to the fabulous glitches, the Pimpbot5000 has gone from "Bitch, where's my money" mode to "Have all the money, all the money ever" mode. Enjoy!
[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]
//RUN.EXE
Welcome to CEREALIA's third Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!
[You're a dumbass, Tenka. You're a dumbass and nobody should think otherwise. But Sousei is coming from the opposite direction, and so when that vacuum cleaner crosses his path, he does the immediate--he steps forward, lifts his leg and kicks it to the side, so it can't get back onto its wheels and go anywhere.
[Though now as Tenka's approaching the vacuum, it looks like the wheels are still going. He makes a face at that.]
Looks like it's still got some fight in it. [ . . . and then he looks over to Sousei with a genuinely curious expression] Doesn't it look kinda like a turtle on its back?
But yeah nope, he's just going to position himself over by the side that doesn't have the still moving wheels, aka the side with the actual handle. Because when will he ever volunteer to make Sousei's life easier?
[TENKA............Sousei actually rolls his eyes at that. Where did the cool and calm and collected captain of the Yamainu go? The world will never know.
But he just sets his expression and reaches down and grabs the vacuum firmly on either side, avoiding the still moving wheels.]
You have too much imagination. [SO THERE. he's here to ground your useless (but oh so important) imagination okay.]
Focus on this first. [...] What were you helping the family with? [Is it still important...]
Ha! If you think that I have a lot of imagination, you should talk to Chuutarou sometime.
[Focus, what focus? But nah, he's already thinking about his hyperactive little brother. . . . and also how much he misses him, but Tenka's sunny smile doesn't falter at all.]
But ah - I think the prince needed some place to put some money? Beats me, you know politics isn't really my forte, but if he was desperate enough to just send it out in the mail, I figure he's in a pretty tight spot.
[And maybe Tenka could keep some of the money - you know, a handling fee. Alcohol is still just as expensive here as it was back home...]
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xx ]
Nobody likes spam, yet everyone's inboxes are being filled with all kinds of strange e-mails, all with the same title. No matter how many times you try to delete them, they continue to appear in your inbox. They're frustrating, but not all of them lead to the same message. Some have other regular CERES spam attached -25% off Cosmos Cosmetics, Enlarge Your Penis Today - Here's How!, Dear Sir or Madam, I'm a Cerealian Prince, looking to deposit all these credits in a willing bank account, and the like.
I.
Problem solved.
Quick and dirty as always--]
...What are you doing? [???? why are you here.
what is this thing.
why]
no subject
that was really easy
Tenka's slowing his run then and surveying the scene and thinking about his answer. Though really, honesty is the best policy so-]
Well, I was helping out the local royal family and for some reason, some of my stuff started rebelling on me.
[truth]
no subject
Sousei just pauses.
...Yeah, that sounds just like Tenka. Wow.]
...Let's take this back, then. It--and you--are only in the way like this.
[get your vacuum out of the middle of the walkway, dude.]
[1/2]
[what do you mean he's in the way, way to be an ass
even if that is kind of the usual.]
no subject
Looks like it's still got some fight in it. [ . . . and then he looks over to Sousei with a genuinely curious expression] Doesn't it look kinda like a turtle on its back?
no subject
Sousei just pauses at that, though, actually looking at it, and he doesn't even know why he bothered, because the answer is--]
No.
[He's never seen any turtle that looks like this, okay.]
Grab it from one end and I'll grab the other. There's no need to make more of a scene. [Especially not over something like this.]
no subject
[THAT WAS SAID SO QUICKLY
But yeah nope, he's just going to position himself over by the side that doesn't have the still moving wheels, aka the side with the actual handle. Because when will he ever volunteer to make Sousei's life easier?
anyway, more importantly]
You still have no imagination though, Sousei....
no subject
But he just sets his expression and reaches down and grabs the vacuum firmly on either side, avoiding the still moving wheels.]
You have too much imagination. [SO THERE. he's here to ground your useless (but oh so important) imagination okay.]
Focus on this first. [...] What were you helping the family with? [Is it still important...]
no subject
[Focus, what focus? But nah, he's already thinking about his hyperactive little brother. . . . and also how much he misses him, but Tenka's sunny smile doesn't falter at all.]
But ah - I think the prince needed some place to put some money? Beats me, you know politics isn't really my forte, but if he was desperate enough to just send it out in the mail, I figure he's in a pretty tight spot.
[And maybe Tenka could keep some of the money - you know, a handling fee. Alcohol is still just as expensive here as it was back home...]
no subject
... ... ...]
Ah.
[.........uh.]
That was likely a trick of some sort. [why are you so gullible.]
no subject
What? No way.
[Except now that he's thinking about it, there wasn't much proof, huh. Things that Tenka didn't think about before now: that.]
Why would they do that?!
no subject
[Honestly...?
... And then an amused huff.]
Well, I suppose that's only to be expected from you. [That's probably even a compliment. Maybe.]
If it is some sort of trick, I assume it is a way to obtain information or money in return.